There is the confusion about what happiness actually is. The dictionary defines happiness as pleasure, gratification, and the lack of pain. The dictionary is wrong. Most Christians believe the closer you get to heaven, the less you suffer. Most Christians are wrong.
The closer you get to heaven, the happier you are, and the more knowledge you have. Yet, the more knowledge you have, the more you suffer. “For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” (Ecclesiastes 1:18) God suffers. Enoch saw him weep. Therefore, we know that happiness always includes pain. In fact, because there is opposition in all things, the greater the happiness you experience, the greater your suffering will be.
The truth is not a mail order box promising the avoidance of all life's problems from the onset. Those who believe it is will be consistently confronted with soul-wrenching contradictions which shake their very foundations. Instead, it is a process which, when followed, will provide the solution through an understanding of every problem one can face in this life. The soul-wrenching contradictions are not a flaw in the system—they are by design. They are what generates the searching for God that always yields an increment of light and truth. They are what entices us to let go of what we think we know and proceed into the unknown in search of something better than what we have.
Paul said, “Consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself.” (Hebrews 12:3) What does it mean to endure such contradiction of sinners? The Lord, possessing a fullness of light, was exposed to people who embraced great darkness. Extreme contrast is a property of truth. The more truth you have, the more contrast you will experience. This contrast doesn’t always make sense, nor seem palatable.
The Lord’s sermon on the mount included several statements describing blessed states that would, to a normal person, seem anything but. Read them slowly:
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. (Matthew 5)
How would you like to be poor in spirit? What does that mean, and what would it feel like? Do you enjoy mourning? What do you have to endure in order to be considered meek? Is it fun to hunger and thirst? What must you do in order to be considered merciful? What must you sacrifice to be pure in heart? What must be your experience to be called a peacemaker? Do you rejoice in persecution? Being reviled? All of these things are awful. Yet Jesus says those who experience these things are blessed. How can that be?
The truth is repulsive to those who do not yet possess it. Being like God is an acquired taste. The gospel is not cute. Truth is not a gimmick. Jesus described it as a daily cross that we have to carry. Then how is all this a blessing?
The Lord said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. He also promised that those who follow him will have to give away everything, including their reputations, their money, their families, their property, their carnal security, their character attributes, and even their lives. How can these two ideas reconcile with each other?
The Lord’s yoke is easy, and his burden is light, but only with respect to the alternative. Reality presents constraints that must be acknowledged before any of the gospel makes sense. The lesson is hard enough that all of creation is required to teach it, and even then almost no one will perceive and endure it.
Consider these contradictory axioms:
- The more you love, the more you suffer.
- The more you tell the truth, the less people will believe you.
- The more focused on God you become, the more you find everyday moments to be part of your religion.
- The more energy you focus on God, the more productive your temporal affairs become.
- The more you serve others, the more they will hate you.
- The more you acquire that helps others, the less they will accept from you.
- The greater you become at forgiving, the more others will hurt you.
- The more you learn, the less you are able to teach.
- The closer you draw to God, the further you drift from humanity.
- Every sacrifice reduces the pull of your possessions.
- The more you give away, the more God gives you.
- The more righteous you become, the more wickedness you see.
What makes the knowledge God has desirable? Everything in mortality ceases to be desirable once you know what it truly costs, that it is actually pretty awful, and how good the alternative is.
Consider this simple analogy. Imagine you married an attractive but awful person with no personality. As they age, you will realize that what you thought was good about them was actually just temporary, and that on a longer scale, marrying them was a really awful idea.
The knowledge and glory of God is repulsive to unsanctified people. Why? Because the glory of God includes the fact that all things are present before him, including the depths of chaos that by his grace elude us. With every increment of acquired truth, these and other contradictions make sense. With every increment of acquired truth, these realities become more palatable.
As one’s spiritual intelligence increases, both the happiness they experience and the pain they experience change. Not only are they deeper and more intense experiences, they are also based on different things than they were at lower levels of truth.
The best analogy for this may be that of love in a relationship. Young love is characterized by the excitement that accompanies new heights of intimacy. Over time, this levels off, and is systematically replaced by stable, but deeper, care for the other person. Love shifts from what you get to what you have to what you give. What you give is a much better love than what you get, but it also hurts a lot more. A divorce after 20 years of dedicated marriage hurts a lot more than a break up after two months.
The bad news is that suffering never ends. The good news is that as you progress in truth, the things that caused you suffering before will no longer cause you suffering. You will overcome them through knowledge. Suffering never ends, but just as with knowledge, it progresses based on increased awareness. Consider this passage in terms of the cause of Alma’s sorrowing:
Now Alma, being grieved for the iniquity of his people, yea for the wars, and the bloodsheds, and the contentions which were among them; and having been to declare the word, or sent to declare the word, among all the people in every city; and seeing that the hearts of the people began to wax hard, and that they began to be offended because of the strictness of the word, his heart was exceedingly sorrowful. (Alma 35:15)
This man of God was sad because he could see in others the negative consequences of lacking truth that he possessed, and they would not accept it. Perhaps if he were not aware of the power of these truths he held, he would instead be grieved for something more normal, like the lack of food, sleep, money, housing, or companionship. Alma had long ago overcome all these things, and they no longer caused him sorrow.
We read: “to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6, see also 2 Nephi 9:39) We can say these words and still not get what they mean.
Among Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Jeremiah, Job, Moses, Adam, Enoch, Nephi, Mormon, Moroni, Christ himself, and all the faithful, will you find a single person who went about cheerfully, always finding worldly “happiness” (the lack of suffering) in this fallen world? You will not. Not among the righteous. Their joy, as with Christ’s kingdom, is not of this world (see John 18:36). That doesn’t mean it can’t be found here, but instead means that it is not defined as the world would define it.
Some examples of how people interpret the same event differently can illustrate the power of how we perceive the reality of the co-existence of happiness and sorrow. Laman and Lemuel said, “Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy.” (1 Nephi 17:21) At the same time Laman and Lemuel regarded their deprivation of worldly convenience as suffering, Lehi and Nephi— who were suffering more because of the spiritual burden they carried in ministering to Laman and Lemuel—experienced happiness. Their happiness came not from the presence of temporal pleasure absent of pain, but from the meaning provided by sacrificing for the benefit of others. We see this in the reunion of several missionaries who had been persecuted heavily for years:
16 And it came to pass that as Ammon was going forth into the land, that he and his brethren met Alma, over in the place of which has been spoken; and behold, this was a joyful meeting.
17 Now the joy of Ammon was so great even that he was full; yea, he was swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength; and he fell again to the earth.
18 Now was not this exceeding joy? Behold, this is joy which none receiveth save it be the truly penitent and humble seeker of happiness.
19 Now the joy of Alma in meeting his brethren was truly great, and also the joy of Aaron, of Omner, and Himni; but behold their joy was not that to exceed their strength. (Alma 27)
Why were these men so happy? Because they had sacrificed so much for the happiness of others.
Enduring happiness—happiness strong enough to carry one through the unavoidable sorrows of existence—comes most directly through the love of Christ (see 1 Nephi 8:10), which means the love Christ has. When we prioritize the joy of loving others as Christ loves us over the so-called happiness the world offers, we encounter strong resilience to the sorrows that relentlessly crash against us as waves on the shore.