0:00:00 - 0:00:27 Video, I want to address two fallacies. One, this general idea, it's quite a tradition in, in the Christian world that one should quote unquote, wait for a spouse. And the other tradition is the idea that this is the same for men and women. So this ought to be fun and exciting. Let's get into it. Here's 0:00:26 - 0:00:50 the bottom line up front and if you're thoroughly offended by this, you can go away and not waste the rest of the video, your time on the, the rest of the video. There is an age at which men and women have to say is what is left good enough. In other words, do I want to be worse off than I would have 0:00:50 - 0:01:12 if I accepted what I could have had before or do I want to be alone? I'd say principally the biggest problem with this false tradition of waiting for a spouse is the idea that the options in the future will be any better than the options. Right now. There really isn't a reason to believe that they're 0:01:11 - 0:01:40 going to be unless there is. But for the most part, there isn't the other bottom line is that most single people today, most single people today are already beyond that age and they should reorient to other things. Meaning the people who you can qualify for from this point on in your life are below your 0:01:40 - 0:02:05 own threshold for people who would be worth marrying. This is an extremely unwanted truth, but it is never the less true. You go to any of these videos, these questionable pastors are putting out on waiting for the right spouse. You're gonna see comment after comment after comment of people who are in 0:02:05 - 0:02:31 a situation in life where they absolutely would not be desirable for the kinds of people that they would require in order to marry the other bottom line up front is this happens very soon for women after they become women and it happens around 38 for men. So in hard and fast, there are exceptions to 0:02:31 - 0:02:50 every rule. But if you're gonna bank on a an exception, you need to act like it. You know, you don't go digging for gold in a dumpster. If you think you're gonna find gold, you, you, you better look in a place where there are rock formations or something to suggest gold is there because gold is not in 0:02:50 - 0:03:15 most places. So if you think you're the exception, you better have reasons to believe that and not just because I wish really hard. All right, let's get into the details. I'm gonna start off with two stories. Mm Both of these people are real women. I don't mean they're not transvestites. I mean that 0:03:15 - 0:03:41 these are actual literal people. One of them is an example of what all ladies are hoping is going to happen. Even though she's younger, she was younger when it happened to her than most modern women are when they need it to happen. But the other story is what actually happens. Ok, so this lady, she married 0:03:41 - 0:04:10 a good, attractive successful man, ok, at 28 but she was a virgin and she hadn't had any serious boyfriends before that, that is essentially unheard of. But if that is not shocking enough, she was also exceptionally beautiful and she was 28. She didn't look 28 and she aged very well after that. Although 0:04:10 - 0:04:36 that's irrelevant to the story, she was very sweet and devoted and being devoted is tends to be highly coupled to not having serious boyfriends. But that's a story for another day. This is what ladies hope is going to happen. You know, they're 18. Hey, I'm not in any hurry. 19 I got plenty of time. 2021 0:04:34 - 0:04:56 22. Then around 22 they stopped turning as many heads. They're still turning a lot of heads though. And so they're like, yeah, I still got time and then things progress and they're just assuming that sometime from 28 to 32 Prince Charming is gonna ride out of the woods and sweep them off their feet and 0:04:55 - 0:05:18 it happened for this lady. But already she was bringing to the table things that most people, most women who are 28 can't bring. But what ends up happening is closer to another friend of mine who got married at 32. Now at 32 she had already had many previous relationships. Many. Now she was really attractive 0:05:17 - 0:05:43 and funny and smart. But the problem is she was 32 and in her case, that was the magical age when she start started to show uh that she wasn't 22 anymore and it started to become obvious enough for her to notice. And so it was very apparent that a lot fewer guys paid attention to her. And the quality 0:05:42 - 0:06:11 of those men was a lot lower than it was before she got scared. And so she settled for the first guy that was making enough money and she never would have given that guy a chance at all to even go on a date with her earlier in life. She is not going to be very happy for the rest of her life. Uh because 0:06:10 - 0:06:31 of the choices she made before she was 32. And because of what the choice she was, she felt forced to make when she was 32. And unfortunately, this poor guy had no idea what he was walking into and he's gonna have to deal with it for the rest of their life lives together. But as gloomy as this is. Even 0:06:31 - 0:06:54 . This story is out of reach for most people today because guys are on to it. This, she found some sap who didn't know the deal, but guys know the deal today. Thanks to the internet and the fact that older men are very open about the lessons that they've learned in life. Compared to women. Older women 0:06:54 - 0:07:20 don't really share their wisdom with younger women. They see younger women as competition and they'll do things to basically sabotage their chances in life because they don't want them to succeed. But older men are not like that. We quite like helping younger people. And so, um, there you go. The guys 0:07:20 - 0:07:43 are finding out it's plastered all over the internet. A long list of how things really are from, from sad experience. And so you're not, if you're 32 the odds are very low as a woman that you're gonna find a high quality man who's interested in you. Why? Because there's a long list of reasons. But basically 0:07:43 - 0:00:00 he knows what's up, he knows what's up and he knows, you know, like in the case of this lady, this guy's husband, this gal's husband, he's gonna see pictures of what she used to look like in her twenties. He's, he's never gonna know how many people she's been with because she's never gonna tell him, 0:00:00 - 0:08:22 but which has its own issues. But he's gonna figure out pretty soon that she's had a lot of experience with men and uh he's going to feel ripped off. He's gonna notice pretty soon that she's never going to pair bond with him. He's gonna notice that she's never really happy with him that she's comparing 0:08:21 - 0:08:39 him to the composite of the best attributes of all the men she's known. Well, uh, she's known in a relationship and no man can compete with that, especially someone that's been in a whole ton of relationships and it's not that he's not good enough. It's that he's competing against an imaginary person 0:08:39 - 0:08:59 that would never exist in real life. And even those assets of those men were not persistent in a high portion of cases, they went away with time or they weren't ever real in the first place because when you go on a first date with someone, for example, or you date them even for a month, you're not seeing 0:08:58 - 0:09:31 the real them, you're seeing this imaginary version of them. Here's some of the problems that women face today, they rate the man against who they are right now. Why is that a problem? If you're taking over a debt, you can't just look at that debt in terms of its current cost. You have to amortize the 0:09:31 - 0:00:00 cost by looking at the cost benefit through time. It's the same way with the relationship, as I've said, many times, you should pick someone based on how they're going to be in the last 40 years of their life because that's a very large chunk of time that tends to be very different than the present. 0:00:00 - 0:10:18 Ok. So very few men date women based on how they're gonna be as grannies. I don't know anyone that does that actually. But guys know enough that they, they take a few steps down that road if they're at least a little intelligent today with the amount of information that's out there and they're gonna 0:10:18 - 0:10:37 say, yeah, she's super sweet and attractive and energetic and whatever right now. But how's she gonna be in five years and in 10 years they'll walk at least a few steps down that road. The issue with the 32 year old in the previous slide, her best years were absolutely behind her and she wanted to have 0:10:36 - 0:11:00 two kids. So not only was that poor sap signing up for someone whose best years were behind her who chose to spend them with other people, but she definitely thought she was still worth as much as she was when she was 22 that she deserved all the same quality of life and, and guys and whatever and she 0:11:00 - 0:11:21 was not discounting herself for the fact that for the next five years, she was going to be pregnant or nursing a baby. And if you've been through those experiences in life, you know, that that's not the prime time for a husband. Ok, you're, you're getting none of the things that you married your wife 0:11:20 - 0:11:47 for basically, uh, babies have great value for women. They have very, very little value for men. That's just the reality of the situation. It's service. There's all the value men receive out of Children is altruistic. Women get massive amounts of biochemical value out of Children and huge amounts of 0:11:47 - 0:12:13 value in their old age, out of Children. It's like their entire meaning in life. That's not the case for men. It's, it, for the most part, detracts from what men value. It's altruistic, it's service, but it's not, it's not the same kind of value for men anyway. So women will rate themselves based on 0:12:12 - 0:12:40 this fake idea of value. It's based on the past. It's not based on the future, it's based on the present. It's not based on the future. This is a huge problem because the guys that they're interested in should be interested in the wise men. Quality men are not that stupid. They're not seeing you for 0:12:39 - 0:13:01 how you were in the last 10 years. They know that's not the way it works. They're probably looking at your mom and saying this is what I'm going to end up with for the last 40 years. Is this something I want? And even if they're not that intelligent, they're at least knowing that what you look like now 0:13:00 - 0:13:18 is the best you're gonna look and it's gonna get worse. And if you want to pop out two kids at 32 the next few years are gonna be really rough because you're going into that battle with the least ammunition you could possibly have. You are, you've got the least amount of energy in the tank, highest probability 0:13:17 - 0:13:39 of, of things being hard and it is gonna be brutal. The next couple of years is gonna be brutal. And you've lived almost your entire middle age, you know, your, your early adulthood, all of your early adulthood has been used focused on yourself, generating your patterns of behavior all for you. And now 0:13:38 - 0:13:57 suddenly you're just gonna switch to having a husband and kids. Yeah. Right. I'm sure that's gonna go over smoothly. So wise man's going to know all this. But the problem is you're looking at yourself in a different valuation than he is. And so he's not gonna be interested if you see yourself as way 0:13:56 - 0:14:24 better than he sees you and you see him as way less than he is. Like in the last example, the guy she married, she didn't realize that he was the one that was settling for her. She thought he, she was settling for him because in her mind she's still 22. Well, guess what? She's not 22 she was 32 at that 0:14:23 - 0:14:51 time. He was settling not the other way around. If he were wise, he would have been looking for a 22 year old version of her. And the problem is, is that very, very few, 22 year olds today have any clue about anything whether they're female or male. When women value themselves, appraise the their, their 0:14:51 - 0:15:13 , their own value. They include all these things that guys don't care about or things that guys do care about, but that wise men know will not last. And so you can't include that in the appraisal. If you do, you have to discount it. Like what like looks, I've already talked about this. What else? No 0:15:13 - 0:15:37 man cares. No quality man cares about how much money you make. It's irrelevant because it's not going to contribute in any way compared to how much money he makes. If anything, it's probably gonna cost more to your family for you to continue to work, it's not an asset, it's irrelevant at best. What else 0:15:37 - 0:15:56 ? Well, they are gonna care about things that you probably don't care about. Like what? Well, like your history with men, how old you are but also how much debt you have. That's one that, that almost no woman today seems to think about quality men aren't interested in paying for your stupid degree that 0:15:56 - 0:16:17 you should never have gotten in the first place in some stupid major that has absolutely no market value. It doesn't make you a better person. If anything, it makes you a worse person. Studies have been done on this. The, the overt Marxist bent of most college courses absolutely affects people that take 0:16:17 - 0:00:00 them even when they say they don't agree with what has been taught. And so that's a big negative everything a good man finds attractive about a woman decays with time. This is an extraordinarily unpopular fact. And yet it is true and it is super important and no one is gonna tell you, but it's true. 0:00:00 - 0:17:16 It's absolutely true is that this isn't my opinion. There's data back in now, you've got to look into surveys that are structured with different words because obviously no researcher would ever publish something like this in today's climate because they'd lose their jobs. And yet the data is there, you 0:17:16 - 0:17:41 look at data from dating apps and see what age w uh, men find women most attractive and see how that decays over time. It decays very fast. It maximizes at 18. It decays a little to 22 and then it sinks like a stone thereafter. Why is that? And it's men of all ages, it doesn't change. You don't get a 0:17:41 - 0:18:04 handicap because the guy is 65. Now, he might settle for a woman who's older, but it's only because it's the best he can do. It's not because that's what he wants. He doesn't see greater value in the older woman. It's not just about looks, you know, uh, a, a man who marries for companionship. One, you 0:18:04 - 0:18:27 could say some things about that, but that's a different video when women go through menopause, their energy levels drop substantially. It, it's been measured. It's about 30%. It's not just physical, it's mental too. If you're marrying for companionship, it's, it's San through an hourglass. It's everything 0:18:27 - 0:18:48 guys want from a woman. Everything a woman has to offer a quality man is like sand in an hourglass, all of it. And so you'd say, well, why would men get married in the first place? It's a good question. Many men have asked that question in including the disciples of Christ to him. Why would anyone get 0:18:47 - 0:19:14 married if that were true when he was teaching them about divorce? So the fact is that women trade, what they have to give in their youth for what a man has to give over their whole life. And the principal contribution is Children because those Children have ever increasing value for, for a mom and then 0:19:13 - 0:19:34 she becomes a grandmother and the values meant to just increase over time. Men don't have anything like that. And so they, they trade, they pay upfront, I'm sorry, they pay for their whole lives for what they get upfront and it's not an equal trade. It's not an equal trade at all for, for a high quality 0:19:34 - 0:20:01 man. Marriage is always a net loss. That's the way it's meant to be. That's not woe is us. That's just what it's meant to be and you can't get around it. And one reason there are deep religious reasons for this, that's the way covenant works. It's a flow, it's a flow down. So a wise man looks at a potential 0:20:00 - 0:20:25 marriage saying how much of your best years do you have left to give, um, the smaller the amount that's left to give, the less your value is to him. This sounds brutally calculated. Right? It sounds cold and uncaring. It's not a man does not have an infinite number of women he can marry. He has to make 0:20:25 - 0:20:50 a choice. And that's the market that you're in. If you're a woman, you're trying to get the best man you can and he has other options. A lot of other options. And so the question is why is he gonna pick you over the others? Now, the fact is that um and uh because there will be men who come out of the 0:20:50 - 0:21:08 woodwork and they say things like, oh I am this age and I find women attractive who are this age and this is a bunch of rubbish, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. First off, that's a tiny percentage of the population. Again, I'll refer you to the dating website data, but there's plenty of other 0:21:08 - 0:21:33 data. Second of that guy is like, well, I don't wanna use that analogy. That guy might say what you want to hear, but guess what? You would never date him. And if you did, you wouldn't go on a second date. And if you did dot dot dot Until eventually, even if you married this guy, you would very quickly 0:21:33 - 0:22:04 divorce him why? Because guys that think like that are not guys, they're not quality men and you wouldn't want them. There are things that go with that, that you absolutely wouldn't want. OK. So if you are a woman, there's no such thing as waiting, what do I mean by that? There's only a such thing as 0:22:04 - 0:00:00 decaying again. This is harsh stuff, but it's true. The graph to the left, roughly speaking, this is how your attractiveness will decay over time. And you know, I don't put specific ages here. Women are incredibly variable. We will get into some specific ages later, but also they're just guidelines. 0:00:00 - 0:22:58 But the fact is that a woman's options degrade over time period, put it on a plaque and ship it. That's not true for men. Why? Because what women want from men is different than what men want from women. The primary thing see, looks are actually quite important to women. Contrary to what they say again 0:22:57 - 0:23:24 , the research shows that they're just as important to women, but there's something even more important than that in their hierarchy, which is success and status and strength. That's the prime for women and men increase in this until 38 on average. And just like for women, there's some differences there 0:23:24 - 0:23:49 . OK? It just depends like if a guy is 27 and he gains £200 he's off the market, right? If he's 42 and he looks like Brad Pitt in Brad Pitt's prime. Obviously, he's at a different place than most, 42 year old men. Um, I should have said 40 year old men and then I could have said, I know from experience 0:23:49 - 0:24:12 it cracked a joke and everybody would laugh but it's too late now. WW. Ok. The point is a man's options improve over time until he hits his prime, which happens much later than it does for women. And thereafter it decays, but it decays much slower even then than it does for women. And then he hits the 0:24:12 - 0:24:44 cliff where he turns into an old man and that happens very quickly and everything's off at that point. Ok. So let's go over an accurate description of how things are and how to deal with it. Principally for women. You start off with your highest attractive power in general. That's the case. I know that 0:24:44 - 0:25:08 like somebody's gonna point out here's a series of pictures from a specific woman from 18 to 23. And you can see at 22 she's more attractive than she was at 18. Ok, great. Do you really want to play the game of life as if exceptions were the general rule? Is that wise? Plus if you're 18 or 23 you can 0:25:08 - 0:25:29 look uh sorry if you're 23 you can look in the mirror and look at your pictures and see if that was the case or not. Ok, like if you wanna live your life as if every woman is Jennifer Aniston, you can, but I don't think that's gonna go very well for you or pick whatever exception you'd like to this rule 0:25:28 - 0:25:56 . Ok? Which means that as soon as a woman turns 18, she's gonna have a set of guys that she has access to. What that said is, depends on the details of her life and also her willingness to find larger pools of men for most women. It's gonna be who's at my church or who's in my college class or whatever 0:25:55 - 0:26:26 , very small group of men who aren't very desirable for most women. Your choice is of these guys. What set would say yes to marrying me and of that set, which is the best one in my eyes. Those are your options. Go down the list for most women. There's no one in that set. Meaning of the people she already 0:26:26 - 0:26:54 has access to. There are probably zero people that she thinks are good enough to marry. So guess what, right out of the gate for most women? Your choice is. Do you want to accept someone who's already in your group? Do you want to be single forever or do you want to do more than you were willing to do 0:26:54 - 0:27:16 until now to find a man? Those are your only three options. Basically, this is radically different from what you've been taught. But if you go with what you're taught, you're either going to be very unhappy in life as a married person, married to someone you never would have married if you got better 0:27:16 - 0:27:46 advice from the beginning or divorced and alone or single forever. Now, the, the one caveat to you at your peak at 18, other than exceptions, because there are exceptions to the rule, but they're rare is if you're overweight at 18 and you drop the weight, you will immediately go up several points on 0:27:46 - 0:28:13 the attractiveness scale. So you, you take things off the weight scale, you add them to the attractiveness scale. All right. So now let's, let's dive into the option of meeting new people because you might think. Well, ok, fine. I hear what you're saying and I think you're a little crazy, but let's say 0:28:13 - 0:28:30 you're at least a little right. Well, I'll just spend my first year to playing it safe and maybe I'll date around with the guys who come and go out of my church youth group or whatever. And, you know, there's no one here right now, but there might be in six months or two years or whatever and I'll let 0:28:30 - 0:28:55 the clock run a little and then I'll do more, then I'll travel or, uh, date someone who's not exactly aligned with my religious, my parents, religious views or, um, you know, expand the age range because I'm only willing to date someone exactly my age or whatever, meet people online, whatever, go hunting 0:28:55 - 0:29:27 instead of waiting for guys to ask me out whatever the case may be. Well, guess what? It doesn't work because as you wait, the effect of the extra effort will decline. Everything about a woman is designed to make marriage and Children happen early. Everything. This is no exception. What I mean by this 0:29:26 - 0:29:59 , let's say you wait until you're 32 and let's say, whatever the list of the most extreme things you could do to, to meet a guy, let's say you do all those things. It's going to be far, far less successful than it would have been at say 20. Why? Because what you're fighting against is the decay over 0:29:59 - 0:30:24 time. And so it shrinks down the impact of what you might do. So just to give you a really practical example, going back to the real lady who was 32 when she decided to start looking for a husband and popping out some kits, let's say this isn't what she did. But let's say what she was doing was she said 0:30:24 - 0:30:46 every Sunday, I'm gonna go to a new church just gonna put myself out there. I'm gonna go to the pastor and I'm gonna say, hey, I'm single and I'm ready to mingle. Is there, are there any high quality men in your congregation that I should meet? And would you be willing to arrange that meeting? Now, this 0:30:46 - 0:31:06 is different than my advice to men who are hardcore locked into finding churchy girls. I'd say go to the pastor and just ask for the people if he's, if he's awesome, he'll say, hey, come over to my house for dinner tonight, I'll make sure they're there. Ok. And he'd arrange that if he's, if he's a bro 0:31:06 - 0:31:29 , but most passengers are not, bros. So, um, bros are off doing other things. But for the ladies, you just say, can you introduce me and a pastor if he's not a punk will oblige and he'll be very happy because you know, it's like pastors are born to be matchmakers or whatever. They think that's part of 0:31:29 - 0:31:54 their mission and that's not a bad thing. I don't disagree. Right. So let's say that that's what you're willing to do. Once you hit 32 the list of men he's gonna take you to is way shorter. Why? He's not gonna take you to some 24 year old guy or 26 year old guy or 28 year old guy. He wants those guys 0:31:54 - 0:32:14 to find women who are earlier in life because what they can receive from him is greater. He's gonna take you to the 35 year old guy who's been divorced who's like a double amputee or something. And no offense to people who are physically handicapped. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just saying 0:32:14 - 0:32:36 what, what women would tend to see as negatives like he's gonna have them. Why? This is terrible because he's going to recognize you as having missed the boat. Now, take the pastor out of the equation and do whatever other thing you could do to, to do more quote unquote to meet men. Same exact result 0:32:35 - 0:33:02 , the set of guys you're going to meet will be smaller. Who, who see you as a viable option. You know, I, I knew a guy very well who was, he was 40 he was single. He had never been married. This guy was squeaky clean. He didn't have, there's nothing wrong with this man. Uh As we'll see in a minute when 0:33:02 - 0:33:18 a man gets older he starts to get questions from ladies. Hey, why are you still single? You know when he's going on dates, why are you still single? Even if they don't ask, they'll be wondering. Well, this guy had one of the best answers, which is he had been in different medical schools back to back 0:33:18 - 0:00:00 until he hit, he hit 40 because his profession was so specialized that that's what it took. He was an ophthalmological surgeon, which is way harder to become than say. And it's really hard to say. So that just shows you how hard it is. And so he had been in residencies where he wasn't even sleeping, 0:00:00 - 0:33:59 let alone having time to date for a very, very long time because it was general practice. Then surgeon, then specific surgeon. It's a long haul. Ok? But he's making oodles of money. The second he was done, right? And he was very spiritual, very family oriented the whole time. He wanted to have a big 0:33:58 - 0:34:19 family. He was dating the whole time somehow he made time for it, but he didn't have a whole ton of time and he wasn't finding the right lady ladies that met his standard because he knew he was gonna be freaking rich. Right? Once he hit finish line, his life was just gonna be Kush and he knew he had 0:34:19 - 0:34:39 done everything right in life spiritually, I mean, he had a right to have the highest standards that exist. He wasn't ugly either. There's nothing about him that was negative. So is the saddest thing. But I watched him at 40 realize that the taboos of the world today meant that he just could not expect 0:34:39 - 0:35:02 to meet a lady that had enough years left that she could have more than just a trophy kid. And it broke his heart because he wanted kids so badly and he ended up marrying a lady that was like a light year below his standards and I'm sure she has no idea how, how lucky she is. Nor would he ever, you know 0:35:02 - 0:35:23 , he's a nice guy. He wouldn't rub that in her face at all. But it was heartbreaking to watch because people are so stupid today. This is the golden catch, that kind of guy. And yet he had to scrape the bottom of the barrel of what was left. And that's really sad. Anyway, if you're going to be willing 0:35:23 - 0:35:47 to do more later. Just do yourself a favor and do more. Now, imagine yourself at an older age and just keep cranking up that dial and ask yourself, what would I do if I were this age and still single? Now, bring it down to right now and just do it right now and you'll be way happier because the people 0:35:47 - 0:36:11 you have access to now will always be better than those you have access to later if you're a woman. Now, how does that advice change if you're a man? Well, remember from the, the graph, let's see, I have to go back. You can improve yourself as a man over time. If you don't like what you've got access 0:36:10 - 0:36:34 to, you can become better. All right. Is that here? No. So if you don't like the ladies, you have access to, not only can you do more to meet more women, you can also do more to become more attractive to the ones you have access to. Not that you're gonna fish in the same water twice, but you might. But 0:36:33 - 0:36:51 the point is if you're working at, at Costco and you don't like the access to the ladies that you have in your life. Well, maybe you should level up if you're overweight, maybe you should lose some weight. Uh That one's the same for men and women. But the point is men have a lot more of these things 0:36:51 - 0:37:12 . If you're not well read. You can be well read. If you don't dress decently, you could start dressed decently dressing de decently. If you stink, you can take a shower. Like there are things that men can do to become more impressive to women and they care a lot. Right. So that's the good news for men 0:37:12 - 0:37:32 . Uh, there isn't much good news for men hate to tell you. So, one of the challenges that you work against is a guy is that once you hit somewhere around 28 that's not hard and fast. It's somewhere around there. 2830 women are gonna start asking why you're not married yet. And at that same age, it becomes 0:37:32 - 0:37:50 more and more difficult to have a good answer. Now, I already talked to you about my friend who had a really good answer. Um I got divorced. Most women aren't gonna see that as a good answer. I've been living in my mom's basement and I'm changing my life and becoming better. Now. Most women are really 0:37:50 - 0:38:13 not gonna see that one as good. So, um you, it's just something you you're working against and we'll get back to that in a second. Uh That, that probably should have been pushed at the next slide. So another problem is that there is very little that you can actually do to filter out women who will become 0:38:12 - 0:38:34 bad wives. Now I say that exactly as I did for a reason there are red flags and there are a lot of them that are basically they clearly demarcate no go zones. But the thing about women, the fundamental thing about women is they change. They are variable creatures. Ok. They're known for their variables 0:38:34 - 0:39:00 as men are known for their constancy. So, is it a uniform 100% rule? Of course not, but it's pretty dang general. All right. How much they change and in what direction? That's all variable as well, but she's gonna change. It is baked into the pie. All right. So she could be the perfect candidate today 0:38:59 - 0:39:21 , but you can't give her credit for that because tomorrow she might be a completely different person and that might be the person you end up with for the last 40 years of your life. You have no idea how much hormones dictate the personality of a person. It is. You just can't believe it unless you see 0:39:21 - 0:39:42 it as you get older. You see it with many people, not just whoever you're with, you see it with many people, but my goodness. And there's nothing you can do to predict that. Nothing. So once you wrap your head around that you might think and you wouldn't be necessarily wrong in thinking that there's 0:39:42 - 0:40:04 really no reason to wait until you're 28 or 30 to get married because most men who do don't wait because they're leveling up in what they have to offer. Some do. But most don't, so the advice goes, don't even think about women until you are a certain age or until you can, like, support a family or you 0:40:04 - 0:40:33 have your own home or whatever. That's great advice. Except for the fact that men have, um, a strong, I'm just trying to think of a way to describe this without making it less than what it is. There's a biological imperative for men to be with women and fighting that is 100% possible. But it takes resources 0:40:32 - 0:40:57 and it's questionably worth it. That's God made us this way. Precisely because if he didn't, we would never get married because older men would tell you. Yeah. You know, you might want to think twice about this and the younger men would say, oh, yeah. Ok. I'll, I'll wait a minute and then they'd see 0:40:57 - 0:41:22 enough. They'd, they'd, the number one attractive power of a woman is allure and you should think about that. You should look up the word and, and think deeply about this. The lack of information that a man has about a woman is her greatest power over him, her greatest attractive power because he's filling 0:41:22 - 0:41:44 in all the blanks with the best he can imagine. Of course, that won't be true in the long run. Even the things he can see those observations, they're not going to fit the future. And there's nothing you can do as a man to fix that, to mitigate that you cannot take out the element of surprise as a man 0:41:43 - 0:42:08 in a relationship with a woman, there's nothing you can do. And so most men, if they knew what they were getting into, hardly any men would get married, hardly any. And so God blesses men with testosterone so that they don't think so clearly about it and they go into it thinking it's gonna be much better 0:42:08 - 0:42:30 than it is. That's the reality of the situation and it's not one sided. There's a female component of this, which is why do women age so much faster than men? And why does it matter much more to men than it does to women than, than male aging to women. Does the reason is if God made you to stay younger 0:42:30 - 0:42:54 longer, you would never have kids in general, the the human race would be over in two generations if men weren't like men in this way and women weren't like women in this way. It's as simple as that. It's a huge mercy so that the human race can persist in spite of what would obviously happen otherwise 0:42:53 - 0:43:20 , because we have such low character quality. See, a high quality man is not getting married for what he gets. He's getting married for what he will give. All right. So you wrap your head around that and here's your choices. You filter for red flags and go for it or you figure out how to remain celibate 0:43:20 - 0:43:41 for the rest of your life. Or you just hope the clock doesn't run out. You wait for your unicorn and you hope the clock doesn't run out. But you, you actually, in that case, you're looking for a unicorn on at least two different counts, which makes it more than twice as rare. Not only are you looking 0:43:40 - 0:44:04 for a woman who's much better than everyone you've ever met. But you're also looking for this, this magical version of a female who stays the same and good luck with that. You could argue that that's impossible. Ok. This is a good segue. One of the false traditions the Christians have about marriage 0:44:04 - 0:44:27 has to do with how they see it, how important they see it to be. Now, different sets of Christians put different amounts of weight onto this, but they all find it very important and they're right. They're absolutely right and they're also absolutely wrong. Marriage is absolutely the biggest decision 0:44:27 - 0:44:49 you will make, especially if you're a woman. And the reason I give that caveat, the, the value a man finds in his life is not uniquely defined by his wife and Children. There are plenty of men who have very fulfilling lives and terrible wives and terrible kids or no wife and no kids or a terrible wife 0:44:49 - 0:45:16 and no kids or whatever permutation you want of that. There are very, very, very, very, very few women who feel fulfilled without a solid family. So the rough statistic is something like half of women who are 30 today will never marry and 90 per cent of them will come to strongly regret that. I'm sorry 0:45:16 - 0:45:38 . That's incomplete. Half of women who are 30 today will never marry. Half of them. We never have kids, half of them they get married and then 90% of the ones that don't have kids will come to strongly regret it. And so this is one of those are there exceptions to the rule? Yeah. Sure. If you're in the 0:45:38 - 0:45:56 tiny, if you happen to be in the tiny slice of women who never find a man and never have kids, you might still end up happy and you might win the lottery if you go buy a ticket. So if you're the kind of person that's banking on that, I hope you're also buying lottery tickets every week because it would 0:45:56 - 0:46:14 be inconsistent. Otherwise that's about your odds. I mean, they're, they're a little better, right? A little better. And the problem is how you feel today about it is absolutely not going to predict how you feel about it tomorrow. That's another one that's, people say, well, I might have kids someday 0:46:14 - 0:46:35 , but I really don't want to now. Yeah. Well, almost every woman is going to want to sometime in her early thirties and you might be infertile by then. And it's highly likely that if you're not living your life today to find a high quality guy, you won't have one then because like I said, that 32 year 0:46:35 - 0:46:57 old example we started with is a dinosaur that doesn't happen anymore. Guys are not as stupid as they used to be your main power as a woman is all lo and you have less of it today than you've ever had. Thanks to the internet. So good luck with that. All right. But how is marriage also less important 0:46:57 - 0:47:22 than you think? Well, look, here's the deal and it's different for men and women. The point is that for both, almost no one that you end up marrying is gonna be anywhere near ideal, like not even close and it doesn't matter how exceptional they look in the moment, you got to do some really crazy things 0:47:21 - 0:47:44 to end up with a man who's going to be from 40 to 80 how he is right now. And you know what, the number one way of doing that is the only surefire way. Find someone who's 40 to 80 right now. And I laugh because I know this is so far outside of what you're willing to wrap your head around and give a chance 0:47:44 - 0:48:07 to. Nor am I saying it's a good idea. Ok, because you run into all those issues of why is this guy single or if he's not? Boy, that's a whole bucket of fun stuff to talk about. If you're dating a guy who's less than 40 there is a likelihood he will be a different person at 40 beyond, he's probably gonna 0:48:07 - 0:48:31 be fatter. He's definitely gonna be more wrinkly uh and on and on and on now, you could probably predict his success arc as long as he's, he's already got an established track record of being hardcore and doing challenging things and improving himself radically over time. You can plot out that graph 0:48:30 - 0:48:54 based on elapsed time and project it out into the future. But all the others, like you can't predict what he's gonna look like in 20 years and most guys don't look good over time. That's guys and girls age, men do it slower than women. But in today's society, almost everyone is overweight. So you see 0:48:53 - 0:49:12 a guy and you're like, wow, he's got a six pack. Yeah, probably not in a couple of years. He's not going to, oh, I love his lush hair. Well, men go bald. Not all of them, but a lot of us do. Right? So, if you want to know what he's gonna be like, the only sure fire way to, to know that is to find him 0:49:12 - 0:49:30 when he's already that way. Ok. And you're probably not willing to do that. So we've probably already talked about it more than we should. But here's the good news about not finding the ideal man. Oh, I didn't talk about the ideal woman. Well, we already talked through why? That's difficult even if you 0:49:30 - 0:49:48 found a perfect woman today. Whatever that is, you have no guarantee. She's gonna be like that tomorrow. And in fact, if she's already that way, the likelihood points to the fact that she will be something less because all women change and if she's already perfect she can't change to be better. And so 0:49:47 - 0:50:11 the good news is, oh, by the way, but that lady is gonna have such sky high self worth that no man on earth could qualify for her. She's gonna hold out for years and years until her quality drops enough that she doesn't have a choice and some poor chump is going to marry her, not realizing that one of 0:50:11 - 0:50:35 her best years are behind her. But more importantly too, that she still thinks that she's 20 and she expects to be treated that way. And so good luck with that. Anyway, the good news about not finding the ideal is that you don't qualify for the ideal. So why would you search for a person that's not gonna 0:50:35 - 0:50:56 want you? Now, there might be exceptions but again, few and far between and the truth is you're probably not even close to the ideal. You know, again, you go on the internet, you look at the comments on these videos and it's like, you know, a pretty old lady with a bunch of kids, single mom who thinks 0:50:56 - 0:51:23 that Prince charming perfect life never made any bad choices is gonna stroll into her life and she's not pretty at all either and it's like, what exactly are you bringing to the table here? Why would this guy want you at all? The other direction is harder to find, but it exists about 25% of men have 0:51:23 - 0:51:49 absolutely no chance of getting married. Nor should they, they just are not adequate for supporting a family and no woman should choose them. Now, that creates a numbers problem, of course. But the bigger problem today is that another 50% 55% of men who are worth marrying have no chance with women because 0:51:48 - 0:52:11 the women's self value is sky high. Everybody's an 8 to 10 today for some reason, that's what people think and it's just not true. It's a bell curve. Most people are fives, most men and most women. Although today, if you're a woman and you're not overweight, you get a magical boost to at least six because 0:52:10 - 0:52:34 there are so many fat people. So anyway, it's important to face, face the facts about what we can control and what we can't control and someone who can't control what they're putting into their mouth is not going to be able to control what comes out of their mouth. These things go hand in hand. It's 0:52:34 - 0:52:57 the same internal problem, you know, so it's a big deal pun intended. Uh Th this is especially funny given the next point on the slide, which is for most marriage is just another growth opportunity, not another growth opportunity, but another growth opportunity. This is the reason that marriage is baked 0:52:57 - 0:53:22 into the pie for humans. It's not to, you know, we're not on this earth to get our eternal reward here. Heaven is not the same as earth. We're supposed to make earth into heaven. But that's, you know, across the course of all of creation, your marriage is probably not gonna be heavenly and it's a good 0:53:22 - 0:53:41 thing because you're probably not ready for that. Nor is your spouse. And you look at that and say, well, it's because I can't find heavenly spouse. Are you heavenly? And if not, you don't deserve a heavenly spouse. So why would you want to put that on somebody for most marriage is just another growth 0:53:41 - 0:54:06 opportunity. It's hardcore. It's like basic training times a million. But it's not, the purpose is not to give you the ideal spouse. The purpose is for you to become more of an ideal spouse. Do you get that? They're the sandpaper? You're the wood. There's also an argument to be made about you being their 0:54:06 - 0:54:28 sandpaper. It's not about I've made it to heaven and now we're just gonna sit around and eat grapes and someone's gonna fan us all day. So we do much better to move the needle more to, toward a rational approach to marriage than the uh where it is. Now, it's completely on the side of romanticism. I'm 0:54:28 - 0:54:55 not saying that you shouldn't adore your spouse. Actually, I'm saying you should Right. I'm saying you're not going to, if you don't really see things how they are. Yeah. The, the truth is a man is unlikely to ever be able to prescreen as much as he needs to in order to justify marrying and a woman is 0:54:55 - 0:00:00 unlikely to ever find anyone that meets her overinflated standards who wants her. It's just not gonna happen for the most part. And so we need to get real because if you think you're settling as a woman, no quality man is gonna touch you with a 10 ft pole. No quality man wants to sacrifice his life. 0:00:00 - 0:55:35 And that's what a quality man does when he gets married to a woman who doesn't think that he's the best thing in the world that could ever happen to her. You really have to believe that to have a chance with that guy. If you treat him like most women treat most men, you're done. He will not give you 0:55:35 - 0:56:03 a second chance, ok? Because for the most part, he's got one shot to take, he's not going to waste it on you. So what's the process for men? Here's my advice to you. If you can't find a woman who you want, who also wants you get better level up. At some point, you're going to reach a point where there's 0:56:03 - 0:56:25 diminishing returns where you look at what it would cost you to level up and you're like, you know, it's just not worth it like, uh for instance, you know, I'm 40 I'm fit, I'm also very busy. I have a family. I have a lot of stuff going in my life. Uh I'm probably as physically fit as I'm ever gonna 0:56:25 - 0:56:52 get because the cost to benefit is changing as I get older and the cost would, would require me to displace things that are much more valuable. Now, I'm not overweight but I don't have a six pack, right? So that's an example of diminishing returns where the inputs are no longer worth the outputs. You 0:56:52 - 0:57:14 could apply this to all facets of life from, you know, getting degrees. If you care about that, to getting promotions at work, to getting into better paying fields, to learning more about the world and philosophy or whatever, you know, picking up hobbies, whatever it is that you're doing that fulfills 0:57:14 - 0:57:36 your definition of better, hopefully fulfills her definition of better. At some point. You're gonna say I'm good, I'm good. The costs exceed the benefits. And at that point, that's when you hit the point that a woman hits at 18 right out of the gate, which is the women I have access to that are interested 0:57:36 - 0:57:53 in me. Are they good enough for me? If they're not, then what you're choosing is to remain alone unless you want to expand your network. But if you're already at the point of diminishing returns, odds are, it's about as wise as it's gonna get, that's part of what you're not gonna be unwilling to do to 0:57:53 - 0:58:13 increase your, your chances. So, with all that being said, I, my general advice for a man is it's probably better to just get married before you're 30 it, it might be better to get married a lot younger than that because if you're doing the right things in your life, the odds that anything significantly 0:58:12 - 0:58:33 better is going to materialize are extremely low, they're extremely low. You're working against so many headwinds. It's not even funny. Uh, it's common knowledge in Christian circles today that the good ones are gone quite early. And so the older you get, you're fighting against one of the headwinds 0:58:33 - 0:58:55 you're fighting against is this bias towards people that are basically the same age. And it doesn't matter if, if rationally you could blow, uh, a 22 year old competitor out of the water. If a lady is not willing to consider a guy that's 28 you don't have a chance with her, right? You could argue that 0:58:55 - 0:59:22 you're not interested in someone that's so silly, but whatever, you just get to decide from what's there. Now, I put a star next to, it's better to marry before you turn 30 potentially much younger because for the sake of, of, uh, completion, I have to say that given the overt bias against men in the 0:59:22 - 0:59:48 law and in the courts, given marriage and the propensity of women today to divorce for unjustified reasons. The argument could be made even for religious people that they should never legally get married. And that what I'm talking about when I see Mary is an unofficial agreement with God. And before 0:59:47 - 1:00:06 God, where legally you remain, boyfriend and girlfriend, this is a huge topic and I apologize for just putting it up here as a footnote, but I don't want someone to rush off and sign a contract where if the other party breaks it, they get rewarded and then the obvious happens and then for you to come 1:00:06 - 1:00:30 back to me and say it was my fault. Uh If you want to talk more about this, I'm happy to. But there's that don't think that God requires some legal recognition for who he is putting together. That's not the case never has been. All right. Now, I want to point some fingers at the lying pastors out there 1:00:29 - 1:00:47 who are filling people's heads with all sorts of nonsense, mostly female heads. And this is probably the number one reason this continues to be a problem. These are the watchmen on the wall instead of warning people they're lying to them. So one thing that a lot of these jokers will say is, oh, it's 1:00:46 - 0:00:00 just a season. God's preparing somewhat. No, you might be preparing yourself for someone else, but only if you're a man. If you're a woman, you're doing the opposite, you're becoming unprepared for people that you're already prepared for over time. It's not just the season, the show's been canceled, 0:00:00 - 0:00:00 right. For most people. If they hit the point where they're not getting any interest from the opposite sex, they're probably done. And you should reorient your life to serving other people at that point or finding whatever else floats your boat because it ain't gonna be a member of the opposite sex. 0:00:00 - 1:01:53 And if you don't have kids yet, guess what? The ship's probably sailed, what these pastors ought to be targeting are the actual obstacles to these marriages happening and succeeding. One of them is over inflated expectations, which is what they're contributing to rather than fighting. There's also the 1:01:53 - 1:02:12 problem of just plain being overweight. I, I don't know why but people think that this is something that only they can care about. What I mean is that there's not AAA whole lot of people who are willing to set that aside for the person they're looking for. There are some, but they don't look in the mirror 1:02:11 - 1:02:35 and say, hey, man, I should fix myself first, single parents. If, if you're a single parent that is looked down upon in the groups that you're looking for looking in, right? Whether it is a bad thing or not is irrelevant, it's seen as a negative, it reduces your market value. So if you're not a single 1:02:35 - 1:02:55 parent, you should probably work really hard to avoid that. And how do you do that by doing everything. I'm telling you in this video. How about this one? You probably haven't heard this. Born again virgins. They're out there. It's funny, but it's true. But this is the title applied to ladies who were 1:02:54 - 1:03:16 raised religious. Usually not always, but regardless, they spent their prime years sleeping around and now that they're starting to get older, they've decided that they're going to come back to, or to church for the first time and find a guy who's lived his life right the whole time. And these guys are 1:03:16 - 1:03:36 saying no, absolutely not, absolutely not. Um, that goes with the reformed party animals. Maybe you didn't sleep around, but maybe you just took some time off of being religious and you partied it up, you had other things going in your life, but now you're back, that's good. And you're doing the best 1:03:35 - 1:03:55 thing that, that you can in life. There's no question about that. The issue is you can't expect the same thing as a person who didn't do that. You're not equal to them anymore. You made different choices in life. And so now you have to add value in some other way or you need to have lower expectations 1:03:54 - 1:04:15 because you're bringing less to the table. That's just the way it is. If you're, if you're single and you're in that boat, that's probably why lower standards, which is not settling. It's becoming honest about you, you have less to offer. Therefore, you deserve less. And maybe that pushes you over the 1:04:15 - 1:04:36 threshold of where you see it worthwhile to marry. Great. Then wrap your head around being single. And if Prince charming magically appears great, but you're not really on the market you're out to pasture. Ok, find other things to fill your life with. Instead of just being sad about being single, then 1:04:36 - 1:04:58 you've got the past their primes. Right. I've got ages here. These aren't ha hard and fast, of course. But there are bands of phases in life and they, you know, I had a humorous friend, an older lady, she's passed away since, since then, but she used to call female aging. She called it the 10 year S 1:04:58 - 1:05:15 A or something like that, the 10 year drop. And she's anyway, you could imagine where that conversation went. It cracked me up. She was, she really had a good sense of humor. But, you know, she was someone that was very image conscious her whole life and as she got older, she just had to wrap her head 1:05:15 - 1:05:35 around the fact that things aren't the same, you know. But so for her, it was every 10 years. This happens. I don't know if that's true or not. But, but from my own experience, I would put the band somewhere around here, somewhere around 26. Again, there's some big plus or minus on this. Um, that's the 1:05:35 - 1:05:58 first hormonal shift. Uh, statistically you, if you, if you measure it in the blood, it's 24 on average. But I put 26 here and then typically, somewhere around 30 something shifts again, you know. And so at 24 there's a big shift down in estrogen happens again, somewhere around 30 around 35 there's a 1:05:58 - 1:06:21 big shift because that's when fertility loss of fertility becomes general, plus or minus, you're gonna have issues with kids. Um It's happening earlier now. Uh the onset of, of menstruation actually happens earlier now. And so that's, that's very interesting. Uh researchers have looked at that, but that's 1:06:21 - 1:06:45 a different topic. So you start early and early, right? Only so many eggs. So if you're popping them out, you only have so many to pop. So then, um then there's the over 40 that's another bracket and I don't even bother to go into it after that. So for men, there are also phases and I'd say the first 1:06:44 - 1:07:08 , like I said, is somewhere around 28 to 30 that's mostly just because of female perception, not necessarily anything overtly obvious about the man. Um So it's just a, it's just a, a societal norm that once you're around 28 women are gonna start asking why you're still single, around 4038 to 40. That 1:07:07 - 1:07:30 is a man's physical peak. And so he's gonna start looking older after that. If he hasn't already, he's going to start struggling to get stronger, although he can hold his present strength for a long time. If he chooses to sustain that at 50 there's um again, huge plus or minus on this, there's usually 1:07:30 - 1:07:54 a measurable drop in testosterone around 50 then sometime over 60 is the old man cliff, right? Huge variations across people. But this is, this is the issue. Uh I put a note on here to remind myself to talk about a special problem of older single men, which is the reduction of testosterone. And here's 1:07:53 - 1:08:21 , here's the way it works. You can look up graphs if you're interested in digging deeper into this female hormones. Um They start declining around 24 and then they drop off a cliff. So, so the the decrease increases in um in slope around 30 but then they drop off a cliff at menopause and then they stay 1:08:21 - 1:08:46 basically even for the rest of, of their lives. So men do get consistency in the woman they're with after menopause, but it's not the consistency of what they would want. OK. Um With men, it's different because that testosterone will start declining usually around 3830 to 38 but closer to 38 but it's 1:08:46 - 1:09:13 gradual, it's really subtle. Um So that's good news as far as aging and, and that's why. So testosterone makes you look young and women don't have a lot of it. And so they start looking older a lot sooner and men start looking older a lot slower later and slower than women ok. Um, but the issue is that 1:09:12 - 1:09:39 the threshold where a guy's interest in women is worth the cost. That is the big change that happens with age. It's not, their physical capability will leave this rated G. It's not their, you know, muscularity or you, you don't start looking like a hunched over old man when you're 38 right? But you've 1:09:38 - 1:10:03 seen enough of the world and of women that the growing evidence that this just isn't worth it crosses a threshold. And that's why you see a massive number of men opting out of the game as, as single people around 40. And they're like, you know, I'd rather just keep my money and my toys and I'm happy 1:10:02 - 1:10:24 I got a dog. We're good. It's because that threshold is a lot lower than people think. And so I, I bring this up because a man who's 40 is not out to pasture. He's in his prime. He's, he's getting out of his prime, but it's gonna fade away real slow. He's probably gonna keep making more money till he's 1:10:24 - 1:10:48 65. Statistically speaking, women peak out at around 34 and the, it's a way lower ceiling. It's because they opt for family, but a man's just gonna keep earning, uh, increasing his value usually on average until he's around 60 or 65. So, um, the big change is that it's not that men aren't attractive 1:10:47 - 0:00:00 , they won't be attracted to you. That's the big change. So their value starts declining after their prime overall, their value overall, even though they'll make more money. And that's why you see, you know, more, more wealthy wealthier people manage to, uh, attract younger, attractive females. But, 0:00:00 - 1:11:37 um, they're going to be increasingly single and the reason is, or they just will go on a couple of dates. Nothing committed ever. And the reason is they look at that and they're like, yeah, not interested, not worth it to me. So I hope that makes sense. Anyway, the best life possible, the best life remaining 1:11:37 - 1:11:59 for you no matter your, your circumstances. If you're 18, if you're, if you're 14 and you're still, this is future stuff for you or if you're 65 it doesn't matter. It requires you to get really real about your situation right now. So you either have to come to grips with how little you have to offer 1:11:59 - 1:12:20 someone because if you're single, the number one root cause of that is you have an over inflated self worth. It doesn't matter if you're a man or woman, the single men out there who are moaning and groaning. Look, you can't control the standards of women. You can only choose to meet them or not if you 1:12:20 - 1:12:44 can't meet them and you're not willing to just be single and be happy about that. I mean, you could still complain about female nature, the modern woman, whatever. But look, it's just, it is what it is level up or get out of the game. Right. And we've already beaten down the whole female self worth thing 1:12:44 - 1:13:09 . So that's probably either realize how little you have to work to offer and adjust or move on to other things. Now, let's talk about this, moving on to other things. There are many good things remaining in life. If you're still kicking, there are valuable things left to do. You know, uh, I know a lady 1:13:09 - 1:13:30 I've talked about this before, who's disabled to the point where she can't work and she can't really get out because she basically she's homebound. That's the easiest way to say it. And I said, man, you could read any book in the world that you want to, you can learn about anything, right? You can write 1:13:29 - 1:14:00 things. There's so many things you have nothing but time on your hands and she doesn't see it that way. If I didn't have people to take care of, I'd trade her in a heartbeat in a heartbeat. But the fact is, and this is part of her problem. You will never appreciate what you have remaining in life while 1:14:00 - 0:00:00 you're still clinging to the delusion of prince or princess charming writing into your life as you are, you have to let go of that because you're gonna value anything else is way less than that. And that's not wrong. It's just a lie to think that that's an option for you because it's not if it were, 0:00:00 - 1:14:45 you'd have it. It's not a case of waiting. God doesn't like embed special things in life and the only condition to get them is time. That's not the way this game works. Good. Things are out there for those who are willing to pay for them. If you don't have the capital or you're not willing to spend it 1:14:45 - 1:15:10 , it's not for you. It's for those who deserve it. So stop praying for some, for God to give you someone that you don't deserve, don't do that. It does not make him happy. Start praying for God to give you who you deserve. And that's actually a prayer for you to open your eyes to who do you deserve to 1:15:10 - 1:15:40 lower your inflated self value or shift and start praying for God to give you opportunities to serve other people because that's your next best bet because that's what marriage is anyway. Do you see marriage is just the pinnacle of the serve other people? Mountain marriage and Children? And so if you 1:15:40 - 1:16:07 can't get to the peak because you don't want to climb up there or you can't climb up there. All right. Well, what's below that? It turns out that it might be something that completely uh motivates and oh, what's the word I want here? It could be a much better fit than the thing at the top of the mountain 1:16:06 - 1:16:32 for you. Not everybody wants to be there. It's not for everybody. So one thing I want to encourage you to do in serving other people. One thing that you have that's immensely valuable is the ability to help younger people. These might be people in your friend groups, in your family. They might be total 1:16:32 - 1:16:50 strangers. I, I had a friend. It's the same friend I mentioned before who passed away. She would approach, you know, she was grandma age, she would randomly approach young ladies who were obviously old enough to drive and they're shopping on their own. So probably over 18, but who knows that she would 1:16:50 - 1:17:07 approach young ladies and just strike up conversations about life and she had the kind of personality where she could pull that off. I don't know if any of them listen to her, but she would say some radical things that most definitely rattled their cages. She had a lot of life experience. Uh she had 1:17:07 - 1:17:26 been through a couple of really terrible marriages, some of which were not her fault and um had been through a lot of hard things with work. Her, her career was, was working with people and she had seen some terrible things and she would just blast people, random people would just get blasted with light 1:17:26 - 1:17:47 and she, she faithfully did that. So, I mean, that's her. You might be different. The fact is there are so many opportunities out there and it's not just limited to people who you're related to. So go reread Titus two. And that's for women and men. I hope that was clear. Uh Find men and women, find people 1:17:46 - 1:18:06 , your gender who are younger, who haven't made the same mistakes that you have in life and help prevent them from doing. That is massively valuable. Go reread Titus two. It's, there's information in there for men and women. It's a good chapter. Go out and help people who haven't been through life yet 1:18:06 - 1:18:19 and help them to have a better life than you have had. That's tremendously valuable. All right. So I hope you found value in these things and uh I hope you apply them because you'll receive the blessings for doing. So.