0:00:00 - 0:00:23 Parents are meant to be the architects of their child's life. This presentation is on the topic of parenting. I hope you find it useful. So here's a statement, a parent is an architect and a child is a builder. So this is a thought I had a long time ago and I wanna share some thoughts around it. I think 0:00:23 - 0:00:48 it's really important to motivate why parents should have an active role in the design of the life of their child. I wanna ask you a question, why do architects exist? Well, uh the short answer is without them, you would get whatever the builders would make anyway. And that is going to differ substantially 0:00:47 - 0:01:13 in form function, longevity and value. Of course, there are different qualities of architect and most architects aren't famous or um they don't make particularly glamorous designs or original things, but we're talking about the ideal here, not folks that just come in and punch the clock. Uh So you're 0:01:12 - 0:01:38 gonna get different things in form, function, longevity and value. Uh If you have an architect versus if you don't, so which would you rather have a mud hut or this beautiful, probably famous building but um, I don't know the name of it. So which of these has a superior form, function, longevity and 0:01:38 - 0:02:00 value if you had to live in or work in one of these, which would you choose? I think it's pretty obvious. Right. So the top one would only be preferred by people that didn't have the alternative. Right? For the most part, if uh if it was attractive in any way, it would be because of other things, not 0:02:00 - 0:02:19 the building itself, maybe you want to live in a remote place and this is the option, right? So there's a clear superior choice here and we could do this all day. So just to do one more example, which which of these would you prefer? Which of these has stood the test of time, which of these is still 0:02:19 - 0:02:39 considered beautiful and valuable, valuable, right? This is still functional. This this still functions as uh maybe not in the original intent, but it still has function. This is just waiting to collapse on some poor kid that wanders in there, right? Or maybe it's going to get scavenged by people looking 0:02:39 - 0:03:01 to um recycle the wood. But even then these boards are pretty rotted, the roofs all rusted. There's really nothing useful here. This building is good only to be knocked down or burned, right? So these aren't comparable. So what difference does a wise parent make? You could probably use your imagination 0:03:01 - 0:03:25 and extend the analogy? But we have plenty of examples. Ok. No parent wants their child to be one of these bottom folks. Right. Every parent expects their child to grow up and have a happy, healthy family, successful situation. They live on their own. They're self sufficient. They, they can go on vacations 0:03:25 - 0:03:44 , they spend time together as families, as a family, they communicate, they're not dysfunctional. Right? They don't. No, no parent wants their child to grow up and be a meth head or an only, only fans tart, right? So, I mean, this bum looks pretty happy but it's probably connected to what's in his hand 0:03:44 - 0:04:06 . We want people to have meaning Children that find meaning and value in life and add more to the world than they take away. So you could compare the outcomes of child uh Children with and without quality parents, there's a difference in their emotional well being their financial capability, in their 0:04:06 - 0:04:28 parental capability, in their freedom, in their meaning and in the joy they find and all of these things are intertwined, they're tightly coupled. So a person that is so depressed that they can't function without strong medication that dulls their feelings. Um That person does not have the meaning or 0:04:28 - 0:04:48 joy or freedom that someone does who's not reliant on that sort of thing, right? And money isn't everything. But if you are limited in your funds, you will be limited in the number of Children that you can responsibly raise, you will also be limited in the type of spouse you can attract and keep, it's 0:04:48 - 0:05:15 just the facts. Ok. So all these things are connected. So no one wants a child that's in uh, abysmal failure. So why do so many kids turn out that way because they do? Is it a failure of the parents plan or is it the failure of the parents to plan in the first place? Well, I think it's quite obvious 0:05:14 - 0:05:38 that it's the second, if you think about your own situation or perhaps just the people, you know, I think you would be hard pressed to find any parent who has sat down and really thought about what the best outcomes possible for their Children are and design specific actions. They can take choices they 0:05:38 - 0:05:57 can make that would be different than what they otherwise would to help orient them towards that. So it's a failure to plan. What does everyone do instead of sitting down and thinking about it and trying to design this marvelous life plan for their kids. Well, they just assume that if they throw them 0:05:56 - 0:06:23 into the societal meat grinder of doing what everyone else does. Not only are they going to turn out well, but the assumption is they will turn out differently than everyone else who does that because the majority outcomes are no good. They're no good. Most people are poor, obese, unhappy and divorce 0:06:22 - 0:06:47 . Uh Shortly the rising demographic will add to that childless there will also be childless in addition to those other things that's, that's happening right now. So there's a word for assuming that you can do the same thing everyone else does and get a completely different result. It's called delusion 0:06:46 - 0:07:09 . Now, why are so many parents delusional about their kids? Well, it's because they're delusional about themselves. Delusion is like many other attributes of individuals. It's not something that is expressed in a narrow confine. You either are this way or you're not. And if you are this way, you're probably 0:07:09 - 0:07:34 this way in a whole lot of things. It's like being dishonest or honest or diligent or lazy. People aren't lazy in one thing. Right. So, um, it turns out that the parents who are most susceptible to delusion about their kids are the ones who are most delusional about themselves and fixing these things 0:07:33 - 0:07:58 typically has to co occur. So, the, the best place to start is on yourself to sit down and think. Hm. What I describe my life as abundant? Do I think that I have figured something out here that rises above the masses? Do I think my life is singularly good or at least do I think I've found some, some 0:07:57 - 0:08:21 , um, some minority niche here that, that I have found something that most people do not have. If the answer is no. If you yourself are unhappy, obese, divorced, whatever, then maybe you should start on yourself. Right. Because you'll be pretty limited in what you can offer your Children, uh, in terms 0:08:20 - 0:08:44 of a ladder to climb if you're still sitting on the ground. So one note that has to be shared here, you need to realize and most parents don't that yesterday when you were growing up, things were really different than they are today. Now, the grandparents seem to catch on to this but the parents haven't 0:08:43 - 0:08:59 and I don't know why because it's more different today than it was when they were adults compared to their grandparents, when they were in the same, same situation. But, you know, the grandparents have more time, things have changed more drastically. But it should be pretty dang obvious. It should be 0:08:59 - 0:09:19 more obvious to you that things are different than when you grow up or were growing up than it was to your grandparents when they were parents because the change is more radical. And here's the experiment to run, um the thought experiment, think of a person who has encountered some sort of success in 0:09:19 - 0:09:41 life. I'm talking like middle class or better and maybe that's you. And if it is congratulations, but maybe someone, you know, sibling friend, whatever neighbor now run through, applying all the same choices they made in today's environment and ask the question, would they end up as successful as they 0:09:41 - 0:10:02 are today? I will bet good money that the answer is absolutely not. Absolutely not in most cases because the parents of today are still in the generation, it's, it's waning off, but they're still in the generation where you could basically roll out of bed, you know, throw some dice down and whatever 0:10:02 - 0:10:29 path is indicated by whatever the heck you choose for some arbitrary reason will lead to a generally decent lifestyle. You have to kind of choose, go out of your way to make bad decisions. Uh You had to back then to end up in a, in a uh a bad spot, you know, and, and time and chance happen to all people 0:10:28 - 0:10:50 . But I'm saying by and large, most successful people today who have kids or are older than that, um A whole lot of what they did wouldn't work today. I'm not saying that, that they didn't deserve what they, what they got or they didn't work hard or they didn't make hard choices. Uh All I'm saying is 0:10:50 - 0:11:16 in the cases when they did, odds are those same tactics applied today would be insufficient. It's way harder to get to the same point today. So in architecting your children's lives, you're not seeking to replicate your own in terms of path. If you have good outcomes, you need to understand that you're 0:11:15 - 0:11:39 going to have to find even better paths to help your Children walk because that won't be enough today. All right. So here's what the delusion entails. You say you want this, but this is how you're acting. OK. So if you say you want this but you're doing all the normal things that other parents do. This 0:11:39 - 0:11:57 is what you're gonna get. You know, if your kids have a phone at a young age and they're on their phone all the time or they're playing video games all the time. This is not where they're headed. If, if your daughter has got an Instagram account and she's 16 or whatever, I just want to kind of blur the 0:11:57 - 0:12:22 , the details. Um This is where she's headed folks. You know, that's, this is life, this is, you know, when she turns 18 and she just sees how difficult it is to make a few dollars on the economy and how easy it is to just take pictures of herself for videos and sell them, which is she gonna do. And 0:12:21 - 0:12:41 even if it doesn't go that far, when she sees how hard it is to actually be a good person compared to pretending that you look really good. And most of the time it is pretending, you know, it's easy to get likes, it's a lot easier to get likes in a synthetic environment than it is to actually um succeed 0:12:40 - 0:13:07 in the real world with, with real contribution, find real meaning. So, um how do you act versus what you say you want? OK. So let's, we're gonna turn this uh into a more practical route. And so I'm gonna come back to this analogy of an architect. So I pulled this quote at the bottom of the slide off 0:13:07 - 0:13:31 a website. This isn't my opinion. OK. This is the professionals and uh architects. Their job is, it's basically to take responsibility of the entire project from start to finish. And then they shoulder a significant portion of the early work which um focuses on planning and drafting the building, um 0:13:30 - 0:13:46 which is sort of what they're known for, but they also have to work with the builder to solve problems that arise. Obviously, they also need to make sure the builder is doing what they're supposed to because if they're not following the plans, they're not going to get the intended result. And so, um 0:13:46 - 0:14:05 their job doesn't conclude until the building is finished and it meets the standards that were initially identified. Ok. So hopefully, all kinds of bells are ringing when you think about how does this apply to being a good parent? So each of these things has an application, another quote from another 0:14:05 - 0:14:27 website which I forgot to cite sorry experts. Uh architects are, are experts in envisioning and creating things that don't yet exist. And, and hopefully, that brings to mind faith. I wrote a book called Through Faith. It takes a very practical tour through the topic and uh hopefully in ways that you 0:14:27 - 0:00:00 haven't thought about before, if you haven't read that really should through Faith. Um by Robert Smith, it's on Amazon. You can get it for free in PDF, uh from upward thought.blogspot.com, you can also listen to a professionally recorded audio book for free on this channel upward thought on youtube. 0:00:00 - 0:15:13 So architects are experts in envisioning and creating things that don't yet exist. Your child is not yet an adult. Their ideal life has not yet manifested. It hasn't been instantiated into reality. Their odds of attaining that are massively coupled to your performance as a good parent without that, they're 0:15:13 - 0:15:35 going to be way behind the curve And it doesn't mean they can't obtain an abundant life. It just means they're gonna have to be a far more exceptional person to do it. So what you should be asking yourself uh as you look at your kids and think about them is for each child, how can their individual capabilities 0:15:33 - 0:15:56 be best developed into their full potential? And you have to convince them that it's worth doing so. And of course, you have to believe it's worth doing so because it's going to take extra effort on your part, not just extra effort and that's always scary to people. It's worth it, but also different 0:15:56 - 0:16:19 choices. You know, every moment you're making a choice one way or the other. And there is an ideal path that will yield the ideal person and your child. So you should ask yourself, what are your child's strengths and weaknesses? Mhm. You should think about what a valuable person is and teach that to 0:16:19 - 0:16:46 your child. You should think about uh a specific path to the developer to the fulfillment of your child's full potential. And you actually have to spell this out. It probably involves some writing or some drawing of pictures. I don't know how you would do that without writing it down. One of the key 0:16:46 - 0:17:12 elements of this is making an overarching outcome, but then breaking that down into things that you're going to do over the next few years over the next year, over this summer, over this month and in particular, you continue this process until you're drilled down to today and tomorrow. And that's where 0:17:12 - 0:17:30 the rubber meets the road. And I think that's where most of these plans never materialized. It's like people have, as we showed here, they have this ideal outcome in their minds, but they don't bother to break that down or they break it down once and they say, yeah, well, I think to get there, they need 0:17:30 - 0:17:49 to do this big thing by the time they're 21 or something. So, a lot of people still think they need their kids to go to college. I strongly disagree with. However, um, let's use that example. And maybe you say, well, I know my kid needs to go to college when, when they're a young adult. Ok, fine. But 0:17:49 - 0:18:11 what are you doing today to prepare them for that? You see how it breaks down or they say, well, sure, I want my kid to get married and have kids. Ok. Fine. But that doesn't start when they say I do, right. What are you doing today to prepare them for that? And the point here it's not. So we have this 0:18:11 - 0:18:34 joke in our house. I don't think my kids think it's funny. I do. Um which is a pattern. Uh You know, you gotta have fun in life. You gotta find ways to laugh because no one's gonna do that for you. Um We have this saying in our house where people say do I have to? You will hear a chorus of other people 0:18:34 - 0:18:57 say you get to because everything is an opportunity, right? Um So when we talk about developing these designs for your kids for their lives, it's not I have to, it's a I get to and what I mean by that is you need to understand the difference it's gonna make and if you did, you would click your heels 0:18:56 - 0:19:19 and joy because try not to get choked up here. But I I'm not the only parent out there who would do anything for his kids. OK, I know that. So if that's true, then start today. What can you do today for your kids? Right? And it's not just making them a sandwich for lunch. Uh It's choosing what's on the 0:19:19 - 0:19:38 sandwich, right? But you feel like, well, why does that matter? Look, once you have a design for your kids, it's a blueprint, it's a blueprint, right? Architects, you just got to follow the plan and the thing about the plan is it answers all the questions about the details. When a builder has questions 0:19:37 - 0:19:58 about what kind of nails to use, where, where does the builder look on the blueprint? They say, well, blueprint doesn't say what kind of nails you use. Well, and by the way, I'm not a builder, I'm not an architect. So forgive me if I'm taking this analogy into details that are factually incorrect, just 0:19:58 - 0:20:15 zoom out to the next nearest truth and you'll find a lot of value. It's good advice in life too. So the blueprints, I could tell you what kind of nails, but guess what the builder is on the ground and he knows stuff, he knows a lot of stuff. And so when he sees the, the design of the wall on the plan 0:20:15 - 0:20:37 , he's gonna know he's got to use certain kind of nails or screws or whatever, right. Certain kind of fasteners. Plus he knows the code, you know, the, the building code. And so he knows the parameters he can operate in and certain things have to be anchored in certain ways. Right. So that absolutely 0:20:36 - 0:20:59 , once you have a design for your child, it absolutely gives you all the answers for little things every day, every day. You know, it, it, it will, it will boil down to. Hm. Should I let my kid have a second helping of dinner tonight or not, or what should we have for dessert? Or should we not have dessert 0:20:59 - 0:21:23 ? Where should we go on vacation? All these things are all of a sudden, I, if they're not instantly solved, they're way easier to decide because you know where it's going and it's a long term view. It's not stressful, it's relieving. It's, it's amazing. Ok. Um, all right. And, and the point of getting 0:21:22 - 0:21:49 back to on track with the slides here, the point of envisioning your child's future. Um It's not just uh to help them see what is out there, but also to give them strength to walk the path because it's hard, it's hard to be different and better. But that's your job as a parent is to give them the direction 0:21:48 - 0:22:16 of what that means. And also the reason it's worth it. Now, an ideal setting in an ideal setting, all they have to do to see the reason is look at you, you see kids, they see things they're around all the time and as they get older, it's harder and harder to hide who you really are and the difference 0:22:16 - 0:22:46 it makes to them and hopefully the world, but at least to them, right? So, um just yesterday, one of my kids, uh who's, I'm just gonna blur some details. He's between the ages of 10 and 14 to give you an idea. And he said, dad, um as you get older, uh do people like you less? I said, me personally or 0:22:46 - 0:23:06 people in general and by the way, I was sprinting from one thing to the next because I was, I was on my list, I was trying to get stuff done. So I hit pause as soon as he asked the question and you have to be instant in season out of season, the, the contributions you make in the way will in aggregate 0:23:05 - 0:00:00 , typically far outweigh the things you see as the big things. And so always take advantage of those moments because they're, they're almost always going to be more valuable than anything else you're doing. So I paused and I said, uh me in particular people in general, he said, um people in general, 0:00:00 - 0:23:45 but also you, I said, OK, I said, uh people in general, no people in general, they, they develop stronger relationships over time. They become, um I guess more desirable to be around because hopefully they become better people or at least they get better at finding people that will see them as better 0:23:45 - 0:24:04 people. It's just sort of human nature. And he said, what about you in particular? I said, no, people hate me and they just keep hating me more the older I get. And he said, why? And I said, well, I have very particular beliefs and they tend to differ from the beliefs of other people and I don't hold 0:24:04 - 0:24:27 back or hide them um when it's appropriate, I share them and I don't pretend that I'm something that I'm not. I, I will give my reasons for what I believe and I will say what I believe and um, that doesn't go over well with people. So, um, kids notice, you know, kids notice and it makes a difference 0:24:27 - 0:24:48 , but you gotta give them the reason and you know, if you're, if you're trying to persuade them to become better people than you are, that's obviously more challenging. But, but all the more worth it. So if we had to just boil this down to, how is this done? This is, this is my list. Ok. And, and this 0:24:48 - 0:25:07 isn't, I'm literally taking this right from the architect list. OK. Right here it is just the application. What would this look like for parents? Um First off, I think an overarching theme is you have to take full responsibility for your child. This in general just doesn't happen today. Skipping down 0:25:07 - 0:25:27 to the last bullet here ensuring the final product meets the standards. Uh I can't tell you how many parents I have interacted with who will uh discuss some aspect of their Children, a child that they don't like. And this is someone who's under 18 and they'll just shrug their shoulders and say, well 0:25:27 - 0:25:49 , what are you gonna do? Look, kids have agency and we're supposed to foster that, not crush it. Um And it's illegal to do so in many ways. So, um but uh you know, you're not gonna lock your kid in a cage or whip him or something and get him to do what you want. You're not the pharaoh and they're not 0:25:49 - 0:26:15 your slaves. Although that's another one, my kids, we do a lot of summer projects and, and I overheard them describing me as the pharaoh to somebody um uh um that's wearing off. They're seeing the value of it. And I think they're really proud as they should be of all the work that they've done on the 0:26:15 - 0:26:36 property here. That's what it is. Mostly. We're just trying to get the place fixed up. Um, anyway, so, but we shouldn't shrug our shoulders. Right. Look in life if you're still alive, if you're kicking, if you're breathing, you might not even be kicking if you're breathing and you're alive. There's still 0:26:36 - 0:27:01 something you can do here. Right. It's not over yet. This is my definition of tenacity is, uh, I've probably shared this before but, um, I was in a fight once it was sanctioned. Uh, this was during combative training in the army and I was up against a guy that was very well matched with me, skill wise 0:27:01 - 0:27:22 and physique wise and he put me in this one, Chokehold. That to this day. I don't know how to get out of it. Um, and the only thing that I just in a split second, I said, what can I do here is I just put him in the same Chokehold. And in that instant, the question was who wants it? The most and I decided 0:27:21 - 0:27:44 I'm gonna hold this until I pass out. I will not tap out. I refuse. And I'm squeezing as hard as I can and I'm just not going to quit and guess what? He tapped out because he went, he, we both started to black out, but he gave up first and I wasn't going to, I was, I was just going to go in. That's how 0:27:43 - 0:28:07 our attitude should be in life. It must be that tenacious to, to squeeze all the juice out of life. You're leaving tons of it on the table if you don't have that attitude. And so how do you apply that to your kids? You never give up if they're still alive? There's still something you can do. Right? And 0:28:07 - 0:28:30 maybe not in the moment, maybe you gotta bide your time. You know, sometimes kids start hating parents and maybe they even move away or whatever, but you're ready. If you ever get an opportunity again, you're ready. Right? You have not given up, you've not given up. So, until they're 18 though. I mean 0:28:30 - 0:28:55 , legally, it's your problem. Ok. It's your opportunity. Seems like a problem sometimes, but it's your opportunity and it's your responsibility. Ok. Whatever you can do, that's what you gotta do within the bounds of the legal limit, you know. But they, and moral limit, they're, they're individuals. But 0:28:55 - 0:29:21 look, if they are under your roof, you can't just let whatever happen. That's, that's your problem. Ok. So let's jump back. So you're, you're the one that's fully responsible. Ok. And, and that's a two way street because one of the things about leadership is on the one hand, every failure is yours. Ultimately 0:29:20 - 0:29:47 , it's your fault. Ok? Doesn't matter if you made the choice or anything else. If it's, if it's under your Dominion, it's your problem. OK? But the, the flip side of that is you will find meaning and joy in every success and it will exceed the joy and meaning you would have if you did it directly. So 0:29:46 - 0:30:16 there is tremendous meaning in um let's say, attaining success, define it how you want. Doesn't matter for yourself. There's tremendous meaning in attaining success for yourself. There's so much greater meaning in helping someone else do the same. It's so much greater and so every little effort you make 0:30:16 - 0:30:44 to improve the outcomes of your Children or anyone else. By the way, it will have an outsized effect on your meaning and joy in life. So part of taking full responsibility for your child is constantly asking why am I doing what I'm doing? Is it the best way? And are there better ways? Are there better 0:30:44 - 0:31:10 wives? Right? Should you redesign your plan? Should you change it a little? And in doing that, it ought to call into question a very important point here, your use of other people in achieving those outcomes. So one of the typical things that everyone does is just shuttle their Children into public schools 0:31:10 - 0:31:37 or encourage their kids to go off to college or whatever. Um, or even their friend groups. These are things that you should ask why. And is this the best way when you use others? It could be church doesn't matter what it is, you send your kids off to vacation, bible school, whatever. Don't just do things 0:31:36 - 0:32:00 because other people do. It don't be a lemming or a sheep. You have to think about why and don't be afraid to do something different if you can envision something better. And yeah, it's probably gonna be harder. Cutting brush is easier than following a path. But if it's worth it, it's worth it and if 0:32:00 - 0:32:21 it's not worth it, it's not worth it. All right. Planning. So let's go to the specifics. We talked about taking responsibility. What about planning? What does it mean to plan as an adult for your Children? Well, step one, I mean, can you even describe the vision if someone asked you, what's your vision 0:32:20 - 0:32:51 for your kid? What would you say? Uh Well, I hope he's happy. I hope she's happy. Ok, give me some details. Right? And then the second question would be, what are you doing to help them achieve that? Uh I pay the rent or the mortgage? Ok, great, great. So um that's, that's really important. You need 0:32:50 - 0:33:15 to have an actual plan and then this is the next step is what architects are really known for drafting the specifications, like drawing the blueprint, right? This is, you got to write down the plan, write down the plan yesterday. Uh I caught another son caught, I, I stumbled upon another son. He was 0:33:15 - 0:33:36 writing a book. I said, what are you doing? He said, I'm writing a book. I said, huh? About what? And he told me it's interesting topic in nature. So this would be nonfiction. I said, why are you writing that book? He said, because I can't find a good one out there. And I think I know more about this 0:33:35 - 0:00:00 than what's out there. And I think people would want to be able to. And so, uh, I said, that's nice. But do people, but who are you actually writing this for? Can you describe the typical reader? And he said, no, I don't know. And I said, well, that's kind of important. And I said, now tell me this, 0:00:00 - 0:34:21 uh, you know, your vision for life and he's like, yeah, because I worked with them and they all have one written down. And I said, is this on it? And he said yes. And he lied and I knew he lied. Like people shouldn't try to lie to me but whatever. And I said, are you sure? And he says, yes. And that's 0:34:21 - 0:34:40 two strikes, right? I said, go get your vision and show me where it is on. There he goes, uh, and I said, look, I'm not trying to bust you. But here's the thing, I said, your vision is your blueprint. It's like your map. It's gonna tell you where to go. But the magic about it is you can change it any 0:34:39 - 0:34:57 time, but you don't make changes in the moment in deciding what you want to do. You make changes in deciding that the vision needs to be better and then you apply it and you can discover the information that leads you to that change in the moment. But you don't decide what you're going to do based on 0:34:57 - 0:00:00 how you feel about it in the moment. You don't say, hey, I have five minutes. I'm just going to write a book that has nothing to do with my plan for life. Um You think you go look at your vision, you say I have five minutes, what can I do to help move this along? And I, I told him, I said, when you, 0:00:00 - 0:35:31 when you do things in the moment and you say like, you know what, I'm really tired, I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy a glass of soda. That's great. That might not be directly on your vision. You're just kind of sharpening the saw to keep things going. That's cool. It's just a moment. Whatever. If you're 0:35:31 - 0:35:48 too tired to make any meaningful contribution to your path, it's cool. You're just in maintenance mode. But I said, you don't write a book in the spur of a moment, it's a project and it takes a lot of work. And I said, um, and I just, I kind of gave him a look because I didn't have to say, you know how 0:35:48 - 0:36:05 I know this, I've written books, he knows that he's read some of my books. So, um, anyway, you gotta have a plan and it has to be specific and it should be written down. You don't have to share that with your kids. Although I think it's really important to and involve them in the planning process because 0:36:05 - 0:36:21 then there's some metal learning going on. It's very important. You're teaching them how to fish, not just giving them fish, but maybe it's best to keep that under wraps and just kind of you have the grand plan in your mind and you just leave them along. Uh Maybe that's best for you in your situation 0:36:21 - 0:36:39 , who knows? And then what about problem solving with the builder? They're the builder. So you have to actually compare the plan to the progress, which means you need to inspect. You need to come by and say, hey, what are you doing with your time right now? Is that the best use of your time? Right? And 0:36:39 - 0:36:56 um not out of fear, but hopefully they, they trust you and they look for your guidance, right? But it might be the case that you walk through the room and they scurry to the four winds like cockroaches when you turn on the lights because everyone, all of a sudden feels convicted that they're not doing 0:36:56 - 0:37:20 what they're supposed to be doing. And again, like they wrote the plan, right. Not me. They wrote the plan. Um So it's, it's funny you can have these Moses coming down from the mountain moments where everyone, all of a sudden realizes that they're all doing the wrong thing. Uh All right. So, um, but 0:37:20 - 0:37:40 it's, it's, you have to actually invest the attention and then make the necessary adjustments and that's not natural. It's not easy. You get used to it and then it becomes both and uh everything just, just gels. OK? We, we talked about ensuring the final product. Um OK, so let's go through some specific 0:37:39 - 0:38:00 examples quickly. I have three of these and then we'll conclude, um let's talk specifically about career. Um Have you thought about what career would be a good fit for your kid? I've made some material about career choices in, in the modern age. Um But you can do your own research. You should and figure 0:38:00 - 0:38:21 that out. Uh Because again, it's your responsibility, you're the one that will have the joy when they um succeed more than they would have. And you're the one that will bear the burden if they don't in more ways than one. So again, a key point to this is bringing it down to the daily detail. So it's 0:38:21 - 0:38:41 nice if you think your kid might be, or should be successful one day. Right. But that's pretty worthless. The question is, what specifically could they do for a career? And then you break that down into not just one day, they will be like, oh, I want to be an astronaut today one day. Ok, great. We can 0:38:41 - 0:39:00 worry about that when you're in your twenties. Now, the question is they're six years old. What can you do today to help them to get there? It's not too early and the harder the thing, the more worthwhile it is, the more sense it makes to start early, Children are capable of so much more and uh than 0:39:00 - 0:39:32 , than we expect of them. And that's really unfortunate. Uh A vast majority of our expectations for Children are not uh based on their capability. It's based on intentional reduction of expectation that that was designed by factory uh executives and whatnot. Early in the 19 hundreds and late in the 18 0:39:31 - 0:39:54 hundreds, the kids used to do incredible things all the time, young people and we've done them down for ulterior motives that everyone has forgotten where we just keep going into the slaughterhouse, so to speak, um pretending that we don't know what's going to happen there. So, um how do you lead them 0:39:54 - 0:40:15 towards a career on a daily basis? It's not too early to start with that if you want them to do something that requires the, the knowledge of how to program, for example, uh I have seen kids as young as six, learn how to code and at, you know, at an age appropriate level, I've seen kids as young as 12 0:40:15 - 0:40:41 have coding capability that exceeds those with a four year degree in computer science. Um So it's really just about how you're choosing to lead them and, and how they spend their time. So how do you help kids have desire to have an exceptional career? Well, one good way to start is share with them details 0:40:40 - 0:41:01 about your own financial situation. Do they know how much a house costs? Do they know how much a car costs? Do they know what it takes to earn a buck? Do they know how much the IRS takes from you? Um, if they don't know these things, do they know what the average person makes? I, I gave a few guest lectures 0:41:01 - 0:41:26 is an annual thing at a high school nearby. Uh, when I was a college professor and one of the things that, uh, I talked about was career preparations. Um, a popular topic and every year I'd ask them, I'd pull the class to see who knew what the average income was in the, in the United States. And I, it 0:41:25 - 0:41:40 , it was never the case that people knew we do a poll and I just go up in income brackets and everyone thought the average person made way more than they did. They also thought things like car insurance and food.