0:00:00 - 0:00:00 OK. So, um I'm using a different set of headphones. I'm not sure if this is gonna affect the recording quality, but we'll give it a go. So I'm sharing with you today. Uh some ideas that are really important. I made this slide show. I don't know, a few months ago, I have a lot more content than this, 0:00:00 - 0:00:41 but I'm intentionally limiting myself to what I prepared some time ago. Uh because I want to keep this as focused as possible and just give you something to start on. You're in luck because I should be writing right now. But uh my mind just isn't uh functioning the way it needs to, to make that work 0:00:41 - 0:01:04 . So I'm gonna take advantage of that by scratching this one off my to do list. Why do families matter so much? You will notice that. Uh If you, if you, I don't know, pull the statistics on the topics that I talk about, it might seem like a hodgepodge of focus or some kind of weird affinity towards certain 0:01:04 - 0:01:25 topics. And I assure you that neither are the case. There is a method to my madness. And although my intentionality fluctuates and my application is imperfect. Um This is very much intentional. It's just that for now you don't see the connections between these topics and you don't really have anything 0:01:25 - 0:01:50 to weigh their relative importance against. Um, what I'm doing is I'm building essentially a pyramid um, that I see the organization of and I understand, but you're seeing these little segments uh at the bottom that from my perspective, little chunks of the bottom, uh who's who's relationship you don't 0:01:50 - 0:02:15 understand. And the reason we have to start there is that, well, there are a lot of reasons but uh everything flows together and upward and we can't jump right into the things that are higher than this because um it has to be a process of successive understanding. Um So I'm doing everything I can to 0:02:15 - 0:02:40 help you with the things that are right in front of your face right now and don't take all that much understanding to start working on while I'm preparing the big guns of uh much broader and deeper. Um Let's see ways of addressing these transcendent topics. So the family is immensely important and it 0:02:40 - 0:03:00 turns out it's important at every level of that pyramid. Um And the board just keeps going, it just keeps increasing as you go up, but there's an awful lot right in front of your face that you're probably not getting. And I'm going to try to help you with that today. Um It turns out so so one facet of 0:03:00 - 0:03:20 this to help lay out the importance is that there is a pattern and it, it's a pattern of giving and receiving in the gospel. And anytime you have any kind of flow, it's the same pattern. It's just another example of it. Um that flow between you and God, between you and the world, between you and your 0:03:20 - 0:03:42 spouse, between you and your kids. It is all the same pattern. Uh I'm intentionally not using words here that will call to your mind ideas that you think you know about, but are actually really different than what you're familiar with in actuality. Um So if something's coming to mind, good for you. Um 0:03:42 - 0:04:04 but there's a reason I'm not saying those words, the fact is that this pattern is terribly important to understand the fact is you're just not going to get as much out of it, not by a long shot. If you don't explicitly understand it and live it intentionally. If you just go through the motions, it's 0:04:04 - 0:04:26 just not going to be anything like it could be. Now that that pattern is one thing but the specific application of it in your house and in your family, um or your family to be if you're not there yet, this is wonderful because you can apply everything and it's not sort of this retroactive revision of 0:04:26 - 0:04:58 trying to make things better than they are, but you get to aim for what's what's better than what most people have. So, um, like many things in the gospel, if you're not living that pattern correctly in one of its, um, in one example of it, you're, you're very unlikely to be living it well, in all the 0:04:58 - 0:05:20 other applications of it. So, working on it and one thing will make you better at it and all the other things. It's like if, uh let's say that you don't know how to learn how to play piano. If you were to learn how to do that, yes, you would learn how to play piano. But more importantly, you would learn 0:05:20 - 0:05:43 these transferable skills or, or transferable mindset, a pattern of being able to practice something again and again and again, uh at which you're terrible at first and to see the success over time, to see the progression and eventually be able to do something wonderful that very few others can do well 0:05:43 - 0:06:00 . And that is a pattern that you can apply to anything because an awful lot of things follow that pattern where you're going to be terrible at them. At first, if you keep at it, you're diligent, you practice every day for more than an hour a day, then you will reach the point where you're excellent at 0:06:00 - 0:06:31 it and it will pay dividends. So that's like this. All right. So I showed this before I talked about it before. But this is one representation of the Kingdom of God. And our question here is how does a family, how is a family a a part of whatever progress you make in life, progress, meaning ascending 0:06:30 - 0:06:57 in the true vine or in other words, as Jesus described in John 10, um He came to give life in more abundantly, more abundantly than what, than what you had before. That's the purpose. That's why we're here to ascend in the tree of life, to draw closer to God, become more like him. So it turns out families 0:06:57 - 0:07:21 are absolutely intertwined in this purpose if you can't separate it. And um I've made this representation here. And already there's a lot of information on this slide and already there's a lot of deviation from common understanding and already there's plenty to offend many. So here, this, this network 0:07:21 - 0:07:45 , the size of the circle is the amount of light possessed by a person and each of these circles is a person. And uh then I've got these directional arrows and that is the the relationship between the pair of people in the kingdom of God. Now, uh I don't really care that this is offensive to people because 0:07:44 - 0:08:07 facts are what they are. And if your feelings differ from that, then uh that's your problem and you'll be best served by changing your feelings rather than delusion, changing your perception about the facts. However, I want to call attention to a few things. Um not, not to try to diffuse that, that offense 0:08:07 - 0:08:27 , but to make very clear what I'm saying here because it actually matters to the effectiveness with which you can carry this out. Why don't I have an arrow going from the Children to the parents when Children provide uh so much blessing to their parents. So for example, there are several scriptures in 0:08:27 - 0:08:51 the Bible that talk about the blessing of Children that the blessing of Children provide to their parents. Uh Well, it's because parents give their kids more, then their kids give the parents at least in the family relationship. What I mean by that is there are many Children that provide to their parents 0:08:50 - 0:09:12 more than their parents ever gave them. But that isn't because of the family relationship. It's because of the light that they have. So this differs. We're just talking about the family structure here and in the family structure, the parents provide to the Children much more than the Children provide 0:09:12 - 0:09:34 to the parents. If you overlay the question of who has more light, then that might change the dynamic. Although this is, this is still the ideal. So remember that the the actual, the actual vine, the actual kingdom is one family. And in this family, one of the rules is that everyone above you has done 0:09:34 - 0:10:00 more for you than you could ever do for them, not just in the past but continuing and forever. That's, that's one of the defining qualities of this tree and in an ideal family, the same goes Um, ok, so now we'll address that same issue with the father and mother. Why isn't there an arrow going from the 0:10:00 - 0:10:22 mother to the father? Why, you know, there will be many wives who are offended by the fact that I'm suggesting that this is AAA unidirectional flow. And again, uh just as with the kids, we're not saying that Children never do something that gives something to the parents. We're saying that it is a flow 0:10:21 - 0:10:50 uh in, in, in the sense of uh you know, we could put arrows the other way. They would just be very vastly smaller than, than the way I have here be much smaller. Uh It's the same idea with a husband and a wife. Uh Marriage is um it's a service of the husband to the wife. And that's uh another point of 0:10:50 - 0:11:12 this diagram is that these arrows are not about um domineering in the, in the worldly sense. They're about Dominion in the Godly sense, which means services, it means what is given. So these arrows are about what is given, not about any kind of compulsion or something. Um So I've mentioned this many 0:11:12 - 0:11:35 times in other videos. You're gonna see more reasoning of why this is in this one, but a wise woman chooses a man who's better than her. What that means is she will never provide to him more than what he provides to her. Now, there's some fine print to that. Um And I don't want to deviate too much from 0:11:35 - 0:12:04 the main points here. But ironically in this pattern, and now I'm zooming out from just the family, this pattern. Who has the most joy? Well, the higher you go in the chain, the greater the joy. Why? Because joy comes from value, value comes from suffering, not just any suffering, like not uh putting 0:12:03 - 0:12:29 your hand into a meat grinder, kind of suffering but suffering in behalf of someone else. What do we call that? It's called love. Love is measured by how much you're willing to suffer for the benefit of another person. What this says is in an ideal family, the father is capable and willing um to suffer 0:12:28 - 0:12:54 more for the sake of the others than the inverse. So that anyway, we could drone on about this and it's really important, but it's not really the focus here. Um So the father has the greatest joy in this diagram. Why? Because he suffers the most for the benefit of everyone else is that just a matter 0:12:54 - 0:13:20 of will no, your ability to suffer is also a function of who you have become. The better you are, the more capable, you are, the more you can give, the greater the price you can pay. OK? But this is the ideal framework. And in this situation, the greatest amount of joy for all will be possible. OK? All 0:13:20 - 0:13:47 right. So that's all just to set up to orient you to this diagram. Now something happens here. OK. As these Children grow older, they will also grow in light ideally. And why? So what is this like? This is like fruit on a tree or fruit on a vine? If you've, I have lots of apple trees and every year I 0:13:47 - 0:14:13 watch the apples flower and then the little tiny, little apples form out of the flower. Each flower turns into a little apple if it gets pollinated, and then the apples grow and they go from little things. You can notice them when they're the size of or bigger than a BB, smaller than a dime. And then 0:14:13 - 0:14:41 they grow to the full size of an apple, right? So this is how the fruit grows. Where does an apple grow from? Everything comes through the connections to the branch, right? And so, um this is the way it works. Now, the analogy is limited because Children can independently acquire light and truth. They 0:14:41 - 0:15:05 don't, uh they're not limited to the light and truth that comes from their father and their mother. But in an ideal setting, that's where the majority will come from because the father and the mother have it to give and they're doing what it takes to give it. So, in the ideal situation, the opportunity 0:15:03 - 0:15:30 that lies before you as a parent or a prospective parent is that just like that apple tree gets its energy from the light of the sun and from the nutrients in the ground which are both resources, it has greater access to than the apple itself. You can transform those, those resources that you have access 0:15:29 - 0:15:58 to into opportunities to flow light and truth into your Children. So you become this connection to the world around them and how you the decisions you make to apply those resources will absolutely make a difference in the light and truth. They have access to or at least the ease of access, they have 0:15:58 - 0:16:21 to that light and truth. So what this boils down to is your faith. Now, to understand what I mean by that, you can go read the book through faith or reread it, but you need to be aware of these opportunities. You have to have a correct idea of how they're going to affect your Children. And you have to 0:16:21 - 0:16:45 think about the prioritization of those opportunities, your choices and their effects so that you are focusing your limited resources on the greatest possible outcomes for your Children. It, it's going to you the amount of heat and diligence that you exercise will, will matter. It's really going to make 0:16:44 - 0:17:08 a difference, it's going to make a huge difference and you get to decide whether that difference is good or bad. Ok. So what's a parent's goal? A parent's goal is to do all things in their power for the benefit of their Children. Now, this should not be a surprise. We have a very clear scripture that 0:17:08 - 0:17:34 says that God doesn't do anything. Save it be for the benefit of his Children. God optimizes everything He does for our benefit. Do you do the same as a parent? Remember how we started all of this with this idea of a pattern, a flow of light and truth from the, from the top down. Are you doing that in 0:17:34 - 0:17:55 your sphere? Are you doing that with your own family? Now, what if you're not a parent yet? What if you're not a spouse yet? Well, what are you doing to prepare for that? Because you don't just flip that on. You know, you, you get home from your honeymoon and you're like, well, now it's time for me to 0:17:55 - 0:18:18 start caring about other people. It doesn't work that way. The best thing you can do to prepare to be a parent or a spouse is to begin to live by this pattern right now, today you do it with your siblings, you do it towards your parents, do it with your friends, you do it with strangers, with your roommates 0:18:17 - 0:18:42 , whatever the human relationships around you are, you begin to live this pattern. You begin to think about what you can do for the benefit of others. This unironically was the topic of the first book I wrote about The Law of Consecration. I don't necessarily recommend you read it. Uh I would rewrite 0:18:41 - 0:19:05 it differently today, but I'm not going to. So this is the idea though. It's a simple idea. You probably only need further explanation if you're being very resistant in your native ability to apply that to, to all things. Because it's really easy to see what that means. It's not easy to do it. There's 0:19:05 - 0:19:26 a lot of resistance there. It's, it's overwhelming to people who, who are new to the idea, but that's what it is. OK. So diving deeper on this, we have to explicitly say make a distinction between benefits and wants to do all things in your power for the benefit of your kids is not to do all things in 0:19:26 - 0:19:51 your power to give them what they want right now. And for some reason, parents think that giving their kids what they want right now is loving them. That's the opposite of love in most cases because human nature does not desire what is good. And so if you're giving what giving to others, what they say 0:19:51 - 0:20:18 they want right now, odds are, you're actually hating them, not loving them, you're indulging their bassist. Human nature. Odds are the duty of parents is to use their mature, hopefully enlightened perspectives to imagine what their kids would want if they knew what the parents knew and to do all things 0:20:17 - 0:20:44 in their power, not just to provide those things, but also to entice them to enjoy them or to come to enjoy them. So maybe it took you 45 years to realize that broccoli is healthy and should be eaten instead of pop tarts, which you know, or maybe it took you 45 years to realize that pop tarts have their 0:20:44 - 0:21:01 place. And, and maybe in your opinion, there are places in on the shelf at the grocery store, not in your cabinet, whatever. But the point is hopefully at some point in your life, you gained knowledge that you didn't have before or perspectives you didn't have before or desires that were more refined 0:21:01 - 0:21:23 than before. And hopefully because of you, your kids will not have to wait 45 years to do that. They won't need to go through exactly what you did to get the same result because you can provide for them an environment that greater, that, that greater facilitates that learning in less time, less unnecessary 0:21:22 - 0:21:46 suffering. There are prices to be paid for things, but they don't have to be more than what they have to be. And that's your job as a parent is to pare down the price to what it really needs to be and very importantly, to leverage another piece of this pattern, which is one of the greatest, I'm about 0:21:46 - 0:22:11 to tell you something very important. One of the greatest elements of persuasion is personal knowledge of the character of the person who's inviting you. One of the greatest pieces of persuasion is personal knowledge of the character of the person who's inviting you. Now, you just think about quickly 0:22:10 - 0:22:37 breeze through the scriptures in your head. And all the situations where God asked one of his Children to do something that seemed hard to the child. And the child says, well, this seems really hard and I don't understand why, but I know something about how much God loves me and I know how much he loves 0:22:37 - 0:23:03 all of his Children. And I know that he's wise and he knows more than I do. So, maybe I should do that. And now if you'd like, you can go reread Mosiah 319 and think about what it means to yield to all things that God sends, even when they seem like afflictions, even when it seems like something he's 0:23:03 - 0:23:37 inflicting upon you. So you ought to be the kind of person, not just in character but consistency that your Children have zero reason to doubt your wisdom and your love. And if you don't have wisdom, at least have love because uh well, it turns out you can't actually love someone without having wisdom 0:23:37 - 0:24:03 or a better way of saying that is the amount that you can love someone is absolutely limited by your wisdom. You can't love someone past any deficiency in your wisdom. Why? Because if love is the degree you're willing to suffer for the benefit of another, how do you know what benefit is? You can't pass 0:24:03 - 0:24:31 the limits of your wisdom. And so someone who's willing to suffer, that's great. It's a necessary but insufficient condition of love. Do you get that because you can be willing to suffer and just end up hurting them because you're unwise. Uh I would further emphasize the importance of wisdom by saying 0:24:31 - 0:24:58 that um part of wisdom is knowing what suffering is possible. You gain wisdom through suffering. Wisdom also directs you to suffering. These things are coupled in short anyway, but it really pops this balloon of the, the falsehood. That love is a feeling. It's not, it's not even a battlefield as Pat 0:24:58 - 0:25:32 Benatar son. It's um I couldn't resist, but it is a choice. It's an informed choice and it must be informed or else it's limited in what it can be. And I've just shared with you some massively valuable things that were very expensive to learn. Ok. So the, the good news is we're not just in the dark or 0:25:32 - 0:25:57 in a, in a blue sky trying to figure out what benefit means. We have an example in Christ. And the only thing you need to do to figure out what is best is do everything you can to learn about and live like Jesus, he already figured it out. It's not a puzzle we need to solve. So, um the puzzle we have 0:25:56 - 0:26:24 instead, which is much easier to solve is just to figure out how Jesus is. So a good parent is going to do everything they can to learn about and live like Jesus. And through that demonstration, that is the best possible way to facilitate their kids in becoming more like him. And so you need to become 0:26:23 - 0:26:49 worthy of emulation, right? So you love your Children, you want what's best for them, the only way you will help them. Uh Let's see, the only the best way you can help them become all that they can be is by first becoming the best that you can be and showing them how to become more like you going back 0:26:49 - 0:27:18 to this. That is the pattern. You become as much like God as you can and you demonstrate to others how to do the same and why they should, you get it very important things here. And so now already it should start to become very obvious as to uh how your effectiveness in doing this in your family is absolutely 0:27:18 - 0:27:41 connected to everything else. Will you ever be an effective teacher of the gospel to the world if you're not an effective teacher of the gospel to your spouse? And, um, that goes either way, it looks a little different but same ideas, I've lost my place. Are you ever going to be an effective parent to 0:27:41 - 0:28:12 your Children if you're not an effective um spouse? So how are these things connected? Because it's the same pattern over and over again, it's the same pattern. You become as much like God as you know, and you show others how to do that and why to do that and what that is like, that's the pattern All 0:28:12 - 0:28:35 right. So now let's talk about this. It's a brief bullet, extremely important idea. How do you measure your effectiveness as a parent? Cause you might be tempted to say how happy my Children are. Well, if we're using the definition of joy and not just pleasure, I'm with you on that. But where does happiness 0:28:34 - 0:28:58 come from? What's, what's the source of joy? Um At the end of Mosiah two, the last verse says, I would desire that you should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God for behold, they're blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual. And if they hold out 0:28:58 - 0:29:15 faithful to the end, they are received into heaven that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never ending happiness. Oh Remember, remember that these things are true for the Lord God hath spoken it. So what's the gateway to happiness, the commandments? But what are the commandments? And here 0:29:15 - 0:29:39 I'm about to just drop on you a massively valuable piece of information. Yes, they are written rules, but that's only level one. There are also principles. Many of which are written principles are more valuable than rules because rules have limits of application. Principles do not. They're general, there's 0:29:39 - 0:30:11 something higher than principles. It's character. It's a being, it's a living example. So what is the gateway to happiness? It's learning what God is like and living that way yourself. That is joy. To the extent that you do that you will have joy. So how do you measure your effectiveness? Now, as a parent 0:30:11 - 0:30:43 , now you might be tempted based on what I just said to say, my effectiveness as a parent is measured by how much my Children have become like Jesus. No, that is not true. That is not true because they could choose not to accept what's being offered to them. So this bullet here that I'm that I have that 0:30:43 - 0:31:03 I'm about to read is one step closer, but it's still not the final answer. One step closer is to say that you measure your effectiveness as a parent by how much your Children are like Jesus, here's the key part compared to what they would have been without you or maybe what they would have been with 0:31:02 - 0:31:29 someone else. So what is the value of a parent whose contribution to their Children is what any other parent would have given? Well, it's minimal, there's nothing special about that. But if you go into what no one else can do now, all of a sudden it's unique. It's more valuable but this what they would 0:31:29 - 0:31:53 have been without you. That's very important. Do you understand why? So, so the, the difference is the difference, what's the difference in where they would have been anyway or with some random person compared to you? And that is your effectiveness as a parent? But now the final piece which isn't on 0:31:52 - 0:32:18 this slide is how much could they have become like Jesus compared to what they would have been without you or someone else? You have to say that because every person has agency and Adam and Eve were the same parents with Abel and Seth that they were with Kane. Of course, they probably learned things 0:32:18 - 0:32:46 along the way, but they weren't fundamentally different in their approach. But Kane chose a very different path than Abel and Seth Mary, the mother of Jesus and Joseph. They were not different parents to Jesus than they were to his siblings. But Jesus turned out very differently, didn't he? Because of 0:32:46 - 0:33:14 the choices he made? So that's very important. And there's only so much credit that Joseph and Mary could have taken for Jesus as well, which is wrapped up in this definition. If Jesus had been the child to any other person, he still would have been Jesus. That evokes a question that I'm not going to 0:33:14 - 0:33:38 answer, which is why he had to be born to marry specifically. OK. It's a very important question. What is the goal of parents continued? So let's, that's sort of ephemeral this uh how much are they like God compared to under other circumstances or how much could they be? But let's break it down to very 0:33:38 - 0:34:03 specific uh applications. The practical goals of a parent are as follows for your sons. What you would like them to do is to what you want to facilitate is for them to come up to be as much like Jesus as their father. So if you're the dad, you're trying to make sons not make. But you know what I mean 0:34:03 - 0:00:00 ? Foster the development of sons such that they become at least as much like Jesus as you are. But that's your goal is to get them to that point, at least, ok, you're also trying to help them find and marry a woman who's able to receive all of the benefit of what they have become. This is your goal. 0:00:00 - 0:34:52 By the day they turn 18, this is what you're trying to instill into them, what they do beyond that. You're not going to give up. But that's the timeline. That's your goal. You're trying to help them develop self sufficiency to provide an environment where their own family is, at least as successful as 0:34:52 - 0:35:28 the family they came from. I think this is a type typo. OK? So if your child is a bum living on your couch in your basement as an adult, then um it's that the, this goal has not been attained. And I say it like that because maybe you did provide everything that you could have to get him to that point 0:35:27 - 0:35:49 where he wasn't a bum on your couch. Of course, if he's allowed to be a bum on your couch over 18, you are at fault because it's your choice for him to be in your house. Still however, maybe you did all the right things and he just chose differently than he should have totally possible. And it happens 0:35:48 - 0:36:13 and it breaks the heart of fathers everywhere. But the point is you're providing everything you can to get them to this point, at least as good as you are. And with a woman who can receive everything they've become. What about daughters? Well, their model is their mother. So godliness is different in 0:36:13 - 0:36:43 men and women. Their model is their mother. And uh that's who they're meant to emulate, at least come up to the level of their mother and then find and marry a man who's at least as much like Jesus is their father. Now, this is tricky because um the fact is that they also have to become at least as much 0:36:43 - 0:37:07 like Jesus as their father and their mother, but they have to come up to that level of light and truth in order to merit a spouse. That's like that. Right? So same thing, uh with the suns, but it's worded in a way where we didn't have to make that disclaimer. But if you're a trashy person, you don't 0:37:07 - 0:37:30 deserve a good person. Whether you're a trashy man or woman, you have way less to offer a spouse. So part of the goal is to help your Children not be trashy, right? To help them be at least as good as you are. And then to uh help teach daughters the the worth and the way of Children so that they have 0:37:30 - 0:37:56 and raise kids and create a family that's at least as successful as the family they came from. Now, the success in both these definitions is that a monetary definition? Um It includes that but it is not that either primarily nor um in totality, there's much more to it than that. I mean, this is success 0:37:55 - 0:38:19 . What I'm showing you now, this is success, right? This is one definition of success. I think it is a pretty damn good one because what does it mean to be fruitful to bear fruit? What, what is fruit, fruit is self um self replicating, right? You don't, if, if an apple tree bears a worm instead of an 0:38:19 - 0:38:42 apple, then that's, that's not good fruit, it's not fruit at all. It's a worm, right? Or as Jesus said, um grapes and thistles, right? So no one wants to go eat a nice juicy thistle, but you might want a nice juicy grape. So if your grapes are producing thistles, there's something wrong with your grapes 0:38:42 - 0:39:08 . All right. So let's go back to this picture. And what I want to show you is just some random examples of what would define a successful and failed child. Now, this doesn't mean it's a parent's fault per se because the kids have agency, of course. But the these are the scenarios we're trying to avoid 0:39:07 - 0:39:25 or promote. Now in this slide, I put a lot of information on this. I don't know how much time I'll spend going through the particulars, but hopefully it stimulates the thought on your part and hopefully it's, it's to a greater extent than you thought before about what you need to do with your specific 0:39:25 - 0:39:44 situation and your kids and yourself. Again, these things are not incidental. There's a reason I published a book on repentance. There's a reason I published a book on faith. And if you're not applying those things to yourself and your family, the odds are slim that you're applying them to your relationship 0:39:44 - 0:40:07 with God. And the good that you do on this earth before you depart will be extremely limited to what you could have done. Given those tools. OK? So here's the kid when they turn 18. Now, one thing I've added in here is a spouse, but let's just ignore that. And we're actually going to start at the last 0:40:07 - 0:40:28 two columns. Now, before birth is, is, is the last dot column here. But chronologically, of course, it happens in the beginning, but I put it here. So we can just have a quick comparison and here's at death. OK. So this person started the same as they ended and I will tell you that's basically impossible 0:40:28 - 0:40:54 . But let's just pretend for the sake of simplicity. That's a failure because that's not an abundant life. That's the same as you had before. Now, here's a guy says a lady here's a guy and starts smaller than he ends. So this is an increase in light and truth. That's a success. Here's a gal, same story 0:40:54 - 0:41:22 . That's a success. Ok. Now, at this point, I'm going to transition because until now I've talked about what you're doing in your home until they're 18. But part of that, that I think is highly neglected is what we do as parents to facilitate our Children meeting and choosing an ideal spouse or at least 0:41:22 - 0:41:46 a spouse that, that contributes to these goals in life because guess what it matters a lot. So, here we go. So you've done this great job with your daughter or she's managed to become a great person even though you and your spouse are boneheads and she's grown because this is how she started and now 0:41:46 - 0:42:08 she's 18 and she's here and remember this is light and truth, it's not like a, you know how tall they are or something. So then she picks a bonehead guy because remember our criteria for spouse selection here, it's, it's, um, for, for a guy it's defined to marry a woman who's able to receive all the 0:42:08 - 0:00:00 benefit of what they've become for, for a gal. It's fine to marry a man who's more like Jesus than themselves and, and their fathers. That's the ideal. Ok. So she picked a bonehead who's less like God than she is. We don't have a picture of her parents here. Ok. But at least in that one, she failed. 0:00:00 - 0:42:54 She didn't pick a guy who's better than her, guess what's going to happen. She shrinks why? Because she could not continue on this trajectory. So maybe this guy is a loser at work and he could not finance her having kids. Or maybe the only thing she could do is have one kid or maybe she had a couple 0:42:54 - 0:43:14 of kids, but either way she had to work, she wasn't around for her kids. She didn't really develop as a mom because she was constantly stressed about working eight hours a day and then coming home and doing everything that she has to do as a wife and mother on top of that and she diminishes because it 0:43:14 - 0:43:38 matters, ok? But these things that it matters, it matters for a guy and it matters for a gal. It matters who you marry, but it matters in different ways. Ok? For a woman to marry a man less than her is basically a death sentence as far as her eternal progression goes because it's gonna be extraordinarily 0:43:37 - 0:44:01 difficult for her to make something of that and continue to progress. Ok? It's not impossible. It's just a whole lot of unnecessary suffering. Some of that suffering will help propel her forward but not a lot of it. Now, let's consider this case. Now, this guy, he, he picked a lady who doesn't have a 0:44:01 - 0:44:29 whole ton to offer. All right, because her, her circle is small it's got a very little light and truth. Remember this is the size of the fresh babies in our, right? So she's a baby in light and truth. And yet he grows, he grows. Why? Because a man marrying a terrible woman will impede his progress. A 0:44:29 - 0:44:56 lot less than a woman marrying a terrible man. It matters. Ok. And that's, there's a lot to this, but it matters. Now, is he gonna be as happy as he would have been if he picked, picked a better woman? Um Again, how are we defining happiness? Right? Will he grow more or less? Uh That one's a tough one 0:44:56 - 0:45:18 too. So what's the question we can answer decisively? Will he have as many opportunities to flow light and truth to and through a lesser wife as he would a greater wife? No, he will not. He will not have as many opportunities to flow light. And because joy does come from the flow of light. Yes, he, he 0:45:18 - 0:00:00 will have less joy in life than he would have if he married a better wife. Ok. But this isn't so clean cut because if he had married a better wife, he probably wouldn't grow from here to here. See, it's, there are a lot of complexities in all of this. All right. Now, finally, we have the ideal case, 0:00:00 - 0:46:08 which is you marry someone uh following the rules that we described here, the criteria here. And then what happens? Well, both are edified, you end up both end up better as a result of their marriage. They end up with greater light and truth than they had before. Right? And if you want to get really 0:46:08 - 0:46:31 technical, you could go back to this definition and redefine it for an ideal spouse. Very important. But that's not really the subject of this presentation. I just wanted to highlight the importance of thinking about not just who your Children become as individuals, but also who they choose as spouses 0:46:30 - 0:46:56 . That is the final step in this pattern, right? Of course, there are grandkids too and all of that, but just for the nuclear family, this is what we're talking about. Ok. This this point, it just can't be stressed enough. We like to brush it under the rug when people have made less than ideal choices 0:46:56 - 0:47:15 because we don't want folks to feel bad. But you're doing a disservice to the people that haven't made the choice yet. You have to stress the importance and tell the truth about how important these choices are. The greatest blessings in or after life are not available to those who do not get the family 0:47:14 - 0:47:37 , right? This is the most important decision you're going to make that involves anyone else on this planet. And if you're not getting the family, right, the odds are you're not getting anything else in the kingdom of God correctly, even your relationship with God and maybe especially your relationship 0:47:36 - 0:48:07 with God why if you do not understand the relationship between husband and wife, you cannot understand the relationship between you and God. Because in the ideal earthly marriage, the masculine role, it's the same role as God has with you as an individual, the feminine role, that's the same role you 0:48:07 - 0:48:29 have with God as an individual. And it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, what I just said is true. Do you understand? So if you don't get that right in your house, it's not going to be right between you and God. And what you should do is learn how all these things work at the same time. It's 0:48:29 - 0:48:44 like climbing up a rock wall. You know, have you ever been to a climbing gym or maybe a real rock wall? But I think a climbing gym is better analogy. They intentionally design these things that you have to use your whole body to get up that wall. If you're just climbing up straight up, linearly grabbing 0:48:44 - 0:49:04 one thing at a time on the hard walls, you won't be able to keep going. You have to use your foot and your other foot and flip them off to the side and lift your whole body at once. And that's how this is, that's how a lot of things are in the gospel, right? So, while you're working on your relationship 0:49:03 - 0:00:00 with God, you also ought to be working on implementing that relationship in your family. And with your friends and with strangers. Right. It's, it's, it's, the whole thing goes together and it grows together. And if you don't get that, if you're one of many people who act like they're all about God, 0:00:00 - 0:49:47 but they never talk about it with their families. They don't live it at home. Maybe they sort of go through the motions every Sunday at church. But they have this, like, secret life where they're devouring all these mysterious books and having all these exciting conversations about the deep mysteries 0:49:46 - 0:50:12 of the Gospel. You are wasting an enormous abundance of potential. Stop looking beyond the mark. Start applying the basics to every aspect of your life because to the extent you don't, you're putting an anchor around your neck and you cannot climb higher, you will not ascend higher. It's like a least 0:50:12 - 0:50:34 common denominator situation. You will not ascend higher than the facet of your life where you least apply the light of God. It will anchor you to that level of light. It doesn't matter how much you reach, but your free hand, this is why you have to let go of sin. And it's also why you can't be a spiritual 0:50:34 - 0:50:59 chump in the parts of your life where you don't want to be uncomfortable. You don't want conflict. You don't want to put yourself out there. You don't wanna be different. Yeah, it has to be all or it's nothing. No, I know a lot of you are in situations where your spouse and maybe your kids uh have very 0:50:58 - 0:51:19 different spiritual perspectives than you. That's fine. We go back to this. It's not just fine in some ways it's ideal. What greater service could you provide to them then to take all of the time and resources and opportunities you have to help them receive more light than they otherwise would remember 0:51:19 - 0:51:38 this. Even if it's only a little light from an uh an absolute sense, it's a whole lot of light from a relative sense because how else could they have received it? Except through you being their mom or dad or husband or wife. This is the blessing of being mixed up in mortality topic. I've talked about 0:51:38 - 0:52:00 before and I'll talk about it again. Ok. This does not mean that you're hitting them over the head with your scriptures every day, right? If that's not what gives the greatest benefit, that's not what you're going to do it, it's, it's probably more likely noticing that your one son is lazy bum and he 0:52:00 - 0:52:23 already has tendencies to be lazy when he's five years old or something. And so you take this intentional 10 year process where you're slowly helping him. I mean, it's as fast as he can stand, but you're, you're consistently orienting him to being a diligent person. You understand the magnitude of this 0:52:23 - 0:52:48 . It's not just uh launch a nuke and then if it doesn't go off, you're done and you can just hang it up and ignore it and go back to playing golf every Saturday or whatever. It's every single day all the time, just like God is with us. So hopefully this makes this point a little clearer than it was before 0:52:47 - 0:53:11 . Um, it's a really, really, really big deal, you know, you, you shouldn't be thinking about gathering to Zion when your family is a mess at home, you have to overcome evil with good in small ways before you think you can do it in big ways because it, it would be a flaming dumpster fire to try something 0:53:11 - 0:53:35 bigger when you can't do something smaller yet. And, and yes, everyone has agency and you can have a disaster of a dumpster fire of a home life. Even when you're doing what Jesus himself would do in that situation, right? Like Judas betrayed him even though he was Jesus and he was doing all the right 0:53:35 - 0:53:56 things that happened, right? The people also killed him even though he was doing all the right things. And because in fact, in both cases, because he was doing the right thing, right? But you need to get to the point where you can testify before God and his angels that you are doing all the right things 0:53:56 - 0:54:22 and then have them not correct you and show you what you're actually not doing right. Go through enough of those cycles where you go to him and you say, Lord I'm doing everything I know, to improve myself and to bless my family, to serve them and love them. Show me what I lack. And he says, hey, here's 0:54:22 - 0:54:41 this thing that you hadn't noticed, you need to do it. You're like shoot OK, cool. You go work on that and then you come back and you say, Lord, I've been true and faithful to everything. You've shown me what's next. And he says, oh well, you know how you react when this one thing happens, you need to 0:54:41 - 0:55:17 knock that off and here's why you say, oh, shoot, ok, great. You go and do that and you just keep going. And so if you get to the point where there is no next thing and you hold up your family to the Lord and he says, and he says, well done, my faithful servant, right? And there's a lot of other things 0:55:16 - 0:55:47 that he'll say, then you can start thinking about how to do this on a larger level with more people. But if you can't love the people that you have every reason to love the way that Jesus loves you, how are you gonna do that with your neighbor or your strangers or your enemies? Because you're not, you're 0:55:46 - 0:56:15 not. There was never a person who loved his neighbor without first loving his spouse and saying his without first loving their spouse and their Children. One of the key reasons we're in families is it's training wheels it's training wheels. And if you can't ride correctly with training wheels, you get 0:56:14 - 0:56:37 on the big bike, you're gonna crash right away and some people can go on the big bike from the beginning, but they're not the people crashing on training wheels. They can also do training wheels. Right. There's, there's, there are no people who can ride a full size bike who can't ride training wheels 0:56:37 - 0:57:01 without falling over. If you're falling over on training wheels, you are not ready for a big bike. So, and that is not deep wisdom. Everyone should already know that. And that's the level of basic, of what I'm teaching you. And yet I've shared with you many wonderful and very valuable ideas that you 0:57:01 - 0:57:04 probably didn't know before. So now go and do.