0:00:00 - 0:00:23 All right. So this video is directed to single people, particularly Christians who are quote waiting on God. There's no shortage of videos out there directed toward you. My advice to you is very different. Stop waiting. So this is a serious topic is super duper important. But I want to start off by explaining 0:00:22 - 0:00:43 why I'm making this. So every time I log into my youtube channel, I'm greeted by a series of cards giving me advice on how to make better videos. And these gentlemen are there to greet me. I used to wonder what happened to the ewoks after return of the Jedi and I guess I found out they've grown up now 0:00:43 - 0:01:04 and now they work at youtube. I guess they learned how to code and these ewok ish imps, I guess their, their job in life is to torment me with video recommendations that have horrible advice. I like watching videos on topics that I think I have something to say about because my hope is that someone else 0:01:04 - 0:00:00 said it already. And then I don't have to because I have a lot to do and not a lot of time. But then when I watch the video usually on multiple speed. I'm just shocked by the terrible advice that comes out of people's mouths who have a job to know and say what is good advice and they fail miserably. 0:00:00 - 0:01:47 And so I feel very bad for people and I'm trying to do something about it. Here's some of the advice that you'll hear, be patient. Keep yourself busy. God has someone prepared for you. It's all God's timing. You know, it's easy to find someone who's gonna tell you exactly what you wanna hear. And no 0:01:47 - 0:00:00 surprise the people that give this garbage advice, they've got over a million subscribers, there's over 100,000 people watching the video and you read through the comments and you feel terrible because these are people that, that really want a spouse, at least they think they do. And they're so sad. 0:00:00 - 0:02:22 Right? If you're looking for a solution to a problem, you shouldn't be looking for someone who tells you what you want to hear. You know why? Because what you want to hear isn't going to solve your problem. If it did, your problem would be solved. What you're looking for is someone who's gonna tell you 0:02:22 - 0:02:44 what you need to hear because they're going to solve the problems that, you know, you have. It turns out that improvement is much, much, much more valuable than affirmation. If all you want is someone to make you feel good about how you already are, you'll be able to find that there are plenty of people 0:02:44 - 0:02:59 out there who will tell you exactly what you want to hear. But if you actually want a better way because you're interested in solving your problem, you're probably gonna have to open your mind to listening to someone who's gonna tell you something that you don't wanna hear because that's where the solution 0:02:58 - 0:03:21 to your problem is gonna be. Now, let's start out from the scriptures. I want to read you Matthew 16 3. So Jesus as usual is getting antagonized by the Pharisees and he says to them and in the morning it will be foul weather today for the sky is red and lowering. Oh you hypocrites, you can discern the 0:03:21 - 0:03:42 face of the sky but can you not discern the signs of the times? And he was criticizing them because they demonstrated obvious wisdom in interpreting things from their normal lives. They can look at the sky and say, oh it's gonna be bad weather. But they couldn't see Jesus demonstrating all the signs 0:03:41 - 0:03:59 of the Son of God doing all these miracles teaching with all this wisdom and they couldn't recognize that as evidence of who he was. They just had the hardest time wrapping their heads around it. You see the Pharisees had a different set of tools that they used for religion compared to the rest of their 0:03:59 - 0:04:20 lives. And that was not good. In fact, they, of all people should have known it was bad because there was a very prominent law in the law of Moses that said you're not allowed to have two sets of weights back then when you wanted to do a financial transaction, you do it on a scale, like the scales of 0:04:20 - 0:04:39 justice, that kind of scale. And so dishonest people, they had two sets of weights so that they could rip people off. They'd use the weights that worked in their favor when they were trying to get a better deal for themselves. And they'd use the weights that worked against others when they were trying 0:04:38 - 0:04:58 to rip them off. And those two things were obviously connected. A huge problem in Christianity today is that there are tons and tons and tons and tons of people that demonstrate supreme wisdom in all walks of life until it comes to anything religious. And then they just check their brains at the door 0:04:57 - 0:05:20 and just go with the most nonsense ideas in the world that does not please God. He made it very apparent and let me prove to you how you do this in this case as well in terms of finding a spouse, how many of you have used some app, maybe Google Maps or something else where you're searching for something 0:05:20 - 0:00:00 and you've got different criteria set and the results will say something like nothing matches your query. Please change your parameters and try again. Or if you're on a map, maybe it'll say consider widening your search on Zillow or something and you do it, you don't have to think about it, you say, 0:00:00 - 0:05:54 well, I was kind of looking for a house in this very specific neighborhood. But I guess if, what I really want is a two bedroom with this and that, and the other thing, I'll just have to look in a little wider area. You do it all the time. You don't have an existential crisis when you have to say, well 0:05:54 - 0:06:18 , maybe I'm ok with, with one bedroom and not just two or maybe I'll, I'll widen the price range a little bit. Right. But do you do this with dating? No, you don't. It turns out that if you want different outputs than what you've got, you need different inputs than what you've got. And you know, this 0:06:17 - 0:06:40 because it's just like everything else in your life. You see, the only reason that this is a difficult topic for you is because you've made the mistake of assuming that dating works like your wonky religious beliefs instead of everything else in your life. And am I knocking religion? No, I am not. No 0:06:39 - 0:07:07 , I am not. I believe in Jesus more than anyone I know. But my religion embraces reason because that's what God taught. That's the gift that he gives us. Common sense is a gift from God and we should not check it at the door on Sundays. But most Christians do. Most Christians do if you want to get what 0:07:06 - 0:07:38 you want from God, you need to understand that, asking, seeking and knocking. It's about what you do. God is not a genie. When you pray to Him, the experience primarily changes you not Him. You see, he works in a way that he has defined, there are laws in heaven, they're his laws, but he lives by them 0:07:38 - 0:08:04 . That's why we can say things like God is just because he's not going to come out of left field and be unjust God is how God is. And so if we want something different, it's us who has to change. It took God an awful lot to create the heavens and the earth and us too. He didn't go through all that work 0:08:03 - 0:08:31 just to bend reality because we asked hard enough if you don't like how things are what you need more than anything else is to change how you're doing it, find a way to get what you want through changing what you do to get it. Now, one thing that God is very happy to do is to show us how we can be better 0:08:30 - 0:08:51 , not just different but better, but we shouldn't think that he's going to give us the rewards of righteousness without actually being righteous. And hopefully, you see very quickly how this overlaps with the bigger picture. It's not about dating at all. This is actually a generic problem. It's just 0:08:51 - 0:09:11 a specific symptom if you have a theology that tells you that you can get anything from God just by asking. It's no wonder that you're failing in the dating market because it doesn't work that way. There are laws of cause and effect. And if you're not getting what you want, what you want, it's because 0:09:11 - 0:09:33 you don't know how to get it or you're not doing what's required in the most important sense of this principle. He saves us from our sins, not in our sins, but a lot of you have been taught that all you have to do is pray and then he will make you perfect magically, he will take away your sin, but you 0:09:33 - 0:09:52 can keep sinning somehow that works. It doesn't work that way. If you want to repent, you have to change, you have to actually stop sinning and he will forgive you. But if you keep sinning, he'll have to keep forgiving you. And, and he's not gonna do that automatically, you have to change is the point 0:09:52 - 0:10:20 you don't get saved by saying one prayer, you get saved by ceasing to sin. And if you believe that the sinner's prayer saves you. It's no surprise that you're struggling to date. And there are equally wonky beliefs in other flavors of Christianity. But the point is the same, you should be looking for 0:10:20 - 0:10:40 a unified theology and it should mix across the board in your whole life. It should apply. And like Jesus said, if you're using a different set of tools to figure out if it's going to rain tomorrow, then you are. What's right in the moral sense of your life, you're using two different sets of weights 0:10:40 - 0:11:07 and that's not good. Of course, you're going to be off base in one or the other. So let's get specific about marriage. What is the actual problem here? If we want to use reason, we need to understand it better. It's a problem of supply and demand. The ones you want are in short supply and you demand 0:11:06 - 0:11:37 better than those who are available. That's the whole problem. Folks, when you pray and you ask God to fix this problem for you. What are you actually praying for? If you wanted to say this prayer, honestly, you'd have to say something like God. Please make me more attractive to those I find attractive 0:11:36 - 0:12:02 or please magically bless me with people that I'm not willing to look for. Does that sound like it's gonna work? Does that sound like a faith filled prayer or does it sound like rubbing a lamp and asking for wish from a genie? You don't actually have to take my word for it. Look around you. If that advice 0:12:01 - 0:12:23 that we started with, oh, you're good enough, just how you are, you're waiting on the Lord, just be patient. You're showing faith. He's testing you if that were true. Look around. Why is your church full of older single women who wish they weren't single and it usually is mostly women. That's why I'm 0:12:23 - 0:12:44 picking on them. We could generalize it and just say older single people who wish they weren't single. Well, I guess they're not rubbing the lamp hard enough. I guess they're not begging the genie hard enough. Or maybe they're operating on false principles. Maybe no matter of wishing is gonna get them 0:12:44 - 0:13:10 what they want. Maybe they need to pay closer attention to reality and use the common sense that God gave us. There are two reasons to be single and neither one of them is God's fault. It's your fault. It's your fault. If you want to fix the problem, you're the one that's going to have to do it. He's 0:13:10 - 0:13:37 not going to fight you and magically solve your problems against your will. One problem is demand, which is you're not good enough for those you consider good enough. You're not good enough for those you consider good enough that will make you single or supply, which is, you haven't yet met a person 0:13:36 - 0:14:07 good enough who finds you good enough. That's one person's demand is another person's supply and vice versa. Guess what? Waiting? It doesn't address either one of these problems. So no surprise those that take that track. If they get out of it, it's more through luck than anything else. So let's zoom 0:14:07 - 0:14:33 in on each one of these. Let's start with the problem of you are not good enough for those good enough for you. It sounds like the onus is on them, but actually the onus is on you. Here's the question to ask if you're in this, in this situation, how can you improve? There's a whole lot of things you 0:14:33 - 0:14:56 can do to make yourself more attractive to the quality of person that you find attractive first, you can get in shape. I put this first on the list, not because it's so it's the most important, but because it's the easiest to fix. I have other videos on this one's on fasting. I highly recommend it. The 0:14:56 - 0:15:22 fact is that if you're struggling to find someone, this is a huge thing. No pun intended that you can fix so easily. The cost benefit is awesome. It's awesome. If you don't think that this is a big deal, go search the internet for videos of people who lost weight and how differently people treated them 0:15:21 - 0:15:49 . Now, I know the pushback on this is, oh, but I'm looking for someone who isn't shallow. Oh, really? Look at your list of demands. We'll get into that. So I don't want to steal my own thunder. You shouldn't require much from someone if you're not willing to give much to them. OK. What else can you do 0:15:49 - 0:16:14 ? You can improve your character. Now, I don't mean doing something stupid like getting a degree in some cases, namely, if you're a man that might be a piece of your strategy of improving your value to a woman, but only as it directly connects to and is absolutely required for vocational success. You 0:16:14 - 0:16:36 can make a lot of money without going to university and in many cases, you'll make more money, not going to university, depending on what major you choose and how well you do. It is terrible advice to tell women who are single to go get a degree. If you're presenting that as something that's gonna make 0:16:36 - 0:16:56 them more attractive to men, men do not care what degrees do you have. If anything, it's a negative because it almost always comes with debt. That's one thing I don't have on here. If you have student debt, pay it off, that makes you less attractive to a man if you're a woman and I would expect less 0:16:56 - 0:17:19 attractive to a woman if you're a man, reading is great, but don't read novels, read nonfiction, read self improvement books, work on yourself, work on your attitude, work on your ability to interact with people, especially if you're a man because weakness is something that women can see from 10 miles 0:17:19 - 0:17:40 away. It is immensely unattractive. See you guys are taught that that what women are attracted to is how you treat them. And all this other baloney women are attracted to status. Women are attracted to strength, the more you need a woman, the less she's going to want you. These are inconvenient facts 0:17:40 - 0:18:03 but they're facts. So toughen up. If you're a man. You gotta get hard, get emotionally strong, do more hard things, make more money again. This is, this is another thing like get in shape. Oh, I'm not interested in someone who's so superficial. Well, all around you, you see answers to the question of 0:18:02 - 0:18:23 why you're single. You don't get to, to make the rules. You just get to play by them and you'll get the determined result, you get the result connected to the choices you make. That's the way it works. If you're a woman, you can learn to be more feminine. That absolutely makes a difference. Again, you 0:18:23 - 0:00:00 might say, well, I don't, if I, if a guy really cares about that, whether I look like a dumpster or not, then I'm not interested. Well, fine, but then don't complain if you're single. What if the issue is you've not met a person good enough who finds you good enough. This is the supply problem. Now, 0:00:00 - 0:19:16 I know and it's, it's the truth. There is a threshold, everyone has one and below that people just aren't going to be worth your time. But if you can't find someone above it, you have a choice to make. Right. On the one hand, you can do more to meet more people and on the other, you can accept the fact 0:19:15 - 0:19:42 that your standards are too high for the set of people you have access to. Let's talk about meeting more people. That's definitely gonna be what most people want to do rather than accepting the alternative. It amazes me. You know, we open the scriptures, we read stories like Jonathan taking his armor 0:19:42 - 0:20:00 bearer and single-handedly, I guess, double handedly, there's two of them taking on the garrison of the Philistines and kicking their butts. And yet you sit there and spend all your time praying to God to send your prince or princess charming and you're not even willing to go to the church, the other 0:20:00 - 0:20:28 church in town to see who's there or drive to another town to try to meet people. That's not faith folks that's wishing there's a difference. Where's your courage? Where's your confidence in God? That, that when you do everything you can, he'll do the rest. What a joke. Get more extreme. If you're sitting 0:20:27 - 0:20:52 at home all day hoping Prince or princess charming is gonna bust through your door. It's not gonna happen now for men, this is really important. No one's ever told you female attraction it's there or it's not. And then it becomes yours to lose. So there are things you can do to turn a woman away. Absolutely 0:20:51 - 0:21:17 . But you can know right away if she's into you or not. And if she's not go talk to another one, it's simply a numbers game. Maybe one in 100 women are gonna find you attractive. Guess what that means. You need to go meet 100 women. It's simply a numbers game. It doesn't take long to find out if they 0:21:17 - 0:21:37 like you or not, they'll smile back or whatever they have to. It's a very quick interaction if they don't like you move on. Every guy that's ever had the pleasure of meeting a girl that's totally crazy about him will tell you things like I never knew any woman was like this. And it's because they've 0:21:37 - 0:21:55 always been dealing with women for whom they weren't the first choice. And no guy ever sat them down to tell them, look, you're looking for a woman for whom you're the first choice. And it will be real obvious right away. And if it's not move on, you don't have to convince a woman to like you. And if 0:21:55 - 0:22:16 you do, you're making a big mistake, you should move on. You will, the, the day will come where you regret that even if you win, you can't win. Winning is losing in that case and losing his winning. Now, what if you're a woman? Well, here's the reality on that side, on the, on the male side. What, what 0:22:15 - 0:22:33 men don't want to hear who are in this situation is you have to get off your butt and put yourself out there and do the work of meeting new people and people are like, oh, but I want to stay in my comfort zone. I just wanna nope, not gonna happen, not gonna happen. And also no high quality woman should 0:22:33 - 0:22:54 be interested in you because you're a weenie on the female side. There are also hard truths. Maybe the biggest one is that the odds are against you. And I just want to make a super brief case about this to break it down for you. The next time you're at church, look around and I want you to pay attention 0:22:54 - 0:23:10 to how many single ladies there are. And now in your head, I want you to rank yourself against them. I know that doesn't sound very Christian but make a list in your head and, and imagine you were the guy you're looking for and you have all these ladies to choose from. Do you have a good answer to the 0:23:10 - 0:23:29 question of why he's going to want you more than them. And by the way, look around for the guys at your church too and what you're gonna find very quickly, which should be obvious if you're looking for a guy, that guy is not there. What's the ratio of women to men as far as people in this situation who 0:23:29 - 0:00:00 are single, single Christians? It's enormously female and it's actually even worse than the, the raw numbers because a lot of single Christian men, most Christian women would consider ineligible. You know, this guy is a total loser, whatever and they wouldn't even count him as is on the list, right? 0:00:00 - 0:24:19 So what's the actual ratio for every 100 of you? There's one of him for every 1000 of you. There's one of him. You have to think about that. That's reality. And no amount of waiting and praying is gonna get God to, to clone that one in 1000 guy 1000 times over. This is really important for a whole lot 0:24:19 - 0:24:48 of reasons. One reason is you're probably not thinking about that guy like a one in 1000 guy. And you're probably not thinking about yourself as merely one of 1000. Both of those things are strictly speaking, they're wrong and, and because of that, you've grossly over inflated your own self worth and 0:24:47 - 0:25:09 that causes a whole lot of problems. Even if you were to somehow nab that one in 1000 guy that you're looking for, you're never going to be one in 1000 happy with him. You're gonna think. Well, this is just what I deserve and that's the reason he's not going to pick you because one in 1000 guys aren't 0:25:09 - 0:25:30 doofuses. They know the things I'm telling you and you know what's gonna differentiate the girl that they pick over people like you. It's your ability to appreciate who he is and what it costs him. He knows he's got to go to these different churches and hunt over the world to find you and go on all these 0:25:30 - 0:25:49 terrible dates with women he's never gonna stay with just because he's not sure if they're the right one or not. And he's got to give him a chance because that's the rules to the game. He knows he's out competed 999 of his peers because he's actually spiritual and he actually holds down a job and he's 0:25:48 - 0:26:18 successful and he doesn't weigh £400 and, uh, you know, he's not a mama's boy and all this stuff. So, there's good news and bad news about this. The bad news is you probably need to let go of big chunks of your self worth. I'm sure that advice is gonna go over. Well, another piece of this is that there 0:26:18 - 0:26:38 are probably things on your must have list that should probably go. And one of these oddly enough is probably churchs. What do I mean by that? How many Baptist women are out there saying I absolutely will not consider any man who doesn't fully accept my Baptist beliefs and feel the same way and, and 0:26:38 - 0:27:02 be so aligned with him that he could be my pastor tomorrow. It's a pretty high percentage. You could swap out any religion, any sect for Baptists. What if, what if there were a guy who's mo more Christian than any man at church and yet not Christian at all? I just, I'm saying this to blow your mind is 0:27:02 - 0:27:22 that even possible? One thing that ladies at church don't seem to realize is that church is way less appealing for spiritual men than it is for spiritual women. The message is you're told day in and day out, it's like crack cocaine. For women, you can do no wrong because everything that's wrong in the 0:27:22 - 0:27:42 world is a man's fault. We're never going to talk about female sins like emotional abuse behind closed doors, you know, or letting yourself go instead of keeping yourself uh closer to your prime for the sake of your, your husband. Any of these things, you're never gonna hear sermons about that in church 0:27:42 - 0:28:00 . What you're gonna hear is pastors berating men because they don't see 45 year old women with four kids who are divorced. The same as they see a 22 year old woman. You're gonna hear pastors berating men because they don't the single men because they don't see 33 year old women who spent the last seven 0:28:00 - 0:28:19 years partying it up and sleeping with 100 guys the same as they see 18 year olds who have always wanted a family and have, have kept themselves for their husband. These are things you don't hear at church and men are sick of it. Why are they gonna go to a place that doesn't appreciate them or to hear 0:28:19 - 0:28:37 from some Yahoo pastor that has no idea what he's talking about when they actually read and understand the scriptures and they live them in their lives and they find the church to be a spiritual graveyard. Now, maybe you're at some magical church that's not like that. But I'm telling you for most guys 0:28:37 - 0:29:03 that you say you're looking for. That's the last place you're gonna find them. The good news is that women have the greatest asset that women have is completely their choice. It's not about what they were born with. It's not about the choices they've made in their life. It's about how you feel right 0:29:02 - 0:29:28 here and now it's about appreciation for masculine value. What do I mean by that? You may or may not be familiar with the story of abigail and scriptures. But she was married to a knucklehead who was at the, the point of losing his life because he viciously insulted David and refused to give him and 0:29:28 - 0:29:47 his men support when that was the just thing to do because he owed them for what they had done for him and he refused help in David's time of need. And so David said, I'm going to kill this guy and every single person that lives with him and his wife came out. And even though she knew her, her husband 0:29:46 - 0:30:17 , maybe, especially because she knew her husband was a knucklehead. She begged David to have mercy on him. She showed every, um she did everything she exercised every special gift that women have to win over men. And I don't mean in a sexual way, I mean, pure feminine way. And um in a, in a strictly 0:30:15 - 0:30:41 platonic way is what I mean. And David was, was so impressed by her performance in this, that it wasn't a performance at all. It was so sincere and exactly the right thing that when God killed the guy, he immediately asked her to be his wife and she graciously accepted because she appreciated masculine 0:30:40 - 0:31:10 value. And she knew that the caliber of man that David was that he had a heart after the Lord. So what does this have to do with the topic at hand? My point with this is a high quality man. You know, he's after one thing more than anything else. He wants the sacrifice that he's going to make either way 0:31:09 - 0:31:39 , which is his whole heart, my mind and strength, he wants it to come to the fullest effect. So he's searching for a woman who will receive the greatest amount of joy from what he's going to sacrifice no matter what does that make sense? That's, that's what a quality woman offers to a quality man is 0:31:39 - 0:32:05 that she'll be happy based on what he gives. That's not a question of satisfaction. It's a question for, for exactly what she's going to render his sacrifice into. And he's trying to maximize the joy with whoever he marries her joy. And so if you show that early on, you'll be highly attractive to him 0:32:05 - 0:32:29 and it's not to say that for sure you're gonna nab any guy you want. I'm just saying that all the stuff that we're gonna talk about in this presentation or elsewhere, of all of it. There's a lot of it that you can't change. You can't change the decisions you made in your past. You can't change how old 0:32:28 - 0:32:47 you are. You can change how you feel about masculine value. And if you're that lady, we were talking about before where, where you're one of 1000 and you're looking for a guy who's one in 1000 and you just think you deserve that. You're going to be like kryptonite to him. He's going to see you from a 0:32:47 - 0:33:17 mile away. He will see you just as easily as you see weakness in a man and desperation. It's like the anti cologne for men, desperation by Calvin Klein. So, all right. Now, what if you've reached the limit of what you're willing to or can think to do? Well, in that case, it's time to choose. You can 0:33:17 - 0:33:45 either lower your standard or you can give up. Now, that sounds pretty sad. But let me explain what I mean. Oh, I got this out of order. I always laugh when people say that they're settling. If someone says they're settling, they're not really settling. What do I, what do I mean by this? Um How do you 0:33:45 - 0:34:06 define what you qualify for? You define what you qualify for by looking at the quality of the person who's attracted to you? The people who are attracted to you, your marketplace value on the dating marketplace, your marketplace value is the value of the highest quality person that's attracted to you 0:34:06 - 0:34:30 . That's it. In other words, you don't set your value. They do, they do. Like if you're trying to sell a house, you don't get to decide what it's worth. The buyer decides. You can decide it's not worth it to you to engage pun intended, but you don't get to decide what the house is worth the buyer decides 0:34:29 - 0:34:51 . And that's how it is with dating. So when you say I'm settling, the only thing you're settling is your over inflated self worth. And the sooner you can wrap your head around that the better because you're not gonna be very happy with the person who isn't your first choice. And you need to understand 0:34:50 - 0:35:16 that all the other choices were just imaginary fairy tale land because they didn't want you understand the person who is willing to be with you is really your first choice because those other people weren't choices, they weren't interested and you need to adjust your expectations and your entitlement 0:35:15 - 0:35:43 to match that. So one thing I encourage you to do that will help you is to learn to think in equivalencies. And what do I mean by that? I kind of foreshadowed it before. Let's say you're a lady and you're like, well, I really, really, really, really want him to be hardcore churchy in my exact church 0:35:42 - 0:36:09 that's asking an enormous amount of a man. And you probably have not thought about how much of an ask that is. What's the female equivalent of that. What, what would be important for a guy? But a really, really tall ask that that could be equal to that maybe be like you look like a supermodel and you 0:36:09 - 0:36:34 may not have connected these two things right now. That's not the greatest equivalency because one is strictly a choice, I guess. And the other one really isn't so much. Although components of it can be, can be here are things that drastically decrease your market value, your age. People don't want to 0:36:34 - 0:36:52 talk about this. I cannot tell you how many comments I've seen on these dumb videos where there's some 60 year old woman or 70 year old woman. I have not seen men that old saying these things but maybe they exist saying I'm still waiting, I've been divorced four times. I have 20 kids, but I'm still waiting 0:36:52 - 0:37:17 for Prince Charming. Where in the graveyard, you know, you gotta wrap your head around that at some point. It's like that threshold. We talked about where someone's worth being with. When these things stack up, you gotta start looking at that and realizing that maybe it's time to stop looking laziness 0:37:17 - 0:37:37 . That's a big detractor. Now. I think a lot of people assume that we're talking about men with that. Women can be lazy too. I don't think that that's gendered quality. It looks a little different for each one, but I think it's a turn off either way we're talking about men. Women don't want men who are 0:37:37 - 0:38:10 broke or weak. We're talking about women. Men don't want women who are crazy or high maintenance. Different people see this differently. But men and women in general, if they're divorced or if they have kids, that's gonna decrease your dating market value if you're overweight, if you're ugly. So it's 0:38:10 - 0:38:34 very obvious that people don't downgrade what they think they deserve as they stack these things up. It's very obvious and of course you're single. If you think that as an older person who's lazy and uh, if you're a man broken weak, if you're a woman, you're crazy or high maintenance, you're divorced 0:38:34 - 0:38:56 , you have kids, you're overweight, you're ugly. If you think that you're gonna find the kind of person that you'd qualify for if you were none of those things, of course, you're single, your standards are way too high. They're ridiculous. Now, you might say, well, I'm just not interested in anyone less 0:38:56 - 0:39:16 than that. Ok. Well, you're choosing to be single then and be happy with that because you wouldn't want the alternative. Right? It's still the thing you prefer. But if I pray real hard, God will warp space and time and just make someone prince charming, attracted to me. Even though I'm the opposite or 0:39:16 - 0:39:43 princess charming, even though I'm the opposite of that. No, it's not gonna happen. How would that be fair to that person? It's ridiculous to, to even want that more on equivalencies. What, what's the female equivalent of a man who's super needy? He has no career and he's overweight. Have you thought 0:39:43 - 0:40:05 about that? Because it might describe you if you're a woman and that man might be very undesirable to you, even though you're the female equivalent. What's the male equivalent of a 45 year old divorced woman or an overweight and average 25 year old woman or a 30 year old single mom. And I block all those 0:40:04 - 0:40:27 together because they're not as far apart as people in those demographics would like to think what's the male equivalent? Because you're, if you're in those demographics, you're probably not attracted to that male. And I'm telling you right now that male, um, got shut down by people like you 100 times 0:40:26 - 0:40:53 , right? This happens. It, it, it is, uh, it is not an equal situation as far as expectations go. There are a lot more men who are more reasonable with their expectations in women than the other way around today. Ok. We could keep going with this. You know, a lot of these women, they're on pills to feel 0:40:53 - 0:41:14 better about themselves. Ssris, most guys are not interested in that at all. It's a red flag deal breaker, but you probably didn't think about that the last time you were harping on some guy for being on porn and I'm absolutely not justifying that in any way. I'm just saying there's probably things in 0:41:14 - 0:41:36 your life where you're like, whoa is me? I can't find somebody but you're fully OK with having really high standards that you yourself do not comply with or the equivalent thereof you think? Well, I can, I can stipulate that the man that, that sweeps me off my feet is churchy out the wazoo cause I'm 0:41:36 - 0:41:54 churchy out the wazoo. Yeah, but that's not the equivalent, the equivalent is for you to look like a supermodel. Do you then? Maybe that's not what you're looking for, right? Or whatever. I use that one again and that's probably the weakest one. So that's probably not a good argument but hopefully it 0:41:54 - 0:42:18 makes sense what I'm saying. Now we talked about the female superpower, his appreciation of masculinity. What's the male superpower? So here's my advice to men. You want to level up be more successful, increase your status, increase your strength. And I don't just mean lift weights although that's not 0:42:18 - 0:42:39 a bad idea. Definitely a piece of it. I mean your emotional strength, you know, if a girl doesn't call you back, are you gonna whine and, and, and cry to your mommy about it or are you just gonna say, well, I'll find another one that's better than her. I don't care. You know, if a, if a woman's getting 0:42:39 - 0:43:05 on your case and just emotionally exploding, can you defuse that bomb and set up boundaries and say you're not gonna talk to me like this women don't appreciate weak men. And then I also have to due due diligence here and explain that masculine appreciation for, for a woman. Uh Masculine appreciation 0:43:05 - 0:43:27 includes everything that goes with it. We're not talking about saying, oh, honey, thanks for paying the bills or whatever. Um We're talking about deep value where for example of your own accord, you're gonna maintain yourself and, and stay in fitness and I don't mean something freakish and I don't mean 0:43:27 - 0:43:46 , you know, being so thin when you're pregnant that you can't tell you're pregnant that's obviously not healthy and it's stupid to boot. I'm just saying you don't let yourself go and you're friendly to him, you treat him at least as good as you would. A stranger. Not exactly a high standard, fit and 0:43:46 - 0:44:12 friendly. Right? Because you appreciate him. You don't think in your mind? Oh, I, I had to settle for this guy or I deserve better. I'm looking to see if the grass is greener on the other side. It's very easy. Very simple. The standard on men is much higher. It's much higher. All right. Now, I've told 0:44:12 - 0:44:27 you a lot about where God's not gonna help you because you're, you're kicking against the pricks. You're asking him to be different than he is. You're asking him to go against his character. It's not gonna happen. He doesn't do that, but I'm gonna give you some tips that will help you get more attraction 0:44:26 - 0:44:50 from heaven here. Are some prayers that will get answered every single time. They all fall under this heading. What more can I do? These are magic words with God. If you ask God, what more can I do in any situation in your life? This goes way beyond dating. Although obviously, the principles throughout 0:44:49 - 0:45:09 this presentation are applicable throughout your life. It's not specific to this, but you ask God, what more can I do? He will shower you with, with answers. You'll get ideas in your head in the moment you pray, try it, you'll see, write them down, take it seriously. In fact, don't even ask this prayer 0:45:08 - 0:45:28 if you don't have some, some way to write things down. Maybe your phone or a pad of paper and a pen. That's how confident I am that he's gonna answer this prayer and that's how quickly he will answer it. Here's the kinds of things he's gonna tell you. He's gonna show you how to become a better person 0:45:27 - 0:45:52 . Now, some of these, you remember that, that Jesus said that one of the things that the Holy Ghost does is it causes you to remember the things that God has taught you before that's in John. So he might remind you of something that you knew you needed to do or that you were working on for a while and 0:45:51 - 0:46:12 you let slack. But whether He reminds you or tells you something new, he'll show you how to become a better person. It doesn't have to be huge. I mean, it, it could be the smallest little thing. It's like, hey, you know what your breath stinks. Oh, jeez. Never thought about that. Whatever it is. Right 0:46:12 - 0:46:33 . Drink more water. Great. 11 thing with God is when you do the things he tells you, he'll tell you more things to do. And that's a good thing because he loves us and he orients us to what's best. And it's like a set of steps or a ladder. And every time he talks to us, it's a run. When you go up, you 0:46:33 - 0:46:51 get the next one, he might tell you to go to places. You've not been. You're saying, you know, I'm only comfortable staying at my parents' house for the rest of my life and hoping that prince or princess charming comes busting through the door and he's gonna say, get off your butt and go find places 0:46:50 - 0:47:12 where you can meet people. And maybe you say, well, I've shopped out the churches. I can conveniently drive to, well, drive to one inconveniently because if you can do it, you still have something to do. The miracles happen at the edge of what we can do. They don't happen smack in the middle. Miracles 0:47:12 - 0:47:30 don't happen because we're lazy. Miracles aren't what we don't feel like doing. God doesn't jump in and say I got this. Why don't you sit this one out? They happen at the edge of our capability. If you don't operate at the edge of your capability, you're not going to see miracles take this gut from a 0:47:30 - 0:47:54 guy who sees miracles every day and has for a very long time and not like little dinky miracles either big ones. He's going to tell you to do things that you were previously unwilling to do. This is a huge one. There's a whole set of Christians who will instantly disregard any revelation that comes to 0:47:54 - 0:48:22 them when God tells them to do something that previously they were unwilling to do, they use their willingness or what they're willing to do as a filter on what God could tell them. That's absurd. You pray to change you not God. Maybe the thing that's limiting your ability to get what you want is that 0:48:22 - 0:48:55 you're not willing to do what it takes to get. Don't expect him to do that for you. Prayer doesn't make up for lack of faith. And maybe the thing He tells you to do is consider or value a person that you never would have considered or valued before. You know, maybe he brings to mind this guy or gal who 0:48:55 - 0:49:24 you had written off for one reason or another. And he says, you know what, take a second look at this person because I see their heart, I see what you don't. And you should look again, if you're praying without a willingness to change what you're doing, then I'm not gonna say you shouldn't pray, but 0:49:24 - 0:49:53 maybe all you should pray about is to have greater faith so that you'll be willing to do what you're currently unwilling to do. God will not do for you. What you're not willing to do for yourself. I think I had a duplicate slide here in summary. Stop waiting. When we say waiting on the Lord. We don't 0:49:53 - 0:50:19 mean waiting in the way you're using it. What we mean is improving ourselves in some way or another changing what we're doing to do more than we were doing before. In this case, what you should be doing to find someone to marry is improve yourself, increase your network or decrease your standards. Those 0:50:19 - 0:50:39 are the only three options. You can do more than one, but you have to do at least one. Otherwise you need to understand that what you're choosing, it's not some magical door where God's gonna make it easier or you know, the genie is going to grant you your wish, what you're what you're choosing if you 0:50:39 - 0:51:06 don't improve yourself, increase your network or decrease your standards, you're choosing to continue to decay. Remember one of the things that lowers your value to others in dating is age. You don't have an infinite amount of time, what you have to offer other people will decay over time, what you have 0:51:06 - 0:51:29 to choose from in other people will therefore decay over time. In other words, I just want to make this crystal clear, consider your current network of people. You know what you're saying is there's no one here that I'm interested in that's interested in me. You can improve yourself. You can increase 0:51:29 - 0:51:50 the size of that set of people or you can decrease your standards, which means pick one of them who you thought wasn't good enough for you before, who likes you, or that set will continue to shrink and it shrinks all the time, like sand through an hourglass. That's the way it works. So you either do 0:51:50 - 0:52:13 things to make it bigger or it will shrink. And this is the travesty of this message from these terrible pastors who say just wait, things will get better. God's got someone for you just pray harder all that time. Guess what's happening? The set of people shrinks, shrinks, shrinks. What you have to offer 0:52:13 - 0:52:41 ? Shrinks, shrinks shrinks. And it will always be worse than it is now unless you improve yourself, increase your network or decrease your standards. So if you're gonna pray which you should, it's always a good idea. Focus your prayers on changing your actions or your perceptions. I hope you take this 0:52:41 - 0:52:45 advice to heart because it's enormously important.