0:00:00 - 0:00:23 They are going to continue to talk about the theme of finding a spouse from the perspective of a young woman, so young women searching for husbands. And I want to make this a scripture study of first kings 10 1 through 13. That's what our primary text will be. So um in verse one, we read and when the 0:00:23 - 0:00:44 queen of Sheba heard of the fame of Solomon concerning the name of the Lord, she came to prove him with hard questions. So who was this queen of Sheba? You can Google that. But uh for our purposes, it's important to understand that she was beautiful. She was rich and she was powerful and wise, those 0:00:44 - 0:01:10 four things at least and she lived far away. So she had something to offer and she was looking for a worthy companion. We'll say I will just note from the outset that in this record, uh we don't read that she was married to Solomon. Although there's a, there's a clue below that might support that there 0:01:10 - 0:01:33 are traditions, there are stories, there are rumors, but um we are going to use this from the perspective of finding a spouse, but it does raise right from the outside. A very interesting dynamic that is worth talking about if I were asked, uh what the list of problems are that are preventing people 0:01:32 - 0:01:50 that could otherwise find spouses and be very happy together. One of the things on that list would be they're going about it the wrong way now that that'll become obvious, uh the details of what I mean by that will become more obvious as we go through this text. But something that we're not necessarily 0:01:50 - 0:02:12 going to talk about explicitly, although we're gonna go into, into detail that can easily be applied to this is that the search for a spouse fails in Christian circles for the same reason, preaching the gospel fails from Christians to non-christian and even among Christians. And that is, you're, you're 0:02:12 - 0:00:00 going about it the wrong way and it's, it's actually, it's the same exact process. So that's why these things are coupled. What are you after in seeking for a spouse? I mean, most people who say I want to get married, you ask them why. And it's not really about the other person. If that's a problem, 0:00:00 - 0:02:54 the objective of preaching the gospel is helping other people improve. That's it in a nutshell. And so while there are a million different ways, you could go about preaching the gospel. If you were to rank them by the intent and how effective that was towards the end, you'd find that almost everything 0:02:54 - 0:03:16 that almost everyone does in that is way less effective than a whole bunch of things they're not doing. And so actually prioritizing those things and then going after the most effective way would make an enormous difference. The same thing goes for spouse hunting, whether this is guys or girls, it doesn't 0:03:15 - 0:03:41 matter what are you actually trying to do and why? And now enumerate all the options because there will be a whole lot that are off of your original list that weren't there and then resort everything by perceived impact by expected benefit. And what you'll find is that what emerges at the top of your 0:03:41 - 0:04:08 list is going to be very different than what you started with and what most people do or why most people do it. So um right off the bat, the queen of Sheba heard of the of the fame of Solomon concerning the name of the Lord. Everything in that clip, that little snippet. Every word is important. What 0:04:08 - 0:04:27 attracted the queen of Sheba to Solomon? Well, it wasn't his looks. She didn't know what he looked like. She didn't have a picture of him. They didn't exist back then. Not really. I mean, you could have like on a coin, a line drawing of someone's uh silhouette or something, but that wasn't exactly a 0:04:27 - 0:04:55 inaccurate likeness. Um She had heard of his fame now, was that just purely in temporal terms? No, now he was rich as all get out and obviously people knew that but it was concerning the name of the Lord. What does that mean? What's the name of the Lord? It's his character. Now, that's a really big point 0:04:54 - 0:05:18 and idea. That's not what this video is about. So if that's news to you watch other videos or study it out on your own, but, but I'll cut to the chase and just tell you that's what that means. She had heard that this man Solomon was more like the Lord than any other man alive. That's a, that's a tall 0:05:18 - 0:05:42 order, isn't it? But that's what she was looking for. And now right off the bat, we have a wonderful piece of advice that you can extract and use in your own life as a woman. What you should be looking for in a husband is a man that's way more like God than you are. Now, there are echoes of this permutations 0:05:40 - 0:06:07 , weaker versions in the strategies people use and their motives in spouse finding. And we're specifically talking about women. Uh It's well known that women marry up. So ideally, they'll find a man who has something to offer over what they already have, whether that's wealth or intelligence or um whatever 0:06:07 - 0:06:35 kind of emotional stability or wisdom or whatever. Um Good lucks maybe. But um whatever it is, women tend to prefer men who have something that they, that's better than what they do. The fulfillment of that. The fullest version is the composite of things that are better. And in an ideal sense, you know 0:06:35 - 0:06:57 , any person can have any specific attribute that's a little better than your version of that. But to find someone who's more like God than you across the board, that's a very exceptional thing to find. It's going to be rare. And actually the more like God, you are the rarer it will be. And so just as 0:06:57 - 0:07:18 if we're using the segmented qualities, like if you wanted to find a man with a higher IQ than you, for example, it's a very specific thing. Then the higher your IQ, the fewer the men that will qualify for that. Right? Then as you start intersecting other rare qualities, the set of men shrinks down very 0:07:18 - 0:07:46 quickly. So how many people on earth are more like God than you in every way that that is a very small number? Um, and the better you are, the smaller that number will be. So in general, in modern times, when quality women are looking for quality men, it is not a casting the net, grabbing up a bunch 0:07:45 - 0:08:07 of options and then picking one from this big set, this large set of people who fit the bill. It is definitely a hunting for one situation because the numbers just aren't great enough. If you find someone who checks the boxes, you've probably found a, you know, a one in a million kind of person and the 0:08:07 - 0:08:29 same goes vice versa. For men because that's how bad things are today. It's, it's uh it's slim pickings and then coupled to that, the, the requirements to make it worthwhile are much higher today because the world is falling apart. So um so the challenges are greater and the people the people around 0:08:28 - 0:00:00 are also poor, not financially but across the board. Uh poor quality people. So coupled together, it makes it very sparse. But if you take this transcendent approach of, no, I'm not looking for specific qualities. I'm looking for all the qualities, then you're really dealing with a sparse situation. 0:00:00 - 0:09:10 And you, you need to realize in your mind you're approaching, even if this isn't the case, it's gonna feel more like there's one person out there for you. And the reason it's important to get this in your head is it will inform the intensity of the search that's required to be successful. So suppose 0:09:10 - 0:09:31 there are a million people out there for you, which, you know, if you're watching this and you've made it this far, it's, it's unlikely. Um, but let's just suppose a million people, if you go about it with the idea that there's an abundance of options that suit your, uh, requirements, you will never 0:09:31 - 0:09:55 do what's required to find them. If you go about the search, assuming there's one person. Exactly. And, you know, and it's worth it, then all of all of a sudden you're going to be more willing to do the level of intensity and sacrifice that will be required to find any of those million people. So, whether 0:09:55 - 0:10:20 it's one or a million, you're better off assuming it's one. So that doesn't mean you get desperate. It's actually quite the opposite. It's actually quite the opposite. Ok. Anyway, that's just first one. So tail end of verse one, she came to prove him with hard questions. Now, what's this about? Um, she 0:10:19 - 0:10:45 had heard his reputation, what was that sufficient to do? It was sufficient to persuade her to come to him. Why? So that then she could find out for herself. Why couldn't she find out from afar as we'll see later, she needed to interact with him in ways that you cannot do at a distance. Now, even with 0:10:45 - 0:11:08 all of our fancy technology today, this is something that people who are texting fiends and social media junkies need to figure out. You cannot have deep meaningful human relationships over a computer or over a phone. It has to be face to face. There are actually deep spiritual reasons for this. But 0:11:07 - 0:11:29 , um, that, that are very related to the topic of marriage. But uh, we'll just leave it at that for now and she was wise enough to know this. And so she separated the sufficient evidence to come closer from the sufficient evidence to make the move and sealed the deal. These are not the same thing now 0:11:29 - 0:11:49 , they both have high stakes, but the one is a world apart from the other. And I think in the modern approach, we mix these things together and it's the worst of both worlds because on the one hand, you're not willing to make the caliber sacrifice required to actually get to know someone because you're 0:11:49 - 0:12:13 playing it safe. And then it's like a wonder how you could burn through seven years and then find out the person is completely different than you expected and or they don't actually like you at all. Um And then on the other hand, the the worst of both worlds situation is that um that we shy away from 0:12:13 - 0:12:34 the initial investments, the intensity of initial investment required to actually winnow the early candidates. So just off of the fame, his reputation that she heard at a distance just off of that, nothing else. Now that fame was exceptional, right? So I'm not just saying she heard that there was a guy 0:12:33 - 0:12:54 and then she dropped everything and went cross country, so to speak. That's not, in this case, she traveled internationally, that's not what happened. He was renowned as the the wisest person in the world and more than just wisdom, the most righteous man in the world. That's what, that's what this means 0:12:53 - 0:00:00 . The fame of Solomon concerning the name of the Lord. Now, whether he was or he wasn't, she didn't know, but she had heard this rumor sufficiently to say, ok, now it's on me. The ball's in my court to figure out what's going on here because I don't have enough information from afar to know. So she, 0:00:00 - 0:13:35 she packed up and made her trip and her intent was to prove him with hard questions. Now, this gives us something else to talk about. What's your idea of dating? If your idea of dating is like, let's just spend time together and see how we feel. You are not qualified for a high quality man and you're 0:13:35 - 0:13:56 not a high quality woman. Not yet. The good news is that's not, that's not an unfixable fault, but maybe just no one ever told you, right? But this gets back to where we started. What are you actually looking for? Why are you seeking for marriage? What, what are you trying to get out of this and dating 0:13:56 - 0:14:21 ? Especially the first date. It absolutely should be like a job interview. It doesn't mean it can't be fun, but it's not about doing things where you can't talk. Um unless those things themselves are a test. So what I mean is if you go out for, for dancing or whatever, you go to a rock concert or to 0:14:20 - 0:14:48 a movie or whatever like that, you have just wasted the most important opportunity you have in a series of dates to figure out as much as you can, as early on as you can about this person. And so um you, you do everything you can from afar to discern their quality. And then what you're looking for, there 0:14:48 - 0:15:08 is justification for the next step. And that cycle just continues. And then when you go on date, number one, your objective is to find out everything you need to, to know whether date number two is justified or not. And then you just keep going right. And, and eventually these steps lead to, yes, I have 0:15:08 - 0:15:26 sufficient reason to believe this is the person I should marry. And any time along that path, when you get sufficient reason to believe that that's not the person you should marry, you should immediately stop dating them or stop doing whatever it is that you're doing with them that comes before marriage 0:15:25 - 0:15:54 . So, um, so like if you're engaged, for example, break it off, you're done. So she had, uh, an objective, she had a list of questions. She had, she had a set of information she was seeking, uh, in order to verify whether or not this guy was everything she had heard. And so you should too. And that first 0:15:53 - 0:16:11 date, you know, going out to eat is a really good thing because you can talk the whole time and it's not a high cost commitment for anyone. You don't have to go to a super fancy restaurant. It's, it, it can be a very low level commitment. Now, in the case of Queen Sheba, the queen of Sheba, she traveled 0:16:11 - 0:00:00 a long distance. And as we'll see, and this is important. She brought a lot with her. This was an all in thing and this is where, you know, if you're at this point where you've already exhausted the opportunities directly around you and you have to up the ante, you're not going to fly cross country, 0:00:00 - 0:16:56 uh, with, with a low expectation, you're not gonna do some extreme thing to come physically closer, geographically, closer to someone in, in that inconvenience. If, uh you don't have a reason why that would be worthwhile. And also, if you don't have some really serious questions, you know, you're not 0:16:56 - 0:17:13 looking for a normal run of the mill relationship. At that point, it wouldn't be good enough to justify that if it's just like, well, this is an interesting person and we'll see where it goes. I don't have anything better to do. That's not sufficient motivation for this sort of thing. So let's keep going 0:17:13 - 0:17:31 and we'll get to more of that and she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, a train here. That's not like a Caboose train. It's, it's uh what we see here with camels that bear spices and very much gold and precious stones. And when she was come to Solomon, she communed with him of all that was in 0:17:31 - 0:17:59 her heart. This verse is really nice because it's concise. In a specific point. She brought everything, she was wealthy, she had her own kingdom. She brought a massive chunk of the best of everything. She had, she had a sampling of the best of everything she had and it wasn't just the temporal stuff 0:17:58 - 0:18:20 when she came to him, she communed with him of all that was in her heart. You see, high quality men and high quality women. They're both deep people. Shallow people are not high quality people and high quality people are not shallow. And this actually gets high quality people into a lot of trouble because 0:18:19 - 0:18:47 they can't do anything lightly. They're all in all the time. They're intense, not overbearing but intense. Their intensity isn't in what they pull from other people. It's what comes out from inside of them. There's a lot to them. And so she knew that if Solomon was anything like she had heard just showing 0:18:46 - 0:19:06 up as a random person and saying like, hey, I'm curious to know more about you, Mister Solomon. That would not have been enough. He would have been like guards, get her out of here. I don't have time for people like this in my life. I run on 6000 RP MS, you know, get out of here. So she brought things 0:19:05 - 0:19:38 that were evidence of her intensity and her quality. She didn't bring a great train of straw or something, right? It was the most valuable things from her kingdom and very importantly that included access to her heart. This is a really important thing. Now, let me see if I can treat this concisely. So 0:19:38 - 0:19:59 uh I've taken heat in the past. Although surprisingly a lot of people have publicly agreed with me. Uh, many of them women by saying things like a woman can only really ever love one man. And once she's done that everything after that will be less than what she gave to him. Well, it's super high stakes 0:19:58 - 0:20:19 to give yourself completely to someone and I'm not just talking about sexual stuff. That's, that's a, a big deal, but there's a bigger deal and that's the heart and the, the other physical stuff is just a piece of that. You can only give your heart fully to one person. So this process of figuring out 0:20:19 - 0:20:44 if this one person is the one you want to do that with, it's extremely high stakes. But what makes it even more difficult is you can't go into that process with the right person without giving all. So, what do I mean by this? Um, I guess what I'm trying to say is you need to become wise enough to see 0:20:44 - 0:21:08 the difference between giving someone giving someone, um, unimpeded access to your heart versus, and that's a sequential thing versus giving them everything you have immediately. I don't think I'm putting that very well. I'm not sure I've ever thought through this to put words to it. So bear with me 0:21:08 - 0:21:34 . But what I'm saying, I guess is that, uh, the queen of Sheba, she came sh she opened herself to him in, in the sense that she did not hide things from him. She was herself fully, she was not pulling punches, she was not pretending to be more than she was or less than she was, she was herself. And that 0:21:34 - 0:21:55 opened a door and that's what I'm talking about with the initial full access. You, you can't actually know someone fully all at once. So, so to open yourself fully to someone is not to give yourself fully to them. That's, that's a good way of understanding it. But if you come to that situation and you 0:21:55 - 0:22:14 say, well, I could get hurt here. So I'm just gonna leave the door shut until he proves that he's worth opening the door for. Nope, ain't gonna work because likewise with him, not only are you now giving him a reason to keep his door shut, but if he opens his door, even if he opens it up and does the 0:22:13 - 0:22:37 right thing that you should be doing too, you can't go in there. Intimacy takes two. And of course, I'm not talking about physical here, although it's very true for that. You can't come to know someone without them coming to know you as well. It's a two way street. And so on the one hand, this is why 0:22:37 - 0:22:58 it's so dangerous. On the other hand, it's the, it's the reason why it's necessary because it won't work without it. And so doing that stage wise, and then e as you each take a step closer into the depths of the other with each step you re evaluate. All right, does this check out? Am I gonna keep going 0:22:58 - 0:23:19 or am I gonna check out? So she brought that huge train of stuff and she brought her heart and she was ready to open it and she was, she was, she was assuming this was gonna work out until being given a reason. Otherwise, now that wasn't blind faith because she had all this evidence so far, right? So 0:23:19 - 0:23:42 everything she's done so far was because of the fame that she heard, not just that it existed but what it consisted of. So that's important. Um And, and it's worth saying here, uh Solomon, like any great person had detractors, he had enemies, he had people that didn't like him. And so not in the text 0:23:41 - 0:23:58 here is that somehow the queen of Sheba had to parse through that and say like, well, what, what about these rumors I'm hearing is true and what is false because I'm hearing good things that really good things I'm hearing really bad things. And so she decided to go investigate because there were really 0:23:57 - 0:24:25 good things and she went all in verse three and Solomon told her all her questions. There was not anything hid from the king, which he told her not. So there's two parts of this first Solomon reciprocated her openness. He opened to her, his depths. Maybe there's three things that's number 12, she initiated 0:24:25 - 0:24:53 that Solomon did not go to Sheba to track down this queen. She came to him. Why? Because the greater is always sought by the lesser, not the other way around. He didn't go to see her. Uh Well, she was famous and rich and powerful. OK. But let's, let's let's adapt this to the modern world. If you're a 0:24:53 - 0:25:15 super high quality woman, your growth into that is not one of becoming more and more prominent publicly. That's true. For a man. It's not true for a woman. As a woman gets great, the attributes of greatness, turn her inside. It's, it's a more private, she becomes more private, not more public. And what 0:25:15 - 0:25:35 do I mean by that? Well, one, she's gonna set up some serious boundaries with the people around her because she's gonna realize that she is a very, um she has a very important but delicate gift of her heart and that she shouldn't just throw that open for any old person, even if they're family or close 0:25:34 - 0:25:54 friends, she's gonna withdraw not unhealthily. I'm just talking about healthy boundaries. Two, she's gonna be very attracted to things like family and she's gonna gravitate towards the opportunity. She has to be around kids and they won't be her own. So she'll, you know, do a lot of babysitting for people 0:25:54 - 0:26:12 . If she has older siblings that has kids, have kids, she's gonna hang around them all the time. If she's an older child and her parents have younger kids. She's gonna be around that a lot. Right. And, uh, what she's not gonna do is go out and get some high powered career or go out and get some high 0:26:12 - 0:26:33 powered degree because she, her power, she realizes that the real power of femininity happens in the home. And that's not a consolation prize. It's a wonderful, wonderful primary first prize. And, uh, she's going to be living her life to prep for that and she might have a job, but it's just to sort of 0:26:33 - 0:26:52 tread water. It's not what she wants to do with her life. And she's gonna unabashedly say I wanna get married. I wanna have kids. That's what I wanna do with my life. That's the best thing I can do with my life. It's not a consolation prize. And so that all of that causes her to turn inward. What about 0:26:52 - 0:27:10 for a man? Well, he's gonna, he's gonna go out and conquer the world. He conquers himself and then he conquers the world. So, um, how does he do that? Well, he, he gets a high powered job. He might get a high powered degree. Not so much anymore today, but he's gonna be out there starting businesses and 0:27:10 - 0:27:32 , um, and making connections and building networks and inventing things and writing books and doing whatever to, to, you know, acquiring land and building houses and starting a farm and doing all these things. To produce. So all of those things make him more visible. And so these are opposite directions 0:27:32 - 0:27:57 and the woman has to make herself known to the man. It's more true today than it's ever been because of all the complexities of modern life which I've spoken about before. We, we're living in very weird times. Ok. So uh Solomon reciprocated and he gave her more. That's another important point. She had 0:27:56 - 0:28:17 questions and she had openness and she had some treasure. He gave her all the answers to all of her questions. He equaled her openness and he also gave her treasure. And we'll get to that verse four. When the queen of Sheba had seen all Solomon's wisdom in the house that he had built in the meat of his 0:28:17 - 0:28:35 table and the sitting of his servants in the attendance of his ministers and their apparel and his cup bearers. That's funny in their apparel. She judged him by the clothing his servants were wearing and his cup bearers and his ascent by which he went up into the house of the Lord. There was no more 0:28:34 - 0:28:59 spirit in her. There's a lot to this chunk. This is the list of all the stuff she could not know without being there. There is a huge list of very important things that you cannot know without being there. If your whole relationship with someone is online, then you don't know any of these things. And 0:28:58 - 0:29:18 they might be very different from your impression, from afar. So the other thing, you know, I, I said Sheba was the queen of Sheba was wise. She knew that these little things mattered. I was kind of joking at the judgment of the clothing of the servants, but it does matter. So suppose you go to someone's 0:29:18 - 0:29:39 house and they have kids, parents, you know, they have kids and the kids are dressed in rags or their teeth are falling out or they're obese. Do these things matter. They do matter. It's a judgment on the parents, right? It tells you that something is not quite right there and the reverse is also true 0:29:38 - 0:30:03 . Now, if everything looks put together, does that mean everything is great? No, no, but if everything is great, then that stuff will be sorted out. So um OK, another piece of this, it's not just temporal stuff. She saw Solomon's wisdom. How do you see someone's wisdom? Well, the fruits of their efforts 0:30:03 - 0:30:28 against opposition. So that coupling is necessary because it's not true that someone's prosperity indicates their wisdom. You have to weigh that against the challenges that they've faced. Um If, if um yeah, that's, that's enough about that. So, but the other thing is that she interacted with him, like 0:30:27 - 0:30:46 , like we read, she asked him all these really hard questions and he had great answers to them. And what were these questions were these questions that she knew the answer to? No, they weren't So it's a, it's a mistake of fools to judge the goodness of someone else based on how they align with your goodness 0:30:46 - 0:31:08 . See wise people, they judge the goodness of someone else by what they have that the wise person lacks. So let me give you an example that's really prominent. If you look at the scriptures, what was the chief mistake that caused the misjudgment of Jesus in the hearts of those who did it? They compared 0:31:07 - 0:31:34 his, they compared him against what they perceive to be their own goodness while ignoring the things that they thought were faults in themselves that he had clearly conquered. If you didn't catch that, rewind it and uh listen to it again until it makes sense. The queen of Sheba being a wise lady, she 0:31:33 - 0:31:57 brought to Solomon, all the things that she didn't know. And she said, well, if he's better than me, he'll have the answer to these questions. It's shocking to see how few people recognize answers to their unanswered questions as signs of superiority. It's unfortunate because wise people figure this 0:31:57 - 0:32:20 out and that's why they become wise. That's how they become wise is they honestly acknowledge their weaknesses and they admire what um what overcomes those weaknesses or the solutions to the problems that they face and they make them their own and then they solve them and then they conquer them and their 0:32:20 - 0:32:47 weaknesses become strengths and they just rinse and repeat, they just keep doing that. So she saw uh how his presence was ordered and how all of those under his um stewardship functioned so much better than they would on their own. And she knew this because she had a comparison point, which was her own 0:32:46 - 0:33:15 kingdom and she was a wise person. So she had, she had observed people, wise, people watch, they see and they think so. This was so great. I love this line. There was no more spirit in her. He took her soul. So I heard a divorce lawyer once or I read actually I read something he wrote and it was beautiful 0:33:14 - 0:33:33 and I have it pasted somewhere because I thought it was so good. But one of the things he said in essence was he was talking to men. He had seen a lot of men taken out by divorce and he said, basically, look if this girl is not absolutely crazy about you, move on early on. If she's not totally crazy 0:33:33 - 0:33:52 about you, move on. And he said when a girl's really into a guy, she will do absolutely crazy things to be around him to spend just another minute with him, to talk with him one more time. You know, she'll be all about whatever he wants to do, even if she doesn't care about it and all these other things 0:33:51 - 0:34:19 . And of course there are healthy limits to this. But too many guys out there don't realize that one. There are women who are like this for certain men that all women are like this when they're really crazy about the guy. And finally that if a woman is not like this for you, you are just chaining yourself 0:34:18 - 0:34:41 up with misery for the rest of your life by being with her because it's gonna get worse and worse and worse and worse. And you will absolutely be in a position where you would have been better off alone, but it will be too late. So there was no more spirit in her. This also is a commendation to the queen 0:34:40 - 0:35:01 of Sheba because she was on, look at these things she noticed. So do you know anyone? Maybe you're like this and if so kudos, but how many people do you know that if they're at someone's house, they're going to be observing with this level of detail, most people are so blissfully ignorant of everything 0:35:00 - 0:35:19 around them that they wouldn't know a baseball bat was swinging for their face until their teeth flew out. And, but this lady, she basically has enough material to write a book for the rest of her life on everything she saw and who knows how briefly she was there. It was obviously an extended trip, but 0:35:18 - 0:35:42 you know, this wasn't 20 years. Ok. And that's piece one is the observation piece two is the honest reaction to what she saw. It was absolutely justified for there to be no more spirit in her that is the honest, what everyone should react to being in Solomon's Kingdom and observing this would be to have 0:35:42 - 0:36:06 no more spirit in you. That should be everyone's response because it would have completely um overtaken even your wildest expectation of what could be. Not just because of the wealth and the gold and whatever if you read through this, that's not what this says. There's nothing here that says because 0:36:05 - 0:36:28 there is so much gold, the wisdom, the house he had built, not just uh not just the fact that it was an enormous, very expensive house, but the wisdom in building it, what it was used for how it was designed the meat of his table. This wasn't just a question of quantity, purpose. How does it all flow 0:36:27 - 0:36:51 and we could keep going through this, the sitting of his servants. How did he treat his servants? How did they treat him and for servants? What kind of people were they? You know, the wisdom of a master can be measured and benevolence and goodness just in general by the ascent of his servants. So why 0:36:51 - 0:37:15 do I say that with such great confidence? You should do a search one time on sons and servants and scriptures and learn more about this relationship that we have with God. So God has the ability to take the lowest servant and make him his closest son. So that's the model. And she saw this in Solomon's 0:37:15 - 0:00:00 servants and on and on. OK. But, but this one piece here is worth calling out his assent by which he went up unto the house of the Lord. So what's a man's relationship with God? And how long does it take to see that? You see when I say she opened his, her heart to him and he opened his heart to her? 0:00:00 - 0:38:00 If a man's heart is full of the spirit of God, how long does that take to see? And what does it look like? How does it manifest? And how would you react? How would you react if, if this man is closer to God than you believed anyone could be? And you're blasted with evidence of this right in your face 0:37:59 - 0:38:20 . How do you respond? Because if your answer is anything but there was no more spirit in her, then you've got room to grow and the queen of Sheba is giving you an example to follow verse six. And she said to the king, it was a true report that I heard in my own, my own land of thy acts and of thy wisdom 0:38:19 - 0:38:46 , howbeit, I believe not the words pause and that was wise. It's foolish to believe extraordinary things without extraordinary evidence. The point with this was the report she had heard was so extravagant that she could not find out from a distance. If it was true, she had to go closer and it was sufficient 0:38:46 - 0:39:06 for that. And here's another thing you don't have to act as a much bigger lesson. It has nothing to do with boys and girls. You don't actually have to hardcore believe something 100% to have sufficient reason to start walking in that direction. All you need is sufficient reason to start walking in that 0:39:06 - 0:39:34 direction or to walk away from that direction. If I see smoke at a distance and I hear ambulances and fire trucks, it's probably a safe assumption that maybe there's a fire over there and I probably don't wanna walk into it unless I'm a firefighter. Right? So there you go. Continuing. Verse um seven 0:39:33 - 0:39:58 , I believe not the words until I came and mine eyes had seen it pause again. And that's ok. You need extraordinary evidence to believe extraordinary things. However, you do not need extraordinary evidence to make a small step towards uh sufficient evidence, the direction, sufficient evidence points 0:39:57 - 0:40:24 . You see if you do this right? There is so little danger that there's far less danger than how most people live. Their quote, unquote, safe lives. That's very important. Continuing and behold, the half was not told me thy wisdom and prosperity exceeded the fame, which I heard. This is another very important 0:40:23 - 0:40:51 token for women and men, high quality people. I may give you a huge key. They get better, the more you know them, if someone gets worse, the more you know them, you know, that they're not a high quality person, it's really that simple. So that's something to look for. And it's something you'll only see 0:40:51 - 0:41:12 as you get to know them better. It also guarantees that the decisions you make early on are going to have to be based on a very partial picture. That's why this sufficient evidence. Business is so important. Verse eight. Now she's gonna go on talking about basically, the point is of what she's about 0:41:12 - 0:41:34 to say is what I've noticed is that everyone around you is better off because of you and because of you, they're all as good as they could possibly be. You're the secret ingredient. So we'll read that in her words happy. Are thy men happy? Are these thy servants which stand continually before thee and 0:41:34 - 0:41:54 that hear thy wisdom blessed be the Lord thy God which delighted in thee to set thee on the throne of Israel because the Lord loved Israel for ever. Therefore made he thee king to do judgment and justice. She's basically saying the best thing God God could have done for these people is put you in charge 0:41:54 - 0:42:16 of them because it's clear to me that everything you have a part in ends up being as good as it could possibly be. Now, why is that important to find in a potential husband? So you probably already know why it's basically impossible to find. I don't have to tell you about that, but that justifies the 0:42:16 - 0:42:45 intensity of the search, doesn't it? But why is that important for a young woman to find in a future spouse because that's what you're looking for in your life. That's, that's what makes a good husband is that because of him and who he is and what he will continue to grow into becoming his progress doesn't 0:42:44 - 0:43:07 stop in a high quality man. Just like our ears don't stop growing and our noses, our, our high quality doesn't stop growing either till we die. But um so that, and that's, that's a really weak attempt to try to be funny. But also there's, there's some deep symbolism in that the ears and the nose anyway 0:43:07 - 0:43:30 . So, um yeah, what, what he has to provide to you is not just in the temporal things, it's in helping you become the best person you can possibly be. You know what being a husband means. Do you know what the term animal husbandry? Why it uses the word husband? Um So if you have the the blessing of working 0:43:30 - 0:43:50 with animals in your childhood or young adulthood, you'll know all about this. But, but it's this idea of being a shepherd, it's this idea of becoming such a good person through your sacrifice and seeking and yielding to God and all His goodness and wisdom that you have something to impart to other uh 0:43:49 - 0:44:12 in the terms in, in terms of animals, creatures, in terms of people, just God's Children. Did you have something to impart to them that because of God's goodness in and through you, you help them to see and receive and value and become more of God's goodness in them. And so you become the vehicle to 0:44:11 - 0:44:46 enabling or accelerating or expanding someone's fulfillment of their potential in God, their divine potential. You help bring them closer to the best things could possibly be. So just scanning through to find my place here. Ok. So now she gave the king an 120 talents of gold and of spices, very great 0:44:46 - 0:45:06 store and precious stones. There came no more such abundance of spices as these which the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon. In other words, she gave him more spices than anyone could ever give. It's a lot of spices. So this tells us that good marriage has to be spicy. Just kidding. Um So why did she 0:45:06 - 0:45:27 give him all this stuff? Now, we already talked about how she came prepared to make this sacrifice. She came prepared even though that she didn't know she was gonna do it. That that was not, she didn't have to come to the party. Um I don't know how to phrase this. She didn't have to come with the full 0:45:27 - 0:45:44 commitment. So when you go on a first date, even like if you're flying out to see someone, you're not marrying them, right? But you have to have in the back of your mind the full measure of commitment. As Jesus said, you don't go building a tower. If you don't realize what that's gonna cost, you don't 0:45:44 - 0:46:05 go to war unless you're committed to do what you need to win. Or else you'll be worse off than if you had never tried. So you need to know the cost of netting a high quality man. And if you're not ready to do that from the first step, don't take the first step, take more time to figure out if it's worth 0:46:05 - 0:46:26 it to you or not. The best way to do this maybe is to limit yourself to the low quality men that are all around you and look to and talk to older women, 40 plus, talk to them and ask them what mistakes they made in life and what they wish they had done better and ask them to describe the kind of guy 0:46:25 - 0:46:48 you should be looking for. So, uh come to the table fully prepared to play and um, when you find what you're looking for, this is the, this is the next step in her, opening her heart to him and coming with that big train and making the big trip and actually asking him the questions she actually cared 0:46:48 - 0:47:09 about. There was no pretense, she was like, I'm gonna show you who I really am because I don't wanna waste my time if that's not what you're all about. And he was already like that. That's how he was because he was a high quality man. So the next step in that progression is to say, now, I know that you're 0:47:09 - 0:47:33 at least as good as I thought in this case, she said, you're twice as good as I heard, uh more than twice as good. And then she says, here's all my stuff, basically. Why did she give him all her stuff? Well, symbolically she was giving herself to him, but this sort of thing happens in the scriptures 0:47:33 - 0:47:56 in cases that are not romantic at all as well. So which of these is this, I guess we don't know 100% for sure, but it doesn't really matter for our purposes. So for example, when the converts um sold all their stuff and put all the money at the apostles feet, right? It's a, it's a, it's a sign that a 0:47:56 - 0:48:15 person recognizes that the person they are before is more like God in any way, in every way than they are. And why does this have any financial connection? Well, if you're all about God and you want to serve Him with all of your heart, then everything you do will be calculated for the greatest possible 0:48:15 - 0:48:38 benefit of the world. You want to do His will in all things. And so if you find a limitation in your judgment, in your ability to administer uh resources for God's purposes, you will take that set of resources where that applies and you will plop it at the feet of a person, you might find who you believe 0:48:37 - 0:49:00 will do a better job. This is why, for example, Abraham paid tithes to Melchizedek. It was because he knew Melchizedek was more like God in every way than he was. And he had more than he could do well with. He had more substance than he knew what to do with versus what he thought Melchizedek could do 0:49:00 - 0:49:19 with it. Now, did he know what mel kick would do with it? Nope. And he didn't need to, he couldn't care less. All he needed to know was that whatever he did would be more like what God would do in his place than what he would do. You see now supposing that the queen of Sheba was searching for a husband 0:49:19 - 0:49:40 , which this whole story perfectly fits as far as the wisdom of an example to follow whether it was the case or not is irrelevant. Suppose that's the case, what she's doing and giving everything she is basically saying I want to be your wife. I'm ready to go. Here's everything I have you can do with 0:49:40 - 0:50:02 it better than I can. Now, why is that? Why are these things connected? It comes back to what I was saying about husbandry and what this means as a woman, what you're searching for in a husband is a man that's more like God than you. And you have to have evidence of this. That's so strong that you detach 0:50:01 - 0:00:00 it from the particulars and that you will actually interpret differences between you automatically as evidence of something that's more like God than you. That is a really big deal. You will not find that in the, in the marriages of the world, you will not find this in hardly any Christian marriage. 0:00:00 - 0:50:45 There are some flavors of Christianity where people will say, uh they'll use the word submission. Well, wives should submit to their husbands, wives should submit to their husbands. No wives shouldn't submit at all. That's not a good word. They should actively adopt the purpose and the rest of that sentence 0:50:44 - 0:51:13 is not of their husband. It's of God and it should never change a woman. A Christian woman should always be in search of and living joyfully not submitting like a beat dog, but joyfully searching out and living the purpose of God. And when she marries a man, she should only do that if she is super duper 0:51:13 - 0:51:38 confident, like risk the whole rest of your life, confident that He knows more what God wants than she does and she, he is more like God than she is. And that is an extremely tall bill to fill. Now, does that mean she's going to be right? No, no, no, it doesn't. But if you follow the process of the queen 0:51:38 - 0:52:01 of Sheba, you're, you're, you're gonna be hard pressed to make a mistake uh in terms of being better off than you would be otherwise. However, there are no guarantees people have agency, they can change their minds, whatever. But that's the standard. And so if your, if your, if your process could never 0:52:00 - 0:52:23 yield that kind of confidence or your process would never pay the price to find such a high quality person, then you shouldn't go down this road. You should get used to the idea of being single for life and you should just find joy in other things because that's the cost of this. That's not a commitment 0:52:22 - 0:52:45 you make to an average man, let alone a below average man. And we're not talking about looks here. There's nothing on here says and the queen of Sheba uh got tingly whenever she looked at King Solomon's face or his biceps glistening under his gold shoulder plates, right? It doesn't say that it was his 0:52:45 - 0:53:06 wisdom, it was his Godliness. It was his concern and benefit to others, concern for and benefit toward others, right? That these are the things that matter long term and they matter so much more than other stuff. And if you're a godly person and this goes both ways, by the way, goes both ways. If you're 0:53:06 - 0:53:28 a Godly person, the attractiveness of godliness, dwarfs, anything physical. It's so much more important. It's not a consolation prize. It's not like, you know, an ugly spouse is just a cross I have to carry. It's like I love everything about this person because it's who they are. And they remind me of 0:53:28 - 0:53:50 heaven, what a beautiful thing to be able to say sincerely what price is worth paying for that. So, setting aside Solomon for a second, let's suppose Jesus lived his mortal life right now and stepping, setting aside, staying out of the whole controversy over where, whether he was married. I think if 0:53:50 - 0:54:08 I asked any random Christian lady, uh, would you marry Jesus if he were here right now and he were available? They without hesitation would say absolutely, some more honest ones would say, I'm not sure I'm up for that because that'd be a really hard life and they don't know the half of it. But let's 0:54:07 - 0:54:25 go with the ones that say, yeah, absolutely. What if the next question were? And what price are you willing to pay to find a kind of guy like that? Or would you be willing to pay? Not a guy like that actual Jesus? What price would you be willing to pay? How many of them say everything without a hesitation 0:54:24 - 0:54:42 ? Exactly. And so we're dishonest in what we say we want versus the price we're willing to pay. And that's in the, in the, in the senses where we already have a, uh, an accurate idea of what it costs. What about like what I'm describing to you? You thought that you were gonna get some dream boat just 0:54:42 - 0:55:03 by rolling out of bed and, and then they do all the work, you know, you're gonna meet somebody working a hot topic. Or something that happens to be uh an ideal man. A one in a million man. Well, it's not gonna happen. I'm sorry to burst your bubble. The, the price is way higher than that. And so adjust 0:55:03 - 0:55:27 down what you're looking for or adjust up what you're willing to do to get it. So, if the queen of Sheba had to travel across the world, I don't think you're gonna be able to find someone working at Baskin Robbins who's just gonna be the fulfillment of every desire you have. You know. So uh let's continue 0:55:27 - 0:55:49 reading. I think we're almost done here. Uh So she gives him all this uh all this stuff and then there's a little bit of confusion in verse 11. So we'll, we'll just skip over 11 and 12 because it's not 100% clear. Uh If this has to do with the queen of Sheba or not. But in 13, we jump right back to it 0:55:49 - 0:56:09 and King Solomon gave unto the queen of Sheba all her desire whatsoever. She asked beside that, which Solomon gave her of his royal bounty. So she turned and went to her own country. She and her servants. So Solomon reciprocated and here is the very blunt truth. What's a woman after in marriage? She's 0:56:08 - 0:56:30 after a guy who's gonna give her more than she has to give to him. That's the transaction. This is a really hard lesson for men to learn and they really aren't mature until they get it and they accept it and they want it. A good man is in it for what he can give you. Not what you can give him more precisely 0:56:30 - 0:56:52 what you can give him that he values the most is going to be your receipt of what he can give you. He will be in it for how much better off you will be and the Children you will bring into this world because of what he gives. That's his motive. Period. That's a, a purely godly mo motive. You're in it 0:56:52 - 0:57:11 for how much you can get from him, given what you have to give him. And that's ok. And we shouldn't pretend it's any other way. That's the honest truth. Let's just be upfront about it. Now, of course, this blows all the modern sentimentality of what we wish were true out of the water, but it is the truth 0:57:10 - 0:57:38 and it's how people act even when they say they don't believe it. So, um, that, that was not shielded here and he gave her some quantity of his royal bounty and then anything she wanted above and beyond that. Now, um, what a righteous man will do is he will give you anything he has or is or could have 0:57:37 - 0:58:00 or could become. And then here's the only condition so long as it's for the greatest benefit. So that's worth saying here, we won't dwell on that too much. And then we have this ambiguous business of her turning and going to her own country, she and her servants and some speculate that they were married 0:57:59 - 0:58:21 and that she got pregnant and then she had to go back to her kingdom to do the things for her kingdom that she needed to do. And we don't really need to figure that out or dwell on that. Um We've already made our points for the, for the relevant aspects of this. So I hope that this is useful. I think 0:58:21 - 0:58:42 that this is really solid advice. Um It's very different than what you're gonna hear out there. But if you are one of these incredibly rare young women who have lived your lives, so that these, this degree of blessing is still on the table for you. Uh I strongly encourage you to study this chapter yourself 0:58:41 - 0:59:00 and think about what changes you could make in your life to better follow the example of the queen of Sheba and what a modern king of Solomon would look like and what you would have to do to find him and recognize who he is. And whether you're ready for that, if that's really the desire of your heart 0:58:59 - 0:59:17 , or if the price is too high, what changes you need to make. So that either you're willing to pay a greater price and truly find joy in that, or more likely you're, you're willing to reduce your expectation of what you're gonna find in life. At the price you're willing to pay.