For many years, I asked Jesus why he said nothing when interrogated by Herod. Here was a man who had done many things more wicked than the numerous people Jesus had confronted face-to-face, things which included killing Jesus' friend and cousin John the Baptist. He clearly had an opinion of the man, publicly calling him a fox (this was a vulgar insult in that time). And yet, when he gained an audience with Herod, he said nothing.
Around last October, I lost my job as a university professor for unjust reasons in a highly public ordeal lasting a week or two or three (I honestly don't remember).
As this was happening, the Lord answered my prayer about Herod. He told me that certain points require certain amounts of time and certain circumstances in which to explain the truth. Where adequate reasons cannot be given, providing less would only give the opposition an excuse to believe they are justified.
I understood.
I then asked him what I could do to help you all. After all, you have no idea:
- How you can give every person you know and work with every reason to believe that you care about them more than your own life, and yet they will bitterly betray you for almost nothing in return.
- How you can completely dedicate yourself to the benefit of others, and give all your time and talents freely, but in your own hour of need, no one[1] will be there to stand up for you, or help you, or even give the slightest gesture of kindness.
- How, when they come for you, they will attack you for the very act of helping them.
I said: "These people absolutely have no idea of the hearts of those who surround them. How can they be warned to prepare for this when it happens to them if I cannot tell my story?"
He said: "Your story is my story. If they want to know about what happened to you, all they need to do is read the New Testament, because it happened to me."
I think I will leave it at that.
By far, my deepest regret in all of this is that I do not know a way to use it to show you more of the love that God has for all of us. I know that there will come a day when all things are revealed. In that day, you will know exactly what I went through, and exactly why. You will know what was done to me, and you will know that it was because I did and said what God told me to say and do, and at great personal cost. In that day, this story will be a testament to the love God has for you.
That day will come, but until then, please know that:
God loves us more than we love ourselves. Everything we go through in obedience to his word and in acting out his character as far as we presently understand it will result in our perceiving and possessing more of his love, and this is inseparable from possessing more of his joy. He upholds and sustains all who love him. God is good. He is exceedingly good. Those who trust in him with all their heart, and live accordingly, can lean on him fully. It is in the very trials of life that we come to know him. It is a central part of why we are here.
As you follow him, you will have experiences that approach his, and only in doing so can you come to know him deeply. My sweetest experiences with the Lord have all occurred in the midst of tremendous suffering for the sake of and at the hands of others. They were more than worth it, and they are nothing compared to what awaits me because I follow him wherever he leads.
Please do not be concerned for my welfare. To pre-empt the charitable-hearted people who will respond to this news with offers to help: Thank you for your generosity. God has provided. There are others who need help much more than we do.
Please do not be angry at those who have done this. It's all part of God's plan, and they don't understand what they do. Most of the people who were involved do not know me personally, and though the few who do have acted in strong opposition to what they know is right, they still don't understand the magnitude of what they have done. They are blinded by the pain that comes from willingly doing less than you know is right while being exposed to greater light. It is a great pain for them to carry, and we ought to have pity on all such people. I freely forgive them all.[2] I have prayed that God not hold this against them.
[1] - Of thousands of students and dozens of coworkers, one coworker and one student sent emails of support. The student insisted she contact the university administration in my behalf. The worker was anonymous, so I have no idea if he or she did anything outside of emailing me. Outside of work, I received approximately 5 emails of support, two texts (from in-laws), and one phone call (from my mother).
[2] - One night during the ordeal, I had a dream where I was at the university after being ousted, in a large theater where the campus was meeting. Suddenly, a man with a bomb ran into the theater and announced he was going to blow up the place. I immediately ran as fast as I could, climbing over everyone, and covered the bomb with my body as I shouted for everyone to run. When the bomb exploded, I woke up with tears streaming down my face. I said, "Lord, you know that is exactly what I would do for them. Even now, I would do anything in my power to help them." He said, "I know, my son. I know."