God has prepared outcomes far greater than what we can imagine:
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)
God will incessantly steer you toward far better outcomes than what you know to seek. God will try to lead us to better things beyond what we know to ask:
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Romans 8:26)
Your willingness to trust him and receive what he wishes to give will determine how successful he can be.
The natural man doesn’t perceive the good things that are available. The natural man just tends to pick from what is closest or easiest.
We tend to fulfill our desires with their nearest available potential fulfillment. For example, if you long for deep intimacy with a human, you may go on dates with the most appealing person in your immediate circle in hope that this person fulfills your desire.
There is nothing inherently wrong with searching around us for the fulfillment of our desire. The trouble comes when we refuse to do anything more. Any meaningful blessing will not be fulfilled as easy as ordering something online. It doesn’t come to your doorstep in two days with free shipping.
Thankfully, the Lord knows what we really want—what will bring us the most joy—better than we do. He said:
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Matthew 7)
He didn’t say that good fathers would give bread to the son that asks for bread, or fish to him who asks for it. Instead, the implication is that a good father will give his son things at least as good as what he asks for.
The path to better things begins in what you presently perceive and desire, but it will progress on to things beyond your current understanding or interest. In almost every case—and certainly in the case where the desire is anything but trivial— what you seek will not be available in your present circumstances . You will have to be stronger and better to qualify for what you seek. You will have to achieve and learn much more than you have yet. You will have to find people and circumstances that fit what you seek.
Desire is a powerful magnet that attracts us to what is truly worthy of our hope. God will use your desires to direct you toward greater outcomes by showing the inadequacy of what you thought would fulfill them. God orients us and motivates us along the path by revealing the insufficiency of our desires by showing us that what they lead to—or, more often, the actions we think lead to them—lead to pain, loss, and sorrow. He will show you that the easy outcomes you slotted into your deep desires are insufficient, providing you with the motivation you need to become willing to endure the greater sacrifice, change, and toil to obtain better outcomes.
We ought to realize that whatever we identify as the object of our longings is probably merely a placeholder: something that we understand and desire well enough to motivate us to search for its fulfillment and act to that end.
Placeholders are the prototype of what it is we seek. They are the people, actions, and situations we assume lead to the fulfillment of our desire. They represent the earliest semblance of what God will give us to fulfill our desires in the state necessary given our present understanding and the limits of what we are willing to receive.
Placeholders are not what we actually seek. They are merely something that holds the spot of the real fulfillment of our desire until we better understand what to ask for and seek. They are waypoints on the path to the outcomes we seek. They are the fullest expression of our as-yet limited understanding of what it is we seek and how it is we will go about obtaining it.
While placeholders can provide a needed stepping stone in our progressive realization of our desires, realize that they become barriers to what we seek the minute we realize they are placeholders. The purpose of waypoints is to get us to walk to them in order to walk closer to our eventual target. A placeholder may be the only way to get you to the next step, but once you’re at the next step, they will limit you to that step until you let them go. We need to courageously let go of what he reveals is not the fulfillment of our desire just as soon as he has shown us.
We can ignore the obvious signs that placeholders are not what we are seeking for. When we do this, we abandon our desires and settle for something far less. God does not settle. God promises to give us things at least as good as what we ask for. He promises to fill us to overflowing, not to half full. It is we who settle. We settle by responding to his revelation that further action will be necessary by refusing to act or by interpreting the discovery negatively. Will you be honest enough to let go of what you previously sought when its limits are revealed?
All too often, we pray and pray for God to advance us on the path we think will lead to what we desire. No amount of prayer can ever change the wrong path into the right path. We should pray about the destination and be very open to whatever path may be required to get there. We need to let go of our expectation of what the outcome will require:
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. (Proverbs 3)
We need to open-mindedly seek God to show us where to start, and to show us the next step.
As he reveals the limits of what we presumed to be the object of our desire, he shows us how we must increase the window of what we are willing to desire, the reasons we hold, and the actions we are willing to take, as our window is not yet as wide as it needs to be to fit the blessing we seek.
You won’t be able to progress further towards your desire until you courageously face emptiness instead of keeping a known placeholder in the slot of your desire. Hearkening back to the previous dating analogy, continuing to date people you know are insufficient for you won’t bring you closer to the right person; it will keep the right person away so long as you do it.
A placeholder will only lead you closer to your ultimate goal if it is actually in the path of that ultimate goal. Counterfeit placeholders will serve the opposite purpose: they will prevent you from taking steps towards the ultimate goal. The key to telling the difference between a productive placeholder and an impeding counterfeit placeholder is in being honest about the qualities of the placeholder. For example, suppose a person has an idea of the family life they would like to live, yet is dating someone they have ample reason to believe will never be capable of such a life. Remaining in that relationship will cause the person to block the very means God could use to orient them to the fulfillment of their goal. If you have valid reasons for how that object, person, or experience deviates from what you seek, you are obliged to let it go. Until then, embrace it as the real thing and enjoy what temporary fulfillment it may provide.
How will you know when you have obtained the real thing? Every placeholder you experience will increase your understanding of the real thing. Every placeholder you dethrone will increase your confidence when you have found the real thing, because it will increase your understanding of its properties. Your list of why previous placeholders were not right is also the list of qualities that will certify the situation that is.