0:00:00 - 0:00:37 So, um from time to time I get an email uh from whoever, comment on youtube and um it taps into a few themes that have been um that I've spent time thinking about um and writing about and I, I want to query my, my understanding and packaged together. Um The things that, that I imagine would assist in 0:00:36 - 0:00:58 the person's situation. And I can imagine that there are other people that are in the same exact situation. Imagine it's too weak of a word there. Uh So I, I'm gonna make a quick little video about this. Um It happens to be 220 in the morning. I'm sorry if I sound groggy, I just got up. Um And for the 0:00:58 - 0:01:22 astute among you, uh I, I do have more than one t-shirt. Uh I it's funny, it's very funny to me but the last I guess four videos I've done over the last two months I have happened to be wearing the shirt. So that's funny to me. Um Anyway, so um the lighting and everything I'm, I'm in the deepest corner 0:01:22 - 0:01:44 of my house in hopes I don't wake anyone up. Um So I apologize but whatever. It's about the words, it, the less you see me probably the better. Honestly. So, um anyway, the, the theme of today's video, we're obviously we're gonna bounce around a little. But I hope that with all these intersecting lines 0:01:43 - 0:02:05 , the point that emerges in the center is something about love and specifically what you should do if you have uh a spouse that believes differently than you do. That's what I'm going to say. I think in the theme I might call this unbelieving spouses. But I think that's a ridiculous thing to say because 0:02:05 - 0:02:35 everyone believes something. Um, anyway, um, who's to say you're right. Right. Um, but more than that man, I, it's, there's so much to say about so many things and, uh, it all touches, everything touches something else and it, it's just these webs that go out and trying to isolate one thing is so hard 0:02:34 - 0:00:00 . Um, but yeah, everyone believes something and, um, it, it, it's not, it's not that they don't believe it's that, uh, you believe differently, that's, there's a difference in the beliefs. Um, it's not presence or absence anyway. Um, so there's this perspective, uh, of a man who feels that his wife, 0:00:00 - 0:03:31 um, believes differently and he's trying to help her. And then there's this perspective of a wife whose husband believes differently and she's trying to help him. I'd say ratio wise, I've seen a lot more of the second than the first, but I'm going to approach this from the first. And I expect to say 0:03:31 - 0:03:59 things about the second. Um in this, uh I will necessarily have to use a broad brush in some instances. And I realize that doing that you lose resolution detail. Um Everyone is different, there are categorical conclusions that can be correctly drawn. In other words, if you're limited in what you can 0:03:59 - 0:04:31 say about something, of course, it's appropriate to basically take the average of a situation um and speak about the most, the most um common, like the common denominator, the the principal component of that group. Um I really don't like the word stereotype for this reason because there's no distinction 0:04:30 - 0:05:01 between group properties that are um true or tend to be true in group properties which are not or group properties that are uh environmental versus based on some property that's uh more inherent and harder to, to change. Um So it's, it's kind of a weak concept. It's not very powerful, this this concept 0:05:00 - 0:05:24 of uh stereotypes. But anyway, with the broad brush. So, so specifically men, women is a dangerous topic, right? So I'll try to keep it shallow but um uh not that I'm afraid of that uh of, of pushback. Um I, I think, and this is one of the themes that I hope emerges from this is that there are differences 0:05:23 - 0:00:00 that are subtle but very important and that we get in a lot of trouble when we live our lives in a rules based world. And yet so much of human nature is oriented towards that uh that way of being and thinking um reality is complex and you can't simplify it. Um There are only two ways to simplify it. 0:00:00 - 0:06:32 One is to get representation that um is so clever. So it fits so well that it reduces the complexity to simplicity. The other way of getting um things simplified is by um oversimplifying them, which is a, a lossy mapping, meaning that you lose details that matter. And that a lot could be said about that 0:06:31 - 0:06:59 , that that causes a lot of problems. So um when you start dealing with subtleties, you have to spend more time talking and you also have to rely on your audience's ability to parse all those details. And we tend as humans were more likely to be simple than sophisticated and um sophisticated does not 0:06:59 - 0:07:24 mean good. It's not a universally good property. Most people tend to use it because, because goodness is so rare, most sophisticated people just like simple people, they're not good. Um They, they tend towards evil inherently naturally and so sophisticated people just uh they use that sophistication 0:07:23 - 0:07:53 to hide their evilness. Um So anyway, um but you have to be sophisticated to get the most out of what is, you just can't do it as a simple person. Uh You can't be saved in ignorance. You can't have a fullness of joy in simplicity and that's, I think a lot of people try to push this idea of a simple gospel 0:07:52 - 0:08:23 . I'm not sure what rock they've been hiding under. Um, anyway, so if it, if it were simple, I think a lot of things would be conveyed differently than they are. We sure wouldn't need thousands of pages in the scriptures. So, um, I guess one place to start, let's just start at the big picture so that 0:08:23 - 0:08:46 if you stop watching, which you may have already. Um But if you're still here, uh and you stop watching after this, maybe you'll get the, the big idea and then we'll delve into the finer print and hopefully this won't be 1210 minute videos. Um So uh Ephesians five Paul says, husbands love your wives 0:08:45 - 0:09:04 , even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he might present it to himself. A glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men 0:09:04 - 0:09:38 to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. Um There's more there, but I want to just sort of summarize this and we'll go from there as a husband, you should think towards your wife as Christ thinks of all of us. Um which means uh we read elsewhere that he does nothing 0:09:38 - 0:10:11 save what benefits the world love is an extraordinarily important and deep topic. But for the purposes here, I'll just say one definition that's fruitful is to think of love as what you're willing to do to benefit that person that comes down to what you're willing to suffer, to benefit that person. Or 0:10:11 - 0:10:39 in what ways you prefer the benefit of that person over your own. When you think of it, that way you escape out of many traps. These traps uh include, for example, the temptation to do what you think your wife wants instead of what is good for her, that itself can be a trap because how do you know what's 0:00:00 - 0:00:37 So, um from time to time I get an email uh from whoever, comment on youtube and um it taps into a few themes that have been um that I've spent time thinking about um and writing about and I, I want to query my, my understanding and packaged together. Um The things that, that I imagine would assist in 0:00:36 - 0:00:58 the person's situation. And I can imagine that there are other people that are in the same exact situation. Imagine it's too weak of a word there. Uh So I, I'm gonna make a quick little video about this. Um It happens to be 220 in the morning. I'm sorry if I sound groggy, I just got up. Um And for the 0:00:58 - 0:01:22 astute among you, uh I, I do have more than one t-shirt. Uh I it's funny, it's very funny to me but the last I guess four videos I've done over the last two months I have happened to be wearing the shirt. So that's funny to me. Um Anyway, so um the lighting and everything I'm, I'm in the deepest corner 0:01:22 - 0:01:44 of my house in hopes I don't wake anyone up. Um So I apologize but whatever. It's about the words, it, the less you see me probably the better. Honestly. So, um anyway, the, the theme of today's video, we're obviously we're gonna bounce around a little. But I hope that with all these intersecting lines 0:01:43 - 0:02:05 , the point that emerges in the center is something about love and specifically what you should do if you have uh a spouse that believes differently than you do. That's what I'm going to say. I think in the theme I might call this unbelieving spouses. But I think that's a ridiculous thing to say because 0:02:05 - 0:02:35 everyone believes something. Um, anyway, um, who's to say you're right. Right. Um, but more than that man, I, it's, there's so much to say about so many things and, uh, it all touches, everything touches something else and it, it's just these webs that go out and trying to isolate one thing is so hard 0:02:34 - 0:00:00 . Um, but yeah, everyone believes something and, um, it, it, it's not, it's not that they don't believe it's that, uh, you believe differently, that's, there's a difference in the beliefs. Um, it's not presence or absence anyway. Um, so there's this perspective, uh, of a man who feels that his wife, 0:00:00 - 0:03:31 um, believes differently and he's trying to help her. And then there's this perspective of a wife whose husband believes differently and she's trying to help him. I'd say ratio wise, I've seen a lot more of the second than the first, but I'm going to approach this from the first. And I expect to say 0:03:31 - 0:03:59 things about the second. Um in this, uh I will necessarily have to use a broad brush in some instances. And I realize that doing that you lose resolution detail. Um Everyone is different, there are categorical conclusions that can be correctly drawn. In other words, if you're limited in what you can 0:03:59 - 0:04:31 say about something, of course, it's appropriate to basically take the average of a situation um and speak about the most, the most um common, like the common denominator, the the principal component of that group. Um I really don't like the word stereotype for this reason because there's no distinction 0:04:30 - 0:05:01 between group properties that are um true or tend to be true in group properties which are not or group properties that are uh environmental versus based on some property that's uh more inherent and harder to, to change. Um So it's, it's kind of a weak concept. It's not very powerful, this this concept 0:05:00 - 0:05:24 of uh stereotypes. But anyway, with the broad brush. So, so specifically men, women is a dangerous topic, right? So I'll try to keep it shallow but um uh not that I'm afraid of that uh of, of pushback. Um I, I think, and this is one of the themes that I hope emerges from this is that there are differences 0:05:23 - 0:00:00 that are subtle but very important and that we get in a lot of trouble when we live our lives in a rules based world. And yet so much of human nature is oriented towards that uh that way of being and thinking um reality is complex and you can't simplify it. Um There are only two ways to simplify it. 0:00:00 - 0:06:32 One is to get representation that um is so clever. So it fits so well that it reduces the complexity to simplicity. The other way of getting um things simplified is by um oversimplifying them, which is a, a lossy mapping, meaning that you lose details that matter. And that a lot could be said about that 0:06:31 - 0:06:59 , that that causes a lot of problems. So um when you start dealing with subtleties, you have to spend more time talking and you also have to rely on your audience's ability to parse all those details. And we tend as humans were more likely to be simple than sophisticated and um sophisticated does not 0:06:59 - 0:07:24 mean good. It's not a universally good property. Most people tend to use it because, because goodness is so rare, most sophisticated people just like simple people, they're not good. Um They, they tend towards evil inherently naturally and so sophisticated people just uh they use that sophistication 0:07:23 - 0:07:53 to hide their evilness. Um So anyway, um but you have to be sophisticated to get the most out of what is, you just can't do it as a simple person. Uh You can't be saved in ignorance. You can't have a fullness of joy in simplicity and that's, I think a lot of people try to push this idea of a simple gospel 0:07:52 - 0:08:23 . I'm not sure what rock they've been hiding under. Um, anyway, so if it, if it were simple, I think a lot of things would be conveyed differently than they are. We sure wouldn't need thousands of pages in the scriptures. So, um, I guess one place to start, let's just start at the big picture so that 0:08:23 - 0:08:46 if you stop watching, which you may have already. Um But if you're still here, uh and you stop watching after this, maybe you'll get the, the big idea and then we'll delve into the finer print and hopefully this won't be 1210 minute videos. Um So uh Ephesians five Paul says, husbands love your wives 0:08:45 - 0:09:04 , even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he might present it to himself. A glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men 0:09:04 - 0:09:38 to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. Um There's more there, but I want to just sort of summarize this and we'll go from there as a husband, you should think towards your wife as Christ thinks of all of us. Um which means uh we read elsewhere that he does nothing 0:09:38 - 0:10:11 save what benefits the world love is an extraordinarily important and deep topic. But for the purposes here, I'll just say one definition that's fruitful is to think of love as what you're willing to do to benefit that person that comes down to what you're willing to suffer, to benefit that person. Or 0:10:11 - 0:10:39 in what ways you prefer the benefit of that person over your own. When you think of it, that way you escape out of many traps. These traps uh include, for example, the temptation to do what you think your wife wants instead of what is good for her, that itself can be a trap because how do you know what's 0:10:39 - 0:10:54 good for her? Um So it presupposes that you have a better idea of that than she does. There are a whole lot of details here. I'm really trying not to.