0:00:00 - 0:00:22 So I got an email from a lady. Uh I don't know her but I guess she, she watched this video, female power and potential. And she wrote me this long email lots of details about her life and marriage. She's getting older. She's going into menopause. She's um dealing with a little bit of discontent in her 0:00:21 - 0:00:50 life. She's got kids, she got a husband, he does a good job taking care of everyone, she's able to homeschool. Um but she struggles because she says that um she struggles to feel like she's enough. She um feels like she's tapped out on capacity, but her husband keeps engaging in more things in life and 0:00:50 - 0:01:09 stressing her out. It's messing up the uh the serenity in her house because she feels like she needs to organize things and she just doesn't have more resources to give. And um on top of all this, she sort of always battled with this thing that, you know, he treated her super well while they were dating 0:01:09 - 0:01:34 and he's treated her well since, but he just seems to be less interested in her. And uh that happened, you know, short, not too long after after they got married as it tends to and she's just trying to feel like she's good enough, et cetera, et cetera. Ok. So, uh the one question is, is there anything 0:01:33 - 0:01:54 I can do to get the, the spark back? Not really, not really. So let's just be brutally honest up front. Here's the thing. And this is. So what should you do about this? The number one thing isn't, let me find a solution so I can get the magic back because that's not gonna happen. The number one thing 0:01:54 - 0:02:18 is teach your daughters and your sons the truth. And when you get through with that, teach all young people you can reach the truth, which is that men and women ought to be selecting men and women that they feel will be optimal in the 2nd 40 years of life. And that's something that almost no young person 0:02:18 - 0:02:48 is going to listen to. But at least when they get there and they realize you were right, they won't be able to say, well, no one told me. So, um I really appreciate that. This email brings up this idea that, you know, this lady loves being at home, making it home, creating beauty there, transforming 0:02:47 - 0:03:08 what her husband brings in into things that are even better. And that's awesome. And she writes about some of the things she does and it sounds like from the picture she paints, any kid would be lucky to have her as a mom, a husband would be lucky to have her as a wife. Uh, but she says how she's tapped 0:03:07 - 0:03:27 out and she feels guilty about that. You shouldn't feel guilty about that. Every person has a limit. I mean, uh, just to get personal for a second, we have five kids. I wish we had more kids. Can my wife have more kids? No, she cannot physically, but also she couldn't handle more kids emotionally. There's 0:03:26 - 0:03:45 no way or organizationally and she knows that we talked about. It's not a big deal. It is what it is. So, even if she could have more physically, we probably wouldn't have more because she's at her limit and that I bring that up one because it's mostly a physical thing and two because it's super, it's 0:03:45 - 0:04:06 a huge thing. It's kids. Do I have the resources to support more Children? I do both as a dad and monetarily would I like more Children? I would like more Children, although I'm getting old and tired and extra grumpy. But for the, for the time being, yeah, I'd love to have more Children still. And so 0:04:06 - 0:04:29 there's a limit and it's not for me and it is what it is. Right. And that's ok. Guess what? People have limits if my wife said I want you to blow up her house and build it from scratch. I say, I'm sorry, I just can't do that. You know, I'm not 25 and my body is all busted up. I do. I'm like a full time 0:04:29 - 0:05:03 maintenance man around here as is, but I can't do that. There's no way. And, um, if that's really what she wanted, like, hey, sorry, just can't do it. That's ok. You know, there's just such thing as limits now. Um, uh, much more could be said about that, but I'm just gonna move on. I just want to bookmark 0:05:02 - 0:05:26 this as, this is a situation where a guy's got more resources than a woman does. That happens. Sometimes it happens a lot the other way around and there are things that can be done in both situations, but there's not a problem with it. Ok. So let's get on to this. Uh Well, I'm getting older now and like 0:05:26 - 0:05:53 I'd really like if he still felt about me the way he did more dating, this is a nugget. That's great to teach young people. Lady shouldn't go for the guy that inflates her ego the most. That's not the best guy because this is what happens. It has to happen. This way. If you pick a guy like this, this 0:05:53 - 0:06:17 is what's going to happen, the things he was optimizing on. You don't have anymore. You actually lost them quite quickly because even before you started visibly aging, he got to know the details and she says this. She already knows this. This isn't my idea. She said he sees all I'm not and he's disenchanted 0:06:16 - 0:06:41 or he started to see that right away. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, as far as trying to find yourself worth yada, yada yada, you know, there's this theme through the email that she, this lady is not alone in any of these feelings she has. That's one reason I'm making a video. The fact is that a whole lot of ladies 0:06:40 - 0:07:04 are distraught because they, no, that they're not bringing to the table what their husband is now in some cases, it's the other way around, but that's not what's going on here. And they're like, I just wish that I could bring in everything my husband does. Why the question is, are you doing your best 0:07:04 - 0:07:28 ? If the answer is yes, then rejoice in the fact that he loves. You do, have we ever seen this pattern before? Of nothing you ever do will be enough to pay him back. She talks about that, paying him back. You're never going to pay back a guy who, you know, top for 5% of men who could afford a bunch of 0:07:28 - 0:07:56 kids, afford for a wife to stay at home, afford to buy her all of her stuff to make her house into a home and is happy with that. Are you a 5% woman? There's just some low odds, 5% times 5%. It's possible. But even if you are, you're never gonna be able to pay him back for that. That's like a kid trying 0:07:56 - 0:00:00 to pay you back for being his mom or her mom. What could they ever do? Nothing? So, does that make your love any less? No, makes love even more. God loves us more than we can ever repay? Does that make him sad? No. And should it make us butt hurt? No, it should make us rejoice. Should make us happy. 0:00:00 - 0:08:45 Not sad, not anxious and no weirded out in the head about it. No. Now what about this? You know, need to please yada yada kind of thing like I need to, I need to make people happy with me. No, you need to serve people. You need to serve people. The motive is completely different. Are you doing what you're 0:08:45 - 0:09:07 doing because it's for the benefit of them or are you doing what you're doing because it's actually for your benefit because actually what you're angling for is for someone to like you and that is what's going on in many, many, many, many cases with the ladies. They're, they're very much angling for 0:09:07 - 0:09:35 the approval of other people. You need to be angling for the approval of God alone. And what does he want us to do to serve one another? Not for what we get out of it, but just for what we give. So there you go. Those are some brief thoughts on this. You really shouldn't be angling for the approval of 0:09:35 - 0:09:59 others. The, the only other thing I was gonna mention here is there's a little snippet here about, you know, doing all these things around the house all the time, whatever. And she'd like to pursue her own kind of activities from time to time. But she feels guilty doing so because, uh, she doesn't feel 0:09:59 - 0:10:20 like she should be doing it. Yeah. Well, if you don't have time because your plates already full with your duty, you don't have time for that. I mean, is there a long list of guys who have all this free time to do stuff that, you know, they really want to get into yoga or something? No, because their 0:10:20 - 0:10:41 butts have to go out and work 40 plus hours a week and then when they get home, they're so freaking exhausted that they just can't even do anything or they have this long list of broken stuff they have to fix and take so and so here and do this and do that. So it's called life deal with it, right? If 0:10:40 - 0:11:02 you want to know a secret, the best way to get hobbies into your life is to choose to enjoy the things that you have to do anyway. Right. So, I mean, long story short, it sounds like from an outsider's perspective, you've got a dream life going on lady. I don't know you, I only know what you said in 0:11:02 - 0:11:21 this email, but I have known several people who have a situation like this and likewise, they still manage to find something to be unhappy about, not that you're unhappy, you know, whatever, but you cared enough to write an email about it. You're distraught enough by the fact that, you know, that you're 0:11:20 - 0:11:44 still seeking something better that's out of your reach, you're not gonna get it, but you still want it. Maybe you should rejoice in the fact that you, you've probably got it better than 95% people in this country and even a way higher percentage in the world. So, um, there's that, it's really important 0:00:00 - 0:00:22 So I got an email from a lady. Uh I don't know her but I guess she, she watched this video, female power and potential. And she wrote me this long email lots of details about her life and marriage. She's getting older. She's going into menopause. She's um dealing with a little bit of discontent in her 0:00:21 - 0:00:50 life. She's got kids, she got a husband, he does a good job taking care of everyone, she's able to homeschool. Um but she struggles because she says that um she struggles to feel like she's enough. She um feels like she's tapped out on capacity, but her husband keeps engaging in more things in life and 0:00:50 - 0:01:09 stressing her out. It's messing up the uh the serenity in her house because she feels like she needs to organize things and she just doesn't have more resources to give. And um on top of all this, she sort of always battled with this thing that, you know, he treated her super well while they were dating 0:01:09 - 0:01:34 and he's treated her well since, but he just seems to be less interested in her. And uh that happened, you know, short, not too long after after they got married as it tends to and she's just trying to feel like she's good enough, et cetera, et cetera. Ok. So, uh the one question is, is there anything 0:01:33 - 0:01:54 I can do to get the, the spark back? Not really, not really. So let's just be brutally honest up front. Here's the thing. And this is. So what should you do about this? The number one thing isn't, let me find a solution so I can get the magic back because that's not gonna happen. The number one thing 0:01:54 - 0:02:18 is teach your daughters and your sons the truth. And when you get through with that, teach all young people you can reach the truth, which is that men and women ought to be selecting men and women that they feel will be optimal in the 2nd 40 years of life. And that's something that almost no young person 0:02:18 - 0:02:48 is going to listen to. But at least when they get there and they realize you were right, they won't be able to say, well, no one told me. So, um I really appreciate that. This email brings up this idea that, you know, this lady loves being at home, making it home, creating beauty there, transforming 0:02:47 - 0:03:08 what her husband brings in into things that are even better. And that's awesome. And she writes about some of the things she does and it sounds like from the picture she paints, any kid would be lucky to have her as a mom, a husband would be lucky to have her as a wife. Uh, but she says how she's tapped 0:03:07 - 0:03:27 out and she feels guilty about that. You shouldn't feel guilty about that. Every person has a limit. I mean, uh, just to get personal for a second, we have five kids. I wish we had more kids. Can my wife have more kids? No, she cannot physically, but also she couldn't handle more kids emotionally. There's 0:03:26 - 0:03:45 no way or organizationally and she knows that we talked about. It's not a big deal. It is what it is. So, even if she could have more physically, we probably wouldn't have more because she's at her limit and that I bring that up one because it's mostly a physical thing and two because it's super, it's 0:03:45 - 0:04:06 a huge thing. It's kids. Do I have the resources to support more Children? I do both as a dad and monetarily would I like more Children? I would like more Children, although I'm getting old and tired and extra grumpy. But for the, for the time being, yeah, I'd love to have more Children still. And so 0:04:06 - 0:04:29 there's a limit and it's not for me and it is what it is. Right. And that's ok. Guess what? People have limits if my wife said I want you to blow up her house and build it from scratch. I say, I'm sorry, I just can't do that. You know, I'm not 25 and my body is all busted up. I do. I'm like a full time 0:04:29 - 0:05:03 maintenance man around here as is, but I can't do that. There's no way. And, um, if that's really what she wanted, like, hey, sorry, just can't do it. That's ok. You know, there's just such thing as limits now. Um, uh, much more could be said about that, but I'm just gonna move on. I just want to bookmark 0:05:02 - 0:05:26 this as, this is a situation where a guy's got more resources than a woman does. That happens. Sometimes it happens a lot the other way around and there are things that can be done in both situations, but there's not a problem with it. Ok. So let's get on to this. Uh Well, I'm getting older now and like 0:05:26 - 0:05:53 I'd really like if he still felt about me the way he did more dating, this is a nugget. That's great to teach young people. Lady shouldn't go for the guy that inflates her ego the most. That's not the best guy because this is what happens. It has to happen. This way. If you pick a guy like this, this 0:05:53 - 0:06:17 is what's going to happen, the things he was optimizing on. You don't have anymore. You actually lost them quite quickly because even before you started visibly aging, he got to know the details and she says this. She already knows this. This isn't my idea. She said he sees all I'm not and he's disenchanted 0:06:16 - 0:06:41 or he started to see that right away. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, as far as trying to find yourself worth yada, yada yada, you know, there's this theme through the email that she, this lady is not alone in any of these feelings she has. That's one reason I'm making a video. The fact is that a whole lot of ladies 0:06:40 - 0:07:04 are distraught because they, no, that they're not bringing to the table what their husband is now in some cases, it's the other way around, but that's not what's going on here. And they're like, I just wish that I could bring in everything my husband does. Why the question is, are you doing your best 0:07:04 - 0:07:28 ? If the answer is yes, then rejoice in the fact that he loves. You do, have we ever seen this pattern before? Of nothing you ever do will be enough to pay him back. She talks about that, paying him back. You're never going to pay back a guy who, you know, top for 5% of men who could afford a bunch of 0:07:28 - 0:07:56 kids, afford for a wife to stay at home, afford to buy her all of her stuff to make her house into a home and is happy with that. Are you a 5% woman? There's just some low odds, 5% times 5%. It's possible. But even if you are, you're never gonna be able to pay him back for that. That's like a kid trying 0:07:56 - 0:00:00 to pay you back for being his mom or her mom. What could they ever do? Nothing? So, does that make your love any less? No, makes love even more. God loves us more than we can ever repay? Does that make him sad? No. And should it make us butt hurt? No, it should make us rejoice. Should make us happy. 0:00:00 - 0:08:45 Not sad, not anxious and no weirded out in the head about it. No. Now what about this? You know, need to please yada yada kind of thing like I need to, I need to make people happy with me. No, you need to serve people. You need to serve people. The motive is completely different. Are you doing what you're 0:08:45 - 0:09:07 doing because it's for the benefit of them or are you doing what you're doing because it's actually for your benefit because actually what you're angling for is for someone to like you and that is what's going on in many, many, many, many cases with the ladies. They're, they're very much angling for 0:09:07 - 0:09:35 the approval of other people. You need to be angling for the approval of God alone. And what does he want us to do to serve one another? Not for what we get out of it, but just for what we give. So there you go. Those are some brief thoughts on this. You really shouldn't be angling for the approval of 0:09:35 - 0:09:59 others. The, the only other thing I was gonna mention here is there's a little snippet here about, you know, doing all these things around the house all the time, whatever. And she'd like to pursue her own kind of activities from time to time. But she feels guilty doing so because, uh, she doesn't feel 0:09:59 - 0:10:20 like she should be doing it. Yeah. Well, if you don't have time because your plates already full with your duty, you don't have time for that. I mean, is there a long list of guys who have all this free time to do stuff that, you know, they really want to get into yoga or something? No, because their 0:10:20 - 0:10:41 butts have to go out and work 40 plus hours a week and then when they get home, they're so freaking exhausted that they just can't even do anything or they have this long list of broken stuff they have to fix and take so and so here and do this and do that. So it's called life deal with it, right? If 0:10:40 - 0:11:02 you want to know a secret, the best way to get hobbies into your life is to choose to enjoy the things that you have to do anyway. Right. So, I mean, long story short, it sounds like from an outsider's perspective, you've got a dream life going on lady. I don't know you, I only know what you said in 0:11:02 - 0:11:21 this email, but I have known several people who have a situation like this and likewise, they still manage to find something to be unhappy about, not that you're unhappy, you know, whatever, but you cared enough to write an email about it. You're distraught enough by the fact that, you know, that you're 0:11:20 - 0:11:44 still seeking something better that's out of your reach, you're not gonna get it, but you still want it. Maybe you should rejoice in the fact that you, you've probably got it better than 95% people in this country and even a way higher percentage in the world. So, um, there's that, it's really important 0:11:44 - 0:12:05 for us to be grateful for what we have. And I think unfortunately, this is a problem for people. This is a problem for people. So, if you've got a good marriage and all these resources and the ability to do these things with your kids, be happy about it. It's a good deal.