0:00:00 - 0:00:24 Let me give this a shot. Uh The last few days have been thinking deeply about many of the relationships between men and women that I have a view on with the people I currently know have known in the past and so on. And I have to tell you I'm deeply affected by the suffering that I see on the part of 0:00:24 - 0:00:48 men and women in the world today because marriage is meant to be if not the most valuable relationship. We have certainly very close to the top and it's a tremendous gift from God, but it's used very poorly, almost universally in this world, but especially in the first world. It's one of several things 0:00:48 - 0:01:14 that we have all the resources to make better than it would otherwise be. And yet we've managed to make it worse. And so this this video, what I'm going to try to do is to give a little snack to hold us over for the main meal. The main meal in this case will be written materials and possibly also other 0:01:14 - 0:01:43 videos which I tried and failed to produce before making this one. I have a few longer form slide shows for example, where I, I really walked through it, directed specifically to men. The problem of masculine weakness, divorce and so on. And the issue is that those presentations as constituted are so 0:01:43 - 0:02:08 intense that I can only name maybe one or two men I know who could probably sit through it and without just being completely overwhelmed. And I, I think that that it would cause more harm than good at this point to release that, which is unfortunate because these tools they're all needed, they're all 0:02:08 - 0:02:31 needed. Partials aren't going to help a whole ton. But I guess that's the best that we can do for now. It, it, it makes me think in the larger sense of these books that I've spent so much time writing and just how much effort it takes. It's insane. It's ridiculous. The fact is that I could convey these 0:02:31 - 0:00:00 things in much shorter form and just bang out a couple of presentations. That's an understatement. But relative to the time to read thousands of pages, let alone write it and then it would, it could be out there. But the fact is that a whole lot of people need it in a much more structured form. The, 0:00:00 - 0:03:15 the pace is wrong for them and it, it's just too much and too little of a, of a window and that's fine. So if that's what it takes, that's what it takes. But hopefully there's a little chip of this that we can break off and give you something that you can act on while we're moving towards the rest. And 0:03:14 - 0:03:36 the biggest, the biggest impediment for sure is personal repentance. That that is for one, the biggest problem facing the world today. But also it's the biggest obstacle preventing men from becoming who they could be and doing what they need to do, which is very much coupled to improving their situation 0:03:35 - 0:04:05 . There are a few ways in which I think modern people are enslaved and we have addressed some of these, some people are enslaved because of addictions. Other people are enslaved for financial reasons. There are several of these by ignorance, but many men are slaves to their wives and their wives are 0:04:05 - 0:04:28 not good people. That's they're enslaved to. I don't know how else to say it to monstrous wives. Their wives are monsters and we're not allowed to talk about this. We're not allowed to draw attention to it. And there are many reasons for this. There are many reasons, but it's something that absolutely 0:04:28 - 0:04:49 has to be addressed because these men are in situations where there are marriages or anchors around their neck, preventing them from moving towards what the Lord would like them to have in life and do for others in life. And it's tragic. I mean, who's gonna raise the next generation? Who's gonna raise 0:04:49 - 0:05:15 the generation that builds Zion because it's not gonna be enslaved men. Where are that generation's men going to learn how to be men. It won't be from their fathers, not unless we can get this fixed. So it's really important. Ok. So instead of attacking this head on, and you might be thinking man with 0:05:14 - 0:05:39 that volley of a preamble, what would the full presentation be? You'll, you'll just have to wait. It's intense. Um If I'm calling something intense, you know, it's intense. I, I actually, I just, what I wanna do in this video is I wanna tell some stories about dogs and no, I'm not calling women dogs 0:05:38 - 0:06:00 . I'm, I'm calling on experiences that I've had with dogs because as some of, you know, I've, I've had a lot of dogs. We, we have, um, in our family, we have a lot of experience with Huskies. We've had some other dogs too. But Huskies are, are a special breed. They're intelligent dogs, they're working 0:06:00 - 0:06:26 dogs and that gives them some and they're large. So it gives them some unique and interesting properties. And my hope in this presentation is that we can talk about things in a context that's not too close to home and make a case for things that are ok. So I wanna tell you about one dog that we rescued 0:06:25 - 0:06:51 . Now, when you raise a dog from a puppy, every dog and, and I know this, we've interacted with, with easily dozens. I don't know, for over 100 yet. We have to be maybe hundreds of puppies. Ok. And we've seen them grow from birth to at least eight weeks. It's very interesting to see just how much difference 0:06:50 - 0:07:12 there is, how, how much variation there is in inherent personality in dogs. There's a huge difference. Now, if you're a parent, you've seen this in your kids and it probably shouldn't surprise you that it'd be true with dogs. But it is the case, that being said there is an absolutely enormous difference 0:07:11 - 0:07:40 that comes from the environment and we've seen dogs that, that we've had for, for a lengthier stay up to what was the longest, probably six months or more. I think if I'm remembering correctly and then we've raised our own dogs from puppies several times and then we've, we've rehomed dogs as well and 0:07:40 - 0:08:01 the, the differences that we've seen between adopted dogs and dogs we've raised from puppies and rescues. And I guess I said, adopted rehome dogs, the environment has a huge impact on how these dogs turn out. So, what kinds of differences am I talking? Well, let's talk about sort of the worst case scenario 0:08:01 - 0:08:27 . So, one of the dogs we adopted, he was wonderful in some ways. Um, he was actually not a husky, he was a chocolate lab and his name was Charlie. Charlie was, was a sweet dog. He was, he was just a sweetheart, but he had some psychological issues because of abandonment and, uh, his, his original owners 0:08:27 - 0:08:45 just sort of dropped him at the pound and that was that and it was quite a shock to him. He was clearly very emotionally attached to them and obviously he didn't tell me these things. It was that pronounced that you could tell with the dog, right. But um, so he had some attachment issues and it was kind 0:08:45 - 0:09:04 of annoying because he'd follow you around all the time and anytime you're sitting down, he, he always looks really mopey and put his head on your, on your lap and it really wasn't ideal. There's definitely some baggage there and it really didn't matter what I did. We couldn't fix that, but he was a 0:09:04 - 0:09:30 sweet dog. He was great to have with the kids and yeah, he was, he was what, everything you could ask for out of a dog, right? Another dog we adopted, his name is Simon and he's still with us. He is a really big husky. He's extremely strong and I've seen, I've seen him bite through things that it's enough 0:09:29 - 0:09:45 to get you a little scared. Right? Because you're like calculating. All right. That's a pretty thick deer bone. It's a deer leg bone or something. He just chomps right through it. My arm bone is probably less thick than that deer bone. And, uh, if he really wanted to, he could mess you up. Now, for the 0:09:45 - 0:10:09 most part, Simon's a sweet dog too. In fact, if you made a pie chart more than 90% of the time, I would say he's, he's pretty close to ideal for a dog. You couldn't ask for more. He's, he's a very attractive dog. Um, and then he's, he's healthy. He is, is really sweet when he wants to be. He, he is very 0:10:08 - 0:10:27 interested in being around us, which is unusual for a husky. Usually they'll run off the first chance they get, but, but he's more interested in being with us than anything else. And so actually, we've, we've taken him out of the yard before and, uh, when we're sort of working in our unfenced area of 0:10:27 - 0:10:47 our property and he'll actually run right back to the front door and sit and he, he doesn't even wanna be out of the house. So, the thing with Simon though is that we rescued him from a situation where he was living in a very small pen and he was just sort of outside all the time, no human contact. And 0:10:46 - 0:11:12 it's very clear that he was beaten often by his previous owner. And so when he came to us, he had a whole lot of issues, whole lot of issues. We've gotten those issues down to two remnants. One is, he still doesn't understand what growling means. And so he will growl at you when he's angry and he's about 0:11:12 - 0:11:29 to try to bite you. And he will also growl when he's happy and that's really fun to be around. It's when you're playing with him, you know, and, and someone's over, he'll be growling at you as if he's about to kill you and it's actually his playful growl and you really have to know him well, to know 0:11:29 - 0:11:48 the difference. So that's, that's fun. Um, and then the other thing that is quite annoying is that if you turn your back on him for a second, he will pee in the house. He knows he's not supposed to do it. He's just defiant about it. And uh we think that that's linked to the psychology of his prior situation 0:11:48 - 0:12:10 , but I don't wanna drone on too long about all this. So the only solution for that is to keep an eye on him all the time. And in practice, it's not that bad because the, our dogs have outside time structured in their day and it's, it's like a dog daycare here. Uh But it, and, and so he's inside during 0:12:09 - 0:12:32 family time and um some other times they have a nap time also. It's like a doggy kindergarten. Um But, but we, he's, he's, we've structured things such that he doesn't have the opportunity to pee unless we're breaking our, our rituals, rituals, our schedule, our normal rhythm of things, right? We've 0:12:32 - 0:13:03 got it worked out so that he doesn't have the opportunity for that. OK. So how did he go from how we got him to how he is? So when we got him, he was a real threat to all of us because he was really on edge, he was always really cranky and anytime anyone touched anywhere around his neck or anywhere on 0:13:03 - 0:13:29 his backside or any time he thought you were gonna touch him there, which makes it real difficult. If you're trying to put him on a leash or something, he would try to bite you. Ok. And so knowing something about dog psychology, I said, ok, well, we've got to fix this and this is one reason, uh most 0:13:28 - 0:13:53 dog owners struggle to have dogs like Huskies, is that the closer a dog is to a wolf, the more you have to use wolf psychology and most people are really uncomfortable with that because it takes a lot of violence. Now, I wanna make a distinction between what some people would think when I say that and 0:13:53 - 0:14:14 what I'm really saying, and I'll just do that by example. So you go to do something and he tries to bite you when he doesn't have a reason to try to bite you. How do you respond? Well, the way you do it is you grab him and you put him on the ground, whether he likes it or not and you force him to submit 0:14:14 - 0:14:41 to you and the way you do this, it, there's no hitting or you're not hurting the dog at all. You're just overwhelming him with physical force to get him pinned on the ground on his back and you're on top of him. Now, here's what happens every time they will fight you at the existential level like you're 0:14:41 - 0:14:58 trying to kill them. Now, you're not hurting them at all, but they act like you're trying to kill them. And so they will try to get you however they can with their jaws, they'll kick at you with their feet. And so there's a way of doing this. It's actually quite hard to, to fight a big dog without getting 0:14:58 - 0:15:25 bit. But you just have to be more tenacious than they are and you have to stay completely calm. So one advantage that you have when you're fighting a dog is that it's very emotional for a dog. It's all wrapped up. It's not just a physical action. They, they very scared and they're um, it's all sort of 0:15:25 - 0:15:42 mixed up. They've got adrenaline pumping, their heart starts pumping really fast so they can't think clearly. It's not like they're playing chess, right? So they're trying to bite you, but they're also getting very stupid because when you get emotional, you get stupid, those things go together. It's 0:15:41 - 0:16:05 the opposite of being rational. And so you kind of have to do this Neo from the Matrix Zen, you know, jiu-jitsu thing of trying to get this dog pinned without getting bit and sometimes you get scratched up and it hurts and you just got to ignore that you get the dog pinned. Then what happens? It's like 0:16:05 - 0:16:28 magic, the dog calms down immediately. This might still be out of breath, catching its breath. But then all of a sudden the tongue usually starts hanging out to the side, which if you don't know is a sign of a dog being very relaxed because the dog knows that you've won the battle and now whatever is 0:16:28 - 0:16:56 gonna happen is gonna happen. They just, they're done, they've given up. Ok. So in the wild, if a predator or another dog did this, the dog could kill that dog. But obviously you're not interested in that. And now the interaction is over what has been accomplished. So you get off of the dog, ok? But 0:16:55 - 0:17:24 then you don't let the dog get up when they want to get up. You once or twice or three times, you keep them pinned when they try to get up. And now the message is sent and you let him go. The message you've sent is I am stronger than you and you can't win against me. What happens to a dog when you dominate 0:17:24 - 0:17:47 them like this, that's what we call it, dominating them. So it means there's a tussle and that tussle ends with you on top of the dog, the dog on its back, the dog cannot do what the dog wants to do and the dog knows it. If you really want to take it to the next level, do you do this on their nose? Just 0:17:47 - 0:18:09 that light is all it takes. It's absolutely humiliating to them. It's absolutely humiliating. And they hate it. So, and there's no physical pain for the dog. You haven't punched them, you're not choking him out. You're not doing anything crazy. You've just physically dominated them. So, when the dog 0:18:08 - 0:18:38 gets up in its head, it is no longer the leader of the pack. Now, in human world, we have very different ideas about all sorts of things and that's good. We're not dogs, but this is a weird thing for us because we, anyone who's never actually been a leader who's only had a title or something but hasn't 0:18:37 - 0:19:07 been an actual leader because leadership is a character quality. It's not an assignment. It's not a title. It's, it's, it's how you are. It's not what people call you. Anyone who hasn't been a real leader thinks that leadership is getting all the fancy stuff, getting some, it's about gain. It's about 0:19:07 - 0:19:30 a better situation for you somehow. I don't know how dogs understand that. It's actually not that nice being the alpha because you're the one that has to do all the fighting when bad dogs come in. When threats come in, you're the one that's gotta handle it. You're the one that's gotta worry about everything 0:19:29 - 0:19:49 , everybody getting fed, every, everything, getting organized and whatever and what level of organization dogs have and everything else who knows. But they're the ones who controls who eats and when they're the ones who get to go fight, who have to go fight all the threats when, when other dogs come 0:19:49 - 0:20:12 in the pack, et cetera, they're constantly responsible for everything. What benefits do they have? Yes, they have benefits. You know, the alpha dog gets to breed with whatever female he wants, he can eat whatever he wants. First dibs, whatever. But the costs are pretty dang high. And for most dogs that's 0:20:12 - 0:20:37 actually not what they want, believe it or not. And so when an adopted dog comes into your pack, you have to establish that they are not the alpha. And it's actually a relief you're telling them, hey, buddy, everything's taken care of here. You're in a safe place. All you have to worry about is your 0:20:37 - 0:21:04 little dog world for yourself. You don't have to worry about the, the greater situation. There's a, a walled garden here and I'm the wall and the second they figure it out, they don't chew on stuff, they don't pick fights, they don't bite your kids. If you raise them from puppies this way, they won't 0:21:04 - 0:21:30 pee on your stuff, they won't try to run away. Whatever. There's, there's a process for, for this, right? And, and eventually they get in the flow of things and everything's just smooth. So when a dog knows its place in the pack, the problems for the most part, go away, what doesn't go away. So what 0:21:29 - 0:21:53 has been retained with Simon? There are some issues because he was abused. But even if you set that stuff aside what remains, that's what I want to talk about. Well, he, he's still a big old dog that could really mess you up if you wanted to. If he's grouchy or some females in heat or whatever, he's 0:21:52 - 0:22:15 , he's, uh, a little chunky. And so we've got him on a controlled diet so he could be crabby from that, from time to time. There's going to be these little blips where he once again challenges his role in the pack and all you gotta do is pop them on the ground and it takes like a, a half a second because 0:22:15 - 0:22:38 he's already aware of that. He just needs a little reminder, compare that. So, so how long did this take? We might have had two scuffles all out, like five minutes long where I'm just hoping I come out of it with both arms. I didn't get bit either time and I have no idea how that happened. And it's pretty 0:22:38 - 0:23:02 high on my list of things that I, I impressed myself with. It's like things aren't going well. Well, I fought Simon twice and I didn't get bit. So I've got that going for me. Um So after that, we've probably had him. I don't even know how many years we've had this dog, but there have only been a handful 0:23:01 - 0:23:21 of times where he needed a reminder and, and honestly, most of those times was because I was punishing him for peeing, which the way we do that is we drag him to the spot. He peed, he knows he did it. And so he doesn't want to go and then we put his nose in it and tell him naughty. And sometimes he wants 0:23:21 - 0:23:45 to fight back and do a little, I call it a test snap where he's not trying to bite you, but he's telling you, I, I really want to. So you just kind of snapping the air and uh that's across the line. It's not tolerable. So he gets put on the ground for that and when you escalate like that, maybe a third 0:23:45 - 0:24:07 of the time, he'll escalate back and then you have to go all the way up to the full blown, you're going on the ground until you stop fighting back. This is dog psychology. OK? And so I got, I got on, I said that most people wouldn't be good husky owners because they're not interested in this. They just 0:24:06 - 0:24:26 want like my dog Charlie who's a chocolate lab, they just want a dog that's just gonna be kind of brainless. Follow them around all the time, be there when they want them to be and then go away somewhere when they don't. That's what most people want out of a dog. So what does any of this have to do with 0:24:25 - 0:24:56 the ladies, most men that I know are not the alpha in their family. Their wife is, we could go through how to figure that out, but you probably already know. Is that a problem? Well, I would invert that question and flip it around and ask you. Is your wife happy with you? If she's not, then you probably 0:24:56 - 0:25:22 have a problem on your hands. So, what's the solution to the problem? Well, first it's probably to improve yourself, which might surprise you because you probably thought I was gonna, I was gonna say something about your wife. Let me ask you this. Why am I the one that has to do this with our dogs? Why 0:25:22 - 0:25:52 doesn't my wife do it? Because animals can sense weakness. Caveat. I'm not saying my wife is weak. I will walk you through how this would go. If my wife tried to do it, she can do it with puppies. But once they get to a certain size, she can't do it anymore. And the reason is she gets scared and that's 0:25:51 - 0:26:15 a completely reasonable response for anyone in this situation, let alone someone who's kind of roughly the same size as this dog, right? Dogs don't feel pain the same way humans do. By the way, it's pretty crazy. I've seen dogs with crazy wounds and they, it's just not a big deal whereas a human would 0:26:15 - 0:26:44 be like my, my leg is sliced open. Wow. So you're up against this formidable opponent and it's completely natural to start wondering what's gonna happen if their teeth get you. Why does that not work? Animals can sense fear. The second they sense fear they're not gonna submit to you. Why? Remember the 0:26:44 - 0:27:10 psychology is the dog and I'm not saying they do this in a structured way, how much of it's instinctual or implicit. Um It's actually important to understand that even if it is implicit, it's still true. It still has a really profound effect on the outcome. This is AAA good lesson to learn when you're 0:27:10 - 0:27:32 thinking about how to interact with your wife. It doesn't matter how much of it is conscientious and explicit what matters is the outcome. You don't get to decide how the system works. You just get to play the game. You don't set the rules, you just play the game. So if, if a dog senses that you're scared 0:27:32 - 0:27:55 , they're not gonna submit to you because in their mind, they have to be the one worried about everything. They have to be the catch all because you're not going to take care of the problems, you're gonna get scared. And so they have to be the alpha. Do you see how this works? So, in your family, who 0:27:55 - 0:28:15 is the catch all? Who sees the problems first? Who's, you know, like night rider kit from Night Rider, who's the one that's always scanning and trying to see what, what's gonna blow up? What, who's always pushing against things to see where the weak spots are? Is it you or is it your wife? Who's the 0:28:15 - 0:28:43 one that raises things that need to get fixed things that need to be better, stronger. Who's the one suggesting improvements? Is it you or your wife? Who's the wall? Now, this one gets tricky because a lot of the friction in marriages is because there are not clear roles and someone's trying to do both 0:28:42 - 0:29:11 and ends up just sort of micromanaging the one because they can't do it. That's the worst of both worlds and, and both people get frustrated with that. So from time to time, women will test you. This is well known behavior. Women will test you from time to time and your reaction is going to determine 0:29:10 - 0:29:39 who the alpha is. And it's not about who's in charge. It's not about who gets benefits. It's about who has to carry the cost. And as a man, it's your job. This is your job. You're the one who's supposed to be the catch all. You're the one who's supposed to be seeing the problems before they happen and 0:29:38 - 0:30:12 fixing them before they're a big deal. But you can't do that. If you're weak, you can't do that. If you're scared, you can't do that. If she has power over you. Why? Because a man who can't stand up to, his wife cannot stand up for his wife. When my dog challenges me. If I back down, it means that he's 0:30:12 - 0:30:42 right. I can't protect him if a woman challenges you. If your wife challenges you, what she's really saying is, I don't feel safe. I don't feel secure. Please help me feel safe. Show me that you can protect me. That's female psychology and nothing you do will stop her from testing the defenses every 0:30:42 - 0:31:02 once in a while. Just like we have a fence in our backyard that's electrified. So the huskies don't dig under it, they'll test it every once in a while and you always hear it because you hear a yip, yip, yip and we just laughed because they know better, right? But that's just husky nature. They're gonna 0:31:02 - 0:31:34 test the perimeter and women do it too, they will test the boundaries. And so your reaction is going to either confirm that she's safe and secure or prove that she isn't. So you've got to get to the point where you can wrestle with her. Now, let's talk about how that goes again, applying lessons that 0:31:34 - 0:31:58 transfer. I said if you get into an emotional state with the, with the, a dog you're wrestling with, you're gonna lose because you start doing stupid things. If you get into dog mentality with a dog, that dog is going to beat you, that's their world. That's where they live. That's all they know. Dogs 0:31:58 - 0:32:27 don't play chess, applying this to a husband and a wife when she tests you, she's going to try to take you to her mat, her domain. She's gonna try to belittle you. She's gonna try to call you names. She's gonna try to threaten you to withhold sex or affection. She's going to bring up everything you've 0:32:27 - 0:32:56 ever done that was wrong and weaponize it. She's going to try to deflect blame. Let's say it was someone else's fault. Probably yours. The question is, are you going to go to her strong place for this fight or will you only agree to fight where you're strong? And that's not something that she's involved 0:32:56 - 0:33:20 with. It's actually, it's totally your decision. Are you going to stay in a rational, calm frame or are you gonna turn into a woman? If you're fighting a dog and you fight like a dog, you're gonna lose. You have to fight like a human. If you're fighting with your wife. And I say fighting in the broadest 0:33:20 - 0:33:50 sense of the term, just having a talk. If you having a disagreement with your wife and you fight like woman, you're going to lose, that's her thing. She's been practicing her whole life. You're, you're a foreign person, you're a stranger in a strange land. Your strength is calm, rationality. Use it when 0:33:50 - 0:34:16 you remember that you're human when I'm wrestling with my dog. And I remember I'm a human, I can stay calm. I can, I can rationally think if he bites my arm, I have another arm and I have two legs. He's not gonna win. It's not gonna happen when you're having discussions with your wife. Rationally, it's 0:34:15 - 0:34:38 your job to hear everything she says. That's correct and take it to heart and make all the changes that's, that are corrective, which means there are criticisms that are true. Anytime she has a good point, you immediately you take it in, you're like thank you. Change made instantly boom done and all 0:34:38 - 0:35:09 all the other garbage you gotta be like Neo from the matrix just doing Tai Chi with one arm as you're contemplating the mysteries of the universe with a Zen. Like look on your face. That's what it takes. When you can do that, you can rise above the test. And the point isn't about who wins, who loses 0:35:08 - 0:00:00 you both win. Because she sees that she didn't marry chump. She sees man, this guy can take the storms that I can dish out. There's nothing I can do to him that will overcome him. And that makes her feel safe because then she knows anything, the world dishes out up to this level. He will protect me. 0:00:00 - 0:36:02 I'll never have to worry about it and you have to get to that to have a happy wife. So nothing you can do or not. Uh nothing you can do will make her happy, but a whole lot you can do will definitely make her unhappy. And the point is however she decides to be, make sure it's not your fault. So hopefully 0:36:01 - 0:36:32 this gives you some things to work on or maybe you're at the point where this is all, all uh old hat and you already know all this, these are things that we need to know as men to be able to serve our wife and make sure our kids are growing up in a good environment. So we can, we can be, we can be exceptions 0:36:31 - 0:37:05 to what seems to be almost universal in our current climate, which is completely unhinged women and extremely troubled Children. The number one ingredient of this tragic outcome is weak men. So learn to be a strong man by first being everything that you can be and second learning how to stay in a calm 0:37:04 - 0:37:13 rational frame. When your wife tests you or when you need her to understand something.