Video Transcript

0:00:00 - 0:00:26 Share a set of ideas that I've lumped together under the title, best case, worst case and average case. And that phrase, it refers to the way that uh those who work in the field of algorithms evaluate or uh the performance of of these algorithms or compare between algorithms. These are metrics that are

0:00:26 - 0:00:50 used to decide uh which algorithm is sufficient for your situation. And that probably sounds far from interesting, but I promise if you hang in there, the ideas we're gonna cover will be highly applicable to your life. In fact, I'd say that these are probably among the most immediately applicable the

0:00:49 - 0:01:14 biggest bang for the buck shortest time frame that I have to share at the moment. Well, at least in something that could fit into the length of this presentation. All right, the subtitle of this is why not to let yourself go? So you've been accustomed to the this idea or primed with the idea that letting

0:01:13 - 0:01:43 go is a good thing, right? Well, um we're gonna push back on that. We're gonna give some counterexamples. What do we mean by, by letting go? In this case? What I'm saying is uh let's see if we can put words around it. Um I guess insufficient self-restraint. Let's go with that insufficient self-restraint

0:01:42 - 0:02:02 . That's what I mean by letting yourself go. So not the good kind of let letting go like like move on with life kind of letting go, but the insufficient self-restraint kind of letting go. So what are some examples of that? Um that, that by the way, this blank screen, I'm gonna be making some pictures

0:02:01 - 0:02:28 . This is mostly just uh going to be the sound of my voice but um I don't have slides prepared. This is a stream of conscious. Um But there is a picture I want to draw several of them and we'll do that in a minute. So some examples of letting go. What about gaining, wait. What about um just kind of giving

0:02:28 - 0:02:58 up at work and, and getting fired? What about um giving up on a relationship? So ceasing to grow with a person. What about getting angry with someone? What about getting overly emotional about something? What about um going off and doing something terrible that you know, is terrible but just this once

0:02:58 - 0:03:22 by golly, you need to just let go and let your hair down or whatever. I, I don't have that problem but some of you have hair to let down um whatever the case may be there, there are probably countless other examples of letting go. So, so why shouldn't you let yourself go? OK, let's think about some applications

0:03:21 - 0:03:48 for what I'm about to say before I say it, the the first and foremost of these is going to be for those who will one day be married or for those who already are. Um There are also obvious applications in terms of learning to um obey God. So there is a scripture. Um There are several scriptures that use

0:03:48 - 0:04:12 the word bridle, bridle like the bit that you put in a horse's mouth. Um For example, see that you bridle all your passions that you may be filled with love. That's in alma 3812. That's an interesting coupling. Let's explore that for a second. Let me ask you a question and this is, this is the kind of

0:04:12 - 0:04:30 question asking you should do as you read the scriptures, you should do it so unceasingly that it becomes difficult to enjoy reading the scriptures and, and I don't mean to enjoy like, is it a positive experience? I mean, it's not something you can do as an act of leisure. That's a good thing when you

0:04:30 - 0:04:47 get to that point, when you say, you know, I'm, I'm just too tired to read the scriptures right now. Not, not most people would say that because they're being lazy, but I mean, you literally do not have the brain power to um go before the Lord and ask him tons of questions right now and see where it

0:04:47 - 0:05:07 might lead. Uh So there are different kinds of scripture, reading, leisurely scripture reading is, is great for its time and place. But this is the kind that you should do overtly this pestering God with questions, stop you on everything. Anyway. So here's a question for you. How is it that bridling

0:05:05 - 0:05:30 your passions is coupled to being filled with love? I mean that coupling is given here. See that you bridle all your passions that you may be filled with love. But what is the causal relationship there? So we're told it exists? But but why? What's the mechanism? Well, what is love? Love is a willingness

0:05:29 - 0:05:57 to suffer for the benefit of another? So to be filled with love is to be fully actuated by the motive of the benefit of another person. So how do passions preclude that passions preclude love? Which is funny because the world would say that love is only passion, it's only a feeling. But this is saying

0:05:57 - 0:06:27 strong feelings actually preclude love. Because why? Because if you're in an emotional state, you cannot be in a rational state, these are mutually exclusive. And so to be in a rational state is required to love someone the most because you can't calculate cost and benefit when you're in an emotional

0:06:26 - 0:06:51 state. Isn't that interesting? Well, I just spilled out some deep truth for you. What you do with it will be on you. Let's go back to these references and get back to the point. So in James 32 we read for in many things, we offend all. If any man offend, not in word, the same as a perfect man, but able

0:06:50 - 0:07:28 also to bridle the whole body in the next verse, it says, um behold, we put bits in horses mouths that they may obey us and we turn about their whole body. So if you let yourself go, you are not bridling your passions, you are not directing your choices towards a purpose. You're not optimizing, you're

0:07:28 - 0:07:59 not, you're not yielding the greatest outputs that you could be because you're just allowing your, your body to go with the flow and the flow is not good because the flow is human nature and the natural man is an enemy to God. OK. So sometimes going uh letting yourself go, sometimes it, it's a, it's

0:07:58 - 0:08:22 a sudden thing. It's a momentary thing where you say, well, uh in the moment I kind of lost it. And this is what happened and you might be tempted to think, well, that's not such a big deal. If, if, if most of the time, your own point and just some of the time you let loose, then, I mean, isn't that

0:08:22 - 0:08:48 a good thing? Because as a, if we drew a pie chart, which I have no easy way of doing quickly, but if we drew a pie chart and 99% of the pie was, was keeping yourself bridled and only 1% was letting yourself go, then isn't that good? I mean, a 99% score is a pretty high score. Well, let me ask you this

0:08:47 - 0:09:07 . So, suppose you're married and suppose in, in your marriage it's the husband's job to pay the mortgage. Let's say the husband is the one paying the mortgage for whatever reason. And you think everything's hunky dory as the wife and one day you come home to find that your house has been, uh, seized

0:09:06 - 0:09:28 and you all have, have been kicked out and you ask your husband what's going on. And he says, well, I mean, I paid the mortgage most of the time. Most of the time I paid the mortgage, I, I only missed two payments in a row or whatever. He, he might, you know, uh, and the question becomes, what's the

0:09:28 - 0:09:52 minimum faithfulness he has to have in paying the mortgage for him to be doing his minimal duty? The answer is 100% right? So if he said, why pay the mortgage, 60% of the time you guys aren't gonna have a house, right? And you say, well, yeah, but you have to miss a couple of payments to, to get foreclosed

0:09:52 - 0:10:19 on. And then even then there's a long time, I mean, you really have to try to lose your house and it's not gonna happen all of a sudden. Ok, if you went to prison and you looked at all the people who were there, my question is, would you find, could you find anyone who, who only did the thing they got

0:10:19 - 0:10:41 busted for once? Now, a lot of people were doing things often to get there but there will be people who only did something once, especially when you get into things like murder. You know, you'd say, well, I really lost my temper and I murdered one person once but it was just once. I mean, the rest of

0:10:41 - 0:10:59 my life was fine. I was a fine person the rest of the time. Well, guess what? You're still going to jail for a long time, right? Under normal circumstances, we won't get into a political commentary. But that's historically, you're going to jail for a long time even though you just did something once

0:10:58 - 0:11:27 , it just took a second, you know, it could be just a second to pull the trigger on a gun, but you're going to jail forever, right? So sometimes at least even once really matters. And we read from James three. If you're a sinner in one thing, you are a sinner in all things. God requires sin, lessness

0:11:26 - 0:11:57 . That's a requirement. But this, this isn't so much about repentance, this video. Um What are some other situations where justice once is enough to seriously impact what you've got going? What if your spouse cheated on you just this once? Would that be enough to seriously affect your marriage? I think

0:11:56 - 0:12:20 it would. I think it would. Ok. There are many things like this, it turns out it's, it's, it's definitely not all things and it's probably not the majority of things, but there are things where just this once will really mess you up. OK. Now, what about the opposite end of the spectrum? What about things

0:12:19 - 0:12:43 that you have to do again and again and again and again before it has noticeable effect? What are some examples of this? What about overeating? So no one will ever get obese by eating as much as a human can for one day. It's an amazing fact that you, you literally cannot, your body will just flush out

0:12:43 - 0:13:18 what you eat beyond a certain point. It takes deliberate effort over a very long time to become obese. And this is one reason why, why gluttony is such a sin because you don't just wake up one day, £100 overweight. It's, it's not something where in the heat of the moment you made a, a split second decision

0:13:17 - 0:13:44 and then shazam, you're £100 heavier. It's not, it has nothing to do with anything society says it has to do. It's not about how you look, you know, it's, it's not even about how you feel the spiritual weight. No pun intended of this sin is that you're willing to do what you know is wrong again and again

0:13:43 - 0:14:04 and again, for, for months and years at a time. That's the problem. What does that? It has effects on your body Absolutely. It has effects on your relationships. Absolutely. You know, heavy people are always amazed if they lose tons of weight. They're like, wow. People treat me so much differently now

0:14:04 - 0:14:26 that I'm, I'm not obese and it's like, yeah, it turns out it makes a difference in how people treat you should. It, that's debatable. But the fact that it does and the fact that it has all these positive health impacts, those are all great reasons to get there. However, the spiritual damage it does is

0:14:25 - 0:14:45 much greater than the physical damage, the damage to relationships, it's much greater, the damage to your wallet, both in terms of having spent more on food, but also all the health complications you have and the clothing, you know, so the spiritual damage of willingly doing what, you know, you should

0:14:45 - 0:00:00 not or willingly doing less than your best again and again and again and again for a very long time, it's massively detrimental. It's the good news is, it's easier to fix the spiritual damage than it is the physical damage. So, and all all sins are different in that, in, in those properties. But ok,

0:00:00 - 0:15:33 now what, why are we delving into all this? Ok, let's get into some practical applications in marriages, both both in terms of how unmarried people see them in the future, in their imagination and in terms of how married people see them in actuality, we have some seriously distorted values and by values

0:15:33 - 0:16:10 I don't mean in the moral sense of like being honest is a value. I don't mean virtues. I mean, what something is worth. So for example, uh maybe, maybe a spouse says, well, um, Id, I don't cheat on my spouse and I never would. Therefore, I'm a good spouse. Ok. Well, fair enough. That's valuable. No dispute

0:16:10 - 0:16:40 there. Ok. Now, dispute there. But are there things that you could do or leave undone that might seem smaller? But in aggregate are comparably bad that in aggregate cause comparable damage, comfortable harm. The answer is yes. And maybe if you just did it once, it would be easy to make a case that it

0:16:40 - 0:17:06 cannot be compared to that big thing that you could do once or leave undone once. However, in aggregate, it's just as bad. There are also examples of things that maybe are just as bad even if you do them just once. But we act like there are these things that have to be done again and again and again

0:17:06 - 0:17:42 for them to be bad or as bad. And there are um many people who consider their self value or the value of their spouse with these distorted valuations. And I'm going to go into detail in just a minute just to complete the set up of all of this. I want to say how this applies to single people and also

0:17:42 - 0:18:03 our self perception of our position with God because we do the same thing with that. And maybe it's enough to just say that for that last one. We do the same thing with our position with God. We say, hey, but we're really good. 98% of the time, we're really good. 65% of the time. Well, I might not be

0:18:03 - 0:18:28 good 98% of the time, but at least I've never done this really bad thing and maybe you catch my drift and that's all I need to say. Ok. Um There are things that God cares about way more than churchy things. And it's typically the case that Christian people who think they're devout are constantly doing

0:18:28 - 0:18:49 things that are actually grievous sins to God. And they don't notice that they're doing that. They don't understand that what they're doing is that bad because they've skipped over all those parts of the scriptures. And also they've been taught by teachers who have no idea what they're talking about

0:18:49 - 0:19:10 . And also because they do this all the time, like the obese person, they, they, they, um they darken their understanding because they are constantly choosing the wrong thing, knowing that they're choosing the wrong thing, convincing themselves that it's not a big deal until they can't see that they're

0:19:10 - 0:19:33 doing the wrong thing and how big a deal it is. It's, it's like repeating a lie often enough until you believe it and then you can't not believe it. It takes some sort of outward jostling to get you to wake up. OK? Now, single people, single people absolutely have to understand what I'm saying in order

0:19:32 - 0:19:55 to accurately optimize their search for a spouse. And now we'll get into the details of where I flesh all of this out. I've just taken a sharpie and made an outline and now we're gonna color it in. OK. Let's say now we're gonna draw some pictures. So I'm here in Inscape, not Inscape. why do I always

0:19:55 - 0:20:31 do that? Uh Keynote, a keynote and I'm going going to use the draw function. OK? Just ignore this. Um So I lied. We're gonna make a graph first. So let's make a baseline and then we're going to make it upright. That's not straight. There is and put it here. OK? Now we've got positive and negative. Plus

0:20:30 - 0:00:00 we got a minus and let's make those really big. So we don't have to squint. We're off to the races. OK? So we got a positive and we got a negative. Now, if I were to ask you how you are and we limited, you know, human attributes are like spokes on a wheel, but let's just choose something like anger.

0:00:00 - 0:21:34 Uh And what's the positive of anger? I don't actually know. Let's Google that uh pleasure. That doesn't seem right. Anyway, let's just say mood. OK, let's say mood because now we can, we can blend together a whole bunch of things that we could otherwise separate. Let's say mood OK, I'm gonna take this

0:21:34 - 0:22:00 drawing tool if I said, you know those, those uh measurements of earthquakes, what are those called uh seismograph charts? Um Let's make uh one of these things for your mood over time. Now, we should probably define the time scale, but let's just blur it out. It could be over a day, it could be over

0:22:00 - 0:22:28 a week, it could be over a month and there are cases where it actually makes sense to talk about that, but we may or may not get to that. So let's say that. Oh, no. Is this gonna make me draw one line at a time? There's gotta be a free hand drawing tool here. Oh, this stinks. There goes my plan. All

0:22:28 - 0:23:10 right. I wonder, shoot. All right. Well, this is gonna burn a lot more time than I wanted it to. Um I guess let's do it this way. Not fun. Let's say let's say that if we measured it uh irregular intervals over time, OK. I'm like uh Tommy, the pinball wizard, but in keynote, just kidding. All right. So

0:23:09 - 0:00:00 if you were like this, it would be correct to say that you're even killed, right? It's just, well, there's some blips up and some blips down and if, if this is what your mood is, you're probably um you're probably on antidepressants, right? Because that's what they do. They shrink down the interval,

0:00:00 - 0:23:54 the extremes of positive and negative. And because it's like a pendulum, you know, swinging one way or the other over time. Um, you're just gonna get a lot less out of life. So, uh, that's not, that's not great. Ok. So now we've got somebody who's even killed and very boring. Ok. Now, this, this is not

0:23:54 - 0:24:20 the person you want to invite to your party. This is the person you want to work in your factory. Right? Ok. So now we've got a person and whoa look at this, they're in a good mood and life is good and maybe, you know, got some normal times and then, well, they're in a good mood again. Ok? And the downs

0:24:20 - 0:24:44 are still pretty subdued. Well, shoot if you average all this out, what are you gonna get net positive? And that's, that's nice. So this is the kind of person where you're like, wow, you know that that would be a person. I kind of wanna be around as far as mood goes. Now, let's talk about this one. Um

0:24:43 - 0:00:00 Let's see here, we gonna run out of space. We are. Let me, let me just use this. You can see by my graph placement where I'm going. Now you've got this. Ok. And you know, if I had time, I would just invert this one that would actually be faster. But now I've gotten into the mood for extending lines.

0:00:00 - 0:25:33 So I will continue my course to the end to the bitter end. Ok. Now it's the opposite you average this out, this is not a person you wanna be around, you know, that's not gonna be fun. It's a Charlie Brown kind of person, right? Always mopey or, or, right. It's not the kind of person you wanna be, it's

0:25:33 - 0:26:05 not the kind of person you wanna be around. All right. Well, what about when it's not so clear? Ok, now we're getting into the danger zone. Du du du du du, So this is, this is the key. Ok. What about this person? Watch this? Whoa, off the charts of the charts, but off the charts and it just keeps going

0:26:04 - 0:26:35 , it's like the evil energizer bunny. Ok. Doesn't give up the, the amount of time it takes to do this will cement how important the lesson is. All right. So let's say that you met this person and you knew them very well. Well, remember this one, you don't want to be around, er, but this is way worse

0:26:35 - 0:26:56 . This is way worse, right? Because the downs are, are worse here, like, ok, you got a bad day, really bad day, really bad day. But now it's like, ok, well this stinks but if I can, like, get to the point where I'm ok dealing with this, then there's only two of these spikes where I have to look out and

0:26:56 - 0:27:21 again, who knows what the time scale is? But let's just say these are days for the sake of argument right days. Now, what if you're dating this person because I promise you, these are your dates right here. These are your dates. That's when they're going to be the most excited about things. They're only

0:27:20 - 0:27:37 gonna plan them on days. They feel good. They'll cancel if they feel terrible, you know, but when they're excited about something, plus dates are not real life like you're gonna go do something fun. You're, you're not gonna go build a barn or something. Um, though you should, that's, that's a better

0:27:36 - 0:28:00 way to spend your time on dates. So you're gonna think that this is what you're getting, but this is what you're gonna get when you marry this person. The, your average experience with them is gonna go from here because you're not even seeing the normal days that are positive, let alone normal days are

0:28:00 - 0:28:21 negative. Your average experience is gonna go from here down to somewhere around here. If you average all these bars you get this right? I should draw that. I'll show an average, right? This is bad news. You do not want to be married to this person. You want them to just go live under their little rain

0:28:20 - 0:28:49 cloud by themselves, right? So, um, you could also talk about the average of this where someone's actually really nice to be around but not with random strangers. Now, let's just go ahead and do that for the sake of the shy ones that aren't really shy. I hate that word. I, I don't like the word shy because

0:28:49 - 0:29:18 I, I'm not sure it exists. I think there are people who have unjustified fear of others that they should get, get over it. That's a flaw. And there are people who are smart who don't show their best self to random strangers. And that person I would describe as guarded, not shy because they show themselves

0:29:18 - 0:29:50 to the people who deserve it who have paid the price. You know, they're just not on display publicly, right? So can we steal bars from somewhere else and save us some time? All right. Now we're cooking. OK. All right. So this person, this person, let's suppose that when you first get to know them, this

0:29:49 - 0:30:07 is what you see is these little guys that's your date. Now, I don't know how on earth this would happen because I have yet to meet someone who's not excited on a first date. Actually, that's a lie. I've met a lot of people who weren't excited on a first date, but that was because I was their date. But

0:30:07 - 0:30:28 most, most people are pretty excited on their first date, right? Uh OK. But you get to know them a bit and you realize that these people are amazing people, right? But they just don't put it on display and, and then other folks like, like the the descriptions are probably bifurcate depending on gender

0:30:28 - 0:30:50 here. Um But like maybe if it's a guy who say like Oh, well, this, this guy's a real jerk or he's arrogant or he's, um, he's really despondent and he's off putting and he, whatever, whatever, whatever. Well, it could be true. Or maybe you're just seeing the public persona and then when you get to know

0:30:49 - 0:31:11 that person, you find out that their life is chock full of stuff better than what's visible from the outside and that could happen. And Jesus was 100% that way, which to tell you something because you, most of what's in the scriptures is this, I'm telling you, Jesus is even better than what the scriptures

0:31:11 - 0:31:33 say. He's an even better. I don't wanna say person but you know what I mean being than what you'll get from the scriptures, it's not even close because, and, and, and to be fair in saying that I am treating the entire volume of what the scriptures actually say. Not the whitewashed version, the Swiss

0:31:33 - 0:31:51 Cheese version where you have conveniently skipped over all the parts of the gospel where he's being very mean to someone and, or saying things that you, you would absolutely not tolerate from any person and you would write them off. Now, he was never actually mean, but I'm just saying how it would appear

0:31:51 - 0:32:08 if you literally read the story and it's like, wow, he's calling somebody a dog. Well, there you go, you know, or he was invited to dinner at this pharisee's house and he just spent the whole time telling them how mu how trashy they were, how terrible they were as people and how prostitutes are gonna

0:32:08 - 0:32:31 go to heaven before you do. I mean, what a dinner guest, right. So, anyway, there are people like that. What, what's a female version of this? That, that's probably someone who would be, um, incorrectly described as shy, you know, a wallflower type. Well, you know, quality women often they do not just

0:32:30 - 0:32:57 give everything they have away to random strangers. That's not something they do. Typically there, there are exceptions of that are, are very beautiful. Um I don't, sorry, I don't mean in the worldly sense, I mean, godly beautiful, um, gifts to the world of, of women who fearlessly, fearlessly, um project

0:32:56 - 0:33:22 all the love and energy they have out into the world. They don't tend to last very long. They, they usually turn away from that and become um, a shadow of their former selves because the world eats them alive like, like no other. It's so sad to see. I've seen it many times. Uh, artists usually see are

0:33:21 - 0:33:47 like this. I mean, public artists, not like the people you've never heard of artists, but there are artists out there female artists who put their whole heart into their work and just get eaten alive by the system. Anyway. They, they use, they use their artistry as an outlet to create what they desire

0:33:46 - 0:34:15 with all their heart and cannot find. But most ladies who have that level of light will turn inward instead of outward and that's just the way it goes anyways. So, um, now let's transition into, um, a little bit more about averages and, and this, so now we've kind of addressed the dating world and now

0:34:15 - 0:34:46 we're gonna address the marriage world, let's say, you know, hypothetically that you've got, let's say a lady and let's say that hypothetically these bars are weeks of the month. And let's say, you know, just totally randomly not particularly talking about anything that, um, whoops, I did this in reverse

0:34:46 - 0:35:19 that this is what it looks like. We don't need this anymore. Let's say that your wife on a weekly basis, uh uh a weekly time interval. So we have two months here. Each stick is a week, looks like this. Now, she might say something like, hey, I know I'm a complete monster during P MS, but it's just when

0:35:19 - 0:35:43 I'm P MS A. All right. So what balances this out? So she will think like, well, I'm a fairly decent person because she will ignore this, having written it off to something she quote unquote, can't help. And then this is her norm, which actually isn't very impressive. We could make it more impressive

0:35:42 - 0:36:08 . It, it wouldn't change the argument if this is bad enough. It totally counteracts this. There needs to be a balance right? There needs to be a balance. But even if there is a balance. This can be so bad that it's not worth anything here. Do you agree? If you don't agree, let me flip this around and

0:36:07 - 0:36:27 we could take this away and we can make these positive bars as high as we want and now say we're talking about a man and we make this low enough to go to, he punches you in the face, we can make it low enough to go to, he punches you in the face or whatever kind of violence you'd need to say this is

0:36:27 - 0:36:47 clearly grounds for immediate divorce and or jail time. And then you would agree that no amount of positives could justify that. So why is it different for ladies? And this is one example of very many double standards that we have that need to go away if we're going to live according to truth. The other

0:36:47 - 0:37:11 is I am not aware of people who would justify physical violence of a husband against a wife, not in Christianity. II, I do know they exist, but I can't say I know any of them in other faiths such as Islam. You'll find a lot more people who believe that. But as far as Christianity goes, I'm not sure that

0:37:11 - 0:37:40 I know anyone who thinks that that a woman could ever do anything that would justify her husband to hit her. Ok. That's, that's one thing and there's no excuse allegedly. But what if this is a woman and we're talking about P MS. But for any reason, is there any valid reason for a woman to, to treat her

0:37:39 - 0:38:05 husband below a certain threshold? We don't have to say what that threshold is yet. Is there? Is, does this line ever exist? Is my question to you? Because most Christian women would say no, no, this line doesn't exist for women. They can do anything and it's never uh it, it can always be justified And

0:38:04 - 0:38:27 , and that's a double standard. You see, I'd say this line does exist. OK. I'd say this line does exist. And what is it? Uh specifically, I don't know we could have a conversation about it, but I will tell you that I think more women than believe are below it or cross over it. I should say uh at a fairly

0:38:27 - 0:38:51 regular interval, a surprisingly regular interval. And the only reason this line doesn't exist is because the men love their wives and they're willing to take it in, in those specific cases. Of course, I mean, not some intrinsic value of manhood. I'm just saying a man is much more likely to take that

0:38:51 - 0:39:15 level of abuse than a woman. And, and perhaps it's as simple as it's not a virtue. It's just because churches have taught this that there is nothing a woman can do that is grounds for jail time or divorce. Now, the jail time thing, there are way more laws on the books to fight masculine abuse. Then feminine

0:39:14 - 0:39:49 abuse because men, when they let go, they usually use physical violence. When women let go, they use emotional violence. They say things that no person should ever say, no wife should ever say to their husband or the other way round. And then after their fit of emotional um, unbridled emotionality ends

0:39:48 - 0:40:16 , then they pretend like it never happened. Whereas if a guy did the same thing, he'd be in jail or divorced and at least half his stuff would be gone. Do you see the difference? And this is absolutely wrong, it is wrong, wrong, wrong. And just because society lets it happen, it doesn't mean that God

0:40:15 - 0:40:46 is ok with it in any way, I promise you it's quite the opposite. So a woman who treats uh sorry, a wi a man who treats his wife uh with violence does not deserve her. And in the, in the final settling of, of things, God will see to it that he does not have her. A woman who treats her husband this way

0:40:46 - 0:41:17 and the emotional treatment is included in that will absolutely not have him in the settling of things. If society were close, more closely aligned with the truth, there would be means of seeing to that before the end. But the way it stands, if a man is legally married, he has almost no recourse in fixing

0:41:17 - 0:41:45 this and, and I don't just mean divorce and what I'm talking about which, which I'm not just talking about the cost of divorce, which in the case of most men is permanent ruin. What I mean is it would never even come to that in the first place. Ok, so let me ask you why do men not beat their wives because

0:41:45 - 0:42:04 they love them? Right? And hopefully is the answer. But what about the ones that really don't love them? There are a lot of men who just are not very impressive. Ok. There are a lot of men who do have fits of anger or whatever. It doesn't matter what we're talking about. Why do they not beat their wives

0:42:03 - 0:42:21 ? Why do, why do so many men not cheat on their wives? There are many men who do, but there are a lot of men who don't and a lot of those men probably have pretty good reasons that they could because for example, maybe they no longer have physical intimacy in their marriage as a result of choices of

0:42:21 - 0:42:50 their wife. That is extraordinarily common. Ok? Why do so few men cheat on their wives? Well, the answer is the same in both cases, the cost to doing that is enormous. And this is totally independent of the religious argument of faithfulness to God because all those men do a lot of sin in their lives

0:42:49 - 0:43:14 , they sin a lot in their lives. So you can't just say, well, they don't do this because they don't want to sin against God. Well, that didn't stop them from other things. So it's because the punishment of divorce in the modern world is so significant for men and the punishment of physical violence is

0:43:13 - 0:43:39 so significant for men in the modern world. And so they, they don't even get near it because just the accusation can ruin their lives. What is the situation with women and emotional abuse? So a woman can go off at her husband not only get off scot free, do it without any fear of anything ever happening

0:43:39 - 0:44:06 to her. But in that emotional abuse, she can dare her husband to try to do something about it because anything he does will just empower her to leverage the state or the church against him. And that is doubly wrong, doubly wrong. And women do this with impunity, they can do this and many of them do do

0:44:06 - 0:44:32 this often and you'll never hear about it because unlike ladies, guys are much less likely to gossip with their guy friends about their marriages, they will suffer in silence their entire lives and it's going on all the time, all the time. And here's the saddest thing about it. Not only are these ladies

0:44:32 - 0:44:54 so willing to break God's commandments to them and how they treat their husbands. Not only are they so willing to act against justice to husbands that do a good job. And again, I'm not saying all husbands do a good job, but you will find it's very common for husbands that are literally killing themselves

0:44:53 - 0:45:14 for their families to be treated like garbage by their wives on a regular basis. Although only their kids know because they would not tell another soul. And if that weren't enough on top of all of that, they freely break God's commandments, they freely abuse. Their husbands are doing so much for them

0:45:13 - 0:45:39 if that weren't enough. The only reason they do it is because the law protects them and encourages them to do it. And if that law were not there, this is, this is worse than just being willing to break God's commandments and just being willing to uh practice injustice. When the, when the husband happens

0:45:38 - 0:46:06 to be a decent guy, it's even worse that if the law did not protect them, they wouldn't do it. If they got in a time machine and went back in time 100 years, they would not do what they do today in terms of abusing their husbands. That is pathetic. That is pathetic. And so all ladies who fall into this

0:46:06 - 0:46:31 category ought to be immensely ashamed of themselves and pastors and priests and bishops and whatever the heck else you call yourself that lead congregations and have not spoken about this issue. You also should be ashamed of yourself because this is happening left and right. And um again, nothing I'm

0:46:31 - 0:46:52 saying in any of these videos is talking about my personal life. So don't take it that way. I'm coming out swinging for my brothers who I see in these situations and I know this is happening left and right with good men, men that work hard men that would do anything for their wives and kids and do everything

0:46:52 - 0:47:14 for them and, and this is what they have to deal with and it's wrong, it needs to stop. And even if it doesn't stop, we need more people telling the truth about this. Now, numerically, it happens a lot less often, but it does happen the other way as well. And likewise, we need to speak out more about

0:47:14 - 0:47:36 it. Now, that's the minor treatment of the issue on that side because women do speak out about it. A woman by and large is so ready to throw her husband under the bus for the slightest perceived transgression that we don't need to go there and talk about it because they're already doing it. OK? All of

0:47:36 - 0:48:02 her friends know exactly what all of his faults are and beyond because she'll freely lie about them. OK? Taking the average lady in the Christian church, this is what happens and it's wrong. That's wrong too. So we, we need to bring these things to light and start dealing in the truth and be more willing

0:48:01 - 0:48:22 to say things how they really are. You all know that what I'm saying is reality it on this case, you might not agree with other things, but you know that there are plenty of good men who are married who are in disastrous, uh, disastrous marriages to a monster of a woman who, who is em emboldened by the

0:48:22 - 0:48:49 law and the church to continue to be a monster. And it's terrible and they're raising their kids in this environment. They're gonna output a bunch more monster women in their daughters and a bunch more cowering men in their sons. And it's wrong, it's wrong. So, hopefully that is enough for that. So when

0:48:49 - 0:49:13 we're thinking about other people, we can't just think about how they are in one thing or how they are in one moment, we have to average it out. OK? And then furthermore, we also have to measure how they are in their best case and their worst case, let's talk about that before we close this out. So here

0:49:13 - 0:49:36 we have uh well, we've gone over a bunch of variations of this. So someone's worst case is the lowest bar on the graph. Someone's best case is the highest bar on their graph. So again, if we had time, we could make three graphs in addition to this one would be the average case, one would be the best

0:49:36 - 0:49:56 case. One would be the worst case, but I can just point and talk. And hopefully, so the average case in, in this is zero, the average case in this is zero, there are as many pluses as minuses and the intensities even out. The the best case is this one up here and the worst case is this one down here

0:49:56 - 0:50:42 and that serves as like a fingerprint to profile a person. So um obviously someone that has a really high average case and a really high best case and a near zero worst case, this is a really good person, all things considered. OK? But here's a question, how much can you pee in wine before you won't

0:50:42 - 0:51:07 drink it? Probably any amount, right? If there's any amount of pee and wine, you probably don't want to drink it, but you can compare that to how much water can be in wine and you could still think it's worth drinking, right? Do you see the difference? One is, is if the presence of something is in there

0:51:07 - 0:51:26 at all, you don't want it no matter how small the quantity with the other, it's a question of preference more than anything, but there's probably not some super clear limit where if it's over that it's not worth drinking. It's just like, well, we'll, we'll try it and see and we'll just find out no big

0:51:26 - 0:51:49 deal. But if there's any pee in that, you don't want to try it, you don't wanna taste it to ask the question. Is there enough pea in this that I don't wanna drink it? Right? So that threshold is like this line and the question is, it doesn't matter what else I see. You know, if he's gonna murder me once

0:51:48 - 0:52:10 sometime in life then I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna give him the time of day. Like I don't want to be murdered. Right? Or if she is going to make my life a living hell for one week of my life that it's gonna be so bad that I am going to be tempted to kill myself. I'm not joking. Then I don't want to marry

0:52:09 - 0:52:34 her. Yes. Ok. Makes sense. Even just once and it's enough or if, if she's just once she's gonna leave me, take the kids, you know, and divorce me and I don't deserve it. Then that is not a person you wanna be with. It doesn't matter. Oops, sorry, doesn't matter if every day of your life until then is

0:52:34 - 0:53:05 the best day of your life, you probably don't want to marry that woman. Right? So the, these are things you have to think about because real people have these qualities, real people have usually more than one time in their lives or usually more than one attribute where it's so bad that you do not want

0:53:05 - 0:53:24 to give them the time of day. And these are things that, that usually need more discernment than you have as a young person, evaluating potential spouses. And this is one of many reasons why it's very important to find a wise person that you trust and get them involved once you have someone that you

0:53:24 - 0:53:47 think you, you like or maybe earlier than that. Uh I'm not a fan of arranged marriages, but I am a huge fan of suggested marriages. And, uh, hopefully that person is your parent or an uncle or aunt or granny or grandpa or whatever, but you need a person to help you with this. If you're young, you are

0:53:47 - 0:54:12 absolutely not gonna see this and they're gonna see it from a mile away if they're even a little wise, life has a way of beating wisdom into you. So, um, there's this to think about now before we get off this topic, uh, what's the easiest way of doing this? Let's try this. Before we get off the topic

0:54:12 - 0:54:35 . I wanna talk about one other aspect of human nature and it does happen to be something that's more prominent among women than men. And this is, uh, the grass is always greener, the scientific name of it is hyper gray. Um, so there are people out there, there, there are men and women out there who are

0:54:35 - 0:55:01 married to what they think of as a plain, what's a male version of a plain Jane? I don't know, a plain person that's super predictable and maybe it's not like this. Maybe it's like this where the, the pros are higher than the cons, you know, there's, the bills are paid. He doesn't, he'd never cheat on

0:55:01 - 0:55:29 me. He spends time with the kids. He's ok with having kids. And, uh, you know, life is just really normal and boring. Well, here's the thing. If he doesn't have one of these, he's already exceptional. We could do the reverse to talk about ladies. And I, I will say that that while the grass being greener

0:55:28 - 0:55:57 , I think of as a feminine attribute quality or, or fault, actually, uh I think that I know of more men that have decent wives and underappreciate them than, than women who have decent husbands and underappreciate them. Is that true in, in this particular set of circumstances for this particular set

0:55:56 - 0:56:17 ? Maybe it's true, but it is a problem on both sides. Ok. Um, but I think, yeah, ok. But the distinction is when women fall into this trap, they divorce their husbands under some delusion that they're gonna find a white knight and then are shocked to find out that no one wants them or the ones that do

0:56:16 - 0:56:36 are trashy people and, um, way trashier than their husband was. Whereas in the case of guys, they just don't have much joy with their wife. They don't throw it all away under the delusion that they're gonna find something better, but they just really just take it for granted. They take her for granted

0:56:36 - 0:57:03 . So, um, if you, if you have a, a man or a woman, a wife or a husband that doesn't have one of these big nasty spikes, then count your blessings because you need to understand that just one of those would, would be disastrous and that the number of people with at least one of those is very high. It's

0:57:03 - 0:57:30 very high. One thing that I hope you never believe me on, I hope you never have a reason to believe me on this because it's a terrible, terrible lesson to learn is that even the people who you love with your whole heart, who have never given you a reason to doubt their faithfulness and who seem like

0:57:30 - 0:57:59 the best people in the world. They can bitterly bitterly betray you terribly betray you. This is another lesson from the scriptures that we gloss over that. We all think Judas was oozing evidence of evil from day one. That's the movie. He's always, he's like always a dodgy looking guy. You know, real

0:57:59 - 0:58:25 evil people don't look dodgy. They, they, and they don't act evil until the moment they're activated by their Lord Satan. And until then you will think that they're your closest friend, your dearest wife, your closest husband, you know, an angel on earth. And then in the, in the time when they could

0:58:25 - 0:58:46 cause the greatest possible damage, they get activated just like Judas was at the last supper. You can read about it. It says the spirit of the devil went into him and they get activated. They, they, they take the knife and they're really close to you and they shove it right in your back and they twist

0:58:46 - 0:59:11 it. They have power to hurt you beyond anything you could, you could ever imagine unless you've gone through this. And, um, it's a terrible, terrible, terrible thing and I, I pray you never believe me on that, that you never have the reason to. Because I'll tell you, God has a way of showing you this

0:59:11 - 0:59:34 and I'll tell you, I, I won't even tell you how he'll do it. If he takes you down that road. It's, it's too terrible for me to, to talk about right now. But he has sufficient reasons. He has a way of convincing people. But if, if this is all you have quote unquote, thank your lucky stars because you

0:59:34 - 0:59:57 found a good one. You found a good one. Ok? And, and this is where if I knew you on a personal basis and you thought you had this and you're like, man, but I just wish I had this, you know, I would verbally slap you down, I'd verbally slap you silly because I'd go case by case through this person that

0:59:57 - 1:00:32 you're taking for granted. And I would make a case for how rare it is for someone to do that. And here's the real kicker folks. This is a good place to end it. Those people you think are those low bars. They're really like this. Do you know what makes a friend valuable? You can only know who your friends

1:00:31 - 1:01:07 are when you're at your worst when all of life is lined up against you. And I'm gonna tell you something. If, if you get to that moment and no one is there and you are truly alone in this world when all hell has broken loose against you, there is nothing worse. There is nothing worse. But in that moment

1:01:07 - 1:01:45 , if this plain Jane or Plane Paul, I don't know what a plane male. Plane Jane is plain Jim, plain Jane or plain Jim that you thought was a plane, plain old person. Nothing special. And they're with you. You know, when you have nothing to give, like, job at his lowest moment and, and they're there, that

1:01:44 - 1:02:09 person is more valuable than anyone else in the world. And not just in that moment, the problem is you can't see until then you won't see it until then and more often than not when you think you have some low bar person and they don't have these, these, you know, egregious knife in the back kind of quality

0:12:43 - 0:13:17 what you eat beyond a certain point. It takes deliberate effort over a very long time to become obese. And this is one reason why, why gluttony is such a sin because you don't just wake up one day, 100 pounds overweight. It's, it's not something where in the heat of the moment you made a, a split second

0:13:17 - 0:13:42 decision and then shazam, you're 100 pounds heavier. It's not, it has nothing to do with anything society says it has to do. It's not about how you look, you know, it's, it's not even about how you feel the spiritual weight. No pun intended of this sin is that you're willing to do what you know is wrong

0:13:42 - 0:14:03 again and again and again, for, for months and years at a time. That's the problem. What does that? It has effects on your body Absolutely. It has effects on your relationships. Absolutely. You know, heavy people are always amazed if they lose tons of weight. They're like, wow. People treat me so much

0:14:02 - 0:14:24 differently now that I'm, I'm not obese and it's like, yeah, it turns out it makes a difference in how people treat you should. It, that's debatable. But the fact that it does and the fact that it has all these positive health impacts, those are all great reasons to get there. However, the spiritual

0:14:24 - 0:14:45 damage it does is much greater than the physical damage, the damage to relationships, it's much greater, the damage to your wallet, both in terms of having spent more on food, but also all the health complications you have and the clothing, you know, so the spiritual damage of willingly doing what, you

0:14:44 - 0:15:04 know, you should not or willingly doing less than your best again and again and again and again for a very long time, it's massively detrimental. It's the good news is, it's easier to fix the spiritual damage than it is the physical damage. So, and all all sins are different in that, in, in those properties

0:15:03 - 0:15:32 . But ok, now what, why are we delving into all this? Ok, let's get into some practical applications in marriages, both both in terms of how unmarried people see them in the future, in their imagination and in terms of how married people see them in actuality, we have some seriously distorted values

0:15:31 - 0:16:09 and by values I don't mean in the moral sense of like being honest is a value. I don't mean virtues. I mean, what something is worth. So for example, uh maybe, maybe a spouse says, well, um, Id, I don't cheat on my spouse and I never would. Therefore, I'm a good spouse. Ok. Well, fair enough. That's

0:16:09 - 0:16:39 valuable. No dispute there. Ok. Now, dispute there. But are there things that you could do or leave undone that might seem smaller? But in aggregate are comparably bad that in aggregate cause comparable damage, comfortable harm. The answer is yes. And maybe if you just did it once, it would be easy to

0:16:39 - 0:17:05 make a case that it cannot be compared to that big thing that you could do once or leave undone once. However, in aggregate, it's just as bad. There are also examples of things that maybe are just as bad even if you do them just once. But we act like there are these things that have to be done again

0:17:05 - 0:17:41 and again and again for them to be bad or as bad. And there are um many people who consider their self value or the value of their spouse with these distorted valuations. And I'm going to go into detail in just a minute just to complete the set up of all of this. I want to say how this applies to single

0:17:41 - 0:18:02 people and also our self perception of our position with God because we do the same thing with that. And maybe it's enough to just say that for that last one. We do the same thing with our position with God. We say, hey, but we're really good. 98% of the time, we're really good. 65% of the time. Well

0:18:02 - 0:18:27 , I might not be good 98% of the time, but at least I've never done this really bad thing and maybe you catch my drift and that's all I need to say. Ok. Um There are things that God cares about way more than churchy things. And it's typically the case that Christian people who think they're devout are

0:18:27 - 0:18:48 constantly doing things that are actually grievous sins to God. And they don't notice that they're doing that. They don't understand that what they're doing is that bad because they've skipped over all those parts of the scriptures. And also they've been taught by teachers who have no idea what they're

0:18:48 - 0:19:10 talking about. And also because they do this all the time, like the obese person, they, they, they, um they darken their understanding because they are constantly choosing the wrong thing, knowing that they're choosing the wrong thing, convincing themselves that it's not a big deal until they can't see

0:19:10 - 0:19:31 that they're doing the wrong thing and how big a deal it is. It's, it's like repeating a lie often enough until you believe it and then you can't not believe it. It takes some sort of outward jostling to get you to wake up. OK? Now, single people, single people absolutely have to understand what I'm

0:19:31 - 0:00:00 saying in order to accurately optimize their search for a spouse. And now we'll get into the details of where I flesh all of this out. I've just taken a sharpie and made an outline and now we're gonna color it in. OK. Let's say now we're gonna draw some pictures. So I'm here in Inscape, not Inscape.

0:00:00 - 0:20:28 why do I always do that? Uh Keynote, a keynote and I'm going going to use the draw function. OK? Just ignore this. Um So I lied. We're gonna make a graph first. So let's make a baseline and then we're going to make it upright. That's not straight. There is and put it here. OK? Now we've got positive

0:20:27 - 0:21:01 and negative. Plus we got a minus and let's make those really big. So we don't have to squint. We're off to the races. OK? So we got a positive and we got a negative. Now, if I were to ask you how you are and we limited, you know, human attributes are like spokes on a wheel, but let's just choose something

0:21:01 - 0:21:34 like anger. Uh And what's the positive of anger? I don't actually know. Let's Google that uh pleasure. That doesn't seem right. Anyway, let's just say mood. OK, let's say mood because now we can, we can blend together a whole bunch of things that we could otherwise separate. Let's say mood OK, I'm gonna

0:21:34 - 0:22:00 take this drawing tool if I said, you know those, those uh measurements of earthquakes, what are those called uh seismograph charts? Um Let's make uh one of these things for your mood over time. Now, we should probably define the time scale, but let's just blur it out. It could be over a day, it could

0:22:00 - 0:22:22 be over a week, it could be over a month and there are cases where it actually makes sense to talk about that, but we may or may not get to that. So let's say that. Oh, no. Is this gonna make me draw one line at a time? There's gotta be a free hand drawing tool here. Oh, this stinks. There goes my plan

0:22:22 - 0:23:09 . All right. I wonder, shoot. All right. Well, this is gonna burn a lot more time than I wanted it to. Um I guess let's do it this way. Not fun. Let's say let's say that if we measured it uh irregular intervals over time, OK. I'm like uh Tommy, the pinball wizard, but in keynote, just kidding. All right

0:23:09 - 0:23:33 . So if you were like this, it would be correct to say that you're even killed, right? It's just, well, there's some blips up and some blips down and if, if this is what your mood is, you're probably um you're probably on antidepressants, right? Because that's what they do. They shrink down the interval

0:23:32 - 0:23:54 , the extremes of positive and negative. And because it's like a pendulum, you know, swinging one way or the other over time. Um, you're just gonna get a lot less out of life. So, uh, that's not, that's not great. Ok. So now we've got somebody who's even killed and very boring. Ok. Now, this, this is

0:23:54 - 0:24:20 not the person you want to invite to your party. This is the person you want to work in your factory. Right? Ok. So now we've got a person and whoa look at this, they're in a good mood and life is good and maybe, you know, got some normal times and then, well, they're in a good mood again. Ok? And the

0:24:20 - 0:24:41 downs are still pretty subdued. Well, shoot if you average all this out, what are you gonna get net positive? And that's, that's nice. So this is the kind of person where you're like, wow, you know that that would be a person. I kind of wanna be around as far as mood goes. Now, let's talk about this

0:24:41 - 0:25:09 one. Um Let's see here, we gonna run out of space. We are. Let me, let me just use this. You can see by my graph placement where I'm going. Now you've got this. Ok. And you know, if I had time, I would just invert this one that would actually be faster. But now I've gotten into the mood for extending

0:25:09 - 0:25:33 lines. So I will continue my course to the end to the bitter end. Ok. Now it's the opposite you average this out, this is not a person you wanna be around, you know, that's not gonna be fun. It's a Charlie Brown kind of person, right? Always mopey or, or, right. It's not the kind of person you wanna

0:25:33 - 0:26:04 be, it's not the kind of person you wanna be around. All right. Well, what about when it's not so clear? Ok, now we're getting into the danger zone. Du du du du du, So this is, this is the key. Ok. What about this person? Watch this? Whoa, off the charts of the charts, but off the charts and it just

0:26:03 - 0:26:34 keeps going, it's like the evil energizer bunny. Ok. Doesn't give up the, the amount of time it takes to do this will cement how important the lesson is. All right. So let's say that you met this person and you knew them very well. Well, remember this one, you don't want to be around, er, but this is

0:26:34 - 0:26:56 way worse. This is way worse, right? Because the downs are, are worse here, like, ok, you got a bad day, really bad day, really bad day. But now it's like, ok, well this stinks but if I can, like, get to the point where I'm ok dealing with this, then there's only two of these spikes where I have to look

0:26:55 - 0:27:20 out and again, who knows what the time scale is? But let's just say these are days for the sake of argument right days. Now, what if you're dating this person because I promise you, these are your dates right here. These are your dates. That's when they're going to be the most excited about things. They're

0:27:20 - 0:27:37 only gonna plan them on days. They feel good. They'll cancel if they feel terrible, you know, but when they're excited about something, plus dates are not real life like you're gonna go do something fun. You're, you're not gonna go build a barn or something. Um, though you should, that's, that's a better

1:02:09 - 1:02:20 , you know, count your lucky stars because odds are, you've got a good one. All right. That's enough, that's enough on this for now.