0:00:00 - 0:00:25 So a quick thought. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and this is a recurring theme in the lives of many and I feel like I've spoken about this before, but I'm gonna speak about it again. Um Sorry, I have a heater on which is ridiculous. It's May 10th when I'm making this. Um But it is cold 0:00:24 - 0:00:52 , which is weird. So let's talk about that. It's a good entry point into what I wanna say. Um uh The venerable Mike Tyson has a saying, everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face and um you can find truth in weird places. Uh Mike Tyson is actually a really interesting guy, but um he definitely 0:00:51 - 0:01:21 uttered some truth. There. Things are the same until they change. Uh This is sort of a tautology. It, it might not seem to have meaning, but it might seem so obvious that why even bother saying it and yet the way we live our lives, it needs to be said right in uh mythology. There's this character Cassandra 0:01:20 - 0:01:46 and she's blessed by the gods with the ability to foresee the future, but she's also cursed in that. No, one will believe her. What's funny about that myth is that a lot of times in these myths, they're embedded with aspects of reality that transcend time, usually having to do with human nature and frequently 0:01:46 - 0:02:10 with human fault in this case, um, the curse that no one will believe her seems completely unnecessary because it turns out contrary to popular belief, there isn't a need for an artificial reason to not believe things that are true because that, that's actually the common case that people don't believe 0:02:10 - 0:02:40 what is true even. And perhaps especially the things that have sufficient reason to be believed. So, um it's not fun when God teaches you things and uh blesses you with wisdom and your exercise of that wisdom makes life look like a train wreck in slow motion when you look at the lives of other people 0:02:39 - 0:02:59 and you see consequences that seem to be beyond um their willingness to believe, but not necessarily their ability to see. And that's where in the, the mystery and the sorrow lies because there's only so much you can do to help them see the truth or more of the truth is maybe a better way of saying it 0:02:59 - 0:03:28 . So, um for some reason, human beings have a fundamental problem with acknowledging what is obvious. Um I want to read a, a verse from Isaiah five verse 18 woe unto them that draw iniquity with chords of vanity and sin as it were with a cart rope. Now, I, I think that a lot of folks would tend to interpret 0:03:27 - 0:03:53 this verse if, if they attempt to at all. Um, they, they think of the valid interpretation of how many of our sins we kind of have to go out of our way to keep carrying with us. It's, it's sort of unnatural to do certain things or not do certain things and we really have to try and, uh, that's a shame 0:03:52 - 0:04:18 because it's, it's uh we're exerting our effort on something that actually harms us and in ways that, that take this overt extra effort to do, just like dragging a cart with a rope behind you. That that's not a passive activity and um that's all well and good. But I, I think there's an another application 0:04:18 - 0:04:49 of this that's at least as valuable for it. We have to zoom into this word vanity when people use the word today, vain or vanity, any of its forms. The the word is used to denote a situation where you're focusing on how you look um again, perfectly accurate. But I think the much more useful sense of 0:04:49 - 0:05:13 the word, at least when we, when we see it used in scripture, it tends to refer to something that's ineffectual, which is also an accurate definition of the word vein or any of its forms. So something um what, what, what would cords of vanity mean if you're dragging along a cart with cords of vanity 0:05:13 - 0:05:41 . It means that you're not doing what you think you're doing, you're doing something different and something less than what you think you're doing. So, what about iniquity? What does that mean? Well, um, we could get into subtleties of that but just to be fast and loose with it, let's just, let's just 0:05:40 - 0:06:06 characterize that as deviating from God. So, um, maybe we could, we could treat its opposite as righteousness, which is everything that uh that God is like, it's God's nature. Now, the interesting thing about righteousness is it's thought of as holiness, which I guess is closely related. But um in the 0:06:06 - 0:06:37 moment, as I think of righteousness, my mind is uh focusing on this distinction that I would make between that and holiness, uh which is righteousness has a connection to reality and what is right is very much aligned with what is true. Um Truth is what is and truth yields value. But when I think of 0:06:36 - 0:07:05 righteousness, I think much more about AAA more direct association with value. And so it's not necessarily reality, but it's more about how we are with respect to reality for the greatest value. So hopefully, that wasn't too deep of a, of a walk through words. So to draw iniquity with chords of vanity 0:07:04 - 0:07:36 means to pull through ways of life, that or not ideal and the degree to which they're not ideal is probably a lot greater than, than what we would hope. So. Maybe in, in some sort of extreme way because you're probably not off by little if you're drawing a cart with cords of vanity, that's kind of a 0:07:36 - 0:08:05 big deal. Uh As anyone who's tried to pull anything or, you know, push a car that's not running, it's not an easy thing to do. So, a cart isn't just a tiny little thing. It's a heavy thing. So it turns out that life is hard and it's harder if you're stupid. Now, I want to define the word stupid because 0:08:05 - 0:08:31 again, it's something we use freely. The in, in technical terms, it means someone who is very dull, insensible, senseless, wanting and understanding heavy or sluggish. And that's from the 1828 Webster Dictionary. Uh This like many other words has been reduced in meaning in modern terms. So you kind of 0:08:31 - 0:09:02 have to go back in time to get a richer definition. But here's just an on the fly in my own words, definition to be stupid. Well, before I go into that, let's dive into senseless or insensible. Insensible. Again, in modern terms, is, is more of like an unfeeling nature or attitude. But um your feelings 0:09:02 - 0:09:27 aren't your only senses and insensibility is also being unreasonable. So, um someone who is insensible could just get beaten over the head again and again and again, with negative consequences and never connect that to what they're doing that generates the negative consequences. If you don't think that's 0:09:26 - 0:09:56 a problem today, then you're insensible. So that's ironic. Um, so here's my definition for stupid, which I think is one of many words that we ought to bring into common use again, um, slower than you could be in reasonably reacting to what should be obvious to you, slower than you could be in reasonably 0:09:55 - 0:10:30 reacting to what should be obvious to you. The reason I like this definition is that it captures the sense of speed of reaction. Um It captures the gravity of reaction, the degree to which we react. Um, it tether that to a reasonable response. So, so it's, it's getting the floor and the ceiling of the 0:10:30 - 0:11:00 appropriate response. And then it also interprets all of this. It couples it to the understanding of the individual because stupidity in this sense, in the dangerous sense of the word, it's not something that's relative across people. It's not an IQ measure. Stupidity is all about what you have the ability 0:10:59 - 0:11:32 to perceive right now. When you see someone who's earnest and sincere doing things that are unwise, it's not as tragic as when they have the ability to see that what they're doing is less than ideal or catastrophic as the case frequently is. So, life is hard and it's harder when you are slower than you 0:11:32 - 0:12:11 could be in reasonably reacting to what should be obvious to you. No. Well, do you have anything in your life? And he signals that there's a better way for something? Is there something you do often or every once in a while or something you don't do often, or at least every once in a while that you should 0:12:11 - 0:12:35 , is life giving you signals that you should tweak your path in some way? Do you have some recurring negative consequence or is there something that you desire that you are seeking, that you think that you're moving towards? But find that you do not have another verse in Isaiah talks about having a dream 0:12:35 - 0:13:02 and, and uh feasting in your dream. I believe if I'm remembering correctly and then you wake up and you're still hungry and many of our actions in life are like that. But the question is, what do you do about it? How do you react to that signal? And it's very painful to watch people get hit in the head 0:13:01 - 0:13:27 with obvious signs that either where they're looking for what they want, it doesn't exist what they're looking for. What they're looking for isn't what they actually want. Um, or what they're doing generates situations that they do not want or that they still haven't found what they need to do to get 0:13:27 - 0:13:55 what they want. And they don't change. Sometimes we don't change because we're not sure what the alternative is. But I'll tell you if you're lost. One of the worst things you can do is keep moving. I got lost one time. I was in the woods, uh doing a land navigation course in the army. It's something 0:13:54 - 0:14:15 we had to do often and I was pretty good at it honestly, in spite of the fact that I was a lieutenant and that's an army joke and if you get it, you get it. But I got lost. And, uh, it was really hot outside and all we had was one canteen of water and in my defense, it was a really big course. And, um 0:14:15 - 0:14:40 , so I had no idea where I was and I thought I knew where I was and I, uh, I felt prey to the temptation to keep walking around because I kept telling myself if I can just find the last way point, the last known point where I could match the land that I saw with what was on the map, then I could, I could 0:14:40 - 0:15:04 continue on my way and find my way out of the place. And at first, because these things are timed at first, my goal was to pass the course with the, with the allotted time and then the time expired. And as it drew near to that, I realized that now the objective wasn't to pass because I wasn't going to 0:15:03 - 0:15:25 , the objective was to get out of the woods and not be embarrassed because, um, you know, most people pass those all the time. It's not that hard. And, uh, I was definitely gonna look like an idiot. And so I was trying to minimize how bad I looked and then things started to change because time kept going 0:15:25 - 0:15:53 on. It's getting a lot hotter and uh I was getting pretty thirsty and I ran out of water and uh so the conditions just kept deteriorating. And so at some point I realized, you know, I, I don't know where I am and I'm in big trouble. And uh I better again, it was a giant course and um, I better, I better 0:15:53 - 0:16:17 check in with, uh, the one I know who knows where I am. And so I knelt down to pray and I said, Lord, uh I've done everything that I was trained to do here to the best of my abilities. And somehow I still got totally lost. And, uh, I don't think you want me to die here and I'm not sure it would benefit 0:16:17 - 0:16:45 me or anyone else in any way for this to keep going on and maybe I'm wrong about that. But I sure would appreciate if you help me find my way out of this. And, uh, I waited for him to speak and then I heard a generator far out in the distance and I don't know how I couldn't have heard that before, but 0:16:45 - 0:17:04 it probably had something to do with the fact that I was walking because you make a lot of noise. When you walk, you don't realize it but you do. And so they, they, they teach you to pause even when you're not lost you, you pause every few steps, you pause and you listen, you stop, look, listen, smell 0:17:04 - 0:17:26 . That's the acronym and a because you never know what's out there and you need to know. So you don't get shot. So that's probably pretty good advice for life. So you need a pause every once in a while. You need to ask yourself the following. What am I doing and make a list and the next to all those 0:17:26 - 0:17:51 things you ask yourself, why am I doing this? He wrote it down and usually you don't stop with one iteration of this. You keep asking why, because the first level, why it's not transcendent what you're trying to do. So if you imagine your whats and your whys, you wanna keep adding those, why's because 0:17:50 - 0:18:21 what happens is I'm gonna turn the list like this and these are your whats you want your whats to converge into fewer ws and when you get down to one, then you can go the other way and go back down. And then for each y you ask yourself what's the best, what not, what's on the paper already? Not what 0:18:21 - 0:18:41 I'm already doing. But if I was designing this thing from the top down, what's the best thing I could put in that slot? Given everything I understand about everything. What's the best thing I could put into that slot? Now, that's an intense kind of existential level process. It's not something you're 0:18:40 - 0:19:01 gonna do every five minutes and when you get really good at it, you don't have to go all the way to the top because you'll realize, and I'm just gonna give you a huge head start here. That the top thing is always joy, it's always joy. So if you don't know your path from your whats to joy, you haven't 0:19:01 - 0:19:26 really thought about it enough. When you go the other direction, you need to be very honest about what you understand and what signals life is giving you all right, having said all that. And hopefully I'm not um a broken record on this topic because I sure feel like I've talked about it a lot and I've 0:19:26 - 0:19:53 written about it a lot and I know a lot of that writing and stuff I haven't published yet. But um think about your life and think about the situations you're in and think about the, the walls that you're bumping your head up against. It's really important to realize that your wives aren't completely 0:19:52 - 0:00:00 tied to today in the sense that they're not going to be fulfilled today and what you do every day absolutely has an effect on how far you get. But my, my point with that is don't use short term thinking to define your life because you're going to end up in situations that might look great right now. 0:00:00 - 0:20:43 But with just a little extra brainpower, you had all the capacity to see that this was not gonna go well in the near future or long term. Now, let me give you some practical examples of this. Suppose you're a young person or not so young person. So maybe that doesn't matter, suppose you're a person who 0:20:43 - 0:21:08 finds yourself living check to check and you say, man, no matter what I do, we're still living check to check. I mean, I've gotten some raises, we're still living check to check. You gotta dig in and find out why. And the answer is you spend too much money. So people would say, well, I can't help it 0:21:07 - 0:21:34 because things are expensive or XYZ, there is a way to spend less money. Trust me. So at one point in my life, I, I think I've told this story, I know I've told my kids and they watch these videos. I don't know what their sources are at this point. Um, I found myself dating a gal who lived like, I don't 0:21:34 - 0:21:56 know, 45 minutes away from where I was living at the time. And, um, I worked close to where she lived and I found myself at her house pretty much every day and I thought this doesn't make any sense and spending all this time and money traveling. And, uh, it was getting kind of old and very expensive 0:21:55 - 0:22:18 . I didn't have much money at the time. So I knew a guy who lived right around there and he had a studio apartment and I knew he was a cheapskate. And I said, hey, man, thrifty, that's less degrading. And, and I, I was impressed. It wasn't a negative thing. He was, he, he had really streamlined his life 0:22:18 - 0:22:39 to the things that were important to him, which is wonderful. It's a great thing. Shrink to purpose. It's like a button you click. And, um, I said, hey, man, can I sleep on your floor in your living room for like the next four months? And you could just charge me rent. And uh I'm never gonna be there 0:22:39 - 0:22:57 . I'm, I'm literally just gonna sleep there and I'm either working or at my girlfriend's house all the time. And he said, sure. And he threw out a number and he was happy because thrifty, right? It's free money for him. And so I uh I arranged to store the, the amount of stuff that I had and I just took 0:22:57 - 0:23:20 clothes and a sleeping bag and a toothbrush basically. And I camped out on this dude's living room floor and we got along great and uh you know, I was saving tons of money because I wasn't paying full rent. And then uh there's a time where I consolidated my debts as an undergraduate into one loan, which 0:23:19 - 0:23:41 was a wise move. Um But once I graduated, I was very motivated to get all that paid off. It wasn't too much money, but I made the really aggressive goal to pay off all my loans in six months. And for what I was making that, that was a lot of money. Um, that was a huge chunk of my, my pay. And so I said 0:23:40 - 0:24:01 , well, how am I gonna cut my expenses? And so I found like the, the absolute cheapest apartment I could find. And, um, I ate beans and rice every day for six months. That's pretty much all I ate. Uh, there were some exceptions, I'm sure. But that, that was my staple that I, I would cook up a huge thing 0:24:00 - 0:24:16 of beans and rice and I would just eat beans and rice for six months. And I had a, a set amount of money I was willing to spend every day on food and I kept it below that, that level. I did what I needed to do to do that. Um I didn't go without, I didn't starve myself. I got my calories, but I just got 0:24:16 - 0:24:37 them in a really inexpensive way. So, um maybe there are paths that you haven't considered for whatever it is. Um So there's a practical example, but let me, let me get on to the, the reason I'm making this whole video in the first place is one practical example in the life of a friend. And, but I've 0:24:37 - 0:24:59 seen this in enough lives of friends um to make a video about it. I know it's an issue people have and it's very important because of the magnitude of the importance of the good that you can do in the lives of young people that, you know, whether you're related to them or not. Um You really, I haven't 0:24:58 - 0:25:25 made this video yet. Um You really need to understand the importance of a set of young people making optimal choices in our present situation. It's something that no one I know has any clue of the importance of. And on that note, I'm, I'm gonna say something in a metal level. It's apparent to me that 0:25:25 - 0:25:43 at least some people um you know, they'll come at me when I say things like that and they'll say, yeah, but I understand you, you, you say these things in your videos, but you don't understand that that there are people out there who whatever agree with you who on that point they're doing the thing that 0:25:43 - 0:26:10 you're saying or whatever. Um It's good that you feel that way. But understand that your perception of that is very different than mine and it matters, it matters as your awareness increases. You will see this is the pattern, right? We get aligned with God at our current level of perception and then 0:26:09 - 0:26:36 he expands our perception to show us good job. I know you think you're on the right path, but here's another difference between us and sometimes people fall when that's revealed, it's not infrequent that that happens and sometimes they get back up again and sometimes they don't fall and sometimes they 0:26:35 - 0:27:04 do get back up again. But, um, that's the pattern is that he gives more and in the extra increment, it's revealed that things weren't the way we thought they were and we need to change some more. So, uh I'm glad you feel that way. But I think that if you saw things like uh I do, you would, you wouldn't 0:27:03 - 0:27:31 , you wouldn't say that. Um, anyway, so, um, it's very important that we do everything we can to help younger people orient their lives according to wisdom, that's beyond what they have. And the first step of that is for you to get it yourself. And then the second step is to do everything you can according 0:27:30 - 0:28:05 to righteous and legal means to help others to know and believe and live according to that, it's very important. So, on that note, I see things all the time. I see situations where parents are not exercising there, privilege and duty to impart wisdom to their kids beyond what their kids have. Um And 0:28:05 - 0:28:31 , and this isn't a knock on the kids. The current situation is bad enough. It's gonna get worse that it is insane to expect any kind of anything close to normal person to make the right choices. That's one of the reasons the destruction is coming. If you look at why God sent the flood, you take all those 0:28:31 - 0:28:59 reasons and you superimpose that on today, you're gonna find an awful lot of overlap. And like I said, it's getting worse. The, the reason, uh, the question is not, why is God going to destroy, uh, the first world? But we will just say the United States for now in Canada, the question is not, why is 0:28:59 - 0:29:19 he going to destroy the United States and Canada? The question is why hasn't he done it yet? And that has an answer. But the answer isn't that the conditions of the flood have not been fulfilled. That's not the answer. And that's why it's gonna get worse is that there are things holding it back and until 0:29:19 - 0:29:42 those things are accomplished, that destruction will be limited to a trickle. Even though in that trickle are things worse than COVID just so, you know, but it will be limited compared to the full blast, the full blast will come. So anyway, things are the way they are and it's terrible and it's hard 0:29:41 - 0:30:06 and normal people don't have any chance of making the right choices, normal young people because it requires wisdom beyond what they have. And so their sacrifice is going to be by and large faith, their sacrifice will be faith and that will spare them from unnecessary suffering. So faith requires a preacher 0:30:05 - 0:30:35 who's the preacher. It's you, it's you. And so when I look around and I see people whose connection to these young folks is like feather light. It's a 56 K modem bandwidth even though they're their own kids. I wonder what the heck is going on cause the greatest impact you can have on your Children, especially 0:30:35 - 0:31:09 if you're a father. Um The greatest impact you can have beyond securing the necessities of life is providing uh all the benefits of eternal life to them in hopes that on loan, they will pick that up and claim it for themselves because you won't be around for their whole lives. Uh And your power to secure 0:31:08 - 0:31:41 that for them after this life uh is very different, very limited. So what's an example of drawing iniquity with chords of vanity? Um I've talked in the past about career choice extensively. I've talked about spouse choice. So young people are just not gonna have any clue as to who is a good choice or 0:31:41 - 0:32:10 not. For most of us, the best thing you can do is be honest with them about the limitations that came from your own choices because uh it's a very rare thing to have an ideal marriage. So just statistically speaking, that's going to be the case with most folks. Um But even if you have some, some success 0:32:09 - 0:32:37 in financial or relationship matters, you need to think about whether that applies today. In other words, if you repeated what you did whenever you did it today, would you get the same result? It's astonishing to me how few people have thought through this. Uh I know a person who has encountered unusual 0:32:36 - 0:33:04 success financially in life and he's wisely traded that for high quality of life while most of his kids are still young. And I think it's kind of a paradise situation, which is wonderful and I love seeing people who have won the game, so to speak. Um But in speaking to one of his Children who's now an 0:33:03 - 0:33:27 adult, a young adult, I asked if they had thought through whether applying that example to, to their generation, if it would result in the same result. And they just looked at me like I could tell that this had never crossed through their minds. And uh one of the curses of being a successful parent in 0:33:27 - 0:33:51 life in, in, in material success. Uh One of the curses of material success for a parent is, it's, it's uh an insular situation for the kid. They're not exposed to reality very, very much and they think that money grows on trees and that you can get things in life without working for them. And that uh 0:33:51 - 0:34:18 you know, it's a, it's a very much subdued idea of consequences. That's a pattern that occurs over and over again. But um it, it requires parents teaching their kids what things cost and how things work and what the consequences are of doing or not doing certain things and taking the extra effort to 0:34:17 - 0:34:45 not just expect this to, to transmute through osmosis to their brains and hearts, tell them what things are worth and also do the work on your own to understand how your example might not work today because things are different. So, um yeah, that's, that's enough drawing on about that. So let's get down 0:34:45 - 0:35:18 to the practical example that I wanted to get to here. So I know a lot of folks who are in the L DS ecosystem, current or former and um if they're friends with me, odds are that they're not, um I don't know, they're not solid L DS people anymore. They see some value in that but they have picked up other 0:35:17 - 0:35:45 things and they probably see a lot of faults in that ecosystem. And, um, for many of these folks, they have a spouse who is still very much normal L DS and that creates some conflict in their lives and they try to navigate through how they're going to, um, share their changing faith with their kids with 0:35:45 - 0:36:09 their spouse. Usually they've already explored the spouse options and kind of feel like they're up against the wall with that. Um, but these people, and there's more than one, this has happened many times. Actually. They're shocked. They're just shocked when there are Children who are in that lifestyle 0:36:08 - 0:36:42 because that's what the other spouse keeps them in. Do all the things associated with that lifestyle. And it leaves me scratching my head wondering what did you expect to happen. Right. So, um, if you're promiscuous and you pick up an STD, should you be surprised? I mean, why wouldn't that happen? And 0:36:42 - 0:37:08 if it's just sort of a continuous thing, the longer it goes on, the more likely that eventuality will occur. And yes, I just related being L DS to being sexually promiscuous and picking up an STD. Um, if your kid was in a burning building, you would not listen to your spouse if they said, well, I like 0:37:07 - 0:37:36 burning buildings or burning buildings are my security in life. This is very important to me. I will only get to heaven if I allow this building to burn down. So anciently, there was this practice of of burning your kid alive in a sacrifice to this God Molik. So if your spouse decided to worship Mole 0:37:36 - 0:38:02 , would you just be like, ok, honey, burn up the kids. We gotta keep the peace. Now, I am not a proponent of divorce. I am probably as much against that because I believe God is as much against that as anyone could be. That's not the topic of this video. But um particularly if you're a man, I don't know 0:38:02 - 0:38:33 that there's ever a justification for divorce in God's eyes. That's my position. It's my present position and I believe it uh wholeheartedly, but that doesn't mean that you don't have responsibilities as a father. You are ultimately responsible for everything that happens in your family. And so again 0:38:33 - 0:39:05 , within the limits of God's law and the limits of man's law, um you need to explore what you can do to best help your spouse and your kids to do the best that they can do. Now, if you're a woman, it's different because the ultimate responsibility for your family falls on the shoulders of your husband 0:39:04 - 0:39:31 and you have a duty to um, to him and his purpose that it's not so simple as to say, drop everything and just do whatever makes your husband happy. Uh That's not what I'm saying, but it is different but for the men and, and I will say that disproportionately, this is a situation that I find with men 0:39:31 - 0:40:00 . If your wife is on a totally different page spiritually than you are, you're still responsible for what you are doing, knowing what, you know, in terms of how your kids design their life and what they believe. And you need to understand that this is not a subtle thing. You don't have to have an imagination 0:39:59 - 0:40:22 to wonder how this is turning out because like me, you know, plenty of people who are 1 to 5 to 10 years down the road from you and you can see how their kids turn out when they see the cracks in the religion of their mother. And again, you blur the lines on your particular situation. But when they see 0:40:21 - 0:40:46 the cracks and they have not been prepared for how to respond to them, they will throw the baby out with the bath water, they will have a miserable life and it will be because you didn't get off your butt and put yourself in the uncomfortable situations to do what you need to do as a man. I know that 0:40:46 - 0:41:17 this is not easy and I know that it puts a big old burden on you because the elephant in the room is that if you don't have standing with your wife, it's probably because you've lived so openly in your own sin for so long. So fix that first. Don't, don't say like I can't do this because and then throw 0:41:17 - 0:41:43 out some reason. That's not true. The real reason is your wife does not respect you because you've given her every reason not to. It's really hard. This is one of many reasons why it's much better for young women to marry older men. Uh Someone I know has suggested that maybe the ideal is something like 0:41:43 - 0:42:12 an 18 year old woman to something like a 26 year old man. And it turns out that that historically, there were decades where that was the norm, most of the 19 hundreds in case you're wondering. But there's a reason for that because a guy needs time to improve himself beyond the criticisms. The fair criticisms 0:42:11 - 0:42:40 of his wife is very important. She will be happiest when she's with a guy who sees and fixes his problems before she does. It's extremely difficult to recover that uh we can call it trust, but it's kind of euphemistic. It's really loyalty. And once you've lost it from your wife. It's really hard to get 0:42:40 - 0:43:02 back. You have to be 10 or 100 times better of a person than you would have had to have been if you just had your stuff worked out when you first met her. So, marrying people your same age is a really bad idea for both genders. Just so, you know, and that's why, among many other reasons, that's one reason 0:43:01 - 0:43:23 , but since you're already in it, uh So that's one thing you could pass on to your kids among many other things. But if you're already in it, you need to realize that no matter how hard the road is ahead of you, the consequences for not doing that are immense because you can look and see without being 0:43:22 - 0:43:45 a brainiac or having a crystal ball, you can see exactly where your kids are gonna go. Now, one thing I've seen again and again, I'm thinking of specific people and specific names here. Um is that these folks will say like, well, when the kids are younger, they say like, well, this kid, I'm not sure 0:43:44 - 0:44:07 he's gonna turn out well, which is kind of a crazy thing to say. I think my personal two cents do something about it, you know. And then this kid, I think this kid is gonna turn out really well. It's a funny thing. And what happens is those kids grow up and they go off the rails, both of them and then 0:44:06 - 0:44:28 these dads are always surprised about the golden child going off the rails again. I, I don't think there should be a golden child, but whatever I usually disagree, I'm like, uh, I'm like, uh, Samuel going to, uh, Jesse and Jesse's like, well, here's my best and I'm like, well, who's that guy out in the 0:44:28 - 0:45:01 field? He's gonna go places and they look at me all crazy. Um, this has happened more than once anyway. So, um they're surprised when their golden child goes off the rails. Don't underestimate the power of the world to turn someone away from the light. Don't underestimate that. And you're looking at 0:45:01 - 0:45:28 the situation from your perspective without realizing that you have not imparted the wisdom that you have to your Children. So, what you're doing is saying if I had imparted my wisdom to this kid, I see that they would go places in life, but you haven't done that. Now, I know you're not thinking what 0:45:27 - 0:45:51 I just said because you haven't made the connection that what you see is not. What is you see. If you have light inside of you, you will project that in what you see and it's like a lighthouse, beaming light to a ship. It looks like the light's coming off the ship, but it's actually just reflecting from 0:45:51 - 0:46:13 the light from the lighthouse. And you can't know whether the light that you see in your kid is really in them or if it's just reflecting from you and you won't know that until they're making more of their own decisions outside of your presence and your influence. And by then it's too late because you've 0:46:13 - 0:46:34 already expended the years of influence that you're gonna have. Um, you know, you're always gonna be their dad or their mom, but the contact isn't there and that, that matters a lot more than you think. I'll get into that at some other point. But beyond that, the daily interactions really matter too 0:46:33 - 0:46:57 . So, um, and this, this, um, presumed subordinate relationship really matters too. When you meet a random person on the street, they're not gonna immediately assume that you have something of value to help them with. But your kids do and if you live your life wisely, they have evidence after evidence 0:46:57 - 0:47:25 every single day that you know, better than they do. So, um, you, you have a time to use that but don't be surprised when something traveling in this direction and it's here today ends up here tomorrow. Why would you expect that anything different was going to happen? Right. And yet people are shocked 0:47:25 - 0:47:48 and they're like, yeah, the kid's doing great. He went to BYU and he's studying whatever and then all of a sudden, oh, my son met a girl and things are going great and then all of a sudden, oh, my son's gonna go serve a mission. Yeah. Well, does this surprise you at all? What, what every girl in that 0:47:48 - 0:48:08 environment is gonna pressure him to go serve a mission. That's what they're told to do. They're told that a guy that doesn't serve a mission is worthless. It's less than worthless. That's what they're told. So, of course they're gonna do that and it, a place like BYU, it's like the most BYU ish of the 0:48:08 - 0:48:32 people are going there. Right. So, um, yeah, of course. And again, underestimating the, the power of the darkness, don't assume that someone is above average until they really give you strong reasons to think that and if you think that you can send them right into the lion's den and they're gonna come 0:48:32 - 0:48:55 out unscathed. What's your reason for assuming that? Because you know how it ends most of the time, most of the time when you put a person into a furnace, they incinerate. If you think you've got Shadrack Meshack or Abednego on your hands, then there are probably other signs. So this all ties back into 0:48:54 - 0:49:21 a theme that I keep getting back to, which is what is normal is no longer enough. If you find yourself in the paths of those around you, you need to do better, you need to do better because what they're doing is not enough to survive the fire and it's not about surviving, right? It's about making the 0:49:21 - 0:49:47 most. What we've been given in living in the end times is a gift beyond price. We alone have the ingredients for a fullness of joy. You probably didn't know that. And I'm not explaining why that is so believe it or not. I don't really care at this point. But if you choose to believe that is possible 0:49:46 - 0:50:09 , at least you have to ask yourself what needs to be done to make use of that. It's as if we've got an extremely valuable gift and it's all wrapped up right in front of our faces and you take a look at it and you throw it in the trash because you say, well, I'm good, I'm good with what I've got. You're 0:50:08 - 0:50:32 not good with what you've got because you're judging the future based on the past and you're not even paying attention to the present. The president alone will tell you that things are messed up and that current average paths are insufficient to make use of what we're given in this time. You weren't 0:50:32 - 0:50:57 reserved for the end of the world to live life like everybody else. So how do you make use of that gift? You have to pay attention to what's going on, learn about the future and optimize the present for that, not base your present choices on an assumption that things will go back to the way they used 0:50:57 - 0:51:31 to be because they're not going to um, another friend. So I'm anonymous here has a young daughter, well, a daughter who's a young woman who will be uh become an adult soon. So I'm trying to keep this as anonymous as I can. And he goes on and on and on about how, um, this daughter is, is uh a golden child 0:51:31 - 0:51:55 . And I, I don't doubt him. Uh I don't have a reason to doubt him on that. And that's great. And I think he's very proud of her and he should be. Um, so the question is, well, what are you doing to help her take that treasure that she stored up uh through her childhood and transition that into a treasure 0:51:54 - 0:52:16 for adulthood. Because even if she's an exceptional young lady, she will not have the tools to do that herself. The odds of her doing that of her own accord are basically zero. And it would be the same story with a young man and uh I know several young men stories like this and they all kind of follow 0:52:15 - 0:52:35 that pattern. Oh, I'm so surprised that my kid went off and did these normal things as zooming in on L DS kind of culture. But I know a bunch of people whose kids have joined the military and it's like, what are you doing? What are you doing at this point in life? How is that a good decision? And the 0:52:35 - 0:52:58 writings on the wall man or send them off to college to do the normal thing? And they're just floating around in some XYZ degree, fill in the blank. It doesn't matter. They're equally worthless. Um Help them design a life of abundance, help them break out of mediocrity, which means average. It doesn't 0:52:58 - 0:53:26 mean below average just like the letter C for a grade. It means average. It's not bad. It's normal. A means exceptional like it doesn't get any better than this ideal. B is exceptional. A is ideal. So help your student design a 4.0 life by teaching them the value of things and importantly what does not 0:53:26 - 0:53:52 have value, what seemed really important today, but isn't important tomorrow, you know, help them avoid the, the trophy husband or wife on all the wrong metrics. There's, there's a, um, the ideal husband or wife. It's not what people think of when they think of a trophy husband or wife, help them choose 0:53:52 - 0:54:18 an ideal career, help them get to the point if they're young lady that they can explicitly say the most important thing I could do right now is find the highest quality man that will accept me and marry him and then start having kids. If they can't say that they are on the path to a less than abundant 0:54:18 - 0:54:43 life, what they have will be way less than what they could have had. And, um, I don't know, I, I keep ranting on and on about this and uh I, I just don't feel like people are getting it. The cost for what was taken for granted will continue to increase. And unless the price you're willing to pay to get 0:54:42 - 0:55:09 it increases with it. You're not gonna have it. The people who do pay the price will have greater joy than others who have attained it for far less price for a lesser price. And you can take that to the bank. I promise you. It's true. So if you float downstream, you're gonna land where everyone else 0:55:08 - 0:55:32 does. You have to paddle intentionally to the place you wanna go and it's upstream. I will give you that clue. It's upstream. You have to paddle against the current and what you're looking for is the source of the river. So your kids are not gonna know any of that. They're gonna be inundated with absolute 0:55:31 - 0:55:56 garbage information about life about what matters about their options. They won't even have the right options on the menu and if they do and they dare say they're interested in it, they will get bombarded by negative peer pressure. All of society will come down on them and persecute them for wanting 0:55:56 - 0:56:28 what actually has value. So be their support and design a path where you can intentionally lay out these nuggets to them and a make use of the things that are out there. I I'm not sure that anyone forwards these videos to their kids. Um If they do, their kids are not registered on youtube for their actual 0:56:28 - 0:56:51 ages because the stati statistics for the 18 to 25 group are zero almost always on this channel. Uh Most of the people who watch this are older than I am. So, um, but if, hey, if this is too much for them, that's fine. Get off your butt and search the internet. There are people out there saying these 0:56:51 - 0:57:12 things in more bite sized chunks, you can find people who talk about all sorts of things and you can find their peer group talking about these things. You can find someone online that's like them or just a near peer just a year or two later or five years later saying I wish I had done it this way or 0:57:12 - 0:57:34 this is what I did and it worked and you can share those things with them and they can take a break from watching Tik Tok and eating tide pods to watch a video or two to learn something. I couldn't help that. That was a, a fellow when I was a professor. I had a colleague who is, who is my same age and 0:57:33 - 0:00:00 uh we commiserated on some things. But one of the things that, uh he said that I thought was hilarious. I never would have said this to a class, but he did. Um, and he got in a lot of trouble for it, but he said, uh someone complained about something. He said that was totally appropriate. Um I mean, 0:00:00 - 0:58:12 obviously it wasn't inappropriate in the ways you'd think of with the word. But uh he was, he was, he was called out for being too critical, uh because uh they were complaining about the difficulty of a test or something and he basically said, just deal with it that's life. And uh this was years ago 0:58:11 - 0:58:33 . So I can't even imagine how it is now. But that's when that whole tide pod challenge came out. And he, he, he was compelled to apologize to the class. And so the way he did it and I might be mixing up facts. It's been a while, but this is my recollection is he went into the class and he's like, yeah 0:58:33 - 0:00:00 , I'm really sorry. And you know, it's, it's just if it's too much, I just, I'm gonna dial it back and look, if you want to have a chat about this, always, you can come by my office hours and hey, I'll provide the tide pods. The tide pods are on me and we'll just, we'll have a conversation about it. 0:00:00 - 0:59:15 So, anyway, I don't know what the latest challenge is because, uh I've, I've entered into my Hermitage, so I'll cut this off now. It's, it's been long enough, but hopefully the take home is clear, actively involve yourself in the lives of your Children and fight that battle at home. Take up the banner 0:59:15 - 0:59:39 of truth in your own house and um, overcome evil with good. Don't be a jerk about it. That's not what I'm telling you to do and absolutely don't be overbearing. That's not appropriate. Go read DNC 121. What you need to do is become as much like God as you know, now continue to be reconciled to Him as 0:59:39 - 1:00:07 he reveals himself more fully to you and he will and take up the cross when your family members nail you to it and they will. And that's ok. That's, that's what you're there for. More often than not the most effective way we can demonstrate. The goodness of God is by demonstrating the love that he has 1:00:07 - 1:00:39 for us. And the most effective way we can do that is by sacrificing ourselves no matter what it costs to the benefit of those we love. And sometimes when they see that they move on from where they are to a place that's better and no matter how fractional that progress might be, that is the duty to which 1:00:39 - 1:00:53 we are called as parents and especially as fathers. So I invite you to take up that cross and follow him. It's the most important thing that, that any of us could do.