Desire is not just a question of asking what you want. Why you want what you want is at least as important to consider. Your why is more important than your what because the why always dictates the what: your reason for wanting what you want is only because of why you want it. Refining your desires requires you to ask what you want, then to ask yourself why you want it, then to ask if what you said you wanted is really the best way to obtain what you seek. By repeating this process over and over again, you will reveal what you really want.
It’s a rare thing for a person to relentlessly drill into what it is they really want. This can be an extremely unpleasant experience, because it will very likely reveal that you’ve wasted significant emotion and energy on situations that weren’t justified. You will also very likely be presented with realizations that require you to leave your comfort zone: bigger dreams, and the more radical actions required to obtain them.
Those few who dare to practice the relentless refinement of what they desire will find themselves moving up a hierarchy of desires. They may start anywhere. Perhaps they desire an object, or a relationship, or comfort. No matter where someone starts in their desire, if they continue in learning and introspection, they will arrive at the same end. At some point, everyone will come to the realization that what they really want is joy.
Joy is the foundational reason we do everything we do. Without extreme honesty and sharpened reason, we will do a poor job in obtaining it. This is not surprising: throwing a bullseye in darts is hard, but imagine how unlikely it is when you don’t even know about the dartboard!
God knows all things. God knows of joy beyond what you can imagine:
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)
Only in seeking him will you find the path to the greatest joy:
3 Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. (Psalm 37)
The path to obtaining this joy includes many things that take preparation and experience to bear:
Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. (D&C 58:3)
However, the Lord assures us that all that is important will be given along the way:
25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6)
The greatest outcomes will come to those who can focus their desire on God:
I opened my mouth and panted [with eager desire], for I longed for Your commandments. (Psalm 119:131, AMP)
To have your desire focused uniquely on God is the meaning of Jesus’ instruction to make our “eye single” to God’s glory:
21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. 22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!
24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. (Matthew 6)
If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light. (Luke 11:36)
You can only have one top priority. What do you desire the most?
If you are wise, you will desire God more than anything else. You will realize that desiring God is the real-life analog to using one of your wishes from a genie to ask for infinite wishes. There is a reason God commands us to seek him above all else. His only desire is for us to obtain everything he has, and the only way that can happen is if we seek him above all else. God’s desires for us will lead us to joy, happiness, and peace, and will provide all of those things in enduring, ever-increasing abundance:
And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it. (Mosiah 2:41)