0:00:00 - 0:00:26 All right. So, um it has come time to have a little discussion about sexual matters and um this one is, is directed to the ladies. Uh There's a lot to talk about under this topic and um but we're just gonna take a slice of it and you know, it's really messed up that uh that I need to take my time to 0:00:26 - 0:00:59 talk about this for what you'll see, I think are pretty common sense matters. But in the gross failure, failure of um existing Chris Christian churches um is included, the fact that these matters are not discussed and in their place, many false or harmful traditions exist and that's a real shame. And 0:00:59 - 0:01:27 so it's incumbent upon us to call out all good that we see to try to persuade people towards whatever improvement that we see all in concert with our own holistic approach to the Lord, meaning our entire life, every aspect of it. And so this is a blanket that should cover everyone's entire life. And 0:01:27 - 0:01:48 yet, you know, we cherry pick specific topics and it's wrong, it's bad. Um But, you know, instead of just beating someone over the head with, hey, this is bad. We can also avert that and say there are tremendous, tremendous fruits just hanging on the tree that you can just pick. It reminds me of there 0:01:48 - 0:02:04 was a, there's a plum tree on the side of a highway here and the highway here, it's, it's one lane either way. It's not like some four lane crazy, whatever. So you could pull over and, and there's a plum tree just right there. Uh In fact, there, I think there are three of them in a row and it's not anyone's 0:02:03 - 0:02:20 property. It's just, you know, the state easement have no idea how they got there. Um But you could just pull over and pick them and, and there are so many blessings that God offers that are like that they're low hanging fruit. And so we're, we're gonna talk about some of these things today and like 0:02:20 - 0:02:38 I said, we're gonna, we're gonna focus this one on the ladies. It's probably the most urgent part of this that needs to get out. And so, you know, be mature about it and don't be butt hurt if you happen to not be. Uh, let's see if you happen to be afflicted with something that's on the opposite side 0:02:38 - 0:02:59 of this page. You know, you're a lady and, and you've got some frustrations towards your husband. Great. I've made videos about husbands too. Uh You should go find them and forward them to your husband. Um And I'll make many more, many more. So let's talk about this. Um 11 of the, so there are three 0:02:59 - 0:03:25 levels of motive. You could categorize motive into three levels and you could probably sub categorize it. But there's just one possible separation. What are those motives? Level? One is I get everything I can, I get everything I can. And in the scriptures, this is called to get gain. That's the phrase 0:03:24 - 0:03:47 you'll see. So if you want to learn more about it, search the scriptures for the phrase to get Gain. Another level is I get what I deserve. And so you orient your life, you decide what you want and then you orient your life towards what would be fair, what you would deserve. And that's justice. So if 0:03:47 - 0:04:09 you want to learn more about that, you can search the scriptures for justice. Um The third level, you could also look at the words, judgment and righteousness. If you wanted a really big study on that, those are the keywords. The third level is charity and that flips the script. And instead of saying 0:04:08 - 0:04:35 I get you're saying I give and what do you give uh more than what you, what the person deserves. And then that's the entry point and then it goes all the way up to everything you can. So the fullness of charity is to give all that you can to who to everyone you can. And of course, this is what describes 0:04:34 - 0:04:57 the Lord's behavior. As we read, he does nothing. Save it be for the benefit of the world. He's optimized for the greatest good of all, all the time. So there's, there's no sliver of that held out for himself. He's completely dedicated to everyone else. So in marriage, we can have these, we can choose 0:04:57 - 0:05:25 which of these three motives that we can, we can um adopt that were actuated by. And uh men. As I discuss in other videos, men are called to the highest, which is to say that we are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Uh I discussed that at length. So what are women called to? Well 0:05:25 - 0:05:51 , women are called to the same charity. OK. But it turns out that that's not a message that you hear very often. And unfortunately, not only do you not hear the ideal, we don't talk about how far from, not just the ideal, but those other two levels, we don't talk about those at all. So, so women are 0:05:51 - 0:06:18 also called to the highest, the third level, the selfless level, but they don't even live the justice level as far as societal norms go. They're not expected to live that even instead the societal norms teach women even in church. I'm saying even in church because you could say, well, the societal norms 0:06:18 - 0:06:42 teach this for men too. Not really, I'll get to that. But even in church, women are oriented to the bottom rung which is get anything you can, you can do no wrong. Everything you do is justified. Get all you can get as far as the legal limits. That's your only limit, right? And even that if you get away 0:06:41 - 0:07:09 with it, it's fine. And this could be a very long video to really lay all this out and prove this to you. But we'll see how far we get. Now, let's, let's address this uh counter potential counterclaim that men are also societally encouraged to get all they can. No, they aren't because even in the basis 0:07:08 - 0:07:37 of persuasions in society, in modern society, um that is still gate kept by women, there's still barriers, there are still expectations imposed. And this is why, for example, a man begins becoming a man from the second, he develops interest in women. It doesn't matter how young he is, the clock starts 0:07:37 - 0:07:58 ticking because from, from the 1st 2nd, his desires for women will be gate kept by the women. They will impose standards upon him. And that's just something intrinsic to women. They, they have standards which is great, right? And they should be really high, great. Um It's, it's super serious in fact 0:07:58 - 0:08:23 that they are high, it's very important. It's, it's, it's one of the most important things for them, for you all if you're watching this. So um in the intended audience, so a man learns right away, starts learning that he has to choose things in life he has to give up certain things in life if he wants 0:08:22 - 0:08:44 women and it, it's not all women, but the women he chooses, there are sacrifices that have to be made. There's an orientation of priorities and he has to decide that and it's beaten into his head from day one. Even if, even if we're talking about something less than sexual desire for, of a man, just 0:08:44 - 0:09:04 , just to get attention of a woman, even his mother, there are expectations in return for that. Every relationship with a woman, a man will learn that every relationship in a woman has a cost. And it's his choice whether he wants to pay that price. And it doesn't matter what the particulars of the situation 0:09:03 - 0:09:27 the relationship are. Uh it's true of all women and a man will learn this from day one. It's, it's not even something he ever has to think about because it's just so immersive. So how do women learn these, the, the opposite? Well, what, what they're immersed in as soon as they start to develop physically 0:09:25 - 0:09:54 uh in a way that can be externally noticed, they uh begin getting things that they don't deserve. They begin getting things simply because uh men want things from them and women are competitive in nature, right? And so their relationships with men and women will change based on how they look as they 0:09:54 - 0:10:22 grow into maturity. And the change that happens is a diversion from so deviation from justice, which is level two, right? And so they're steeped in level one. So, whereas a man is called out of level one, basically, um at at least, at least partially, we'll say at least partially. So not out of nobility 0:10:21 - 0:10:42 , but even just out of the basis desire, a man will be called out of level one. Although some people cling uh many people cling, many men cling to it tenaciously, but they've got 1 ft injustice. They have to, they have to because a man cannot get what he wants out of women. So that's to get gain, right 0:10:42 - 0:11:12 ? He cannot get what he wants unless he has something to give her that she wants right? With women. A man will, will give it up front. That's the difference. It's a, it's an order. The man has to give up front the cost. A woman gets the benefit up front and she gets to pay the cost later. Maybe that's 0:11:11 - 0:11:36 , that's the difference. It's a complete swap. All right. So from a very young age, uh a young lady will, you know, as, as she starts to turn into a lady, she starts getting all this stuff she doesn't deserve and it's attention. You know, it's, it's not just material things but it's attention. Um It's 0:11:36 - 0:11:57 , if she's, if she's old enough to work, she'll get promotions, she doesn't deserve, she'll get jobs she doesn't deserve and on and on and on and you gotta break the mold of just thinking these are sexual benefits or that they're benefits given in the hope of sex. That's, that is not at all the case 0:11:56 - 0:12:23 . That's not the limit. It's included, it's not the limit. You know, if, if, if a woman's attractive, she can get a job, even if the person hiring her has no interest in having sex with her and she'll have an advantage over someone who has equal talents but is not as attractive. That is a fact, it's 0:12:22 - 0:12:48 , it's, you can show it in, in research, it's been shown there is a, a um an advantage now. Um and this happens in social settings too. So, so if you and this is men and women do this, they give an advantage to attractive women. If you ask people to um evaluate the intelligence of a person of a woman 0:12:48 - 0:13:24 , the more attractive she is, the more they will score her as intelligent. Even if she performs exactly the same as less attractive women on, on intelligence tasks, there is an advantage. OK. Um So, and, and like I said, it, men and women have this bias towards attractive women. So um this, this, there's 0:13:24 - 0:13:49 this strong encouragement or um even if not encouragement, there's a strong allowance to remain at the basis level of motivation for ladies. And it doesn't exist in any comparative comparable form for men. OK. So how does this have to do with marriage? Because that's where we're going? Uh what does justice 0:13:48 - 0:14:19 require in marriage. So, there's this, um, myth because it is a myth that marriage is meant to be an equal partnership. That it's, it's a, it's a trade and some people get flowery and say, well, it's not 5050 it's 101 100. Yeah. Whatever. Ok. Whatever women prefer men who are better than they are. That 0:14:19 - 0:14:46 is also a measurable fact. And in all of these things, right, You there could be an exception. But if, if much more than 50% of people have a certain quality in a certain class, then you go with the majority to describe the majority. OK? And when it's like 98% then you really go with that and you can't 0:14:46 - 0:15:10 just point to a counterexample and say therefore this isn't true. Well, look if it's true for 98 out of 100 I think we're still good or whatever it is. OK? But women prefer men who are better than them and the ones that don't usually change their minds. So there's that OK? Um And this is not a bad thing 0:15:10 - 0:15:42 . This is a good thing. This is a good thing because good men, good men will measure their value in terms of the value they render to others. And so woman who appreciates high value enough to overtly say I'm looking for a man better than I am. That will be a um a beacon to show a high value man. Wow 0:15:42 - 0:16:03 , this is a person that, that, uh, you know, I'm, I'm gonna give my life for whoever I marry. But here's a person that will actually make use of it and that's gonna be more valuable to me because you can't have joy beyond what you value. That's a limiting factor is what do you value and how much, it's 0:16:02 - 0:16:23 not just about having things that are valuable. If you don't see that they're valuable, then what's the point? What's, what's the value of a gift that isn't, um, valued? So it doesn't matter how much it costs. You know, I had a girlfriend once I got her flowers and I've, I've had a girlfriend more than 0:16:23 - 0:16:42 once but I, one of the girlfriends I had way back when I got her flowers and it, it wasn't, it, I mean, it's, it's dumb but like, I wasn't making tons of money. They were expensive. Um, and I had to go, like, way out of my way to get them because for whatever reason, the, the paths I traveled, uh, on 0:16:42 - 0:16:59 a daily basis, there's no florist anywhere near there. I got her the flowers and she was kind of glancing and I was like, oh, thanks and just went about her way. She didn't care. And so I was like, ok, and I never bought her flowers again because why would I go through all that work if she doesn't care 0:16:58 - 0:17:19 ? But if she was happy about it, it'd be more than worth the sacrifice, right? And I was just like, well, I'll focus my things, my, my activities on what she values anyway. It's like that. So if, if you do value a high value man, and you say like, well, that's what I'm looking for. That's great. It's 0:17:19 - 0:17:51 a good thing and good men will see it as a good thing. Ok. So suppose you win the relationship lottery and you find a guy who ends up being better than you. Ok? Um That means that he's contributing more to you than you are to him. And that violates justice. So how do you make up for that? Because your 0:17:51 - 0:18:16 will to be better can only go so far. Plus if he chose you when you were less that imposes this. Uh It's like a debt that can't be repaid and, and there are things about our relationship with God that we can learn from this and vice versa. So he loved us first. Paul says so nothing we can do. He loved 0:18:16 - 0:18:39 us while we were yet sinners. So even if we repent of all of our sins, we can never pay him back because he did something for us in a condition that we can't go back and reverse, right? This is like uh as a mother when you have a child, if that, if that child grows up to be a much better person than 0:18:38 - 0:19:03 you, God still requires parents, uh Children to honor their parents, even if their parents are dirtbags. Why? Because their parents, especially their mother, their mother made this huge sacrifice in literally risking her life to have this kid while she knew nothing about the kid, she didn't know the 0:19:03 - 0:19:25 kid was gonna grow up and be an excellent person. And if she looked around the the uniform probability suggests that that the kid's gonna be a bonehead because most people are and she chose to sacrifice anyway and is now a wonderful blessing. So, so mothers get the opportunity to sacrifice for, for a 0:19:25 - 0:19:50 person that certainly doesn't deserve it. And then sometimes they grow up to honor that sacrifice and return something through it for it. But many times they don't. So it's like that, right? If a, if a quality man accepts you and you've chosen someone better than you, and it turns out to actually be 0:19:50 - 0:20:14 that way because a lot of times mistakes are made, then there's nothing you can ever do to pay that back. So how do you fulfill justice? Well, through gratitude, through paying it forward, but also through, through being happy about it, through thinking about and being honest about the transaction that 0:20:14 - 0:20:37 has occurred. That's how you pay it back just like we do with the Lord. You're never gonna get even with God. But what does he ask it? Well, first off, he says, you're my friend. If you keep my commandments, you're my friend. If you love one another. And so we say to God, look, we can never pay you back 0:20:36 - 0:21:07 for what you did. And he says, don't worry about it just be to other people as I am to you and we'll call it good. That's what I require. If you do that, I will give you everything. I have. What a bargain, right? What a bargain. So, and I, you know I'm saying that in a very flat way because I'm using 0:21:07 - 0:21:30 all my might to not think about the depth of what that means because I won't be able to talk anymore. I'll be crying and I'll be lost in this flood of thoughts about how valuable it is to me personally. So that is the same relationship that you're meant to have with your husband supposing you've chosen 0:21:30 - 0:21:58 wisely and, and you've got a good one, you're supposed to pay it forward, you're supposed to enjoy the happiness that he's paid for. And that, that's all a good husband is going to ask from you. That's all is that you just enjoy what he is paying for. There's a, there's a scene from saving private Ryan 0:21:57 - 0:22:25 and I love this scene where uh this, this man who ends up sacrificing his life tells the guy he's dying for and he knows he's dying and he's a young man and this, this guy is older. Um And he says, earn this. Those are his last two words and it frames the whole movie. And you see, you know, there's a 0:22:25 - 0:23:09 World War Two movie. You see the young man who's private Ryan as an old man at the, at the grave of this, this guy who died for him. He's got his family there, his, uh, his grandkids and, uh, you know, he went to visit the grave to make the case that he made use of that sacrifice. And that's what we 0:23:09 - 0:23:31 should do for our parents. And that's what wives should do for their husbands. Because if the guy is doing what he's meant to do in any fashion, to any degree, anywhere close to what he's supposed to be doing. He is, he is giving his life for you and he probably already has in a way because his best 0:23:30 - 0:23:52 years are probably behind him now and he probably spent those years with you and for you. So let's talk about that or I guess before we go to, to that, maybe we should pause and divert over to. Yeah. But what if I married a bonehead? I'm gonna make a video about that too. And we're gonna talk about abigail 0:23:52 - 0:24:23 and naval. Paul. Paul said a lot to and about servants, right? Like slaves, you know, they were, they were servants back then. And he said, servants, love your masters serve them like you would Jesus. Now slaves in, in that time, you could be an indentured servant, which means that you put yourself into 0:24:23 - 0:24:55 slavery and you get paid to do it, you know. Um, but there were also slaves from war and other less noble, um, means. And so for Paul to say, servants serve your masters like you would. Christ. That's a big deal. That's, that's quite a statement and he gives reasons for that and you can look that up 0:24:55 - 0:25:19 and study it if you'd like. My point is if that's true to any degree, how much more should wives serve their husbands, even if their husbands are knuckleheads. Now, again, what it means to serve, that's, that's where as you would, the Lord comes in, right? You actually have to use your brain and your 0:25:18 - 0:25:43 heart and your knowledge about the Lord and his will. It's not just to become an automaton that, that blindly follows whatever crazy thing your husband expects from you, but we'll talk about that more when we get to abigail and naval. Um But my point is you're not off the hook if you think that your 0:25:43 - 0:26:12 husband's bonehead, if your husband does not measure up to or you think he doesn't measure up to the standards. I'm, I'm a echoing that the Lord has on husbands. So um let's move on from there. Uh And, and for the most part, this video is directed to ladies who did marry halfway decent men. Um But the 0:26:12 - 0:26:37 principles apply across the board. So now let's talk about the sacrifice a man makes for his life. I know you think as you look out on your life that he gets an awful lot out of your marriage. I invite you to reconsider. So, you know how, you know how there's this, this, this concept of a bachelor pad 0:26:37 - 0:27:05 and it's like a lot of stereotypes. It's based. In fact, that's probably a taboo thing to say. Um, it turns out that most guys just couldn't care less about their living situation. You know, they'll, they'll never make their bed ever because they don't care unless they watch Jordan Peterson. You know 0:27:05 - 0:27:28 , they won't clean their room, they don't care, they don't clean their apartment, they don't care, they won't make nice meals, they don't care. They don't go to events unless there are ladies there. You know, if it weren't for women, there'd be no such thing as the entertainment industry. Like no man 0:27:28 - 0:27:52 would ever go to a concert. Basically. No man would ever go to a concert if there weren't ladies present or if he wasn't going with the lady he cares about. And, and there are exceptions, but they're few and far between. There's like ladies go out and have fun. Right? And they'll go with their lady friends 0:27:51 - 0:28:16 , guys don't do that. They go pick up ladies. Right. There's a reason. There's a ladies night at bars and not a man's night. Right. There's a reason anyway. But as far as the household goes, like, if you were to walk into a bachelor's house and it was completely neat and put together and well decorated 0:28:16 - 0:28:41 . You'd assume he's gay. Right. That's, it might not be true. But that is, that's how far from normal it is. Ok. And even if, if he's put together, you know, he might have a spartan set up where there's no furniture, there's like a couch or a chair, like enough for him to sit on. It's probably second 0:28:41 - 0:29:02 hand, he's got milk crate shelves or whatever. And even if it's organized, it's gonna be very basic, right? I, I, well, I won't get into personal stories about bachelorhood, but, um, I don't wanna make this video too long and I'm sure you don't care. So, um, when you look around your living situation 0:29:01 - 0:29:29 and you think about the things you do on the weekends, right? The things that you have in your house where the money is spent, you can pretty much guarantee that that is all as far as it would be if your husband was on his own. So some significant percentage of all of that, how you spend your time, how 0:29:29 - 0:29:50 you spend your money, everything around you that you, you walk through your house every single day. Like if, if my wife was, were in charge of this room, that bucket would not be sitting there for like uh four weeks. Now. That bucket has corn in it. That's, uh, I've been running a multiyear experiment 0:29:49 - 0:30:12 of growing this flint corn out here. So I'm breeding my own corn and it has to, I have to be 100% sure. It's totally dry before I store it for good until the spring. And this is out of the way enough. It works for me. Right. If my, if my wife were in charge of this room, that bucket would not be there 0:30:12 - 0:30:50 . All right. So you get the point. The point is that your benefit, your joy is what dominates his life. And this is true to a much greater extent than you probably recognize or admit, even if he's more of a bonehead than a saint. So think about that. Now, what does your husband consider a fair trade 0:30:49 - 0:31:10 for that? What does your husband consider a fair trade for that? Oh, we didn't even talk about work. We didn't even talk about work. I think that there might be a perception that guys are hard charging and push for promotions at work and better themselves at work and all that uh out of some sort of self 0:31:10 - 0:31:37 satisfaction. Um I think the video game culture provide sufficient evidence against that. So, um many men today who are single, uh They don't work very hard. I'm not saying single men don't work hard. So if you're in that bucket don't, you know, come with pitchforks and torches. I'm sure I'll say plenty 0:31:37 - 0:31:58 that, that you'll think deserves that, but that's not one of them. Um But many men are content just chilling in a basement, playing video games all the time. Not fighting for, for promotions, not spending years, prepping themselves for a higher paying career, whatever, whatever retooling, you know, all 0:31:58 - 0:32:26 these things that you could do to earn a couple more bucks. That's not something most men do intrinsically, they're doing it for women. E either women, they have not dated or women that they are uh, in a relationship with because they know darn well, if the money turned off, you'd leave them. That's 0:32:26 - 0:32:47 the case with almost every woman. And I'm not saying it shouldn't be that way unless, you know, it's cancer or something. But if a guy were to say like, uh, you know, I think I'm done and he's not at retirement age or filthy rich. Uh Yeah, that, that would be weird. Ok. That would definitely not be a 0:32:47 - 0:33:11 great thing. Uh, because he's like, you know, I'm just gonna quit working and play video games all day, uh, and gain £400. That, that would not be a good uh, choice. So, um, yeah, so sorry, hun, you're in charge of getting all the money now and uh I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna sit in the 0:33:11 - 0:00:00 basement and play video games for the rest of my life and, and sometimes that happens. Um, so he's doing it for you by and large, by and large. That's the reason he's doing it and there, there are some exceptions, you know, but most workaholics are workaholics to get away from their wives. It's not, 0:00:00 - 0:34:03 it's not because they derive independent value from it. Most of them would much rather have a wife. They'd like to be around than a job that they hide in. News flash. You might not know that. But it's true if, if you, if you talk to these high flying, uh, power broker types who work a million hours a 0:34:03 - 0:34:26 week, um, you know, doing, doing big deals and stuff like that or, or some hotshot surgeon or something and you get to know them, you'll find out that their family life is a mess and it's not the case. Typically, it's not the case that their family life is a mess because they are a workaholic. It's that 0:34:25 - 0:34:51 they are a workaholic to flee from their mess of a family cause they feel, feel like a failure at home and they need something to show that they can do something successful. They need a source of success in their life and the source of order and peace. So, um yeah. All right. So that point being established 0:34:51 - 0:35:16 , let's talk about what a man expects in this transaction. So this is the justice level. We've, we've sort of skirted around what a woman expects, right? And, and there are some areas where there will be differences. Some women expect to be, stay at home wives, some women expect to have maids come in 0:35:16 - 0:00:00 and clean the house for them. Some women expect, um, fancy vacations maybe multiple times per year. Some women expect a vehicle. Some women expect a very nice vehicle. Um, and on and on and on. Right. Health insurance. It's like a job, you know. Well, what are the benefits? What's the paid time off? 0:00:00 - 0:36:05 What are health insurance? What kind of flex time? Some women expect flex time. They expect to be able to just drop their responsibilities because they have a headache or they're not feeling well or they're just sad and um, that they expect that ok, on the converse, they absolutely expect their husband 0:36:04 - 0:36:30 not to do that. They absolutely expect their husband to be constant in the performance of his duties. If a husband said, hey, I'm real sorry, but I'm just not gonna make the mortgage payment this month. But you know, it's just one month. In fact, it's one day out of the month. Who cares? Right. We're 0:36:30 - 0:36:55 just gonna have to deal with it. How many months could that could that happen for before the wife says, look, I'm out of here or you're out of here, which is more often the case. It's typically the lady keeps the house in a divorce, right? Um That's another expectation that we can thank modern culture 0:36:55 - 0:37:21 for is that in a divorce, a woman's situation is a million times better on average than a man's, it's, it's hers to lose and he's already lost it right out of the gate. He's got a claw to get anything out of a divorce. Even though statistically speaking, he contributed much more than half to their assets 0:37:20 - 0:37:49 and to their, their Children, not genetically of, of course, and they didn't carry them, but he is the one that made them possible. Um, for the most part and yet men don't get even half out of all of that. They, they very rarely get custody. They very frequently get saddled with alimony. They, um, lose 0:37:48 - 0:38:14 half the assets which they paid for most of, um, sometimes almost all of and so on. So the, the list of expectations are very long for a woman. What she expects to get out of a marriage is a long list. And I'm not saying it shouldn't be. Look, if you had an immensely valuable, valuable asset that you 0:38:13 - 0:38:36 were gonna put on the market to sell, why wouldn't you take the highest price you could get, why not? Why not? Right? And if you say, well, justice, you just said how important justice is. Yes. And I said you can make up for the surplus value of what you receive in exchange for what you're giving with 0:38:36 - 0:39:15 gratitude and paying it forward. So why wouldn't you get the, the most you can out of your asset? So what do men ask in return? Again? The particulars will vary, but in general, what they ask for in return is to have sex on a predictable basis and maybe some share of home duties, like cleaning, cooking 0:39:15 - 0:39:42 , whatever and they probably don't want you to gain £400. That's pretty much the list slash, don't be super mean to me, like, like treat me, treat me as you would treat me at least as well as you would. A random stranger. That's it. That's, that's basically the baseline of why men line up at the firing 0:39:42 - 0:40:06 squad of marriage and, and that's what it typically ends up being for them. They, they, they say, hey, I want predictable sex like intervals, predictable intervals of sex. I want um, some share of house duties that, that's, that's highly variable because it depends on what a woman's doing with her time 0:40:06 - 0:40:31 as far as working outside the home or not. And I, I want you to treat me as a, at least as well as you would a random person. And in exchange for that, basically, I'll give you everything I am or can ever be. Oh, and I don't want you to turn into a whale. Um, and, and that's it. Right. So, take care 0:40:31 - 0:41:04 of yourself within reason. Like, don't gorge yourself, don't treat me worse than a stranger and give me sex at regular intervals. That's it. Now, let's talk about how easy it is to completely fulfill everything your husband could ever ask for under the justice level level two. Ok. How wide is that gate 0:41:03 - 0:41:28 ? How easy is it to go through? It's so easy that you have to try with all of your might not to go into it. Let's talk about, let's just start at weight gain. Let's start at weight gain. So for some reason, no one ever taught you ladies that over the course of a woman's life, she has changes in her hormones 0:41:27 - 0:41:49 . And the reason no one taught you this by the way is because older ladies out of their competitive nature, intentionally withhold information from younger ladies so that they can have an advantage. And that is satanic. That's what Satan does is he withholds information in order to gain power over you 0:41:49 - 0:42:11 . So that's Satanic. So you should repent of that and teach all young ladies everything. You know, even the stuff that makes you look bad. So no one ever taught you that there are hormone changes throughout your life and as these occur and they all occur with age, what happens is over the course of your 0:42:10 - 0:42:39 life, you have to eat less, the older you are, the less you should eat. So how can you gauge if you're eating too much? Well, there's this thing called a scale and if you find yourself gaining a few more pounds than your normal fluctuation, you can ease up on how much you eat. And if you do this, when 0:42:39 - 0:43:04 you see yourself gaining 2 to £5 it's never a big deal. It's never a big deal. If you wait until you're 50 or £100 overweight. Now, you have an enormous problem that's going to take immensely greater sacrifice than it would have to just eat a little less at each meal. Now, as you get older, the easiest 0:43:03 - 0:43:24 way to monitor your weight, it's not gonna be by reducing your portion sizes that won't be enough anymore. And the age at which this happens varies, but it's always earlier than people seem to think. They seem to think that this is only gonna be an issue, like, say after menopause. And it, it's, it's 0:43:23 - 0:43:46 typically, it's not, it's before then. And so when you hit that point, the easiest way to regulate your weight is to skip a meal every once in a while and you don't have to get super uptight and crazy about this. You know, you can actually stack together different priorities in life to make this super 0:43:46 - 0:44:02 convenient. Like if your husband really likes a meal that you really hate, you can both lose weight and help, help him feel a little special by giving him something he really likes that. He knows you don't by making a meal and then skipping it because then it's easy to skip because you don't like it 0:44:02 - 0:44:29 anyway. Right. Things like that. It's easy. Very easy. So just by mixing up intermittent fasting, you can maintain your weight and it's harder as you get older. But, but it's easy when you take it in small steps and you know, it's coming and you, you live accordingly. So now let's talk about um you know 0:44:29 - 0:44:48 , and, and just uh you know, it, it's, it's very common sense. You don't need me to tell you. But if you're still having or nursing babies, you know, you, you gotta tend to the people you're tending to. Don't, don't be one of these crazy ladies that has, you know, gives birth to a baby that weighs £2 0:44:48 - 0:45:10 because she was anorexic her whole pregnancy or some crazy thing like that. So, um, so there's that, it's a piece of cake. It's easy. Also lift weights, different people have different things that they like to do to stay in shape. Um The reason I lead out with reducing your calories is because it is 0:45:10 - 0:45:36 massively more effective, way less impact or sorry, way more impact for way lower cost than exercise. You have to run for hours and hours and hours run for hours to, to, um, have the same weight loss that you'll get for fasting just a little while. So you can't compare the two if what you want to do 0:45:36 - 0:46:10 is lose weight. The way to do it is fast now. Um, as far as exercise, the purpose of that is cardiovascular fitness and also physique. If you're limited in time, I am an enormous proponent of weightlifting. This is for guys too because you get so much out of so little time. Now. Um, 11 massive advantage 0:46:09 - 0:46:38 ladies have in terms of physical fitness is that um, they are upper body weak but lower body strong. So from the core down, a woman can be just as strong as a man. And um, or at least a lot closer to the average when you compare the average to the average, average man to the average woman. And the reason 0:46:38 - 0:46:58 this is great is because the more muscle you put on your body, the higher your metabolism is because your base metabolic rate, the number of calories you burn while sitting on your bum doing nothing, it goes up. So as you age and your hormones change that goes down. So by lifting weights and building 0:46:58 - 0:47:20 muscle mass, you can counter balance that. You also build bone density, which is really important as you age because as you know, women lose bone density as they age and it, it can cause a lot of problems later in life, not just broken bones, but like the old lady hunch, you know, old ladies start to 0:47:20 - 0:47:44 hunch over and they get this, this uh Dowager's hump. It's called on the back of their neck. Um If you want to not look like a turtle as you get older, lifting weights is a great way to do it. I'm sorry, I'm, I'm just telling it like it is, we need more truth and less tiptoeing. Ok. Um So lifting weights 0:47:44 - 0:48:04 is great. It's also something that you might be able to get your husband into see, and we're about to get to that. So, if you, if I haven't lost you yet, which I probably have when we start talking about sex, what I'm going to do is show you how this is an enormous carrot that you can bait your husband 0:48:04 - 0:48:28 with. Um, and, and if you do it for good purposes, it's, it's not manipulation, it's improvement. You're making his life, you're making it easier for him to be better. That's a good thing. Anyway, if, if you lose weight or you're trying to, and you get yourself some of those newfangled uh, workout clothes 0:48:27 - 0:48:48 and you're working out at home. Um, and by the way, you don't need an expensive weight set to do this push ups, sit ups and jogging are free and it's a wonderful place to start. Or body weight squats for women. That's, that's actually super, super effective and you can just grab something that weighs 0:48:48 - 0:49:07 a little, you can hold your baby and do body weight squats, right? Or get the kids to jump on your back, they'll enjoy that. Right. But if you want to encourage your husband to do this with you, now you have uh time together and if you're wearing the right clothes, it'll be an easy thing for him to agree 0:49:07 - 0:49:39 to easier. Ok. Um, so just use that to, to grease the skids. So, um, so there's that, uh, since we're, well, this is kind of a mix in with this some of you ladies are unhappy because your husband's turning into fat slobs and whether it's just obesity or just laziness or whether it's both. Um, you should 0:49:38 - 0:50:06 definitely think about how you can entice him to be a better person through, um, giving him more of things he values. So, in the case of most marriages and most men, a little sex goes a long way. Now again, you're not going to hear this at church and it's a real travesty and, and part of it comes out 0:50:06 - 0:50:27 of this false idea. Sorry, we're, we're jumping right into the, the punch line. The last thing I wanna say about lifting weights, ok. As you age, your skin is gonna get saggy. It's just collagen, it's just genetics. It's just, it is what it is. There are some things you can do about that. Like if you 0:50:27 - 0:50:50 incorporate collagen into your diet, um don't get ripped off by pills, just get the powder. It's good for you for a lot of reasons. It's not just a vain thing. It's, it's good for your body too. It's good for your bones. Uh I mean your joints, your muscles, uh collagen will increase will, will help prevent 0:50:49 - 0:51:12 muscle injuries and joint injuries and it will also help you recover 30% faster. I'm passionate about this. I tore my rotator cuff in three places and I was extremely injured and in massive pain for like three years until I started taking collagen because I hit the peer reviewed literature. I said there 0:51:12 - 0:51:34 has to be something I can do to help this heal 30% faster. It's been known for a long time, but it's not very published. So I'm kind of a, a huge advocate and evangelist about collagen. Anyway, there are other things you can take for tighter skin. Intermittent fasting, helps tighten your skin. So those 0:51:33 - 0:51:52 are all things to consider. But when you lift weights, see most women go their whole life without lifting weights. If you start lifting weights at a later age, what you're gonna find is that your skin gets tight again because there are muscles under there and muscles take up space. And so if you've been 0:51:51 - 0:52:13 , you know, kind of kind of slim your whole life or on the order of that and your skin starts stag sagging, you start lifting weights all of a sudden your skin's gonna be tight again and it's also a really easy way to get shapely. And this is, this is, um, this is extremely true of women. It's, I, as 0:52:13 - 0:52:40 a guy who likes lifting weights, I'm very jealous of ladies because they can do the tiniest amount of, um, leg exercises, glute exercises, leg exercises and, um, make incredible progress in the shape of their legs and butt. And for guys it just doesn't work that way. And I don't know why it's really 0:52:40 - 0:53:00 weird. Ok. But just by doing, you could look up the exercise of hip thrust with, and build up to doing it with weights. You do something little like that or, or, um, donkey kicks, I think they're called stuff like that. You just do a little 15 minute workout three times a week and you are going to have 0:53:00 - 0:53:22 immensely noticeable results. It's the easiest thing in the world. So if you care about that or your husband does, um, that's a real easy thing to do. It's easy. Not a lot of time, not a lot of effort. Ok, so let's move on to the, the punch line, the nitty gritty, the good stuff. So if you look at a 0:53:22 - 0:53:46 man's day, we're getting back to quality man sacrifices his life for his wife. Um If you look at a quality man's day, he's, he's working at least eight hours a day. Monday through Friday. He probably spends a good chunk of his weekend either, uh, taking care of a, to do list that, that you gave him or 0:53:46 - 0:54:04 hopefully he's not that beta and he proactively makes the environment better in the ways that he can. Um, but he's probably killing himself all weekend for you. Now, that's not what a typical man does. Typical man spends as much as we can watching football or whatever as he can or playing basketball 0:54:04 - 0:54:28 with his friends. But, um, you know, a quality man is going to be oriented towards you on the weekends. But let's talk about during the week. So you got 24 hours of that. He's probably spending maybe 45 between showering and going to the bathroom in a day. Ok. Yes. And hopefully he's spending about an 0:54:28 - 0:54:50 hour praying or reading or something. And I'm just plucking these numbers out of thin air. The particulars will be different per man. But I just want to give a sketch here. K uh, he might sleep eight hours a night if he's not a weirdo. And frankly, that's healthy. OK. Nothing wrong with that. So if I've 0:54:50 - 0:55:19 got this correct, he's got about uh 14 hours and 15 minutes left per day, which he spends basically on you, basically on you. So even on a daily basis, now do not misconstrue what I'm saying. And now all over L DS Freedom Forum, Old Rob Smith says wives need to have sex with their husbands every day 0:55:18 - 0:55:43 . Not what I'm saying. I'm saying like that's the worst case scenario, right? Even in the worst case, the internet says this is not anything personal. So don't, don't interpret it that way. The internet says the the average sexual encounter is 15 minutes long. So even in the worst case, using those numbers 0:55:42 - 0:56:14 , he's willing to give you 14 hours a day in exchange for 15 minutes. Oversimplifying. Of course, right? But we're just doing some napkin math. So if I told you that, that um you could access 14 hours of manpower per day and all you, you could have a slave for 14 hours every day and all you'd have to 0:56:14 - 0:56:43 do is work for 15 minutes to get it. I'll tell you a productive person who works full time. They're always making this calculation of cost benefit in terms of I make X an hour. What would it cost me to pay someone to fix my gutter or change the oil in my car versus my time to do it? What do I have to 0:56:43 - 0:57:05 give up? And what's the value of that? So, the rule of thumb is if what you're getting is greater than what you're giving based on what you get paid per hour, you would do it. That's the, that's the rational approach to that. Right. It's pretty simple if I let's just throw out a really big round number 0:57:05 - 0:57:27 . So the math's easy if I make 100 bucks an hour and, uh, I could pay someone $10 to do something that would take me one hour. Why would I not do that? I just, I could work an extra hour and then keep all the extra, you know, or I could just work that fraction of an hour and then I get most of an hour 0:57:27 - 0:57:54 in return. That's work like you don't enjoy it. You don't get anything out of it while you're doing it. But let's hope that for most women, sex is not so one sided and if it is, I encourage you to think about things you could do to help train your husband to better understand what he could do and what 0:57:54 - 0:58:15 it would mean to you. Ok. And that, that's not so, so gruesome to have to think about. Is it like, um, I always laugh and am a little uncomfortable when people tell me, oh, we're trying to have a baby or we've been trying for six months. And it's funny because they say it like, it's some burden to them 0:58:15 - 0:58:36 and I'm thinking like, good for you. Like, first off, that's tm I, I'd rather not know but good for you. Like, like, uh there are worse ways you could be spending your time, you know. So it's not like learning calculus, teaching your husband his way around the bedroom is, is, is there are worse things 0:58:35 - 0:58:53 that you could spend with your time to spend your time on, right. Hopefully those are things you get something out of. But even if you don't get a dang thing out of it, ok. And, and this, we also need to address this. This is on the big list of things guys ought to know, uh, in order to give informed 0:58:53 - 0:59:19 consent in marriage and no one tells them this. But thankfully because the internet they're learning most women. So, so guys get made fun of because we actually have a libido. Um, most women have, uh li libido is actually a more generic term than we treat it. Um But guys, because of testosterone, the 0:59:19 - 0:59:44 wonder hormone. Um Guys will continue to have what's called a spontaneous libido. That's a more precise term um until their testosterone declines with age beyond a certain extent. And it takes a long time, it takes decades and decades to get there under normal conditions. Uh Now there's a crisis of that 0:59:44 - 1:00:04 . That's different topic, different videos and blog posts on that. However, for a woman that is not true and there's this myth, I'm not sure where it came from that the that older women have higher libido than, than younger women. That's not true. And um if it's true with specific individuals, it's absolutely 1:00:04 - 1:00:32 not true with almost all women. Women only have. This is, this is from the literature. This is not my opinion, women only have spontaneous libido from the onset of maturity in the teenage years until low twenties, early twenties that stops. So what you'll find is the experience of most men. Again, I 1:00:32 - 1:00:55 am not talking about my own personal life anywhere in this video. So please don't think that that's the case. It's irrelevant to anything. I'm saying. Most men complain most married men because they say, look, I thought I had this expectation of what the sex life would be in marriage. And the second 1:00:55 - 1:01:16 we got married or the second my wife had a baby, it just either really, really, really, really reduced or it stopped. Something like 25% of men are in sexless marriage, marriages. And in these, if you look at the statistics, it's horrifying because, because like we've said in this, there's only like 1:01:15 - 1:01:37 three things that a guy cares about really in marriage, it's all he really gets out of it from a justice perspective. If he's on the charity level, it's a different story. Right. But we should not be imposing charity level motive on men and then telling women, oh, no, you just go for the celestial level 1:01:37 - 1:02:03 of this. You just go for what you can get. That's what you're in it for. Don't you dare let a man tell you anything about equal exchange and justice. He's expected to be charitable. You're expected to just get whatever you can out of him. So, um that spontaneous libido, it disappears at around 22 gone 1:02:02 - 1:02:26 forever gone and it only gets worse with time because of those hormonal changes, you know, um and, and you can't pin down and say specific things equal specific things. Although menopause almost universally equals much less sex. Ok. But the stuff that happens before then either age related hormonal changes 1:02:26 - 1:02:45 or pregnancy and nursing. Um for the most part, it's all downhill. But sometimes you can get these individual cases where a lady is more interested when she's pregnant or whatever. But and it it varies by pregnancy. Women are agents of change. Everything is just unpredictable and changing all the time 1:02:45 - 1:03:10 . However, my, my point with all of this is to say, suppose you get nothing out of it. Yes, you do. You get 14 hours of his work out of it. 14 hours of his life out of it. And that's on a daily interval. You can scale up the math. If it's every two days, every three days, every four days, every seven 1:03:10 - 1:03:41 days, every two weeks, it's immense. So, what does justice require? No, there's two more things I think that I'm gonna say and then we're gonna close it up. One is about what does justice require in the other is about um Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. The, the, the whole interval thing. Um People have said that 1:03:41 - 1:04:04 . So, so people who work in this field, they actually are like sex counselors and stuff. This is online all over the place that um one way to make time for, for sex with your husband is to make it on it a fixed interval and you say like, hey, Wednesday nights or whatever or whatever, whatever works for 1:04:03 - 1:04:30 you both. Um I, you know, I can't imagine a husband having a problem with that or pushing back against that, but, you know, whatever, everyone's different. Um But there's no need to be so regimented about it if you just have in your mind, hey, every so often, whatever right now, um I encourage you to 1:04:29 - 1:04:49 look into the things that we've talked about in this video and to give some a try, you don't have to tell me how it went. Uh, as a reminder, the rule of thumb is I don't want to hear from married ladies unless you know, on an email, they're c seeing their husbands and that's as a protection against some 1:04:49 - 0:00:00 crazy situations that I've had the misfortune of being a victim of. I'll say, uh, with ladies who got crazy ideas in their heads and, um, it's, it's very unfortunate. So, um, that's a protection and, and I ask you to honor that. So I don't wanna hear how this went. Um your husbands can email me and, 0:00:00 - 1:05:36 and say thanks. Um But um the final thing I want to say about this is on the broader topic of justice and I have a duty to do this as a servant of the Lord. This, this isn't specific to the things we've talked about in this video. But because the topic came up, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say it. It is excruciatingly 1:05:34 - 1:05:57 important for us to evaluate the degree to which we have complied with God's justice in our life by God's justice. I mean, according to his understanding of the value of things and the law of cause and effect, how adequately have we lived up to the blessings that we've received in terms of what we have 1:05:57 - 1:06:26 and what we want, what we ask for. Have we valued the good up to how good it is and have we paid the price to deserve the blessings that we've received? Now I already mentioned earlier in the video with specific examples, how nothing you ever do will make you deserve the blessings that God gives you 1:06:25 - 1:06:52 . However, what he expects is that we're grateful for them, for what they really are and what they cost to give us. And that we forward that same level of goodness to others that we give to others, what he has given to us, even when they deserve it as little as we did when we received it from him. This 1:06:52 - 1:07:19 is God's standard and you have to live up to the blessings that He's given you or he will take them away. Now, in times past till now, in the history of the world, there's been much mercy in play and mercy is the delay of justice. Justice is to get what you deserve. One way or the other mercy is to delay 1:07:19 - 1:07:46 . Justice. Justice has been delayed for most people until they die at the day of judgment. All justice will be paid till now. Justice has been delayed for most people while they live. It's not true for all people. But um many people have had some measure of justice poured out in their lives but not the 1:07:45 - 1:08:12 fullness. And for most people, it's, it's reserved for a different time and that's a blessing. It's to give us more time to deserve better things or to deserve what we've already been given. So it won't be taken away, but we live in the end times and one inescapable quality of the end times is God's 1:08:12 - 1:08:38 justice will be poured out, it will be poured out on every individual and the entire world. It's a process. It's a process and it's a process like that. Like many of the Lord's processes, it, it consists of a gradient with impulses. So a ramp with s seemingly sudden jumps. So it's a smooth ramp with 1:08:38 - 1:09:10 seemingly sudden jumps. And if you haven't already, I promise you, you will absolutely see this in your life. So now specifically applying this general principle to the topic of husbands and how you treat them. Our system gives you all sorts of ability to take advantage of your husband and most wives 1:09:09 - 1:09:45 do and most wives do for every lady I know who married a man who doesn't treat her as well as he should. I probably know 10 men who married a woman who don't treat doesn't treat him like she should. It's a very lopsided phenomenon and the reason is because marriage laws and the cult culture of Christian 1:09:44 - 1:10:17 churches are very lopsided in favor of women. They have privilege to put it in modern parlance, significant privilege society and your church are never going to encourage you, let alone, um, compel you to treat your husband as you should as he deserves based on what he gives you. And that's what we're 1:10:17 - 1:10:48 talking about and that's very particular to who he is and how he is in your situation. But if you do not do this willingly, I promise you in the name of the Lord that if you live long enough to see it, there will come a time where you regret it with all of your soul. I promise you. And even if you are 1:10:48 - 1:11:13 taken before that time comes as an individual or societally, I promise you that in the day of judgment, you will regret it with all of your soul, everything that God has placed into our lives. You know, I just had a conversation this morning via email with a friend of mine about uh uh what he feels is 1:11:12 - 1:11:45 a mistake he made and he was he very apologetic about it. Very, very repentant. And is it, there is a great example of taking the lower seats so that you can be invited higher. And I said, don't sweat it, man, don't sweat it. You know, God, he, he, he knows that we're going to be who we are until we 1:11:45 - 1:12:08 become like He is. And He is so great that He arranges everything so that, that all of our weakness ends up serving his purposes. And it's not absolutely not an excuse to continue in sin or to ever do less than the best we know. But what I'm saying is as we continue to do the best, we know, we are absolutely 1:12:07 - 1:12:34 gonna look back and say, man, I had no idea the opportunities I had that I've ruined, I've ruined it and that's good. It's a good thing to condemn your past self. It's the one case where you should treat someone like a pin cushion, right? Condemn your past self freely. That's no holds barred. Let him 1:12:34 - 1:13:02 have it or let her have it because you've now become a better person. You've admitted more of what God had to give into you and become more like him and you need escape velocity from who you used to be so freely condemn your past self. No holds barred and be free from the guilt because that is a gift 1:13:01 - 1:13:23 from God. He's already paid the price. His greatness makes up for all of our weakness. And I know that to be the the case. But look at the scriptures, look at, look at the, the heritage of the Lord himself, look in his family tree at all the skeletons, all the nonsense that happened before he was born 1:13:23 - 1:13:46 in his progenitors and in his culture and out of that came the lamb of God. If he can do that, in that case, he can do it in yours. He can redeem. That's why he's called the redeemer. And I know that in the, in the ancient languages, that that means to buy someone out of slavery to pay someone's debt 1:13:46 - 1:14:13 . But it also means what we mean when we say it in English to redeem, a situation is to make something good out of something bad and that's his name. That is his name. So redeem, whatever, whatever nonsense you've done in your marriage, whatever good you've done left undone. Redeem it, redeem it, love 0:00:00 - 0:00:26 All right. So, um it has come time to have a little discussion about sexual matters and um this one is, is directed to the ladies. Uh There's a lot to talk about under this topic and um but we're just gonna take a slice of it and you know, it's really messed up that uh that I need to take my time to 0:00:26 - 0:00:59 talk about this for what you'll see, I think are pretty common sense matters. But in the gross failure, failure of um existing Chris Christian churches um is included, the fact that these matters are not discussed and in their place, many false or harmful traditions exist and that's a real shame. And 0:00:59 - 0:01:27 so it's incumbent upon us to call out all good that we see to try to persuade people towards whatever improvement that we see all in concert with our own holistic approach to the Lord, meaning our entire life, every aspect of it. And so this is a blanket that should cover everyone's entire life. And 0:01:27 - 0:01:48 yet, you know, we cherry pick specific topics and it's wrong, it's bad. Um But, you know, instead of just beating someone over the head with, hey, this is bad. We can also avert that and say there are tremendous, tremendous fruits just hanging on the tree that you can just pick. It reminds me of there 0:01:48 - 0:02:04 was a, there's a plum tree on the side of a highway here and the highway here, it's, it's one lane either way. It's not like some four lane crazy, whatever. So you could pull over and, and there's a plum tree just right there. Uh In fact, there, I think there are three of them in a row and it's not anyone's 0:02:03 - 0:02:20 property. It's just, you know, the state easement have no idea how they got there. Um But you could just pull over and pick them and, and there are so many blessings that God offers that are like that they're low hanging fruit. And so we're, we're gonna talk about some of these things today and like 0:02:20 - 0:02:38 I said, we're gonna, we're gonna focus this one on the ladies. It's probably the most urgent part of this that needs to get out. And so, you know, be mature about it and don't be butt hurt if you happen to not be. Uh, let's see if you happen to be afflicted with something that's on the opposite side 0:02:38 - 0:02:59 of this page. You know, you're a lady and, and you've got some frustrations towards your husband. Great. I've made videos about husbands too. Uh You should go find them and forward them to your husband. Um And I'll make many more, many more. So let's talk about this. Um 11 of the, so there are three 0:02:59 - 0:03:25 levels of motive. You could categorize motive into three levels and you could probably sub categorize it. But there's just one possible separation. What are those motives? Level? One is I get everything I can, I get everything I can. And in the scriptures, this is called to get gain. That's the phrase 0:03:24 - 0:03:47 you'll see. So if you want to learn more about it, search the scriptures for the phrase to get Gain. Another level is I get what I deserve. And so you orient your life, you decide what you want and then you orient your life towards what would be fair, what you would deserve. And that's justice. So if 0:03:47 - 0:04:09 you want to learn more about that, you can search the scriptures for justice. Um The third level, you could also look at the words, judgment and righteousness. If you wanted a really big study on that, those are the keywords. The third level is charity and that flips the script. And instead of saying 0:04:08 - 0:04:35 I get you're saying I give and what do you give uh more than what you, what the person deserves. And then that's the entry point and then it goes all the way up to everything you can. So the fullness of charity is to give all that you can to who to everyone you can. And of course, this is what describes 0:04:34 - 0:04:57 the Lord's behavior. As we read, he does nothing. Save it be for the benefit of the world. He's optimized for the greatest good of all, all the time. So there's, there's no sliver of that held out for himself. He's completely dedicated to everyone else. So in marriage, we can have these, we can choose 0:04:57 - 0:05:25 which of these three motives that we can, we can um adopt that were actuated by. And uh men. As I discuss in other videos, men are called to the highest, which is to say that we are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Uh I discussed that at length. So what are women called to? Well 0:05:25 - 0:05:51 , women are called to the same charity. OK. But it turns out that that's not a message that you hear very often. And unfortunately, not only do you not hear the ideal, we don't talk about how far from, not just the ideal, but those other two levels, we don't talk about those at all. So, so women are 0:05:51 - 0:06:18 also called to the highest, the third level, the selfless level, but they don't even live the justice level as far as societal norms go. They're not expected to live that even instead the societal norms teach women even in church. I'm saying even in church because you could say, well, the societal norms 0:06:18 - 0:06:42 teach this for men too. Not really, I'll get to that. But even in church, women are oriented to the bottom rung which is get anything you can, you can do no wrong. Everything you do is justified. Get all you can get as far as the legal limits. That's your only limit, right? And even that if you get away 0:06:41 - 0:07:09 with it, it's fine. And this could be a very long video to really lay all this out and prove this to you. But we'll see how far we get. Now, let's, let's address this uh counter potential counterclaim that men are also societally encouraged to get all they can. No, they aren't because even in the basis 0:07:08 - 0:07:37 of persuasions in society, in modern society, um that is still gate kept by women, there's still barriers, there are still expectations imposed. And this is why, for example, a man begins becoming a man from the second, he develops interest in women. It doesn't matter how young he is, the clock starts 0:07:37 - 0:07:58 ticking because from, from the 1st 2nd, his desires for women will be gate kept by the women. They will impose standards upon him. And that's just something intrinsic to women. They, they have standards which is great, right? And they should be really high, great. Um It's, it's super serious in fact 0:07:58 - 0:08:23 that they are high, it's very important. It's, it's, it's one of the most important things for them, for you all if you're watching this. So um in the intended audience, so a man learns right away, starts learning that he has to choose things in life he has to give up certain things in life if he wants 0:08:22 - 0:08:44 women and it, it's not all women, but the women he chooses, there are sacrifices that have to be made. There's an orientation of priorities and he has to decide that and it's beaten into his head from day one. Even if, even if we're talking about something less than sexual desire for, of a man, just 0:08:44 - 0:09:04 , just to get attention of a woman, even his mother, there are expectations in return for that. Every relationship with a woman, a man will learn that every relationship in a woman has a cost. And it's his choice whether he wants to pay that price. And it doesn't matter what the particulars of the situation 0:09:03 - 0:09:27 the relationship are. Uh it's true of all women and a man will learn this from day one. It's, it's not even something he ever has to think about because it's just so immersive. So how do women learn these, the, the opposite? Well, what, what they're immersed in as soon as they start to develop physically 0:09:25 - 0:09:54 uh in a way that can be externally noticed, they uh begin getting things that they don't deserve. They begin getting things simply because uh men want things from them and women are competitive in nature, right? And so their relationships with men and women will change based on how they look as they 0:09:54 - 0:10:22 grow into maturity. And the change that happens is a diversion from so deviation from justice, which is level two, right? And so they're steeped in level one. So, whereas a man is called out of level one, basically, um at at least, at least partially, we'll say at least partially. So not out of nobility 0:10:21 - 0:10:42 , but even just out of the basis desire, a man will be called out of level one. Although some people cling uh many people cling, many men cling to it tenaciously, but they've got 1 ft injustice. They have to, they have to because a man cannot get what he wants out of women. So that's to get gain, right 0:10:42 - 0:11:12 ? He cannot get what he wants unless he has something to give her that she wants right? With women. A man will, will give it up front. That's the difference. It's a, it's an order. The man has to give up front the cost. A woman gets the benefit up front and she gets to pay the cost later. Maybe that's 0:11:11 - 0:11:36 , that's the difference. It's a complete swap. All right. So from a very young age, uh a young lady will, you know, as, as she starts to turn into a lady, she starts getting all this stuff she doesn't deserve and it's attention. You know, it's, it's not just material things but it's attention. Um It's 0:11:36 - 0:11:57 , if she's, if she's old enough to work, she'll get promotions, she doesn't deserve, she'll get jobs she doesn't deserve and on and on and on and you gotta break the mold of just thinking these are sexual benefits or that they're benefits given in the hope of sex. That's, that is not at all the case 0:11:56 - 0:12:23 . That's not the limit. It's included, it's not the limit. You know, if, if, if a woman's attractive, she can get a job, even if the person hiring her has no interest in having sex with her and she'll have an advantage over someone who has equal talents but is not as attractive. That is a fact, it's 0:12:22 - 0:12:48 , it's, you can show it in, in research, it's been shown there is a, a um an advantage now. Um and this happens in social settings too. So, so if you and this is men and women do this, they give an advantage to attractive women. If you ask people to um evaluate the intelligence of a person of a woman 0:12:48 - 0:13:24 , the more attractive she is, the more they will score her as intelligent. Even if she performs exactly the same as less attractive women on, on intelligence tasks, there is an advantage. OK. Um So, and, and like I said, it, men and women have this bias towards attractive women. So um this, this, there's 0:13:24 - 0:13:49 this strong encouragement or um even if not encouragement, there's a strong allowance to remain at the basis level of motivation for ladies. And it doesn't exist in any comparative comparable form for men. OK. So how does this have to do with marriage? Because that's where we're going? Uh what does justice 0:13:48 - 0:14:19 require in marriage. So, there's this, um, myth because it is a myth that marriage is meant to be an equal partnership. That it's, it's a, it's a trade and some people get flowery and say, well, it's not 5050 it's 101 100. Yeah. Whatever. Ok. Whatever women prefer men who are better than they are. That 0:14:19 - 0:14:46 is also a measurable fact. And in all of these things, right, You there could be an exception. But if, if much more than 50% of people have a certain quality in a certain class, then you go with the majority to describe the majority. OK? And when it's like 98% then you really go with that and you can't 0:14:46 - 0:15:10 just point to a counterexample and say therefore this isn't true. Well, look if it's true for 98 out of 100 I think we're still good or whatever it is. OK? But women prefer men who are better than them and the ones that don't usually change their minds. So there's that OK? Um And this is not a bad thing 0:15:10 - 0:15:42 . This is a good thing. This is a good thing because good men, good men will measure their value in terms of the value they render to others. And so woman who appreciates high value enough to overtly say I'm looking for a man better than I am. That will be a um a beacon to show a high value man. Wow 0:15:42 - 0:16:03 , this is a person that, that, uh, you know, I'm, I'm gonna give my life for whoever I marry. But here's a person that will actually make use of it and that's gonna be more valuable to me because you can't have joy beyond what you value. That's a limiting factor is what do you value and how much, it's 0:16:02 - 0:16:23 not just about having things that are valuable. If you don't see that they're valuable, then what's the point? What's, what's the value of a gift that isn't, um, valued? So it doesn't matter how much it costs. You know, I had a girlfriend once I got her flowers and I've, I've had a girlfriend more than 0:16:23 - 0:16:42 once but I, one of the girlfriends I had way back when I got her flowers and it, it wasn't, it, I mean, it's, it's dumb but like, I wasn't making tons of money. They were expensive. Um, and I had to go, like, way out of my way to get them because for whatever reason, the, the paths I traveled, uh, on 0:16:42 - 0:16:59 a daily basis, there's no florist anywhere near there. I got her the flowers and she was kind of glancing and I was like, oh, thanks and just went about her way. She didn't care. And so I was like, ok, and I never bought her flowers again because why would I go through all that work if she doesn't care 0:16:58 - 0:17:19 ? But if she was happy about it, it'd be more than worth the sacrifice, right? And I was just like, well, I'll focus my things, my, my activities on what she values anyway. It's like that. So if, if you do value a high value man, and you say like, well, that's what I'm looking for. That's great. It's 0:17:19 - 0:17:51 a good thing and good men will see it as a good thing. Ok. So suppose you win the relationship lottery and you find a guy who ends up being better than you. Ok? Um That means that he's contributing more to you than you are to him. And that violates justice. So how do you make up for that? Because your 0:17:51 - 0:18:16 will to be better can only go so far. Plus if he chose you when you were less that imposes this. Uh It's like a debt that can't be repaid and, and there are things about our relationship with God that we can learn from this and vice versa. So he loved us first. Paul says so nothing we can do. He loved 0:18:16 - 0:18:39 us while we were yet sinners. So even if we repent of all of our sins, we can never pay him back because he did something for us in a condition that we can't go back and reverse, right? This is like uh as a mother when you have a child, if that, if that child grows up to be a much better person than 0:18:38 - 0:19:03 you, God still requires parents, uh Children to honor their parents, even if their parents are dirtbags. Why? Because their parents, especially their mother, their mother made this huge sacrifice in literally risking her life to have this kid while she knew nothing about the kid, she didn't know the 0:19:03 - 0:19:25 kid was gonna grow up and be an excellent person. And if she looked around the the uniform probability suggests that that the kid's gonna be a bonehead because most people are and she chose to sacrifice anyway and is now a wonderful blessing. So, so mothers get the opportunity to sacrifice for, for a 0:19:25 - 0:19:50 person that certainly doesn't deserve it. And then sometimes they grow up to honor that sacrifice and return something through it for it. But many times they don't. So it's like that, right? If a, if a quality man accepts you and you've chosen someone better than you, and it turns out to actually be 0:19:50 - 0:20:14 that way because a lot of times mistakes are made, then there's nothing you can ever do to pay that back. So how do you fulfill justice? Well, through gratitude, through paying it forward, but also through, through being happy about it, through thinking about and being honest about the transaction that 0:20:14 - 0:20:37 has occurred. That's how you pay it back just like we do with the Lord. You're never gonna get even with God. But what does he ask it? Well, first off, he says, you're my friend. If you keep my commandments, you're my friend. If you love one another. And so we say to God, look, we can never pay you back 0:20:36 - 0:21:07 for what you did. And he says, don't worry about it just be to other people as I am to you and we'll call it good. That's what I require. If you do that, I will give you everything. I have. What a bargain, right? What a bargain. So, and I, you know I'm saying that in a very flat way because I'm using 0:21:07 - 0:21:30 all my might to not think about the depth of what that means because I won't be able to talk anymore. I'll be crying and I'll be lost in this flood of thoughts about how valuable it is to me personally. So that is the same relationship that you're meant to have with your husband supposing you've chosen 0:21:30 - 0:21:58 wisely and, and you've got a good one, you're supposed to pay it forward, you're supposed to enjoy the happiness that he's paid for. And that, that's all a good husband is going to ask from you. That's all is that you just enjoy what he is paying for. There's a, there's a scene from saving private Ryan 0:21:57 - 0:22:25 and I love this scene where uh this, this man who ends up sacrificing his life tells the guy he's dying for and he knows he's dying and he's a young man and this, this guy is older. Um And he says, earn this. Those are his last two words and it frames the whole movie. And you see, you know, there's a 0:22:25 - 0:23:09 World War Two movie. You see the young man who's private Ryan as an old man at the, at the grave of this, this guy who died for him. He's got his family there, his, uh, his grandkids and, uh, you know, he went to visit the grave to make the case that he made use of that sacrifice. And that's what we 0:23:09 - 0:23:31 should do for our parents. And that's what wives should do for their husbands. Because if the guy is doing what he's meant to do in any fashion, to any degree, anywhere close to what he's supposed to be doing. He is, he is giving his life for you and he probably already has in a way because his best 0:23:30 - 0:23:52 years are probably behind him now and he probably spent those years with you and for you. So let's talk about that or I guess before we go to, to that, maybe we should pause and divert over to. Yeah. But what if I married a bonehead? I'm gonna make a video about that too. And we're gonna talk about abigail 0:23:52 - 0:24:23 and naval. Paul. Paul said a lot to and about servants, right? Like slaves, you know, they were, they were servants back then. And he said, servants, love your masters serve them like you would Jesus. Now slaves in, in that time, you could be an indentured servant, which means that you put yourself into 0:24:23 - 0:24:55 slavery and you get paid to do it, you know. Um, but there were also slaves from war and other less noble, um, means. And so for Paul to say, servants serve your masters like you would. Christ. That's a big deal. That's, that's quite a statement and he gives reasons for that and you can look that up 0:24:55 - 0:25:19 and study it if you'd like. My point is if that's true to any degree, how much more should wives serve their husbands, even if their husbands are knuckleheads. Now, again, what it means to serve, that's, that's where as you would, the Lord comes in, right? You actually have to use your brain and your 0:25:18 - 0:25:43 heart and your knowledge about the Lord and his will. It's not just to become an automaton that, that blindly follows whatever crazy thing your husband expects from you, but we'll talk about that more when we get to abigail and naval. Um But my point is you're not off the hook if you think that your 0:25:43 - 0:26:12 husband's bonehead, if your husband does not measure up to or you think he doesn't measure up to the standards. I'm, I'm a echoing that the Lord has on husbands. So um let's move on from there. Uh And, and for the most part, this video is directed to ladies who did marry halfway decent men. Um But the 0:26:12 - 0:26:37 principles apply across the board. So now let's talk about the sacrifice a man makes for his life. I know you think as you look out on your life that he gets an awful lot out of your marriage. I invite you to reconsider. So, you know how, you know how there's this, this, this concept of a bachelor pad 0:26:37 - 0:27:05 and it's like a lot of stereotypes. It's based. In fact, that's probably a taboo thing to say. Um, it turns out that most guys just couldn't care less about their living situation. You know, they'll, they'll never make their bed ever because they don't care unless they watch Jordan Peterson. You know 0:27:05 - 0:27:28 , they won't clean their room, they don't care, they don't clean their apartment, they don't care, they won't make nice meals, they don't care. They don't go to events unless there are ladies there. You know, if it weren't for women, there'd be no such thing as the entertainment industry. Like no man 0:27:28 - 0:27:52 would ever go to a concert. Basically. No man would ever go to a concert if there weren't ladies present or if he wasn't going with the lady he cares about. And, and there are exceptions, but they're few and far between. There's like ladies go out and have fun. Right? And they'll go with their lady friends 0:27:51 - 0:28:16 , guys don't do that. They go pick up ladies. Right. There's a reason. There's a ladies night at bars and not a man's night. Right. There's a reason anyway. But as far as the household goes, like, if you were to walk into a bachelor's house and it was completely neat and put together and well decorated 0:28:16 - 0:28:41 . You'd assume he's gay. Right. That's, it might not be true. But that is, that's how far from normal it is. Ok. And even if, if he's put together, you know, he might have a spartan set up where there's no furniture, there's like a couch or a chair, like enough for him to sit on. It's probably second 0:28:41 - 0:29:02 hand, he's got milk crate shelves or whatever. And even if it's organized, it's gonna be very basic, right? I, I, well, I won't get into personal stories about bachelorhood, but, um, I don't wanna make this video too long and I'm sure you don't care. So, um, when you look around your living situation 0:29:01 - 0:29:29 and you think about the things you do on the weekends, right? The things that you have in your house where the money is spent, you can pretty much guarantee that that is all as far as it would be if your husband was on his own. So some significant percentage of all of that, how you spend your time, how 0:29:29 - 0:29:50 you spend your money, everything around you that you, you walk through your house every single day. Like if, if my wife was, were in charge of this room, that bucket would not be sitting there for like uh four weeks. Now. That bucket has corn in it. That's, uh, I've been running a multiyear experiment 0:29:49 - 0:30:12 of growing this flint corn out here. So I'm breeding my own corn and it has to, I have to be 100% sure. It's totally dry before I store it for good until the spring. And this is out of the way enough. It works for me. Right. If my, if my wife were in charge of this room, that bucket would not be there 0:30:12 - 0:30:50 . All right. So you get the point. The point is that your benefit, your joy is what dominates his life. And this is true to a much greater extent than you probably recognize or admit, even if he's more of a bonehead than a saint. So think about that. Now, what does your husband consider a fair trade 0:30:49 - 0:31:10 for that? What does your husband consider a fair trade for that? Oh, we didn't even talk about work. We didn't even talk about work. I think that there might be a perception that guys are hard charging and push for promotions at work and better themselves at work and all that uh out of some sort of self 0:31:10 - 0:31:37 satisfaction. Um I think the video game culture provide sufficient evidence against that. So, um many men today who are single, uh They don't work very hard. I'm not saying single men don't work hard. So if you're in that bucket don't, you know, come with pitchforks and torches. I'm sure I'll say plenty 0:31:37 - 0:31:58 that, that you'll think deserves that, but that's not one of them. Um But many men are content just chilling in a basement, playing video games all the time. Not fighting for, for promotions, not spending years, prepping themselves for a higher paying career, whatever, whatever retooling, you know, all 0:31:58 - 0:32:26 these things that you could do to earn a couple more bucks. That's not something most men do intrinsically, they're doing it for women. E either women, they have not dated or women that they are uh, in a relationship with because they know darn well, if the money turned off, you'd leave them. That's 0:32:26 - 0:32:47 the case with almost every woman. And I'm not saying it shouldn't be that way unless, you know, it's cancer or something. But if a guy were to say like, uh, you know, I think I'm done and he's not at retirement age or filthy rich. Uh Yeah, that, that would be weird. Ok. That would definitely not be a 0:32:47 - 0:33:11 great thing. Uh, because he's like, you know, I'm just gonna quit working and play video games all day, uh, and gain 400 pounds. That, that would not be a good uh, choice. So, um, yeah, so sorry, hun, you're in charge of getting all the money now and uh I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna sit in 0:33:11 - 0:33:34 the basement and play video games for the rest of my life and, and sometimes that happens. Um, so he's doing it for you by and large, by and large. That's the reason he's doing it and there, there are some exceptions, you know, but most workaholics are workaholics to get away from their wives. It's not 0:33:34 - 0:34:03 , it's not because they derive independent value from it. Most of them would much rather have a wife. They'd like to be around than a job that they hide in. News flash. You might not know that. But it's true if, if you, if you talk to these high flying, uh, power broker types who work a million hours 0:34:02 - 0:34:25 a week, um, you know, doing, doing big deals and stuff like that or, or some hotshot surgeon or something and you get to know them, you'll find out that their family life is a mess and it's not the case. Typically, it's not the case that their family life is a mess because they are a workaholic. It's 0:34:25 - 0:34:51 that they are a workaholic to flee from their mess of a family cause they feel, feel like a failure at home and they need something to show that they can do something successful. They need a source of success in their life and the source of order and peace. So, um yeah. All right. So that point being 0:34:50 - 0:35:16 established, let's talk about what a man expects in this transaction. So this is the justice level. We've, we've sort of skirted around what a woman expects, right? And, and there are some areas where there will be differences. Some women expect to be, stay at home wives, some women expect to have maids 0:35:15 - 0:35:38 come in and clean the house for them. Some women expect, um, fancy vacations maybe multiple times per year. Some women expect a vehicle. Some women expect a very nice vehicle. Um, and on and on and on. Right. Health insurance. It's like a job, you know. Well, what are the benefits? What's the paid time 0:35:38 - 0:36:04 off? What are health insurance? What kind of flex time? Some women expect flex time. They expect to be able to just drop their responsibilities because they have a headache or they're not feeling well or they're just sad and um, that they expect that ok, on the converse, they absolutely expect their 0:36:04 - 0:36:30 husband not to do that. They absolutely expect their husband to be constant in the performance of his duties. If a husband said, hey, I'm real sorry, but I'm just not gonna make the mortgage payment this month. But you know, it's just one month. In fact, it's one day out of the month. Who cares? Right 0:36:29 - 0:36:55 . We're just gonna have to deal with it. How many months could that could that happen for before the wife says, look, I'm out of here or you're out of here, which is more often the case. It's typically the lady keeps the house in a divorce, right? Um That's another expectation that we can thank modern 0:36:55 - 0:37:20 culture for is that in a divorce, a woman's situation is a million times better on average than a man's, it's, it's hers to lose and he's already lost it right out of the gate. He's got a claw to get anything out of a divorce. Even though statistically speaking, he contributed much more than half to 0:37:20 - 0:37:46 their assets and to their, their Children, not genetically of, of course, and they didn't carry them, but he is the one that made them possible. Um, for the most part and yet men don't get even half out of all of that. They, they very rarely get custody. They very frequently get saddled with alimony 0:37:46 - 0:38:12 . They, um, lose half the assets which they paid for most of, um, sometimes almost all of and so on. So the, the list of expectations are very long for a woman. What she expects to get out of a marriage is a long list. And I'm not saying it shouldn't be. Look, if you had an immensely valuable, valuable 0:38:11 - 0:38:35 asset that you were gonna put on the market to sell, why wouldn't you take the highest price you could get, why not? Why not? Right? And if you say, well, justice, you just said how important justice is. Yes. And I said you can make up for the surplus value of what you receive in exchange for what you're 0:38:35 - 0:39:15 giving with gratitude and paying it forward. So why wouldn't you get the, the most you can out of your asset? So what do men ask in return? Again? The particulars will vary, but in general, what they ask for in return is to have sex on a predictable basis and maybe some share of home duties, like cleaning 0:39:15 - 0:39:41 , cooking, whatever and they probably don't want you to gain 400 pounds. That's pretty much the list slash, don't be super mean to me, like, like treat me, treat me as you would treat me at least as well as you would. A random stranger. That's it. That's, that's basically the baseline of why men line 0:39:41 - 0:40:05 up at the firing squad of marriage and, and that's what it typically ends up being for them. They, they, they say, hey, I want predictable sex like intervals, predictable intervals of sex. I want um, some share of house duties that, that's, that's highly variable because it depends on what a woman's 0:40:05 - 0:40:30 doing with her time as far as working outside the home or not. And I, I want you to treat me as a, at least as well as you would a random person. And in exchange for that, basically, I'll give you everything I am or can ever be. Oh, and I don't want you to turn into a whale. Um, and, and that's it. Right 0:40:30 - 0:41:02 . So, take care of yourself within reason. Like, don't gorge yourself, don't treat me worse than a stranger and give me sex at regular intervals. That's it. Now, let's talk about how easy it is to completely fulfill everything your husband could ever ask for under the justice level level two. Ok. How 0:41:02 - 0:41:26 wide is that gate? How easy is it to go through? It's so easy that you have to try with all of your might not to go into it. Let's talk about, let's just start at weight gain. Let's start at weight gain. So for some reason, no one ever taught you ladies that over the course of a woman's life, she has 0:41:26 - 0:41:47 changes in her hormones. And the reason no one taught you this by the way is because older ladies out of their competitive nature, intentionally withhold information from younger ladies so that they can have an advantage. And that is satanic. That's what Satan does is he withholds information in order 0:41:47 - 0:42:10 to gain power over you. So that's Satanic. So you should repent of that and teach all young ladies everything. You know, even the stuff that makes you look bad. So no one ever taught you that there are hormone changes throughout your life and as these occur and they all occur with age, what happens is 0:42:10 - 0:42:37 over the course of your life, you have to eat less, the older you are, the less you should eat. So how can you gauge if you're eating too much? Well, there's this thing called a scale and if you find yourself gaining a few more pounds than your normal fluctuation, you can ease up on how much you eat 0:42:36 - 0:42:59 . And if you do this, when you see yourself gaining 2 to 5 pounds, it's never a big deal. It's never a big deal. If you wait until you're 50 or 100 pounds overweight. Now, you have an enormous problem that's going to take immensely greater sacrifice than it would have to just eat a little less at each 0:42:59 - 0:43:21 meal. Now, as you get older, the easiest way to monitor your weight, it's not gonna be by reducing your portion sizes that won't be enough anymore. And the age at which this happens varies, but it's always earlier than people seem to think. They seem to think that this is only gonna be an issue, like 0:43:20 - 0:43:44 , say after menopause. And it, it's, it's typically, it's not, it's before then. And so when you hit that point, the easiest way to regulate your weight is to skip a meal every once in a while and you don't have to get super uptight and crazy about this. You know, you can actually stack together different 0:43:43 - 0:44:01 priorities in life to make this super convenient. Like if your husband really likes a meal that you really hate, you can both lose weight and help, help him feel a little special by giving him something he really likes that. He knows you don't by making a meal and then skipping it because then it's easy 0:44:01 - 0:44:22 to skip because you don't like it anyway. Right. Things like that. It's easy. Very easy. So just by mixing up intermittent fasting, you can maintain your weight and it's harder as you get older. But, but it's easy when you take it in small steps and you know, it's coming and you, you live accordingly 0:44:22 - 0:44:46 . So now let's talk about um you know, and, and just uh you know, it, it's, it's very common sense. You don't need me to tell you. But if you're still having or nursing babies, you know, you, you gotta tend to the people you're tending to. Don't, don't be one of these crazy ladies that has, you know 0:44:46 - 0:45:07 , gives birth to a baby that weighs two pounds because she was anorexic her whole pregnancy or some crazy thing like that. So, um, so there's that, it's a piece of cake. It's easy. Also lift weights, different people have different things that they like to do to stay in shape. Um The reason I lead out 0:45:07 - 0:45:34 with reducing your calories is because it is massively more effective, way less impact or sorry, way more impact for way lower cost than exercise. You have to run for hours and hours and hours run for hours to, to, um, have the same weight loss that you'll get for fasting just a little while. So you 0:45:34 - 0:46:02 can't compare the two if what you want to do is lose weight. The way to do it is fast now. Um, as far as exercise, the purpose of that is cardiovascular fitness and also physique. If you're limited in time, I am an enormous proponent of weightlifting. This is for guys too because you get so much out 0:46:01 - 0:46:35 of so little time. Now. Um, 11 massive advantage ladies have in terms of physical fitness is that um, they are upper body weak but lower body strong. So from the core down, a woman can be just as strong as a man. And um, or at least a lot closer to the average when you compare the average to the average 0:46:34 - 0:46:54 , average man to the average woman. And the reason this is great is because the more muscle you put on your body, the higher your metabolism is because your base metabolic rate, the number of calories you burn while sitting on your bum doing nothing, it goes up. So as you age and your hormones change 0:46:53 - 0:47:16 that goes down. So by lifting weights and building muscle mass, you can counter balance that. You also build bone density, which is really important as you age because as you know, women lose bone density as they age and it, it can cause a lot of problems later in life, not just broken bones, but like 0:47:16 - 0:47:37 the old lady hunch, you know, old ladies start to hunch over and they get this, this uh Dowager's hump. It's called on the back of their neck. Um If you want to not look like a turtle as you get older, lifting weights is a great way to do it. I'm sorry, I'm, I'm just telling it like it is, we need more 0:47:37 - 0:48:00 truth and less tiptoeing. Ok. Um So lifting weights is great. It's also something that you might be able to get your husband into see, and we're about to get to that. So, if you, if I haven't lost you yet, which I probably have when we start talking about sex, what I'm going to do is show you how this 0:48:00 - 0:48:24 is an enormous carrot that you can bait your husband with. Um, and, and if you do it for good purposes, it's, it's not manipulation, it's improvement. You're making his life, you're making it easier for him to be better. That's a good thing. Anyway, if, if you lose weight or you're trying to, and you 0:48:24 - 0:48:45 get yourself some of those newfangled uh, workout clothes and you're working out at home. Um, and by the way, you don't need an expensive weight set to do this push ups, sit ups and jogging are free and it's a wonderful place to start. Or body weight squats for women. That's, that's actually super, super 0:48:45 - 0:49:04 effective and you can just grab something that weighs a little, you can hold your baby and do body weight squats, right? Or get the kids to jump on your back, they'll enjoy that. Right. But if you want to encourage your husband to do this with you, now you have uh time together and if you're wearing 0:49:04 - 0:49:32 the right clothes, it'll be an easy thing for him to agree to easier. Ok. Um, so just use that to, to grease the skids. So, um, so there's that, uh, since we're, well, this is kind of a mix in with this some of you ladies are unhappy because your husband's turning into fat slobs and whether it's just 0:49:31 - 0:50:00 obesity or just laziness or whether it's both. Um, you should definitely think about how you can entice him to be a better person through, um, giving him more of things he values. So, in the case of most marriages and most men, a little sex goes a long way. Now again, you're not going to hear this at 0:50:00 - 0:50:23 church and it's a real travesty and, and part of it comes out of this false idea. Sorry, we're, we're jumping right into the, the punch line. The last thing I wanna say about lifting weights, ok. As you age, your skin is gonna get saggy. It's just collagen, it's just genetics. It's just, it is what it 0:50:23 - 0:50:44 is. There are some things you can do about that. Like if you incorporate collagen into your diet, um don't get ripped off by pills, just get the powder. It's good for you for a lot of reasons. It's not just a vain thing. It's, it's good for your body too. It's good for your bones. Uh I mean your joints 0:50:44 - 0:51:10 , your muscles, uh collagen will increase will, will help prevent muscle injuries and joint injuries and it will also help you recover 30% faster. I'm passionate about this. I tore my rotator cuff in three places and I was extremely injured and in massive pain for like three years until I started taking 0:51:09 - 0:51:27 collagen because I hit the peer reviewed literature. I said there has to be something I can do to help this heal 30% faster. It's been known for a long time, but it's not very published. So I'm kind of a, a huge advocate and evangelist about collagen. Anyway, there are other things you can take for tighter 0:51:27 - 0:51:48 skin. Intermittent fasting, helps tighten your skin. So those are all things to consider. But when you lift weights, see most women go their whole life without lifting weights. If you start lifting weights at a later age, what you're gonna find is that your skin gets tight again because there are muscles 0:51:47 - 0:52:07 under there and muscles take up space. And so if you've been, you know, kind of kind of slim your whole life or on the order of that and your skin starts stag sagging, you start lifting weights all of a sudden your skin's gonna be tight again and it's also a really easy way to get shapely. And this is 0:52:07 - 0:52:37 , this is, um, this is extremely true of women. It's, I, as a guy who likes lifting weights, I'm very jealous of ladies because they can do the tiniest amount of, um, leg exercises, glute exercises, leg exercises and, um, make incredible progress in the shape of their legs and butt. And for guys it just 0:52:37 - 0:52:57 doesn't work that way. And I don't know why it's really weird. Ok. But just by doing, you could look up the exercise of hip thrust with, and build up to doing it with weights. You do something little like that or, or, um, donkey kicks, I think they're called stuff like that. You just do a little 15 minute 0:52:57 - 0:53:18 workout three times a week and you are going to have immensely noticeable results. It's the easiest thing in the world. So if you care about that or your husband does, um, that's a real easy thing to do. It's easy. Not a lot of time, not a lot of effort. Ok, so let's move on to the, the punch line, the 0:53:18 - 0:53:43 nitty gritty, the good stuff. So if you look at a man's day, we're getting back to quality man sacrifices his life for his wife. Um If you look at a quality man's day, he's, he's working at least eight hours a day. Monday through Friday. He probably spends a good chunk of his weekend either, uh, taking 0:53:43 - 0:54:02 care of a, to do list that, that you gave him or hopefully he's not that beta and he proactively makes the environment better in the ways that he can. Um, but he's probably killing himself all weekend for you. Now, that's not what a typical man does. Typical man spends as much as we can watching football 0:54:01 - 0:00:00 or whatever as he can or playing basketball with his friends. But, um, you know, a quality man is going to be oriented towards you on the weekends. But let's talk about during the week. So you got 24 hours of that. He's probably spending maybe 45 between showering and going to the bathroom in a day. 0:00:00 - 0:54:46 Ok. Yes. And hopefully he's spending about an hour praying or reading or something. And I'm just plucking these numbers out of thin air. The particulars will be different per man. But I just want to give a sketch here. K uh, he might sleep eight hours a night if he's not a weirdo. And frankly, that's 0:54:45 - 0:55:17 healthy. OK. Nothing wrong with that. So if I've got this correct, he's got about uh 14 hours and 15 minutes left per day, which he spends basically on you, basically on you. So even on a daily basis, now do not misconstrue what I'm saying. And now all over L DS Freedom Forum, Old Rob Smith says wives 0:55:16 - 0:55:38 need to have sex with their husbands every day. Not what I'm saying. I'm saying like that's the worst case scenario, right? Even in the worst case, the internet says this is not anything personal. So don't, don't interpret it that way. The internet says the the average sexual encounter is 15 minutes 0:55:37 - 0:56:10 long. So even in the worst case, using those numbers, he's willing to give you 14 hours a day in exchange for 15 minutes. Oversimplifying. Of course, right? But we're just doing some napkin math. So if I told you that, that um you could access 14 hours of manpower per day and all you, you could have 0:56:10 - 0:56:39 a slave for 14 hours every day and all you'd have to do is work for 15 minutes to get it. I'll tell you a productive person who works full time. They're always making this calculation of cost benefit in terms of I make X an hour. What would it cost me to pay someone to fix my gutter or change the oil 0:56:38 - 0:57:01 in my car versus my time to do it? What do I have to give up? And what's the value of that? So, the rule of thumb is if what you're getting is greater than what you're giving based on what you get paid per hour, you would do it. That's the, that's the rational approach to that. Right. It's pretty simple 0:57:01 - 0:57:24 if I let's just throw out a really big round number. So the math's easy if I make 100 bucks an hour and, uh, I could pay someone $10 to do something that would take me one hour. Why would I not do that? I just, I could work an extra hour and then keep all the extra, you know, or I could just work that 0:57:24 - 0:57:50 fraction of an hour and then I get most of an hour in return. That's work like you don't enjoy it. You don't get anything out of it while you're doing it. But let's hope that for most women, sex is not so one sided and if it is, I encourage you to think about things you could do to help train your husband 0:57:49 - 0:58:13 to better understand what he could do and what it would mean to you. Ok. And that, that's not so, so gruesome to have to think about. Is it like, um, I always laugh and am a little uncomfortable when people tell me, oh, we're trying to have a baby or we've been trying for six months. And it's funny because 0:58:13 - 0:58:33 they say it like, it's some burden to them and I'm thinking like, good for you. Like, first off, that's tm I, I'd rather not know but good for you. Like, like, uh there are worse ways you could be spending your time, you know. So it's not like learning calculus, teaching your husband his way around the 0:58:33 - 0:58:50 bedroom is, is, is there are worse things that you could spend with your time to spend your time on, right. Hopefully those are things you get something out of. But even if you don't get a dang thing out of it, ok. And, and this, we also need to address this. This is on the big list of things guys ought 0:58:50 - 0:59:15 to know, uh, in order to give informed consent in marriage and no one tells them this. But thankfully because the internet they're learning most women. So, so guys get made fun of because we actually have a libido. Um, most women have, uh li libido is actually a more generic term than we treat it. Um 0:59:14 - 0:59:41 But guys, because of testosterone, the wonder hormone. Um Guys will continue to have what's called a spontaneous libido. That's a more precise term um until their testosterone declines with age beyond a certain extent. And it takes a long time, it takes decades and decades to get there under normal conditions 0:59:40 - 1:00:02 . Uh Now there's a crisis of that. That's different topic, different videos and blog posts on that. However, for a woman that is not true and there's this myth, I'm not sure where it came from that the that older women have higher libido than, than younger women. That's not true. And um if it's true 1:00:02 - 1:00:29 with specific individuals, it's absolutely not true with almost all women. Women only have. This is, this is from the literature. This is not my opinion, women only have spontaneous libido from the onset of maturity in the teenage years until low twenties, early twenties that stops. So what you'll find 1:00:29 - 1:00:53 is the experience of most men. Again, I am not talking about my own personal life anywhere in this video. So please don't think that that's the case. It's irrelevant to anything. I'm saying. Most men complain most married men because they say, look, I thought I had this expectation of what the sex life 1:00:53 - 1:01:14 would be in marriage. And the second we got married or the second my wife had a baby, it just either really, really, really, really reduced or it stopped. Something like 25% of men are in sexless marriage, marriages. And in these, if you look at the statistics, it's horrifying because, because like we've 1:01:14 - 0:00:00 said in this, there's only like three things that a guy cares about really in marriage, it's all he really gets out of it from a justice perspective. If he's on the charity level, it's a different story. Right. But we should not be imposing charity level motive on men and then telling women, oh, no, 0:00:00 - 1:01:59 you just go for the celestial level of this. You just go for what you can get. That's what you're in it for. Don't you dare let a man tell you anything about equal exchange and justice. He's expected to be charitable. You're expected to just get whatever you can out of him. So, um that spontaneous libido 1:01:59 - 1:02:24 , it disappears at around 22 gone forever gone and it only gets worse with time because of those hormonal changes, you know, um and, and you can't pin down and say specific things equal specific things. Although menopause almost universally equals much less sex. Ok. But the stuff that happens before 1:02:23 - 1:02:43 then either age related hormonal changes or pregnancy and nursing. Um for the most part, it's all downhill. But sometimes you can get these individual cases where a lady is more interested when she's pregnant or whatever. But and it it varies by pregnancy. Women are agents of change. Everything is just 1:02:43 - 1:03:08 unpredictable and changing all the time. However, my, my point with all of this is to say, suppose you get nothing out of it. Yes, you do. You get 14 hours of his work out of it. 14 hours of his life out of it. And that's on a daily interval. You can scale up the math. If it's every two days, every three 1:03:08 - 1:03:36 days, every four days, every seven days, every two weeks, it's immense. So, what does justice require? No, there's two more things I think that I'm gonna say and then we're gonna close it up. One is about what does justice require in the other is about um Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. The, the, the whole interval 1:03:36 - 1:04:01 thing. Um People have said that. So, so people who work in this field, they actually are like sex counselors and stuff. This is online all over the place that um one way to make time for, for sex with your husband is to make it on it a fixed interval and you say like, hey, Wednesday nights or whatever 1:04:00 - 1:04:25 or whatever, whatever works for you both. Um I, you know, I can't imagine a husband having a problem with that or pushing back against that, but, you know, whatever, everyone's different. Um But there's no need to be so regimented about it if you just have in your mind, hey, every so often, whatever 1:04:24 - 1:04:47 right now, um I encourage you to look into the things that we've talked about in this video and to give some a try, you don't have to tell me how it went. Uh, as a reminder, the rule of thumb is I don't want to hear from married ladies unless you know, on an email, they're c seeing their husbands and 1:04:47 - 1:05:11 that's as a protection against some crazy situations that I've had the misfortune of being a victim of. I'll say, uh, with ladies who got crazy ideas in their heads and, um, it's, it's very unfortunate. So, um, that's a protection and, and I ask you to honor that. So I don't wanna hear how this went 1:05:10 - 1:05:31 . Um your husbands can email me and, and say thanks. Um But um the final thing I want to say about this is on the broader topic of justice and I have a duty to do this as a servant of the Lord. This, this isn't specific to the things we've talked about in this video. But because the topic came up, I'm 1:05:31 - 1:05:53 gonna, I'm gonna say it. It is excruciatingly important for us to evaluate the degree to which we have complied with God's justice in our life by God's justice. I mean, according to his understanding of the value of things and the law of cause and effect, how adequately have we lived up to the blessings 1:05:52 - 1:06:21 that we've received in terms of what we have and what we want, what we ask for. Have we valued the good up to how good it is and have we paid the price to deserve the blessings that we've received? Now I already mentioned earlier in the video with specific examples, how nothing you ever do will make 1:06:20 - 1:06:48 you deserve the blessings that God gives you. However, what he expects is that we're grateful for them, for what they really are and what they cost to give us. And that we forward that same level of goodness to others that we give to others, what he has given to us, even when they deserve it as little 1:06:47 - 1:07:14 as we did when we received it from him. This is God's standard and you have to live up to the blessings that He's given you or he will take them away. Now, in times past till now, in the history of the world, there's been much mercy in play and mercy is the delay of justice. Justice is to get what you 1:07:14 - 1:07:42 deserve. One way or the other mercy is to delay. Justice. Justice has been delayed for most people until they die at the day of judgment. All justice will be paid till now. Justice has been delayed for most people while they live. It's not true for all people. But um many people have had some measure 1:07:42 - 1:08:09 of justice poured out in their lives but not the fullness. And for most people, it's, it's reserved for a different time and that's a blessing. It's to give us more time to deserve better things or to deserve what we've already been given. So it won't be taken away, but we live in the end times and one 1:08:08 - 1:08:35 inescapable quality of the end times is God's justice will be poured out, it will be poured out on every individual and the entire world. It's a process. It's a process and it's a process like that. Like many of the Lord's processes, it, it consists of a gradient with impulses. So a ramp with s seemingly 1:08:34 - 1:09:05 sudden jumps. So it's a smooth ramp with seemingly sudden jumps. And if you haven't already, I promise you, you will absolutely see this in your life. So now specifically applying this general principle to the topic of husbands and how you treat them. Our system gives you all sorts of ability to take 1:09:05 - 1:09:40 advantage of your husband and most wives do and most wives do for every lady I know who married a man who doesn't treat her as well as he should. I probably know 10 men who married a woman who don't treat doesn't treat him like she should. It's a very lopsided phenomenon and the reason is because marriage 1:09:40 - 1:10:16 laws and the cult culture of Christian churches are very lopsided in favor of women. They have privilege to put it in modern parlance, significant privilege society and your church are never going to encourage you, let alone, um, compel you to treat your husband as you should as he deserves based on 1:10:16 - 1:10:43 what he gives you. And that's what we're talking about and that's very particular to who he is and how he is in your situation. But if you do not do this willingly, I promise you in the name of the Lord that if you live long enough to see it, there will come a time where you regret it with all of your 1:10:43 - 1:11:09 soul. I promise you. And even if you are taken before that time comes as an individual or societally, I promise you that in the day of judgment, you will regret it with all of your soul, everything that God has placed into our lives. You know, I just had a conversation this morning via email with a friend 1:11:09 - 1:11:41 of mine about uh uh what he feels is a mistake he made and he was he very apologetic about it. Very, very repentant. And is it, there is a great example of taking the lower seats so that you can be invited higher. And I said, don't sweat it, man, don't sweat it. You know, God, he, he, he knows that we're 1:11:41 - 1:12:06 going to be who we are until we become like He is. And He is so great that He arranges everything so that, that all of our weakness ends up serving his purposes. And it's not absolutely not an excuse to continue in sin or to ever do less than the best we know. But what I'm saying is as we continue to 1:12:06 - 1:12:31 do the best, we know, we are absolutely gonna look back and say, man, I had no idea the opportunities I had that I've ruined, I've ruined it and that's good. It's a good thing to condemn your past self. It's the one case where you should treat someone like a pin cushion, right? Condemn your past self 1:12:31 - 1:12:58 freely. That's no holds barred. Let him have it or let her have it because you've now become a better person. You've admitted more of what God had to give into you and become more like him and you need escape velocity from who you used to be so freely condemn your past self. No holds barred and be free 1:12:57 - 1:13:22 from the guilt because that is a gift from God. He's already paid the price. His greatness makes up for all of our weakness. And I know that to be the the case. But look at the scriptures, look at, look at the, the heritage of the Lord himself, look in his family tree at all the skeletons, all the nonsense 1:13:21 - 1:13:44 that happened before he was born in his progenitors and in his culture and out of that came the lamb of God. If he can do that, in that case, he can do it in yours. He can redeem. That's why he's called the redeemer. And I know that in the, in the ancient languages, that that means to buy someone out 1:13:44 - 1:14:09 of slavery to pay someone's debt. But it also means what we mean when we say it in English to redeem, a situation is to make something good out of something bad and that's his name. That is his name. So redeem, whatever, whatever nonsense you've done in your marriage, whatever good you've done left undone 1:14:08 - 1:14:42 . Redeem it, redeem it, love your husband as you would. The Lord himself, let the weight of that charge rest on you and motivate you to be the best wife you can be. It's very important. And in more cases then you think all you're doing is opening the windows of heaven into your life wider than they are 1:14:13 - 1:14:42 your husband as you would. The Lord himself, let the weight of that charge rest on you and motivate you to be the best wife you can be. It's very important. And in more cases then you think all you're doing is opening the windows of heaven into your life wider than they are already.