0:00:00 - 0:00:29 You need to develop the ability to get that from God, not other people and definitely not your wife. That is not her problem. That is not what she signed up for. Um, ok, so, um, let's talk about, I, I just, I have a post it note. That's my, I try to keep it limited to, I just did a 12 video series yesterday 0:00:28 - 0:00:49 and it was two hours and I spent maybe a minute thinking about it before I started recording. Um, and you're thinking to yourself, well, that's obvious I watched it. Um, but there's just so much to say that if the notes are too long. Um, you know, I'll, I'll be here for the rest of my life because there's 0:00:49 - 0:01:16 that much to say, but I'm just trying to give you the, the top, the head of each idea so that you can run with it and take it for what it's worth to you. Ok. So we talked about women want security. So what do men want? I don't know, I, I guess, uh, loyalty, respect, support. Let's go with support. Um 0:01:15 - 0:01:46 , just for the sake of simplicity here. So, um, Paul, we read in Ephesians five. What he says about the guys, here's what he says about the gals. Uh It's much briefer. He just says um oh jeez, where is it now? Uh as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything 0:01:45 - 0:02:17 now that you could render this better. But, but the idea, I think here dovetails very well with male nature. We talked about female nature. Here's the male. Um these are really uh well designed um counterparts. But for a man to feel like you're supporting him, it, it, it means that he needs to feel like 0:02:16 - 0:02:40 you actually care about the things that he cares about. And um I mean, maybe I'm just doing a poll here but uh I'm not sure there's a whole ton that needs to be said about that. You know, what your husband is all about. How well do you support him in those things in those ways and whatever is important 0:02:39 - 0:03:09 to him, how important is it to you and why? And the only reason that needs to be there is because it's important to him now, merging the husbands and the wives, these principles. So sacrificing for the good of your wife, sacrificing for the um things your husband thinks are important. If you bring them 0:03:09 - 0:03:37 together, their common properties include the fact that this is going to look extraordinary, d extraordinary, extraordinarily different for every couple. And the fact that what is important in your love to your spouse might not be the thing that would be important to you if you were on your own. So there's 0:03:37 - 0:03:57 differences between couples and there's differences between individuals. And I think I already said enough about mapping the differences between the individuals, but let's talk about the differences between couples. Um And maybe the best way of thinking about this is thinking about differences between 0:03:57 - 0:04:26 individuals but not in the marriage context. The what is sin? Sin is, is doing what you believe to be less than your best. Um In marriage love is about the benefit of the person you love. You have to subordinate to that. Men and women have to subordinate to the benefit of the person they love, they do 0:04:25 - 0:04:53 it in different ways for different reasons that have to do with who we are as men and women. But the goal is the same and it's the same thing that God does for us. He makes a way he gives himself to make a way for us to be more than we were before. And um those differences are really important. It's 0:04:52 - 0:05:15 really hard to accurately judge another person. One reason it's really hard is that you cannot define sin with a list of things. That's why that doesn't happen in the Scriptures. In fact, it says several times you can't do that. So here are some ideas but we can't say them all because how could you do 0:05:15 - 0:05:39 that. And in most cases, like if you read Maroni seven, it just uses the word good and evil, good and evil, good and evil. Right. Well, what is always good and what is always evil? That is a rich vein to mine. You should think about it. You have, it's always subject to the person's understanding always 0:05:39 - 0:06:01 . Uh, and, and it's always situational, always. And those two ideas are radical in the sense that I, most Christians would not agree with me. And I strongly believe that they are dead wrong. And I can make a case for that. I have in my books, I will make more cases for that in my books. But that's not 0:06:01 - 0:06:23 the point of this video. Pointless video is um the same thing will be very different for different people, the motives will be different and whether it's good or evil and by how much will be different. So this is why it's really hard to judge people from the outside correctly. And there's, there are 0:06:23 - 0:06:48 impacts of this that are seen in how you preach the gospel and in how you hear the gospel. And when you come at something with a broad brush which many times is the absolute best thing you can do, you are surely going to skip over a lot of individual subtleties and differences and that's not good, but 0:06:47 - 0:07:07 sometimes it's the best that can be done um subject to the limitations of reality and the limitations of people. So how does this have anything to do with marriage? It has everything to do with marriage. How you live out your relationship with your spouse is going to be very different, depending on all 0:07:07 - 0:00:00 these details. And so for some people, the most loving thing they can do for another person is to give them an ideological kick in the pants and let them have it and give them uh big changes to make with strong arguments as to why to make them. This is more of the duty of a husband than a wife. But, 0:00:00 - 0:07:56 uh, there are appropriate times where a wife needs to kick her husband in the pants ideologically. Um, but she shouldn't do that if she's coming at it from a sense of her security because that's about what she gets out of it. It's not about what's good for him. But, um, for the man, it, it's gonna more 0:07:56 - 0:08:20 often be the case if he's doing his job because his duty is to have a clearer, more accurate idea of these things than she does. Um, that's why women look for men that are better than them, they want to marry up. Right. This is, this works with our psychology in, in a way we're designed. But, uh, you 0:08:20 - 0:08:42 just look and you'll see it right. How many women do you know who are happy, who have husbands that are bums? Um, anyway, uh, so preaching and hearing those differences, they they matter. And so for some people, the kick in the pants is what needs to be given for other people. They need to back off and 0:08:42 - 0:09:07 they need to just give their spouse space to be who they are right now. And that is the greatest love that they could give. And if you try to say that things are one way or the other, uh, or any one of a million things in between, you can't just cling to that because what, what inevitably happens is 0:09:07 - 0:09:29 that what they should be doing is probably the harder thing for them. But what people tend to do is the easier thing and they want to find sources that tell them what they want to hear, which is usually you're good enough right now, don't make any changes. Um, everything's great and just leave it as 0:09:29 - 0:09:55 it is and it'll get better and that's garbage. Um So you, you really have to think about how things are, you have to learn about reality and you have to intentionally carve out a path that's specific to your situation and the, the more complex, the situation, the more that's true and marriage is really 0:09:55 - 0:10:21 complicated. So, um be because people are complicated. Um So in the case of this person that sent me the email, um, you know, if your wife is threatening to divorce you because you're pushing truth so hard, maybe you shouldn't push truth so hard or maybe you should Right. And it's like, well, this is 0:10:21 - 0:10:42 useless advice, Rob, you're not telling me to do one thing or the other. I am actually, it's just because I don't know your specific situation. I can't tell you what benefits the most. Right. So, uh if you sit down and you can honestly evaluate it from the perspective of your Children, first and foremost 0:00:00 - 0:00:29 You need to develop the ability to get that from God, not other people and definitely not your wife. That is not her problem. That is not what she signed up for. Um, ok, so, um, let's talk about it. I just, I have a post it note. That's my, I try to keep it limited to, I just did a 12 video series yesterday 0:00:28 - 0:00:49 and it was two hours and I spent maybe a minute thinking about it before I started recording. Um, and you're thinking to yourself, well, that's obvious I watched it. Um, but there's just so much to say that if the notes are too long. Um, you know, I'll, I'll be here for the rest of my life because there's 0:00:49 - 0:01:16 that much to say, but I'm just trying to give you the, the top, the head of each idea so that you can run with it and take it for what it's worth to you. Ok. So we talked about women want security. So what do men want? I don't know, I, I guess, uh, loyalty, respect, support. Let's go with support. Um 0:01:15 - 0:01:46 , just for the sake of simplicity here. So, um, Paul, we read in Ephesians five. What he says about the guys, here's what he says about the gals. Uh It's much briefer. He just says um oh jeez, where is it now? Uh as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything 0:01:45 - 0:02:17 now that you could render this better. But, but the idea, I think here dovetails very well with male nature. We talked about female nature. Here's the male. Um these are really uh well designed um counterparts. But for a man to feel like you're supporting him, it, it, it means that he needs to feel like 0:02:16 - 0:02:40 you actually care about the things that he cares about. And um I mean, maybe I'm just doing a poll here but uh I'm not sure there's a whole ton that needs to be said about that. You know, what your husband is all about. How well do you support him in those things in those ways and whatever is important 0:02:39 - 0:03:09 to him, how important is it to you and why? And the only reason that needs to be there is because it's important to him now, merging the husbands and the wives, these principles. So sacrificing for the good of your wife, sacrificing for the um things your husband thinks are important. If you bring them 0:03:09 - 0:03:37 together, their common properties include the fact that this is going to look extraordinary, d extraordinary, extraordinarily different for every couple. And the fact that what is important in your love to your spouse might not be the thing that would be important to you if you were on your own. So there's 0:03:37 - 0:03:57 differences between couples and there's differences between individuals. And I think I already said enough about mapping the differences between the individuals, but let's talk about the differences between couples. Um And maybe the best way of thinking about this is thinking about differences between 0:03:57 - 0:04:26 individuals but not in the marriage context. The what is sin? Sin is, is doing what you believe to be less than your best. Um In marriage love is about the benefit of the person you love. You have to subordinate to that. Men and women have to subordinate to the benefit of the person they love, they do 0:04:25 - 0:04:53 it in different ways for different reasons that have to do with who we are as men and women. But the goal is the same and it's the same thing that God does for us. He makes a way he gives himself to make a way for us to be more than we were before. And um those differences are really important. It's 0:04:52 - 0:05:15 really hard to accurately judge another person. One reason it's really hard is that you cannot define sin with a list of things. That's why that doesn't happen in the Scriptures. In fact, it says several times you can't do that. So here's some ideas, but we can't say them all because how could you do 0:05:15 - 0:05:39 that? And in most cases, like if you read Maroni seven, it just uses the word good and evil. Good and evil, good and evil. Right. Well, what is always good and what is always evil? That is a rich vein to mine. You should think about it. You have it, it's always subject to the person's understanding always 0:05:39 - 0:06:01 . Uh, and, and it's always situational always. And those two ideas are radical in the sense that I, most Christians would not agree with me. And I strongly believe that they are dead wrong. And I can make a case for that. I have in my books, I will make more cases for that in my books. But that's not 0:06:01 - 0:06:23 the point of this video. Pointless video is um the same thing will be very different for different people, the motives will be different and whether it's good or evil and by how much will be different. So this is why it's really hard to judge people from the outside correctly. And there's, there are 0:06:23 - 0:06:48 impacts of this that are seen in how you preach the gospel and in how you hear the gospel. And when you come at something with a broad brush which many times is the absolute best thing you can do, you are surely going to skip over a lot of individual subtleties and differences and that's not good, but 0:06:47 - 0:07:07 sometimes it's the best that can be done um subject to the limitations of reality and the limitations of people. So how does this have anything to do with marriage? It has everything to do with marriage. How you live out your relationship with your spouse is going to be very different, depending on all 0:07:07 - 0:00:00 these details. And so for some people, the most loving thing they can do for another person is to give them an ideological kick in the pants and let them have it and give them uh big changes to make with strong arguments as to why to make them. This is more of the duty of a husband than a wife. But, 0:00:00 - 0:07:56 uh, there are appropriate times where wife needs to kick her husband in the pants ideologically. Um, but she shouldn't do that if she's coming at it from a sense of her security because that's about what she gets out of it. It's not about what's good for him. But, um, for the man, it, it's gonna more 0:07:56 - 0:08:20 often be the case if he's doing his job because his duty is to have a clearer, more accurate idea of these things than she does. Um, that's why women look for men that are better than them, they want to marry up. Right? This is, this works with our psychology in, in a way we're designed. But, uh, you 0:08:20 - 0:08:42 just look and you'll see it right. How many women do you know who are happy, who have husbands that are bums? Um, anyway, uh, so preaching and hearing those differences, they, they matter. And so for some people, the kick in the pants is what needs to be given for other people. They need to back off 0:08:41 - 0:09:06 and they need to just give their spouse space to be who they are right now. And that is the greatest love that they could give. And if you try to say that things are one way or the other, uh, or any one of a million things in between, you can't just cling to that because what, what inevitably happens 0:09:05 - 0:09:29 is that what they should be doing is probably the harder thing for them. But what people tend to do is the easier thing and they want to find sources that tell them what they want to hear, which is usually you're good enough right now, don't make any changes. Um, everything's great and just leave it 0:09:29 - 0:09:55 as it is and it'll get better and that's garbage. Um So you, you really have to think about how things are, you have to learn about reality and you have to intentionally carve out a path that's specific to your situation and the, the more complex, the situation, the more that's true and marriage is really 0:09:55 - 0:10:21 complicated. So, um, be because people are complicated. Um So in the case of this person that sent me the email, um, you know, if your wife is threatening to divorce you because you're pushing truth so hard, maybe you shouldn't push truth so hard or maybe you should, right. And it's like, well, this 0:10:20 - 0:10:42 is useless advice, Rob, you're not telling me to do one thing or the other. I am actually, it's just because I don't know your specific situation. I can't tell you what benefits the most. Right. So, uh if you sit down and you can honestly evaluate it from the perspective of your Children, first and foremost 0:10:41 - 0:10:54 , and then from your spouse because your kids are innocent there, this isn't their fault. They didn't pick your, your wife, you did. Um But and then your spouse and you think about take yourself.