0:00:00 - 0:00:21 Over the last bit, I made a few videos directed towards men, giving them some advice on how to be better men and invariably what happens is I start getting emails from women saying now do us. Um So I may give that a shot. And um I've called this one helpful truths for single women. The one for guys is 0:00:21 - 0:00:42 hard truths. I think the plight of women is actually a much easier problem to solve. So you'll see why I say that in a minute. But up front, I just want to say, I think there is practical information that that makes this a very easy problem to solve. And I need to say that because what we're gonna start 0:00:42 - 0:01:02 with is giving you all the bad news and there's a lot of it. So buckle up. So the first piece is that uh I believe that there are plenty of reasons to make the case that this is absolutely the most important choice a woman's going to make in her life. And I believe that it will determine the limiting 0:01:02 - 0:01:23 factor of many important things in a woman's life, including the joy that she has. And um I guess if we had more time I could make sort of AAA much larger case for this. But, uh we gotta, we gotta keep rolling. So, what I'll do is just say, what do you think? If you think of the average situation of 0:01:23 - 0:01:46 a married woman, it's not good. She's not happy. Uh, she regrets the guy she married that's expressed very frequently in divorce. Over 80% of divorces are initiated by women. And um even if she's still married to him, she's probably not happy with him. And uh I get way too many emails from ladies saying 0:01:46 - 0:02:03 this is the case. I'm not sure what they expect me to be able to do about that. But um they are pretty much stuck and I will give reasons for this later on. And that's why, you know, with men, I made a video directed to men who are already married. That was the first one I made. That was all about how 0:02:03 - 0:02:22 to become a better man. And then I made a second video that was directed to men who haven't married someone yet and they're still looking um on how to, how to work that and sort of be better men in that. And this is probably gonna be the only video that I make about women and it's directed to ones who 0:02:22 - 0:02:45 aren't married yet because once you make that decision, it's, it's fundamentally different forever. So, uh if you just imagine what 10 times the average situation would look like it's extremely different. Right? So, just to help, I mean, you can, you can look at this economically, spiritually wisdom 0:02:44 - 0:03:08 , wise, fatherhood and kids wise, what however you want to dice it, it doesn't matter if you pick a facet and you look at what is and you look at what you would like it to be instead, uh, if you were to get into it, it's massively different. So the man matters a lot. Ok. So what's the difference between 0:03:07 - 0:03:30 living check to check? Having to work, not having the choice, but you have to keep working or else you guys can't pay the bills being limited in the number of kids you can have because you don't make enough money. Uh, spending most of what you as a woman contribute to the joint finances on babysitting 0:03:29 - 0:03:47 for the kids daycare and taxes that you wouldn't have to pay if you weren't working. So it's not like you're making this much a year and you're actually adding to the family's benefit by that much a year. Uh, if you didn't have to work, you wouldn't have to pay for daycare and you wouldn't have to pay 0:03:47 - 0:04:06 all those extra taxes because you're in a higher bracket because you have a second income as a family. So, um, it's, you know, and then statistically the wife is still gonna be doing most of the housework and most of the childcare and there just aren't a lot of ladies that would sign up for that if they 0:04:06 - 0:04:25 knew what they were getting into and yet that is exactly their path that they're choosing. So, in comparison to that, imagine if your husband earned seven times the average wage, which is not impossible to find. In fact, most women would say that's what they're looking for. Maybe not seven, but a lot 0:04:25 - 0:04:46 more than the average wage, if on average people are making 30,000 a year, which is not that far off from that. And you're looking for someone that's making six figures. So you're already three plus uh going on vacations. Uh at least annually, we'll say having a spacious home, having the ability to stay 0:04:45 - 0:05:02 home if you want to homeschool, if you want, being able to decide how many kids you want based on things other than money, being able to go visit your family whenever you want, not having to worry about how you're gonna pay bills and on and on and on, you know, being able to live in a place where your 0:05:02 - 0:05:24 kids can actually go outside and play. Um These are fundamentally different worlds and we've only thought about or explained the temporal facet, like the, the financial facet. There's the spiritual, there's the actual relationship between you and him. You know, if you look at the average situation, it's 0:05:24 - 0:05:43 not good. It's like two people who live together and yes, they're married but they, it's like they're roommates at Best Fatherhood, all this other stuff. It's fundamentally different. It's worlds apart. And the guy you choose will determine that now that one of the problems I'm just gonna throw this 0:05:43 - 0:06:00 out here. If you want to know what this is like, you need to go find a woman over 40 talk to her because that's kind of how long it takes for their, for their world to shrink in on them. And they start coming to reality about what they've chosen and you will find that a lot of them are really miserable 0:05:59 - 0:06:19 . And so if you end this presentation at any time, because you think I, I, because I said something you didn't like or, or it's just overwhelming. If you take one thing away, go and talk to women over 40 they know the score and ask them if they're happy. Find out why and if they're miserable find out 0:06:19 - 0:06:42 why. Because unfortunately they're probably not gonna come to you and they're probably not gonna admit it unless you ask them straight up. Ok, more bad news. Most men are not worth marrying. Now, I say most men because I'm broad brushing. It obviously depends on the quality of the woman, what the, the 0:06:42 - 0:07:03 , the suitable match would be. But out of the gate, there is some percent of men that should not be married to anyone at any time for any reason. Uh, what it is, you know, you could debate about this 15% or more of men have an IQ low enough that they, they can't read the directions on the pop tart box 0:07:03 - 0:07:27 and understand them. Right. That's just, that's just a fact. Um, and IQ isn't the end all, be all, it's just one easily measurable thing. And so should a man who cannot support himself ever be married to a woman? I would say probably not. And so maybe that's 20 or 25% of men right off the bat. And that 0:07:27 - 0:07:54 percentage is increasing as the um prosperity of this nation decays and that's not gonna change for the rest of your life. So um that's that. And then on another slide, we're gonna talk about how the the higher quality woman you are, the more men are unmarried to you. So we'll talk about that in a second 0:07:54 - 0:08:12 . But let's just start with this. So I don't think it's radical for me to go down this list and say most women are looking for a guy who earns enough money. So she doesn't have to worry about it or limit the number of kids she wants to have because of it. And I'm not talking like you want 15 kids. I'm 0:08:12 - 0:08:36 saying like 0 to 1 and 1 to 3. These are striations in economic prosperity in men that they're gonna have to be earning a certain amount to make that happen. And it's a lot more than most single women think because it's freaking expensive to have kids. 0.2 who loves her deeply. I don't think any woman's 0:08:36 - 0:08:54 like, yeah, I wanna be with a guy who doesn't care about me. Right. Who isn't addicted to anything. This is a huge problem today on, in both genders, it's a huge problem addiction. But, like, for the women they don't want to get married to a guy and find out he's got this porn addiction and he's not 0:08:54 - 0:09:17 interested in her sexually and, uh, you know, he's just got issues or he's addicted to, to, you know, fentaNYL or something who would be a good father. I don't think any lady's like, oh, I wanna have a family with a guy who's a terrible dad, uh, who is righteous and knows God, at least as much as they 0:09:17 - 0:09:39 do. Right. So, if you are a spiritual person or a religious person, you're probably not looking for a guy who isn't and you probably don't want one who's less than you are on your scale. Like, you get to di dictate what that scale is and you want a guy who's at least as good as you and who's attractive 0:09:38 - 0:09:58 , right? We'll just leave it at that. You don't have to go crazy with it. All right. So, these aren't high standards folks. This is like baseline stuff. And I think a lot of women go into this game thinking, yeah, there's plenty out there. This is just, you know, it's a fishing expedition. I throw out 0:09:58 - 0:10:18 the net, reel it in and pick the best one and I'm done. And because of that they do things like, live in a way that doesn't orient them to the best, uh, odds of success. Or they wait around for a really long time thinking they have time to play around, uh, in various ways. And then one day they wake 0:10:17 - 0:10:40 up and realize that they've got a problem on their hands. Uh because the truth is good. Men are rare and the better a woman you are, the more rarer they are. So someone, there's actually several of these, someone took census statistics, these aren't opinions. This is, these are hard facts, census statistics 0:10:39 - 0:11:04 , statistics, I can't say the word uh about men in the United States and they compiled them into a filter. It's a very simple form. Go to, I got standards bro.com. It's funny. Uh but that's just one of them there, there's several out there and you can pop things in like um race or income or height, you 0:11:04 - 0:11:26 can filter on if they're obese or not. And it will tell you what the odds are of finding a man like that. Now, when I say finding a man, I, I just mean the existence of men like that. It doesn't take into account the difficulty of actually finding them. It's just how many of them are there relative to 0:11:26 - 0:11:50 the population. OK. You can filter for age. Um Here, here we, unfortunately, they don't have things like how many men are gonna love you deeply, how many men aren't addicted to anything? Uh So these criteria are much more abundant than those. So, so the, the list I started with that I think is baseline 0:11:50 - 0:12:23 for, for a woman with half a brain. Um, it's gonna be way harder to find someone like that than these ones I punched into the search engine. Ok? But even that, ok, all I put in was, earns $100,000 or more is 6 ft or taller, is 24 to 35 is not obese and not married. That's it. So I don't think any woman 0:12:23 - 0:12:57 would say if he checks those boxes, I'm in, that would be like uh of course, he's gonna check those boxes and I have a bunch more, right? And yet that is less than 1% of men. So let that sink in for a minute. If so, how many single women are there? And they're all competing for that? 1%. So let that 0:12:56 - 0:13:19 sink in. All right. So, uh you can go to that website and play around with it. I highly encourage you to do so because it's a nice counter to delusional expectations of what's out there. So that's understanding what they're bringing to the table and how many of them are there are, there's another variable 0:13:18 - 0:13:42 to that equation which is what you're bringing to the table and we'll talk about that later in this presentation. But first, more bad news, the higher quality woman, you are, the fewer men there will be who qualify for you. And the relationship is exponential. It's uh inverse exponential. The the better 0:13:42 - 0:14:08 you are, the far fewer men there will be who qualify for you. There are various reasons for this one simple reason is that wise women search for men who are better than they are. And so what happens is all women desire uh all of the high quality men, but there are far fewer high quality men than all 0:14:07 - 0:00:00 women. And so even as you go up in the quality scale, you've got a ton of women competing for the top males. And so it's really hard to, to land one of those but to give you some hard data, uh what I found was just isolating Iqiq only, here's a look at the male and female statistics for IQ. And yes, 0:00:00 - 0:15:00 they're different. Uh Women tend to be more self similar than men in various um characteristics, but one of them is IQ. So it's much easier to find a very stupid man than a very stupid woman. But it's um also much easier to find a very high IQ man than a very high IQ woman. So um the distributions are 0:15:00 - 0:15:24 squished down for men. There's more in the extremes and women tend to be more self similar. So um let's say that you're a woman with an IQ of 100 which is the average um the ratio between men and women at that level, it's, it's pretty much equal. But as soon as you start going up by just a little in 0:15:23 - 0:15:46 IQ points all of a sudden it, it skews and so a woman with a high IQ, even like a moderately high IQ is gonna have a much harder time finding a man that has a higher IQ than she does. And one thing about the ladies is that high IQ women really don't like being with men with low IQs because it, it means 0:15:45 - 0:16:03 they have to be responsible for like everything because they see things that the men don't see and they're concerned about things that the men can't see. So therefore, they cannot be concerned about, right? And that's before you get into all the correlations between IQ and income and all these things 0:16:03 - 0:16:26 . But this is just IQ it's just very narrow slice of the composite picture of a human being. So, um unfortunately, the breakdown isn't such that we can find the exact place where the ratio goes to two women for every men, every man. Um But it's, it looks like it'd be around 135. So if a woman has an 0:16:26 - 0:16:50 IQ of 135 or more, um there will be uh two of am I saying this? Right? It it will be uh very hard for her to find, maybe I'm revealing my own IQ here, it would be very hard for her to find. It'd be twice as hard for her to find a man with an IQ that's equal to or greater than hers than it would be if 0:16:50 - 0:17:11 she had an IQ of 100. So, um, very quickly, the, the selection thins out. That's the point. And that's just IQ, but you can extend this into each of these qualities, some of which we just don't have data on like, you know, how many men are there that are more spiritual than you like. Good luck finding 0:17:11 - 0:17:29 that. But there are corollaries that you can look at like good fathers. You can't know how many men are good fathers, but you, you can sort of look at divorce rates and say, well, maybe we can correlate this somehow or even just anecdotally if you just look at all the men, you know, who have had Children 0:17:28 - 0:17:56 . Um How many of them would you classify as a good dad? Right. Ok. So more bad news. Um This is a time sensitive question. The longer you wait, the less capability you will have to attract a high quality man. This is an extraordinarily unpleasant fact to women, but it's so important, we're gonna break 0:17:56 - 0:18:19 it out and spend more time on it. But your ability to attract quality man, it begins at its zenith. So when you are a full-fledged adult, that's the max and then it starts decaying and it decays faster and faster over time. It also decays with the number of relationships you have and that's something 0:18:18 - 0:18:44 you can control. We'll get to it later. And then finally, as bad as all this is you do not get practice runs or do overs. You can't say I'm going to seriously date guys until I find the right one because every guy you date, seriously reduces your attractiveness to a high quality man in the future. And 0:18:43 - 0:19:04 that's for reasons, I'll get into it and there are no do overs. So you might have an idea about divorce, whatever. I personally think it's a really bad idea, but a high quality man is not going to see a divorced woman as an option, period and she, he's not gonna see a woman who's been in a relationship 0:19:03 - 0:19:24 with a guy for eight years as an option period. Now, lower quality men will. So I'm not saying there aren't men out there who, who will take you up on that. I'm just saying high quality men will not. And based on what's pretty obvious to see about female preference in the current society, um you won't 0:19:24 - 0:19:43 be interested in those kinds of men that are interested in you if you make those decisions. So the stakes are inordinately high for you. That's the bad news and it's very, very easy to mess it up to make a bad choice is extremely easy because there's 100 ways you can really mess up. But here's the good 0:19:43 - 0:20:08 news, ladies. It's really good news. This is the most important decision you'll ever make. And there are a million ways to permanently mess it up. But it is the easiest decision in the world if you know what to look for. And that's what I'm going to point out to you in this presentation. OK. So we'll 0:20:08 - 0:20:32 start here and then we'll double back to why age is so important. So how to recognize a high value man? So there's this interesting inverse relationship between how women look for men and how men look for women. And it's interesting because both do it in the exact opposite way. They should if they wanted 0:20:32 - 0:20:56 the greatest happiness. But the optimal way to do it is, is the, is the reverse of it's what the other gender does. So a foolish woman chooses a man based on who he will be in the future according to her imagination of that. Uh a foolish man, I'll, I'll spend more time on this one later because it's 0:20:55 - 0:21:18 in a different part. A foolish man chooses a woman based on who she is right now. He doesn't think about how she's gonna be in 2030 40 years. Um He also doesn't think on of how she's been in the last 10 and that actually is super duper important. Now, a wise woman will choose a man based on how he is 0:21:17 - 0:21:48 now. And what I mean by that is, it's extraordinarily unlikely that a man who isn't already high quality is going to be high quality later. And for some reason, women are insanely susceptible to the temptation to pretend that somehow she is going to change him or some other way, he is going to magically 0:21:47 - 0:22:13 improve dramatically from where he is right now. Now, does this ever happen? Of course, it does, of course it does. But how regularly does it happen? Almost never, it almost never happens. So, let's talk about the raw statistics of this. Suppose you were the boss at a company and you had to hire someone 0:22:13 - 0:22:33 for a position. Now, this was not an entry level position. It's a highly specialized position and the people that do it well, usually have to have 10 to 20 years of training specialized job experience to be able to do this job. Well, it's something like, um, you know, the safety engineer at a nuclear 0:22:32 - 0:22:56 power plant, if they botch this job, not only is it going to be the end of your career, but a lot of people are gonna die. Right. Very bad things will happen. It's super important. Now, would you make the case to your boss that you should be looking for someone that doesn't have a resume? That, that 0:22:56 - 0:23:21 is just fresh out of college brand new. Would you make the case to your boss? Yeah. But they could end up exactly who we need. Of course, you wouldn't no woman is dumb enough to do that. No man is dumb enough to do that. Right? And yet most women do this in relationships where the stakes are just as 0:23:21 - 0:23:46 high and the likelihood of finding someone who's just gonna magically become a good person with no history of being a good person or, or no history of dramatic changes in their lives or suddenly they're just gonna change most women do this. So what you should do if you're hiring that person is look for 0:23:46 - 0:24:04 someone with a resume and says I've been doing this for 20 years and no one's died so far. And what, what I mean by this is you're not looking for an 18 year old man. If you're an 18 year old woman, you're looking for someone who has a track record, if not exactly what you're looking for, things that 0:24:04 - 0:24:28 predict exactly what you're looking for, right? So, um, some of these are really hard to find and others are really easy to find. So, um, ok, so the first thing that's most important is a transcendent purpose. You're looking, I'm, what I'm doing now is I'm giving you the points on the resume that you 0:24:27 - 0:24:52 ought to be looking for a transcendent purpose. So it's probably worth reading this. So I'll just read it and maybe not comment on it so much. A good man has a purpose. It's more important to him than any person or thing. And this includes you, that's very important. See, wise women know that they are 0:24:52 - 0:25:11 not always the same person. They have ups and they have downs, they have times when they need someone to lean on. And if you pick a guy that needs you, I'm not reading. Now, in case you're listening to this, you're not looking at the slides. If you pick a guy that needs you, then you're signing up for 0:25:11 - 0:25:28 a situation where you always have to be perfect and you always have to be just as good as you are when he picks you. And I have yet to meet a woman who can hold up to that. That's something we expect of men. It's, it's not anything that should be expected of women because there aren't any women who do 0:25:28 - 0:25:50 it. It's against their nature. Women are changing all the time. All right. Uh So back to the qualities of high value men. He has values and character that inform his decisions, responses, actions and desires. These are, he's not just flying by the seat of his pants, doing whatever he feels like doing 0:25:49 - 0:26:07 all the time because he feels like it because that's the kind of guy, the one that flies by the seat of his emotional pants, who's gonna cheat on you, who's gonna leave you? You want a guy that says no, I'm not with you because of who you are. I'm with you because I chose you and because I chose you 0:26:07 - 0:26:33 , that's just the way it is. And I don't really care. I mean, I care but you don't have the ability to force me to change my decision. It is what it is because I choose it to be that way and uh that's strength, that's reliable, continuing on. Um So a man's transcendent purpose is the source of his consistency 0:26:32 - 0:26:58 , his predictability, his power, it's how a good husband provides peace and comfort to his wife. He may change his purpose but only due to additional information and his choice, not coercion, stress or the situation. If, if he meets someone that's quote unquote better than you, he's not just gonna dump 0:26:58 - 0:27:21 you and move on, he chose you. This is his choice. That's what he's gonna do. A man's, he's also not gonna like up and quit his job and start, you know, doing mushrooms or something and go live in the woods in a tree. You, you picked what you picked, you get what you picked, you might get better, but 0:27:20 - 0:27:41 that's gonna be uh intentional improvement, not just dropping the ball and going off the deep end. A man's purpose has nothing to do with his needs. It's for others. So a married man's purpose includes his wife, but his purpose transcends his family. His wife and his family are a part of his purpose 0:27:40 - 0:28:03 . They aren't his purpose. A man must seek his purpose independent of his wife. And, and what that means is that nothing she does can shake him from it. And that's great. That's a good thing. Um Many women, they don't admit it, but this quality is of utmost importance to their satisfaction with a man 0:28:02 - 0:28:26 . If you find a woman that's satisfied with her husband, you can, you can dig in and you will find that that man has a purpose and the purpose transcends her. A man who can't be shaken from who he is and what he is. Um No matter what she does can remain stable and calm, no matter how unstable and unc 0:28:26 - 0:28:46 calm, she might be in the moment, he's also capable of creating a bubble of order around her and her Children in a world of chaos. Now, that's a permeable barrier. It's not, you know, a lead cell or something where she's trapped in there is that she has the option to stay in there and stay safe in there 0:28:46 - 0:29:08 as often or as long as she chooses and she could go out from it any time she wants. But as long as she wants to be in there, he will protect her in there. Uh And because he can protect himself from her, he can protect her from everything else. It's very simple. It's nearly impossible to find, but it's 0:29:08 - 0:29:32 very simple. Let's continue. Another quality of a high value man is his resolve. He'll set goals, he's not going to quit when things get hard. Quit is not in his vocabulary. He might change his mind on something as new facts are presented. In fact, that is itself a necessity if he's high quality, but 0:29:31 - 0:29:52 he doesn't quit because things are hard. It's just, is it worth doing or not? And if it is, even if it cost him his life, he's gonna do it. If that's part of the equation and it's still a good idea, that's what he's gonna do. So he'll be able to ride out the waves in life and I'm, I'm paraphrasing all 0:29:52 - 0:00:00 this. You can read the slide if you want. Um But, but that's what it costs to be a rock. You have to have the resolve. If he says he's gonna do something, he's going to do it. If he says he's not gonna do something, he is not going to do it. You know, a lot of women look at the marriage contract is, 0:00:00 - 0:30:34 um, a safeguard in a lot of ways it is. But because of the legal system, a quality man's word is worth more than any contract. He will die before he violates what he said he was going to do unless he has a really good reason. But that, that subjugation to reason over his comfort and others over self 0:30:34 - 0:30:59 . That is greater security than anything else in this world. All right, probably enough about that independence. A good man will stand up for what is right, no matter what anyone else does, he will not modify his actions based on the approval or disapproval of other people. He does what he thinks is 0:30:59 - 0:31:23 right and what he thinks is right can change, but it doesn't change because someone else said so it only changes because of his reasons. So, uh you know, this is important to marriage. This is rus ruffle some feathers, but what a woman says she wants is not really what she wants. Uh And, and this isn't 0:31:22 - 0:31:44 my opinion, There is scientific research showing this. Um, that's, that's not how to figure out what a lady wants is by asking her. Um, so you've got to be able to independently see the world and do what you think is right? Even if it costs you everything because that's what you gotta do. Responsibility 0:31:43 - 0:32:03 . Good man owns up to his weaknesses. He knows his strengths, he lives up to his potential. Um, he, he works to try to understand the way things are but he'll live up to it when something is his fault. Usually he doesn't need anybody to tell him it's his fault because he already knows it. He's gonna 0:32:03 - 0:32:24 apologize for it before anyone even notices that he's done something wrong. He makes things work, he makes ends meet, he does what needs to be done and he's, he's successful enough to have a surplus. He's authentic, he knows who he really is all the time and that's how he lives. He doesn't take vacations 0:32:23 - 0:32:50 from his character. So, a good man. Because he knows who he is. He doesn't accept when people treat him less, uh, with less respect than he deserves. He always respects other people as much as they deserve and more and he always requires for others to respect him as much as he deserves. And when they 0:32:50 - 0:33:12 don't, he will remove himself from the situation, he's not gonna tolerate that. He doesn't like situations when people aren't treated fairly. Um with as far as self control goes. Uh, he's got poise, he's not gonna lose his cool just because he doesn't like the way things are going or he's tired or he's 0:33:12 - 0:33:38 in pain. Um, he's not gonna let himself be emotionally manipulated either for good or bad security. A good man is secure in himself. He's completely happy to be alone. He doesn't need other people to make him feel good about himself. He cares about them deeply and he enjoys being around them. But, um 0:33:38 - 0:34:01 , that's as much about what he gives to them as anything else. Um, a good man sacrifices. A good man will give everything in his capacity for the woman he loves. The only limit to that is his values. And so he's not going to do things that he doesn't think are right, just because a woman wants him to 0:34:00 - 0:34:21 . Ok. So that's deep philosophical stuff. It's super important, but it's hard to test, right. It's hard to test most of these things. You won't know if you've got them unless you've been with them for a while. So here are some easy things that you can test before you even go on a date with a guy. You 0:34:20 - 0:34:41 should have some thought about how much money he makes. Now, I used the example of 100,000 just because that's what a lot of women say these days. I don't know why. That's the magic number, but you should set some threshold, say 60 K. I would absolutely not go below that if he's not making that much 0:34:41 - 0:35:02 . Remember right now. Not like I think he will in the future. But if he's not making that much right now, unless he's a, um, he's in med school or something at the moment, not law school, that one's out the window for guaranteed income. But, um, in, in, in only rare exceptions, you should have a minimum 0:35:01 - 0:35:22 threshold and if he's not making that much money, it doesn't matter if he's, he looks like Brad Pitt and he's got the character of, uh, Plato. Move on. He's not ready for you, right? And then, uh, you need to have some minimum threshold on looks, of course, that you can evaluate both of these things 0:35:21 - 0:35:40 because the income is just a guess. You don't know. You're not gonna say, hey, how much money you make before you ask me out. Um, although there are places you can go and to find people who make more money. Um, there, there are a clever way. I didn't wanna make this presentation about this, but there 0:35:40 - 0:35:57 are clever ways you can hack the system and put yourself in places where there are men who are successful, like, get a job at a country club. Um, and if you find a guy who's young and doesn't have a ring on his finger, you've got a pretty good chance that he's got some money. Uh, another thing you do 0:35:57 - 0:36:17 is get a job at a bank. So, because I'm a weirdo. Um, so we, we have a credit union and it's out in the sticks where I live and because I was depositing checks and things for my business, I was in there a lot and this was pre COVID back when people actually had stable jobs and, uh, the tellers, there 0:36:17 - 0:36:32 were all ladies and I got to know him pretty well because I was, I was in there all the time and so I'd crack jokes and things and they knew who I was. And one day I just had this random thought and before I could filter it, I blurted it out. And I said, I said, do you guys ever look at people's bank 0:36:32 - 0:36:56 accounts and then hit on them if they're, if they're wealthy? And this is what happened. I think there were four ladies behind the counter. The one just looked like she was a smooth criminal and she just slowly nodded like you're darn right. I do. And she wasn't embarrassed or anything. The other turned 0:36:55 - 0:37:15 bright red because she does this and she felt guilty. And then the other two, it was like someone had just given them this brilliant idea and I knew they were gonna do it from this point on. And I thought to myself, what a genius idea. Get a job at a bank and then right off the bat, you can filter out 0:37:15 - 0:37:33 this extremely important criteria in today's day and age. If a dude's got a couple $1000 in the bank, you know, 10,000 $20,000 he's probably doing something right in his life. And you could probably use the system to see if he's married or not too. So if it's a joint account, you probably wanna not hit 0:37:33 - 0:37:55 on him right. Anyway, if you think outside the box, you can totally hack all this. Um Anyway, so you, you, you're not gonna know how much, unless you get a job at a bank. For this reason, you're not gonna know how much money he makes right off the bat. But you can guess. And then, you know, just by looking 0:37:54 - 0:38:14 at him, if he's attractive enough for you or not, you can also tell by looking at someone if they're fit. Now, this is a two edged sword and we're gonna talk about this more later, but nothing about those three things is inappropriate. Of course, you should use that to filter someone right off the bat 0:38:14 - 0:38:40 . Right. And that's kind of as far as you can get just by looking at somebody. So if someone asks you out and they fit the bill on these three things, there might be a good reason to say no. But, um, you already have three checkmarks, right. So here's the thing, within very few dates, you should be able 0:38:39 - 0:39:03 to put them through many more tests. It does not take a long time to figure these things out. It's very easy to figure out. And the more dates you go on with someone, the more attached you're going to get to them and it's like it puts the blinders on you where you will be less likely to logically evaluate 0:39:02 - 0:39:26 the situation and then you blink and you've been with a doofus for four years. So within two dates, I'd say you're going to know a bunch of really important things. One you're gonna know if he's made any sexual advances at you because any guy that does that in two dates is not a guy you should be interested 0:39:26 - 0:39:49 in. Second two dates is more than enough time to find out. Uh at least a tighter ballpark on the amount of money he makes. This is not a superficial thing to want to find out if a guy is offended by you trying to figure this out as long as you're not overt about it. I mean, if you're like, hey, how much 0:39:49 - 0:00:00 money do you make, then maybe they're gonna rightly think that maybe you're not the one for him. But, um, I, I would not be offended at this because one, like the only reason this would be offensive to a high quality man. Like he doesn't want a gold digger, right? He doesn't want a gold digger. But, 0:00:00 - 0:40:29 um, and, and he knows that there are things that are more important than this, but most of the people that are gonna get offended by this are folks who don't make that money and they're offended because they don't meet your standards and therefore they think, well, you shouldn't have them. Um, so there's 0:40:29 - 0:40:48 that. So within two dates, you can find out what their purpose is in life. Now, you don't need to ask what is your purpose. But if you find a guy where you ask him that and he could rattle that off, that's pretty impressive. But you can say like, you know, you can find out what they're doing with their 0:40:47 - 0:41:06 life and how they spend their time because that's gonna follow their purpose. And if all they're doing is punching the clock at work and then going on a date every once in a while for fun and they don't really have anything to say for themselves outside of that. It's a pretty good indication that they 0:41:05 - 0:41:26 don't really have a purpose. Ok. You can totally find out within two dates if the guy wants kids and he's looking for marriage or something else, this kind of goes with the sexual advances, right? And any guy who's weirded out by that is probably not a high quality man because again, it's part of the 0:41:26 - 0:41:47 purpose. If you, if you uh poke around to see if having kids and having family is part of his purpose and he gets offended by that, then you know, a guy, a high quality guy is gonna be excited by a woman who wants a family. Um Yes, there are baby crazy people out there and that's a little scary, but 0:41:47 - 0:00:00 there's a huge difference between someone who is older and, or divorced and, or a single mom and starts talking about marriage and kids on the first or second date and a woman who is young who uh knows what she wants out of life and has not already made those decisions and is asking those questions. 0:00:00 - 0:42:33 Um It, it's a very, very different situation, but again, it's a problem that solves itself because if you ask these kinds of questions and they, they fly away, uh they did you a favor. So other things that you'll be able to very easily verify is how secure he is in his masculine core, his identity. Uh 0:42:33 - 0:42:58 This also has to do with purpose. Um How much time does he spend doing things that are kind of for external uh validation is not the right word, but he's, he's dealing with problems through distractions and numbing and and medication, right? So, is he a video game kind of guy? You can't probably find 0:42:58 - 0:43:18 out, I mean, if you find out he's on porn within two dates, like, that's red flag city that you were able to figure that out. But like drugs and alcohol and that includes prescribed things. Right? So, if, if you have to take a pill to be a reasonable well adjusted person, that's probably not someone 0:43:18 - 0:43:39 you want bank on for the rest of your life. And that's a very unpopular position. But this isn't a presentation on how to maximize the number of marriages in society. It's to maximize the joy. And I'm talking about high quality partnerships, not the rest. Ok? So those are the easy tests here, the what 0:43:39 - 0:43:58 I have called the medium tests and these might take a little bit more time to sort through. So you need to find out if he cares more about you than he does being with you. Now, the good news about all these tests is you don't really have to set them up. And, um, you're gonna think I'm a horrible person 0:43:58 - 0:44:18 for saying this. But I don't really care if, if, um, if I were talking to a young man, there's another version of this that you can do on a first date before you even ask her out a first date and a second date. But I talk about the, the dream 1st and 2nd dates as being on date, number one, take her to 0:44:18 - 0:44:37 a place where you have to go swimming because the makeup washes off and you'll see her in a bathing suit. And so there's very little that can be hidden. Well, a lot less we should say with that and because guys, number one pitfall is letting their eyes lead them where their mind would not otherwise go 0:44:37 - 0:44:59 . Um That sort of washes away quite literally a lot of the illusions from day one. And uh so that, that can be important. And then the second dream date would be some weird thing where you go hiking for like 10 hours grueling pace, heavy packs and then you accidentally forget to bring the food. This 0:44:58 - 0:45:18 is, of course, this whole thing is absurd and no one would ever do any of this, but it teaches the principles. Um You accidentally forget the food so that everyone's really hungry. And then right after that, you go and babysit young unruly kids for like five hours and you convince the parents to come 0:45:18 - 0:45:42 home late. So then within two dates, you've seen how this lady looks without fancy clothes and makeup. You've seen how she operates when she's super tired and hungry and she sees how she is. You see how she is with kids who are absolutely rotten, who aren't hers and when she's really tired and uh you 0:45:42 - 0:46:08 probably know all you need to know about her after that anyway. Ok. So, um, you don't have to set these things up with these medium tests for guys. Uh You'll get plenty of information about them just with the normal way things roll out. So, um, knowing he cares more about you than he does being with 0:46:07 - 0:00:00 you. Uh, you'll be able to tell this. How does he react when you say something he really doesn't agree with. Does he say that he really doesn't agree with it and tell you why or if, if you do something in the course of events that he really doesn't like, what, how does he react to that? Because, um, 0:00:00 - 0:46:50 if he's willing to say something and he does it in a way that doesn't totally annoy you. Um That's probably a really good sign because he's going to hold himself back more than ever right now. And uh if he's willing to say something now, you can bet on him being willing to say something in the future 0:46:49 - 0:47:08 . And that's a good thing because that's what you're signing up for with a good man is someone who's going to help you become the best person. You can be um, in ways that you couldn't without him. So, um, this can go to the extreme because a good man will tell you what you need to hear, what he thinks 0:47:08 - 0:47:28 you need to hear, even if you don't want to hear it, right? Uh This presentation is a great example of that. These are things that many men think very few men would dare to say at least in front of women and I'm just throwing it out there on youtube. So enjoy. Um, a good man will readily give his life 0:47:28 - 0:47:48 for the benefit of, of the woman he loves and he will do things to help you even if it costs him, your company. So good man will refuse to talk to a woman any more once he's determined that he's not the best thing for her. It could be because he's better or worse than what she needs. But that's what 0:47:47 - 0:48:08 he's gonna say. I'm not talking to this lady ever again. I'm done now. That, that one's not a great example because that doesn't do you any good if your objective is to find a guy like that. But the kind of guy that does that is exactly, you know, you could see like, you know, conversation about previous 0:48:07 - 0:48:24 girlfriend comes up and you say, well, what happened there? And he says, well, I just decided that I wasn't the right guy for her. And it's like, well, what, what makes you say that? Well, she was looking for this and that in her life and I thought she'd be better off finding a guy who could give that 0:48:24 - 0:48:46 to her. It's like, well, did you care about her? Absolutely. That's why I did it right. That's a good guy in that regard. He might be a dumpster fire in other ways. Ok? The tougher the situation, the more valuable a good man becomes funniest thing happened while I was in the military. This one time I 0:48:46 - 0:49:11 remember that I was in a couple of units. Um So this was, I started as an enlisted guy and I became an officer guy. So as I worked my way up the ranks, um in, in one position, I noticed in a unit that um the, the enlisted folks really didn't respect me very much and, um, you can get a sense for this 0:49:11 - 0:49:37 and there really wasn't a reason for that because I always went out of my way to do as much as I could to help everybody that, uh, I had responsibility for, but I noticed something and, and that was when everything fell apart. That's when all the serves came out. And so when the times were good, everything 0:49:36 - 0:50:03 was jokes and, uh, slow moving. But when the times were bad it was, sir, what should we do, sir? What do we do next? And, um, that sort of thing, maybe that's not the best example, but the idea is in a tough situation. That's when the, the good people shine. Um, I'll tell you another example. It happens 0:50:02 - 0:50:22 to be from the army. Um, there was a guy in basic training with us who was older, uh, much, much older. He had gotten out of the military and he waited so long to come back that he had lapsed whatever rule they had, and he had to do basic training again, which is humiliating and hard because it's not 0:50:22 - 0:50:41 designed for older people. And, um, they, the, the drill sergeants were merciless on this guy. He was just their target for everything. And then one day we're climbing up this tower and it was high. It's this obstacle course, you know, kind of thing that you expect from the movies and we're climbing 0:50:41 - 0:51:05 up this high tower as a team and this lady fell and she was falling off this tower. And this dude, he was a big guy. He like reached out just split second. He reached out, he grabbed this lady by her shirt. You know, it's not tough army shirt kind of thing and put her back on the tower from that day 0:51:05 - 0:51:26 . Those drill sergeants never said a word to this guy. They had so much respect for him and that is a quality of a good man because when things are really bad and everybody's falling apart, they are the rock and they will get better, the harder things get, they will get more valuable, not less valuable 0:51:26 - 0:51:54 . He thinks of other people's needs. Even when suffering. He treats people that have no ability to benefit him the same as those who do. So, this is really important if you're on a date and a guy is treating you like a queen and he treats the waitress like a surf. That is not a good guy. He owns his 0:51:54 - 0:52:15 mistakes and he learns from them, he frequently catches them and he apologizes before anyone else calls him out. Get back to the waitress example. That's how he's gonna treat you in a couple of years. So, and then finally he seems better, the more you get to know him, that's kind of a, an echo from what 0:52:15 - 0:52:34 I said before. So tough times and overtime he gets better. So you might not be with a guy for 20 years to be able to decide if you want to stay with him. That's not the time spans, you have to decide, but you will have whatever the time period is. If you keep learning things that are more impressive 0:52:34 - 0:52:54 than what you knew before, that's a good trend. And it's rare. It's so all these things are so rare that if you find one of them, you know, start looking for others because when, when you find a little bit of gold, you, you're gonna find more usually. But um these are rare things and, and they're clues 0:52:53 - 0:53:17 of greater things that are harder to find or take more time. That's why the decision isn't that hard? These things are very obvious, very obvious. Guys don't like if you're still here after that highly offensive. Uh Half joke I, I told you about, you know, my advice for guys looking for girls. Um The 0:53:16 - 0:53:43 one of the reasons our search mechanisms are so absurd is because we really can't look for what matters, you know, looks don't really matter, being able to, um, treat Children well and have your mental self in order in stressful situations when you're tired, you know, that's a lot more important. But 0:53:42 - 0:00:00 at the end of the day, a guy doesn't really have any way on one or two or 200 dates to find out who you are as a person and who you're gonna be as a person in 20 years. Women do. And it's just because there's a huge difference in who we are and how we are, which is a great setup for this slide here. 0:00:00 - 0:54:29 The bottom line is, this is fast and easy for a woman to do. You should immediately dump any guy that doesn't meet your standards. You don't have time to waste and it's much better for you to be alone than for you to have a placeholder who you know, is not gonna work for you. Because another thing, it's 0:54:29 - 0:54:53 not in this slide, explicit slideshow explicitly anywhere else. So I'll say it now, a quality man is not interested in a woman who already has a boyfriend. I don't know why that's so hard to grasp for women. So there's that um the more guys you're with for longer, the less you will be able to pair bond 0:54:53 - 0:55:17 with men with a new man. This is just the way it goes. It's a hard, terrible thing. But again, there's data on this, the more committed you have been to men in the past, the less committed you will be able to be to men in the future. A woman really gets one chance. And so it's very important for you 0:55:17 - 0:55:33 not to waste time on a, on a first date with a guy, you know, already doesn't meet your standards or a second date where you already found out on the first date that he doesn't meet your standards and so on. It doesn't matter if you've been dating for six months, if you're not married yet and he falls 0:55:33 - 0:55:58 below your standards. Dump him. Time is your enemy. So now we're gonna get back to where we started. I, I just briefly mentioned that your best chance is in the beginning and your odds fall fast after that. So here's the men's version. I, I promised I'd show you a foolish man is gonna choose a woman 0:55:58 - 0:56:17 based on who she is right now. So wise man is gonna pay attention to how he thinks she's gonna be 2030 40 years in the future and also how she's been until now. And let me explain this. So how she's been till now. I mostly mean, what has she done with her life? Especially when it comes to relationships 0:56:17 - 0:56:43 with men because uh a wise high quality man is absolutely not going to be interested in a woman who's had 5, 1015 serious relationships. But moreover, um as we'll see in a minute, it's absolutely impossible for men to accurately predict how woman is gonna be tomorrow, let alone 1020 40 years in the future 0:56:42 - 0:57:12 . And yet she will be who she is at 40 for decades, longer than who she is right now at say 20. Um So when I say this, I'm not saying he's gonna accurately predict her future. I'm saying he's going to choose a woman trying to ignore all the things about her that are only true right now. And men are learning 0:57:12 - 0:57:36 this, they're learning these things in very high numbers. And uh it's, it's fundamentally changing the game. So we need to dig deeper into this because no one tells you these things as a woman. Um It's pretty absurd that some random guy on the internet has to do it, but no one else is. So I'll give it 0:57:36 - 0:58:04 a shot for like the three ladies who end up seeing it. Um OK, these are the phases in a woman's life, childhood adolescence, premenopause, perimenopause and menopause. Three of these words have or are the root menopause is very, very important to understand the phases of a woman's life. You have to understand 0:58:03 - 0:58:28 menopause. A man does not follow these phases. A man has two phases, maybe three like uh childhood adolescence manhood. And then after that, there's some cliff where he may as well be dead and usually he dies quite quickly after entering that phase, right? But almost the entire life of a man. He's just 0:58:28 - 0:58:53 a plain old man and there's really no changes in that phase. But a woman has all these phases and then even inside premenopause, that's where pregnancy and nursing live. And so there are even changes within that, right? So each of these phases or sub phases is characterized by very different mental physical 0:58:52 - 0:59:17 behavioral characteristics. A woman is change. That's, that's what she is. And so guys are learning this because in the past they were pretty dumb. Guys are still pretty dumb but but they are learning this one thing, right? So let's look at this, I did not make this figure and I cannot tell you for the 0:59:17 - 0:59:38 life of me why the X axis starts at zero. But let's just ignore that zero. Maybe the zero is the estrogen le I don't know what that means. So just ignore that. But what this, this isn't all the phases. They don't have childhood or adolescence on this and I don't know why, but it starts at premenopause 0:59:37 - 1:00:03 , which certainly doesn't start at age zero. So I don't know what's up with that, but let's call it like 18, right? So adulthood 18. So um that phase is how all men think of women. It's also how all women in that phase think of women and how women after that phase like to keep thinking of themselves 1:00:02 - 1:00:27 . This is like society's idea of what a woman is. No one talks about the other parts. But look at this scale and you can kind of like get an idea that's just a little thin slice of a woman's life. There's a lot of stuff that comes before and a lot of stuff that comes after it is a tiny fraction of her 1:00:26 - 1:00:56 life and the stuff that comes after there is nothing there that anyone will regard as positive. Ok. Now, I would be more gracious than that because I um have personal experience with ladies who I thought were um you know, who experienced some positive uh changes through all of this, like much more stable 1:00:55 - 1:01:19 emotional disposition, right? That's not on this. Um And there are reasons for this that we won't have time to get into. But if you look at the fluctuations in female sex hormones across a month, um it's a cocktail and it causes significant changes in behavior, mood, et cetera. Um And when that all sort 1:01:19 - 1:01:43 of evens out uh after going through menopause, it's, it's uh it seems possible for ladies to be much more even keeled. It comes at a price which no one tells you about um like 30% less mental energy, for example. So you're tired very frequently and uh you just don't have as much energy or interest in 1:01:42 - 1:02:07 things um for life, right? But anyway, um there are some positive aspects to this, but my point was showing this is that this stuff is out there and there are people making lots and lots of content, including women and guys are finding out all about the dark secrets that no one ever told them and they 1:02:07 - 1:02:28 know it ahead of time, not by experience and it's vastly changing the game. So let's just briefly touch on this. If you don't know female sex hormones, there's a bunch of them. There's really only one in men and it's testosterone, it's pretty dang constant. But for women, it changes all the time and 1:02:28 - 0:00:00 there's a whole bunch of them and to just give you an idea of how important these things are in terms of their effect on how a woman feels and acts oxytocin alone. Like if you're gonna study one study, that one, it is a huge driver in all these things that both men and women find to be pleasant. So, 0:00:00 - 1:03:20 you know, just I'm gonna bang through this for the sake of time. Um There, here's, here's some science. Um there are huge difference differences in what's going on as far as her body chemicals or brain chemicals or hormones. Um during it's not just brain but the hormones in her body. Um during premenopause 1:03:19 - 1:03:45 or her reproductive years versus menopause. Here's a graph that shows you OK. It's super duper constant after menopause and it's not before. So the top graph is a month, the bottom graph, the scale is years. OK? Are you starting to get it? This is the proof of what I said with consistency, this wasn't 1:03:45 - 1:04:09 just crazy Rob idea. OK. This has been my experience as well with ladies. So um this is real stuff and it really drives how you feel and how you act as women. And it, it also drives what guys find attractive. Almost everything that guys find attractive about women is associated with high estrogen levels 1:04:08 - 1:04:38 , like healthily high, not some weird and that's associated with age. And so I apologize up front for how difficult it is to hear this. But it is factual. If you find a good man, he his quality will grow over time. That's only true for good men, bad men, men that aren't worth your time either don't change 1:04:37 - 1:05:02 or get worse. Most men don't change. You could even say most men get worse. But if you add both of them, you're talking about way more than 50%. So, so I have to be fair here. More than half of men will never be better than they are right now. OK? But the good ones will get better over time. They start 1:05:02 - 1:05:27 good, they move towards excellence over time for all women. This is not the case. So men, it's like some decay over time. In fact, most some grow over time. You have to understand that. Put all the facts into blender and take out the average, the average statement is women decay over time. That is the 1:05:27 - 1:05:53 way it is and you can make arguments it's, looks aren't everything. Yeah. Well, how important is personality, how important is, is mental energy. Like there is no facet of a human's existence that is not affected by the change in female hormones over time. It's not just how they look. Right. So, this 1:05:52 - 1:06:13 is a hard truth. So you need to understand that. What a guy is signing up for when he marries you is a few years of, of something connected to how you are now and then a grab bag of, he has no idea what you're gonna turn into, but he can guarantee it won't be as good as it is. Now, that's the situation 1:06:13 - 1:06:38 and you will get in a lot of trouble for saying this, but it is, it is the scientific truth and you have to understand that to play the game. Well, here's some more evidence. This is, um, all these dating websites has, have given us a fountain of data, hard data on what guys actually prefer as far as 1:06:38 - 1:07:00 a woman's age and what women are ok with as far as a man's age. Um I shouldn't say ok with both of these are who looks best to you, right? And so it's, it's the age of the man or woman and then the age of the man or woman that looks best to them. And what you find is a woman's preferences, track a man's 1:07:00 - 1:07:30 age. It's, it's um, it's older than she is until about 27 and then she starts looking one year, two years, three years younger, but it always increases with age. A guy's preferences do not for a man, a 2021 year old woman will always look the best to him no matter how old he is. The only reason he stopped 1:07:29 - 1:07:57 going after women that age is because they don't go after him anymore. Right. So this is just a hard fact. And so putting all this together with no other factor just isolating the variable of age. The fact is every year you age after reaching full maturity, you will be less attractive to men, period 1:07:57 - 1:08:26 . So that sounds really bad. It's a hard truth if, if you could be a 10 on the 10 scale and when you walk into a room, every single guy turns his head and in enough years that will never happen again, right? No one will care when you walk into the room and this usually women don't find this out until 1:08:25 - 1:08:46 it's too late, right? So if you're watching this and you're under 30 hopefully, if, if this is the first time you're hearing this, uh this is great news to find this out now. OK. And what happens is there's another thing working against you because the older you get, the more you're gonna have to look 1:08:46 - 1:09:09 towards older men as your dating pool and the fewer of them who are still gonna be single. And so it's a, it's a, it's a very quickly diminishing pool of suitable men and I already showed you just starting out you're dealing with less than 1% of the male population. So it's kind of a grim game that we're 1:09:09 - 1:09:31 looking at here. You, you don't have time to just play around. It's like someone just flipped over an hourglass and you better get to work because what's left in the hourglass when you get married will determine how much happiness you have in your life. And that is not an overstatement. Ok? It's like 1:09:31 - 1:09:55 , it's like the clock freezes at that point and what you've got in the hourglass, that's what buys you your happiness. So here I'm gonna give you a hack to make this work in your advantage to your advantage. The fraction of say 22 year old women who are looking at 32 year old guys is very, very small 1:09:54 - 1:10:17 . It shouldn't be, but it is right because all the things I showed you about how if you basically, um, most women run the race, but you should just be waiting at the finish line and then, you know, the first couple guys that cross are winners, right? So this is not a hypothetical thing that I'm about 1:10:17 - 1:10:46 to tell you. Ok. So if you are willing to look at a guy who's at least five years older than you and you're under 30 what you're gonna find is that you can pick amazing quality men and they will absolutely adore you. The other thing is you really don't lose anything by doing this. A guy who's 32 versus 1:10:46 - 1:11:06 a guy who's 22. And I'm, I'm not saying a guy who's 32 and he weighs £400 and he's got a neck beard. I'm saying a put together 32 year old. He's got a career, he's got money, he's fit. He doesn't have some weird situation where it be a red flag over how he just spent the last 10 years of his life. He's 1:11:06 - 1:11:30 got a reason that he's 32 and single, which we'll talk about in a minute. Um, you've just won the race, you've just won the race, right? You hacked the code because it gets you bonus points on the 10 scale, basically when it comes down to it and this isn't all just a physical thing. So don't simplify 1:11:29 - 1:11:58 it to that. The fact is that an older man has a much better idea of the val, the deeper values a woman has the ones that actually matter long term, the ones that, that have real value. A 22 year old man, all those things are absolutely invisible to him. He only sees a few things and they are all external 1:11:57 - 1:12:19 , all of them right now. He'll say, oh, she's nice, whatever, she's pleasant. It doesn't matter. He's got no sensors for that. He has no idea what changes in women over time. And what the distribution of certain uh, qualities are in the female population or what makes a good man. He has no idea about 1:12:19 - 1:12:40 what a man's purpose should be and all these other things, you have to go at least five years older to find those guys. Now, here's the caveat to all of this. The older man is. You better be dang. Sure. He has a good reason for still being single. So, if his reason is, oh, I was married for eight years 1:12:39 - 1:13:12 and I got divorced. Disqualified, right? Or um, so widowers is a different story. Um That's probably a safe bet but you know, the older they get. So if a guy is 34 and he's single, the list of suitable reasons for that is almost non existent. So like if he went to med school and then he did a specialty 1:13:11 - 1:13:32 and then he did another specialty and because he's been in nothing but med school or residencies until now he's now 34 or something. That's fine. Green light. You're good. Right. He didn't have time to date because he was working uh 20 hours a day right then. But that's how ridiculous it starts to get 1:13:32 - 1:13:51 as you get older. So there is a limit to all of this. But um that being said, I'm gonna tell you a true story. I just heard this yesterday. I'm gonna try to anonymize enough details. So I don't get in trouble because I heard this from another person, from a person who was a woman is a woman. Not was 1:13:50 - 1:14:17 . So, here's the story. There's AAA young lady, she goes off to college. She's very Christian. Uh she's a virgin. She's never had a boyfriend. And at college she's surprised to find that all the guys that ask her out try to make advances on her physically on the first date. And so she discontinues these 1:14:17 - 1:14:38 relationships after the first date and she gets quite disappointed and depressed about it, right? Not like ruin her life, depression, but she starts to lose hope on the whole dating scene. Then fast forward and she meets a guy who is 10 years older than her. And uh immediately they begin a relationship 1:14:37 - 1:14:57 . He is also super Christian and also a virgin and there are good reasons for this. He says, no, I've been trying to date this whole time. I have a career, you know, girls were only interested in physical stuff and I wasn't interested in this or they just wanted to party or live together and all this 1:14:57 - 1:15:21 stuff. And I have a family happy ending, right? She cracked the code. Why? Because she was willing to go 10 years older. So I asked this person who told me, what does her mom think about this? And she said, oh, I talked to her mom, she said her mom thinks it's great and she wishes her other kids would 1:15:21 - 1:15:41 do the same thing. She says she has nothing to worry about. The guy is rock solid. Now, I'll leave that to you, but it's something to think about. All right. So now the question is what makes a woman attractive to high quality man? So I, I've sort of given you criteria to go off of, to try to find the 1:15:41 - 1:16:01 hidden, high quality men floating around. I've given you a practical tip to cracking the code on because you're, you're really gonna struggle to find those high quality men. Uh If you're not looking in the right places, it's a piece of cake if you are. So now I'm gonna tell you the things that you can 1:16:00 - 1:16:26 do in your life to disqualify yourself from them. So here are the two most important body parts that you have to high quality man. This is the good news and the bad news all in one. It's your heart and your mind. So believe it or not, not all guys are positively obsessed with looks. In fact, wise men 1:16:26 - 1:16:51 know that that uh as it as it is written in the scriptures, all flesh is grass, it withers and it fades away. OK? And so they are gonna be looking for much deeper attributes and I'll come back to this because it's not a blank check. Um So as much as they can, they're going to be trying to find out what's 1:16:50 - 1:17:11 in your heart and what's in your mind. Now, I have told you that. It's really hard to figure this out for a guy to figure this out in a woman on one date, two dates, three dates, six months, six years, 10 years of marriage. He'll probably know by then, but then it's too late. Right. So, for selection 1:17:10 - 1:17:42 purposes, he doesn't have much to go off of. It's a really, really hard thing. Ok. And this is why most men, um, I, I wouldn't say this is why most men, this is why it's not so bad for men to um to resort to strictly physical attributes for screening women. Um The reason is it's kind of the on, it's 1:17:41 - 1:18:05 like it's like um when you buy a house with the contract for the house, you submit a check, it's called Earnest Money. And what it is is like if the deal falls apart, the seller, at least they get to keep this check and looks, a woman's looks to high quality men are like earnest money. So he knows that 1:18:04 - 1:18:29 not everyone looks great. So it's worth something. And he knows that even if you know, you get into a horrendous accident or you totally let yourself go, which happens a lot or whatever else. At least he gets to enjoy your good looks for some period of time, even if everything else goes to hell and you 1:18:28 - 1:18:52 end up being a trashy, trashy person. At least he had that. Right. And I don't know if that makes it any better. But that's, you know, that's a thought. So anyway, back to your heart and mind how is he going to figure this out? Ok. Here are the qualities that a quality man looks for in a woman. He's 1:18:52 - 1:19:18 looking for a lady that can improve the appearance of things, including herself. But the world she lives in, she just beautifies, she makes things better for being there. Um More entertaining, interesting, appealing, she improves what's around her and herself. She makes it more valuable. She excites 1:19:17 - 1:19:39 him and this isn't just limited to simple physical stuff like she causes feelings of enthusiasm and eagerness. So no man ever goes to a concert because of men. Like if you look at any video of a concert you're gonna see there's more women there than men. Why the guys only go because of the ladies, right 1:19:39 - 1:19:59 ? No guy would go to a bar if there weren't guy uh girls at the bar, right? And I'm broad brushing here. I'm sure you can find a guy that would do this, but it'd be like way less guys doing it if the ladies weren't there because ladies make things exciting for men. So, so ladies get excited going to 1:19:59 - 1:20:24 events and things, guys don't care. They go because of the ladies, right? Even the lady they're with, that's why they're doing that. Uh women who enrich things who, who uplift things, who gladden them, make them glad, who calm them, who soothe them you know, guys out in battle all day with the world 1:20:24 - 1:20:50 , he wants to come home to a lady who's made a, like her home, this uh this battery charging station where he can, you know, it's friendly lines. He's, he's, he's behind friendly lines and he can sheath his sword and uh be reminded of what makes worth living and dying for. That's what he's looking for 1:20:49 - 1:21:22 . Wants to be reminded why he's giving his life. So, uh and then finally to pacify, to bring peace to now, none of these things is like be your mommy and you know, be a substitute for a man's inability to discipline himself or sort himself out. Um It's not that so you're decorating his life, making it 1:21:22 - 1:21:49 uh worth his sacrifice. All right. So, um now here's the scripture from Ephesians five. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular. So love his wife, even as himself and the wife see that she reverenced her husband. So I did a whole video on guys how guys should treat their wives. But what does 1:21:49 - 1:22:15 it mean to reverence your husband? It means to respect him deeply. Now, that's not to invent good things about him that aren't true, right? It's to recognize the true good about him to not take it for granted like we, I showed less than 1% right? For baseline, bare minimum standards. If you have found 1:22:14 - 1:22:38 a guy worth marrying, then that guy is going to expect you to recognize that he was worth marrying and most guys aren't, that doesn't mean like you, he walks in the door and he's expecting to like, uh, you know, pay ob essence to him or something. Right. But, um, don't treat him like a doormat, don't 1:22:38 - 1:23:05 ignore the sacrifices he makes. Hold him in high esteem, high regard, admiration, approve the things he does that are worth approving, uh, appreciate him. You know, all this actually boils down to find joy in the things he does that cause joy for you. It's, it's like a really simple thing. Um But it's 1:23:04 - 1:23:32 hard to find, right? So this is what a guy is looking for. If he's high quality, he's trying to find the woman that makes a world that is better, then it would be without him. So he's looking for a partner to bring to pass more goodness, beauty and truth, then there would be without her so that the whole 1:23:32 - 1:23:52 is greater than the sum of the parts. OK? So this was slightly out of order. I apologize, but I did this heart mind thing and then we kind of went off with the qualities. So let's get back to how a guy disqualifies a lady for not having a heart or mind. That's up to the bar because he has so few, few 1:23:52 - 1:24:20 tools to be able to see that in a day or two or five or six. Here's the list. This is our last slide. These are the big no nos ladies. So a guy is going to be evaluating your emotional attitude. So a good woman. So I we all know that women are fluctuating beings there. A woman is change. So that's not 1:24:19 - 1:24:43 the question. The question is as she changes, what are her limits and what are her averages? So, no good man wants to be with a woman who's just down and depressed and angry or whatever all the time or when she goes to those negative extremes, they're so intense that he just wants to die. No man wants 1:24:42 - 1:25:07 to sign up for that and yet it happens very frequently. So if you give him clues that you're like that, he's gonna walk. Good woman is upbeat. Exciting fun. Funny. She bonds well, she's like really into him. If she has bad moments, days, whatever, hopefully it's, it's, it's constrained in time and extreme 1:25:07 - 1:25:29 . So no man is expecting a woman to be ideal all the time. It's just a question of extremes and averages. One thing, a really wise man will assess is how well can his interactions with you help cheer you up because if there's nothing he can do, then that's a signal. Like I'm not adding any value here 1:25:28 - 1:25:49 . There's no point in me being here and he will understand that's why it's highlighted. However, you are emotionally on the first date or the second date or the fifth date. That is a high water mark, it will only ever be worse because you won't be as young. You won't be coursing with all these positive 1:25:49 - 1:26:14 hormones. You'll be tired, you're gonna have babies, you're gonna be, you know, stressed out mad at him for whatever. It's never gonna be as good as it is now. So if it's bad now he's going to walk, he's gonna be looking for selfishness. So his value, your value to him is how much you can multiply his 1:26:14 - 1:26:41 contribution to the world. If you're selfish, it's not gonna go very far, right? Um Responses to new ideas and correction, again, a guy's a good guy's purpose is gonna be in part to help you become the best person you can be. So if he's not allowed to call you out on stuff that vastly limits the contribution 1:26:40 - 1:26:59 he can make to you and it, it piles on stuff he's gonna have to put up with, which is gonna reduce his ability to help others and that's not something he's gonna sign up for. So here's just two quick ones if you're close minded. So the question is like, will you consider new perspectives that are different 1:26:58 - 1:27:17 from what you think right now? Or do you try to shift blame? Like if you really mess up on something and he's like, wow, you really messed up on that. If your immediate response is to say how it's someone else's fault, huge red flag, huge red flag just like you wouldn't want him to be this way. Right 1:27:17 - 1:27:41 . Ok. Now, here's some big ones that if you're still around, there's still a chance we can offend you and keep you from watching the rest of this. So, laziness, disorderliness and obesity. These are all choices that a person can make. That is a, that are huge red flags about what they're all about in 1:27:41 - 1:28:07 life and a great sign to walk away. So, if you can't exercise self control or discipline when you're single, it will never be easier to do and it will absolutely just get worse. So I said guys should not be all about the looks and I stand by that and I know that there are things, situations that can 1:28:07 - 1:28:28 occur where a person has less control over their weight and I'm not talking about that. What I'm saying is if a person, man or woman can't control what they put into their mouths, what does that say about their ability to control what comes out of them or how they treat other people? Are they just this 1:28:28 - 1:28:52 impulsive creature that they, and, and you know, it's cruel because it's, it's not, it's one thing that's really evident from the outside and there are whole buckets of things that aren't so visible that can betray a, a, some sort of corruption inside limitation, whatever. But you're not gonna ignore 1:28:51 - 1:29:12 the stuff that's plainly evident before you, right. So like there's tons of stuff inside a guy that would be really terrible. If you could see them, you'd run away. But that doesn't mean like, if he hits you and you don't leave, you're an idiot because obviously he's got issues that, that you shouldn't 1:29:12 - 1:29:33 be with him right on the first date. If he, if he, if he slaps you, you're obviously not gonna go on another date with him. So, if a lady is overweight or a guy, you should not go on a date with them unless you're overweight too. And then it's like, well, it's cool. We're both gonna be this way and that's 1:29:33 - 1:29:58 a different story, right? But it, it's, uh people say like, well, I don't mind if someone is overweight, it doesn't bother me. Well, maybe their looks don't bother you, but what's causing it should bother you. That's the point is what causes it. Ok, glad to get that one over with lying red flag. That 1:29:58 - 1:30:21 is a deal breaker. If a lady lies, a quality guy is gonna walk, he has to be able to trust you haughtiness. This is very important in the modern day. All women think they're at least an eight for some reason. I, I don't know what has happened. It's probably Tinder. So the desperation of men has created 1:30:21 - 1:30:44 the haughtiness of women. And that's very unfortunate. And so I, I'll blame the men if they weren't so messed up, this would not be a situation, but it is a situation and the the lame men, the losers uh who caused these women to have an inflated self image um that will not affect a high quality man's 1:30:43 - 1:31:06 image of you. He doesn't care what some beta loser thinks you are right. He cares what he thinks you are. And, and frankly, he's gonna have a much better picture on that and his opinion matters more. So, haughtiness means to think that you're superior due to an exaggerated sense of your importance or 1:31:06 - 1:31:33 abilities. Ok? So let me just put this in briefest terms. You look at Isaiah 316 to see the prophecy of this being a problem. And it is if you are a 10, even which statistically speaking, we're talking about less than 5% of women even after limiting it to this age group, even if you're a 10, you are 1:31:33 - 1:31:58 only going to be a 10 for another 2 to 10 years, roughly speaking. Ok, what comes after that? What comes after that? And what else are you bringing to the table that actually matters? So those are the ones who are really tense, right? But if you're a five and you think you're an eight, that's a big problem 1:31:57 - 1:32:22 . It's a big problem and it's not all about looks, right? I had a conversation with a young lady. I was trying to help her out. She was um I'm anonyms details because I don't wanna embarrass her. She's told me this story. She says um I was driving through one of these states where you're not allowed 1:32:22 - 1:32:46 to pump your own gas. And the guy who was pumping my gas was really hot. I said, did you get his number? And she said I'm not dating a guy that pumps gas. I said you're unemployed, like what the heck you're unemployed. He's got a job at least like what the heck. And he's super attractive and you're not 1:32:46 - 1:33:09 , you know, if he's OK with that, then why would you? But this is an example of haughtiness anyway, an example of why I don't really have any friends. Let's continue future predicting history. This is a really big one. Ok? Um So I said a guy, uh a foolish man looks at how a woman is today and that's 1:33:09 - 1:33:33 what he uses to decide. A wise man looks at what he's what she's done in the past and where she's gonna be in the future, right? If a woman picks up her phone five times in a date, she's done. So if she can't even pay attention to the situation, she's in on a first date where it's harder to imagine higher 1:33:33 - 1:33:57 stakes or more excitement and interest, then why on earth would you pay her any attention? It goes further than this. There are many men now who say that it's a deal breaker for a woman to have an Instagram account or a Tik Tok account because it's so addictive and it, it, if you look at the, the there 1:33:56 - 1:34:20 are a lot of psychologists doing podcasts out there saying this permanently messes up your mind. So if you're on your phone all the time, that's a huge red flag. You know, if you wanna text nonstop, all this stuff. So the inverse of this would be like, how many books do you read and how often and how 1:34:19 - 1:34:39 likely are you to have an actual face to face rather than a text or even a phone call? Uh Is your, is your idea of an exciting night to sit there and scroll through social media for four hours while sitting next to somebody? Um, quality men are just not gonna be interested in that. There is no benefit 1:34:39 - 1:35:04 to that for them drug use. Another very unpopular one because I'm not just talking about recreational time out prescription. Um, a lady that cannot regulate herself without medical assistance is very a, a normal life when it's never gonna be easier, is very unlikely to be a successful wife or mother 1:35:03 - 1:35:28 now unpopular position. But one that's becoming very common, um, hormonal birth control was sold for years as something that was risk free and a great idea and, you know, they put little girls on it when they start getting acne. Um, it turns out that there are side effects to this and they're becoming 1:35:28 - 1:35:53 better studied and they're problematic. One that's quite significant. Is it vastly, uh, distorts what a woman finds attractive in a man and there have been a lot of studies on this and, um, if you're on the pill, for example, and a guy finds that out, he's probably gonna walk. The reason is one you'll 1:35:53 - 1:36:13 wanna know if you're on the pill because you're having sex and he'll walk if it's true, that that's the case. But two, if you find him attractive on the pill, it is very unlikely. You'll find him attractive off the pill. And this, there's all these horror stories from women and men of getting involved 1:36:12 - 1:36:37 in a relationship, getting married and then going off the pill to have the first baby. Only to find out that when she's not on the pill, she absolutely hates him. And that's how radically messing with your hormones affects your mood, your preferences, everything, it's a big deal. So buyer beware, another 1:36:36 - 1:37:01 huge thing about someone's past is uh a woman's past is how many relationships they've been in. And, and I'm not saying that's not a bad thing for a woman to judge a man on. But every time a woman has a serious relationship with a man, it vastly reduces her likelihood of having anything close to that 1:37:01 - 1:37:25 with a future man. And there have been many studies about this and the important caveat or uh highlights of this is that we're not just talking about having sex that is definitely included, but we're not even just talking about romantic relationships. So there are these people who have been in say three 1:37:24 - 1:37:46 ladies who have been in three serious long term relationships with guys and they are virgins. They did not have sex and yet their ability to pair bond is totally destroyed and it has to do with Oxytocin. And you can look at this research on your own, but it's the bonding molecule for women, it's a hormone 1:37:46 - 1:38:08 . And uh basically, if you hit a high water mark with it, everything's downhill from there. And so the benefit, what it's intended to be used for is to imprint a woman with certain situations that she's supposed to associate with positive feelings, like having a baby. Right? It's a, it's the largest 1:38:07 - 1:38:30 oxytocin burst there is. But your first serious relationship that's also an Oxytocin spike and it's not as great as the one you'll have with your first baby. But if you have the baby vaginally, it's important caveat, but it's still huge. And so the more you have this with men, the less you're gonna have 1:38:30 - 1:38:52 it with other men, it's all downhill. And a good guy is going to know again, this isn't like him fishing for some, you know, sexual crown or so, I don't know it, that, that has nothing to do with it. It has to do with how bonded you will be with him. And the only reason that matters again, it's not because 1:38:51 - 1:39:14 of anything he's gonna get out of it. It's because it establishes the bandwidth of the channel between you and how much he can help you have a better life than you would without him. That's why it matters. So he's gonna walk because a super high quality man is not going to waste his, his limited opportunities 1:39:13 - 1:39:35 on a lady that can't achieve her potential because she already made the choices that prevent her from doing that finally and, and this isn't cruel or one way. So no self respecting woman is going to chase after a guy who's 45 years old and flips burgers for a living and he spent his whole life doing 1:39:34 - 1:39:55 that. He has nothing to show. He weighs £300 et cetera. There are doors that are permanently closed in this guy's life because of the choices he has made. So it goes both ways finally think outside the box with this and, and you can't list them all. But one example of other things is student debt. I 1:39:55 - 1:40:15 don't know why, but ladies think that it's cool to go to school and rack up $200,000 in student loans just so that they can get a degree in gender studies or something. And that's riddled with red flags for quality man. But just talking about the monetary side of this because even if you're doing something 1:40:14 - 1:40:37 intelligent, studying something intelligent, um a quality man is gonna walk if you have uh tons and tons of student loans because he knows that in addition to all of the risks that he has to take in marrying you, he's also gonna be saddled with all this debt that he didn't agree to and he wouldn't have 1:40:37 - 1:41:00 gotten into. And so, um, that's not cool. And I, if you're, if you're spending a significant portion of your after tax income every month on student debt, that is a huge quality of life. Anchor. Uh, it's, it's just, it never goes away until you pay it off and it's significant. So it, it be lies deeper 1:40:59 - 1:41:16 things. It's not just the money. If you're the kind of person who doesn't think about, what's this gonna uh what are these student loans gonna, what impact are these student loans gonna have on my future marriage? You probably haven't thought about a lot of impacts your choices we're gonna make on your 1:41:15 - 1:41:38 future marriage. And so it's a red flag. OK? That ends this uh presentation. I hope something here has been helpful. I do wanna end this on a high note just by saying all these things are negative. But again, if none of these things apply to you, you need to realize that you're an extraordinarily high 1:41:38 - 1:42:02 value woman and uh that should impact your decisions. But more than anything, I just want to help boost your confidence that not only is there a guy out there for you, but um you are going to mean the world to him because finding a lady who doesn't have these issues and going back some slides, this is 1:42:02 - 1:42:26 like on a more positive if you check off any of these boxes, you are already so far above the average in the population of the world that you are a treasure. Beyond count, right? It's just if you're this kind of woman, only a high quality man is gonna see you as being valuable in these ways because normal 1:42:26 - 1:42:50 men don't think about this stuff and they're just so blind to it. But if you find a guy who sees these things in you and who finds them valuable, you will be an extraordinary treasure to him. So don't be discouraged if you find, you know, 99% of guys are just trash or something, whatever your perspective 1:42:49 - 1:43:08 is, it doesn't matter. You just need one and that guy is out there for you. And if you follow the advice of giving you here, you're going to find him. And when you do the relationship you have together is going to be something that you need to call by another name because it's gonna be so different from 1:43:08 - 1:43:25 the things that you see around you. So please don't be discouraged. Hold to your standards. Look for what you know, is good. And if you do it wisely and you stay away from the stuff that will disqualify you, you've got an amazing life ahead of you.