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So I was having a quick conversation with a buddy of mine and, uh, the topic of marriage came up and, um, I was lamenting how there, there is no man camp. And, uh, this is not a substitute for that. But in reflecting on our conversation, I thought, man, I could probably make a quick presentation for this and for those who find it valuable, um, it's possible that they'll see it for a great treasure and, uh, for everyone else. Well, no one's forcing you to watch it. Um, but if you're, if you're, if you're farming around for things to be offended about, you've probably found a good place. So I entitled this hard truth for husbands. Um, now to, to introduce this, I think that, um, the sort of, uh, and maybe it's just a boogeyman but this stereotypical toxic Christianity if you will, uh, viewpoint of, you know, what, what traditional Christian, uh, people who believe in a traditional Christian marriage and gender roles and things like that, how they're stereotyped, um, and caricatured. It's probably this list here, right? Or something like this. It's like you're the boss, do what I say all these types of things. Um So let's read through this list which you'll see why I picked these things. So you are to be a God to your wife. Gasp, gasp misogyny, right? You're to be a leader to your wife. You are the head of the household. You are to be greater than your wife. So this is enough to get people picketing, right? So, um let's talk about this for half a second. Then I'm gonna give you side b this is like an old cassette tape. Um suicide. If these things excite you and you mean by them, what those opponents would mean by them, then the good news is I'm about to drop some serious value on you. Uh There's, there is tremendous value out there that you're not yet aware of. Um If you are deeply offended by these words, especially if you're a guy. The good news is I'm about to drop some serious value on you. OK? So um let's flip to side B So what these things actually mean because by the way, every single one of these is in the scriptures. So um there's that I should have put the references below this. I apologize. I am gonna try to make this less than like six hours. So we gotta cut some stuff but feel free to look them up. Um And if you can't find them, let me know, maybe I'll do the work and then put the references in the description. But here's the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say. So you are to be a God to your wife. Let me ask you this. So first off for those, you know who are crying blasphemy because I dare say that any, any human can be a God. Uh The Lord told Moses that Moses was to be a God to all of Israel. So if a man can be a God to all of Israel, then I think it's possible at least for one man to be a God to one woman. But I'll leave that debate for another time in place, I guess. Um But what does that mean? Like what does it actually mean to be a God? And I'm using lowercase G here? But uh you can take this as far as you want. What, what does that actually mean? So that's an interesting conversation but to just cut to the chase, here's one possible definition. So let me, let me provide the definition as a question of all the people ever born to this earth. How many were gods and whatever your answer is, the follow up question is, how were they different than the other ones? So one potential answer to these questions is that a God is someone who does not have to be here. So that's, that's interesting, right? So the archetype of whatever the word means, um in terms of people who have lived and died here, would certainly be Jesus Christ. He's our example in everything . Um, everything good anyway. And so what made him different? Well, he didn't have to come. Right. He didn't have to be here. Uh, his being here was not about what he received out of it and that, um, is not as much the case for everyone else, certainly. But he was the one who had life in himself. That's the key. Ok. All right. So, applying this to marriage, what would it mean to become the kind of man that does not need his wife? And, um, again, the, the natural man or natural women, we'll try to shoehorn this into meaning something different than what I'm actually saying. I'm saying, um, what would it mean to be self sufficient in every way so that you, your, every interaction with your wife is one of giving even when you receive things from her. Um It's, uh it's not reciprocation. Um It's a flow one way, right? Uh I, I could elaborate on that but maybe I don't have to, I, I think maybe you understand what I mean by that. So, so, um again, it's a great way to defend people. But when it's an analogy, folks, uh if I am dealing with a three year old child and that child gives me a present, it is true that I'm receiving something from that child, but absolutely everything they give me only comes because of what I've already given them and what I'm continuing to give them, they can never reverse the flow of receipt no matter what they do. So that's what it means to be a God to your wife and what it comes down to is what you give her, what you enable for her through what you give of yourself. Second bullet . You are to be a leader to your wife. What does it mean to be a leader? Uh If you are in the military or you've had some sweet jobs, then you know what it means to be a leader from work, what it means to be a leader. The best example I can think of. Uh in the moment I had a captain in, in the army who knew everybody's job better than they did. And out of all the people I was ever assigned under, um he leads the list of people I would willingly take a bullet for. Um So not, not to just be flippant about something that I take very seriously. Um You know, side note, but it's relevant to men. Um I've known a lot of people who've been in the military. Um and not all of them have the mindset that I'm describing. So I'm not a jingoist by any means. In fact, from time to time, I say very negative things about military service, especially uh you know, our foreign policy and things like that. And this is, these are things from my experience, but firsthand but I think that of all the institutions I've been associated with more than others. Um, the military is a place where people have found something to die for and that is a powerful, powerful mental position. And I certainly don't agree with how they choose to sacrifice their lives in many ways. Uh, and I, I'm not denigrating their choice and service per se. I'm saying, I think I have a much broader list. So someone that's willing to die, quote unquote for their country, uh might not be willing to die for their kid or for their spouse or for their neighbor. Um And Jesus did all of that. So there's room to grow there. But anyway, uh a lot of normal people live and die without ever living or dying for something. And that's something that uh is a little harder to do in the military. So that's a side note, but it's relevant here because so many people , so many men. So we're talking about here, get married based on what they think they're going to get. And that is the wrong approach. Marriage for a man is not about what you get. It's about what you give and your decision on that. Uh Although I realize I'm speaking to people who've already made it , but, but you can remake it for all the right reasons today, but your decision on that, it's not just about coming to it with that expectation of yourself that you're doing this for what you can give to increase what you can give to another. You also should, um, orient your life before, during, hopefully it was not an after, but before and during that experience so that you are matched and what she, uh, wants and needs from you or from anyone. So it's really important because that's not the way a young guy goes about finding a wife at all. Uh, but, but it ought to be the search for. Hm, I kind of know myself and what I am capable of and who I am, who is the person I can do the greatest good for and width in terms of what I give. It's like uh an equation you're trying to solve. And so if the woman you marry would be better off with someone else, you shouldn't go after her. That's not the right thing to do. So, um, now you might be contending. But what if she's really all about the guy? That's nice. But one of the things us husbands have to learn is that part of being these things is having a better idea of what is best and that's not a superiority question in terms of some arbitrary power, dynamic , whatever, whatever. No, you, you actually need to be smarter wiser. All of these, that your idea of value needs to be more accurate than hers. Cause that how else are you gonna do your job? And if she's wise that's exactly what she's going to be looking for. So, um, I wrote here that being a leader to your wife means you have to do more than her earlier than her, longer than her, especially when you get less out of it than you put into it. Your expectations from her should never exceed what you give to her. It's meant to be a flow from you to her. That's the way it's supposed to work. That doesn't mean that there should never be any flow the other way it means you should never do anything for what she's going to give you and you ought to be dominating, giving to her over the other way around. And if that's not the case, if you're one of these dudes who go around saying, oh my wife's the greatest thing. I don't deserve her. And then, well, you don't, you don't actually deserve her and no matter how happy she pretends to be on the outside, she's very sad inside, at least in quiet moments when she's regretting marrying you. And so you should shape up and learn to be uh the man that you have the potential to be because, um, you will receive much more joy in who you are. If you do that through the joy that flows through your family because of you, you are the head of the household. Which one? What does that really mean? Um It means that you're the servant of everyone who lives there. Jesus said he came to serve and that we, his servants are not above the master and that we ought to do as he has done to us. That's what we should do for others. The person that wants to be the greatest has to be the least. And what does that mean? It means that you need to be the servant of everyone in your family . Now, this does not mean that you need to be a doormat who is at the beck and call of whatever anyone says to you. You are the one that has to know what is best. And uh at the end of the day, this comes back to leadership while you absolutely should be on the lookout for anything that helps you have a better idea than you have or do a better job than you're doing at the end of the day. It's your butt on the carpet. You are absolutely in terms of finally responsible for every single success and failure in your family. Now, that doesn't mean that if someone goes off the rails, you are a failure. It just means that if they went off the rails because of something that you left undone or something that you did, it's on you, not them and the day of judgment it will be on you, not them. So there is a massive responsibility on a man. One thing I've said to my sons uh is that to be a man is to be alone . It means that you are responsible uniquely for things that other people can come and go and help you. And it's really nice when they do. But at the end of the day who you are and what you do is up to you. And that's what it means to be a man. So part of being head of the household is getting to the point where you actually have something to offer to each person there beyond what they would have without you. So, um ideally though it's a scaffold and you are able to lead people up to the point that when you're gone, either because you're dead or they've moved out and moved on, um They can reproduce the benefits of what initially you had to provide directly because of who they have become under your guidance and service. Finally. And this could be a longer list, but we're trying to keep it short. You are to be greater than your wife and we already uh parse through that scripture that j where Jesus said he, who wants to be the greatest needs to be the least. So what does it mean to be the least? It means that you should suffer more, longer and harder? Oh, that's sorry. That's a typo than anyone else does. But specifically, more than your wife does. If you have an easier time, you're not doing enough . So, um and it's not just sort of a, a scale like a, an old time um justice scale, a weight scale where you have the tray on the one side and the tray on the other and all you need to do is be lower than her. It's all of your capacity all the time. So that's what it means to be less. And, oh, also, I mean, I hope it's obvious but this doesn't mean like make a, a, um, a whip and flog yourself all day long. That's not what that means. It means. Take on more responsibility and work harder at it and, and give more and, and so your toil should be greater. The things you're responsible for should be greater. So if she's the one that's all stressed out about this Bill or that Bill or Timmy's braces or um the way Jenny behaves whatever, you know, the dogs just cut himself and he needs stitches that's on you. You have to be the rock in her life. So let's hear some scriptures. Um This is a passage from Ephesians five. I consider it of immense worth. So we're gonna be looking at verses 22 through 28 and I have underlined the portions that pertain to the men. Um This is my reflection on this passage. So these words will differ from what you find in the King James or other translations, but you're, you're free to go read that on your own uh and figure out whatever you want to make of it. This is my take. And so to preface this, I just want to say that there, this is a two way street. But um before you even start thinking about placing demands on your wife, part of being a leader, like I said, is being the first one to do the right thing. And so you've got no right to um try to lead your wife to a better place and how she is until you're already at that better place. So that's part of the leadership. So, but I'm gonna read this wives treat your husband as if he were God himself, dedicate your body and soul to him gratefully, heeding his instructions and withholding from Him. No good thing. Love him with all your heart, adopt his purpose as your own and sincerely appreciate every good thing He does for you. Now, I'm gonna pause here. We're taking this from the men's perspective because we're talking to men here, even though I know there's tons of ladies listening to this. If God is saying now this is, this is Paul writing and Rob Smith reflecting, but let's just say that what it it says here is true. We're gonna suppose that for the sake of this argument, if God is instructing wives to treat their husbands as if they were God himself, what immense responsibility does that place on the man? So how much further do you need to be ahead of your wife? In terms of goodness, in terms of righteousness, sacrifice and love for that to be an OK thing for a wife to do. So uh as as for the rest that all of these things, each of these instructions emits a responsibility on the man for wife to dedicate her body and soul to her husband. What would that husband have to be like for that to be beneficial for her? Because remember absolutely everything that God instructs is for the benefit of the world. That's a global optimization. But you can get a lot out of filtering it down to individuals. So under what circumstances would that be in her best benefit? Well, surely it would include a man that never asks anything of her body or soul. That would not be the absolute best thing for her to do. So this in no way is this idea of a woman being, you know, some kind of slave to her husband. It's the furthest thing from it. So this instruction for wives to treat husbands as if they were God himself. It's more than anything. It's a call for a man to rise up to be like God. And uh you know, we don't have to get into the particulars of what goes on until then. That's not the point. So I'm calling you as men. I'm calling on you to rise up to let go of what's normal and fix your eyes on Jesus. And it's, you know, maybe it's a scary thing, but we'll get to that. Just, just bear with me for a minute. All right. And, and then this, this catch all withholding from him. No good thing. There, there it is. There's the protection, adopt his purpose as your own. What does that Presuppose to every single man if you ask him, what's your purpose? So, we do this thing at work where I'll go around and pester people. Um , but I don't say, what are you doing? How's it going? Whatever I say, hey, so, and so what's your micro goal? And the, they all know that they better have an answer for that without thinking about it, right? And I say better. It's not like I have a baseball bat with barbed wire on it, right? But we have a chat if they don't. And, and it's not a corrective chat. It's a, well, let's, let's walk through it and let's figure it out and it always accelerates them and that's great. But, um, so, um, every single man ought to have an immediate answer if you ask a man, what's your purpose? And they can't rattle off this, this transcendent purpose, like one sentence, three sentences. If they can't rattle that off real quick without thinking about it. There is a big problem. There's a big problem because that is not a consecrated man. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it better be honest. Right? I have actually right in front of me. I have um three pieces of paper with such things written on them. Um which, which kind of breaks the rule about it being short. But, but um there, it's more than just that purpose and those of you who've been reading the blog and everything, I do have a post called a Man's Purpose. And it's more than a few sentences, there's more detail in it, but you could say something like to be like Jesus, right? That's a really great one. I don't think you can get better than that. This particular document that I have. Uh the vision statement says, enable max joy for, for all who come to me to the extent they do. And what that means is anyone who is in my sphere of influence because they voluntarily put themselves in it. I will do everything I can that I know how to do for their benefit. So the question is, what's your purpose as a man? And if you haven't figured that out, think about it. Now, the great thing about this is um I would compel you to come up with one, but what it contains, that's like a fingerprint. It is, it is all you. Uh Hopefully it's all you and God. But what I'm saying is if that's going to be authentic, no one can tell you what it should be for you except maybe God. But saying, uh you know, I can't tell you what that should be, you have to figure out what matters to you. But whatever it is, you should write it down. You should, uh, tattoo it on your butt. No, I'm just kidding. You should, you should engrave it in your mind and your heart and then you should live it every day. Now, I didn't intend to spend so long in this idea of purpose, but I just want to share with you my personal experience of how powerful this can be. So um I've gone through an exercise with each of my kids and it, you know, we, we adjust it but depending on their age to make it fit their capacity. But you know, we, we sat down and we wrote visions and I don't mean visions like revelations, I mean, like a life vision and we talked for a while about what they think is important and I did not but in what I think is important just like, no, no for you. What do you think is important ? And it's, it never ceases to amaze me what Children are capable of. We shackle them with low expectations, just let them let them fulfill the measure of their creation as little kids. And you'll be shocked at what they're capable of this week. I'm on vacation. Uh That's one reason for an increase in videos. I have less excuse not to, although I'm trying very hard to minimize them for various reasons. The main one s simply put is that this, this is very much in the phase of the lady who was uh asking Jesus for a blessing. And, and he told her she was from Samaria, I mean, not Samaria. Uh she was a Canaanite and he said, I'm sent to uh the Israelites, not the Canaanites. And there was still a way for him to give something to her. And he did. And that's what these videos are in my blog at the moment because my mission is the books and the other stuff I'm doing in my life. Um, excuse me. So, but I'm on vacation this week. And one of the things that we're doing is a project, me and two of my boys or, um, we're gonna make a website for teaching people how to code. They're 12 years old and they're doing most of the coding. So, um, I'm, I'm in an advisory role. Um, but, but my chunk of this is mostly doing the lessons. So, uh, we talked about this and, um, it's something they wanted to do and, uh, you know, whether this goes somewhere or not, it's just a little side project for evenings and weekends and it helps them with their, they're doing an internship right now as well. Uh, at my company where they also write code and they're 12 years old and they're doing the job of, uh, uh, they're doing a better job than a lot of people I've hired who are more than twice their age. Um Why? Because uh I have not shackled them, my wife and I, we've not shackled them with low expectations. We've just tried to make the most fertile soil and let them do amazing things without um implying that they can't because they're too young. Um One of I mentioned that I watched this biography on Clarence Thomas, which I recommend but he had an influential grandfather which is close to home for me. Um But one of the things he had a hard grandfather, it's also close to home. One of the things his grandfather always said was old man, can't, is dead and I helped bury him. So in his house, they weren't allowed to say I can't. Right. I think it's a great rule. I think sometimes not doing something is a good idea, but there's different reason than you can't. There are very few things that a human being cannot do with um enough motivation and determination. Um Anyway, we're, we're atrociously bad at telling the difference between things that are difficult and impossible. It turns out, I think the only time you can really say it's impossible is when you've tried harder on it than most people imagine it possible. And then you can convince yourself that it can't be done. And I'll tell you in a lifetime of doing hard things, not a lifetime. I'm only 39 for crying out loud. But, but I've taken on uh an outsized pile of these sorts of things. And I can tell you that the number of things that truly aren't possible, uh, like, maybe there's been one and it seems like any that are even close, it's not the limitations of the person. It's the system, it's other people essentially anyway. Uh, sorry to take that so far a field. But the idea of a purpose is very important and it should be determined by what's important to you. Not the constraints you see, uh at the outset. All right, let's keep rolling. Verse 23 for just as a shepherd saves the sheep by going ahead and knowing the way the husband leads his wife towards the purposes and outcomes of Christ, even as Christ leads the church towards the purposes and outcomes of the father, we could talk about this sentence for a very long time. So a shepherd leads sheep by giving them good reasons for following him. They don't lead the sheep by smacking them with their staff. The staffs were the wolves. Uh They don't leave the sheep by tricking them by manipulating them by lying to them. They lead the sheep by being good shepherds. And I don't mean being good in that role alone. I mean, being worth following, right? So this is a, a far cry from what I've heard. Some pastors teach about, you know, it's just the way it is and women submit and yada yada yada and I'm not, I'm not saying that's always a terrible idea. I'm just saying, I'm not saying it's a good one. Um, that's not what this is talking about at all. There again, it's a responsibility on the men. It's not duty on the women. It's a responsibility on the men and knowing the way. That's another thing. Do you know the way? So, um, one thing I find it funny just bashing on religion for a second because that never gets old. Um, so many pastors, uh, priests, whatever their title may be, bishops, they almost brag about their failings. I mean, that's really what it is. They brag about how inadequate they are for what they're doing. And I don't get that because it's not like they're saying they're, it's not like they're bragging about inadequacy of being like God, they're bragging about inadequacy of obeying God as a person, which is allegedly what they're supposed to be leading all other people to the gate. Right. So, why anyone would ever listen to a teacher that doesn't boldly proclaim that they are without sin is beyond me. I don't understand and I don't understand why people would see that as a bad thing. Now, something to be cautious about that I can understand but why anyone would pay attention to anyone who doesn't lead by saying no, I'm doing these things and therefore I know the way I don't understand that's like going to college and signing up for a class that is p, is publicized by the teacher saying they have no idea what, what it, what the topic is. Right. Like, it's a, it's a, it's a class on calculus and they brag how they don't, don't know, calculus and they can't ever expect to because it's so beyond them, the best we can hope for is just to talk about it and hope it sticks. That's idiotic . Right. Stay home if that's the best you've got stay home and read the scriptures because at the end of the day, you'll be way better off if you can't find someone who doesn't proclaim to know more about it than you do. Just stay home anyway. All right. So the husband leads his wife towards the purposes and outcomes of Christ. Again, there's, there are two implications of this one. He knows them better than she does. Otherwise, what is he contributing? And two, he possesses them because otherwise it's just his guess against hers, right? Why would she believe that even as Christ leads the church towards the purposes and outcomes of the father? So we can dive into this. Jesus came down from heaven. He knows the purposes and outcomes of the father. He is in the express, he was as, as a man. I mean, he came up to the express purposes and outcomes of the father. And furthermore, he didn't start knowing all that. This is also something that's not commonly understood, but it's, it's very plain in the scriptures. He proceeded line upon line and his mission did not start. His public ministry did not start till he had it all figured out. And so if you wanna follow this advice, you know, this, this kind of uh puts a wrench in this idea of getting married when you're 18 or 20 as a young man who has no idea about anything. Now, there's certainly a whole lot that you can't learn. Uh, you can't be expected to learn without first being married. And I don't think that there's anyone maybe accepting Jesus who, um, that wouldn't stand to benefit and learn more from having kids and, or being married. But the point is you already have to be at the point where you have something surplus to contribute, something above and beyond what your wife already has for her to have any reason to marry you. And so again , this presentation is mostly for people who have already taken the plunge. So, if you're behind in this, it's time to get cracking, right? Because this is like getting baptized without having ever repented. Yeah. Technically you've been baptized, but it really doesn't count for anything. So that's not to say for the ladies watching this, you ought to leave your husband because he's not there yet. Uh, um, but, or vice versa. Well, I'm not there yet. I guess I gotta do a Mulligan. See you. Um, what I'm saying is that this this to get the full intended purpose out of it. This is what you need to do. You gotta know the way. So you need to know a couple of steps in advance because you're already there. All right, 24. Therefore, as those in the church take upon themselves, the character purpose and instructions of Christ. So let the wives be in every way to their husbands. Uh That implies that the man has a character, purpose and instructions. And let's just dive into that. We've talked about purpose. What about character? Well, your job is to learn and live the character of Christ. What is character? Because this is a word that I use that I know is not used as I use it by others. Well, uh it's knowledge, it's motives, it's feelings, it's what you do. It's why you do it. Ok. Instructions. So um purpose can change over time. Character absolutely should improve over time and instructions are gonna change as well. So, um let me hit you with this. So the Holy Ghost gives instructions, right? And what are those instructions? It's the next step towards God. Anything when you have a fullness of the Holy Ghost, anything you think about, look at or do God will send you information to your mind and your heart to quicken your understanding so that you are taught the next increment pertaining to that thing. Um The Holy Ghost is something you have to be worthy of and it's not a binary situation. It's a question of bandwidth. And the more you turn away, the smaller that bandwidth becomes more diminishes and it can go to zero and that's a very bad place to be. But the more you obey. Um And, and it can , it can diminish dramatically and instantaneously because it, it responds to your sin, but it takes time to go the other way. So it's, it's, it's a much longer progress, progression to expand the bandwidth of the Holy Ghost. It's very easy and fast to restrict it. One of the benefits of mortal ministers , which can be men or women, they can be Children or adults, they can even be donkeys. It turns out if you read the Old Testament. Um But one of the purposes of these mortal ministers is that they can provide information from the Holy Ghost to you based on their worthiness and their sacrifice rather than yours. That is a very, very important idea. So when it talks about the instructions of Christ, this means that the the man is worthy of greater bandwidth from the Holy Ghost than the wife because if that were not the case, she would get it instead. And so this does not imply that the woman is dumb , uh spiritually deficient or disobedient in any way. Although any or all of those three things might be true in the moment or in the specific case, what it means is wherever she is the duty of the husband is to be beyond that in order to serve her with his body, literally like being here on the earth to be a transmitter of the Holy Ghost to her and everybody else. So that's a, that's a hard responsibility to carry. And this is one reason of many why it's so, so so important to teach your daughters as fathers, teach your daughters and your granddaughters that they need to find a man who's better than them. And that is a very significant key to getting the most out of the intent of marriage. And they absolutely will be way happier if they do that and they need to be helped in understanding this because the world tells them that either we're all the same, which is nonsense. Uh, I don't just mean men versus women, I mean, men versus men and women versus women. And they're told that, um, couples should be equally yoked in terms of their attributes or that you're looking for a partner. We even use the word partner. Um, all these things are true in a sense, but they're not true in the sense they're used. So a wife ought to be looking for someone this verse 24 who has a better character, a higher purpose and greater access to the instructions of Christ. Because if that's not true, they are really probably gonna struggle following the instructions in this passage. And, uh, although they're married and the forms are there. They will ab absolutely not benefit the way they're intended to from the situation. So that's relevant to the audience. Uh, if you have daughters or granddaughters. All right. Let's keep moving. Husbands, consecrate all you are and all you could be for the benefit of your wives . Uh, and then there's a typo in the same consummation and purpose that Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. That's actually terrible grammar. So I apologize. I'll fix that after this. So what does it mean to consecrate? Not just all you are, but all you could be for the benefit of your wives . It's an optimization problem. The goal is the best possible outcome for your wife. That's the goal. Now, you might uh you might protest here and say, well, isn't God meant to be the object of all of our effort, desire? Absolutely. And when you marry a woman, you take upon yourself, his instructions to care for her as he cares for you. And so in doing that, you're fulfilling the first commandment, which is to have no Gods before him because you're doing exactly what he told you to do right now. If you're a good man, you will fill up that bucket and still have water left over. And that's when everything else becomes a priority. Meaning people who aren't your wife. So the first one is your kids. And I already made a video about this about flowing something about flowing the light of God through your house or I don't remember what the title was, but through your household, this idea of Abraham is the model of this. So I won't go into that again. But the wife she deserves you first. And that's your first duty. Once you get married, that's your first duty. Um Again, it doesn't, it says for the benefit of your wife, not the wishes of your wife. So being a leader, the one side is you are ultimately responsible for the failures. The flip side of that is you also have to make the final choice. And I'm not saying like you, you know, you, you think you're Jesus instead of flipping tables, you go in and flip your wife's dresser over or something and you're like, I don't like the way this looks fix it. You know , I'm not saying anything like that. I'm saying and how you choose what you do. You have to decide how to plug that into the greatest benefit for your wife. She doesn't get to decide that you have to decide that right. Um This actually I need to go back because the spirit told me to say something and I forgot this verse 24 the instructions of Christ. There are too many men out there who how I don't even know how to phrase this. There's no way I can put it delicately. Their wives act like crazy people when no one's looking and you let yourself be a punching bag for your emotionally unstable wife and it's wrong. It's not pleasing to God. Now, before you do anything to try to change that, like I've already said, you absolutely need to work towards your greatest potential as a man on yourself. But as you walk in that path, you need to set up boundaries, you need to help your wife gain self control . It's not good for her. And if you love her, you have to do whatever you can appropriately persuasively to help her learn to control herself. You also need to care more about your kids than you care about your own comfort because you guys, you walk on eggshells around your wife because you're scared of her. If you're scared of your wife, it means that you're not scared of God. It says in Isaiah fear the Lord of hosts, make him your fear, sanctify the Lord of hosts and make him your fear. If you believe that God is holy above all, you will fear him above all. And I'm not saying be motivated by what you're scared of. I'm saying nothing should have power to scare you more than God and you can't find his power when you cower, the righteous are bold as lions. I have faced a lot in my life and every single time the Lord has delivered me and he will deliver you too if you trust him, but don't be scared of your wife and don't be scared of God, love God and love your wife. Jesus loved the people and loved us enough to come knowing they were gonna nail him to a tree. What would he have? You do and why? How do you measure, love, you measure it by how much you're willing to suffer for the benefit of another ? If you're not willing for you to act in a way that would benefit your wife, even though she's gonna hate you for it or make you hate your life for it? Do you really love her? You know, I talk about hidden holiness a lot. This theme where it's, it's hard to see what holiness is when you're not holy yet. And of course, it's on a continuum. So I'm not talking about you are, you're not, I'm just saying the things that lie beyond you where you are right now. They're hard to see. They're hard to recognize as holy. Here's a key. Can you love someone in this case, your wife enough to do what's best for her without respect to what it's going to cost you? How hard your life's gonna be. You know, how miserable your house is gonna be. If you have kids, they're watching this and how are they going to grow up and have healthy relationships when you let her walk all over you and walk all over them, they're going to think that's ok and they're gonna grow up to be the same way. And that's a problem. So you need to, you need to obtain the character of Christ and do the sorts of things that he would do for the reasons he would do them. And that includes giving instructions to your wives that are worth following . That would be for their benefit, not for your convenience, not to make your life easier. Her benefit doesn't connect to that. That's your benefit. And if she nails you to cross for trying to let that be a token to her of how much you love her and let her do it. Don't, don't uh resort to unchristian behavior in response to her. You know, if she wants to attack you unfairly let her do it calmly, calmly say, you know, I can see you're upset. Let's talk about this at a time when you're willing to be a little more self controlled and appropriate and walk away. Don't say it in a mad tone. Don't give her any reason to make it your fault because it's not your fault. At least it sh it shouldn't be in the situations we're talking about, but you gotta set up boundaries. All right. So where did we leave off before we had to go back to that um for the benefit of your wives in the same consummate purpose with the same consummate purpose that Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. I think that's clear. So, consummate means everything, folks. So you, you only have a right to worry about anything else once the stuff closest to you is sorted. And the conversation I had with my buddy this morning , he said something to that effect and I, I was like rock on. He couldn't see it, but I was doing the Robert Redford man nod from Jeremiah Johnson. Ok. So I think we're on verse 26 to use every capacity he had to make it better than it would be without him. All right, I think that one is clear, but it reminds me that I didn't go back and talk about consecrate all that you are and all that. You could be so all that you are. You know that right? I hope, but that's all you could be. That's really important. So like, um if right now, like, I don't want to get into specifics because it's not about specifics . But in general terms, if there's some aspect of your life where you're doing far less than your best, if that could somehow plug in to the benefit of your wife, consecrate that too. So, um a while back since it's just us buds, I'll tell you, you know, I know women are listening. Um a while back. Uh You know, I don't like to talk about things. I gotta go through that that aren't, you know, fun, but I tore my shoulder up really badly and I think I tore three tenants. Um in my, in my shoulders. I was jacked up and we have a lot going on here that's physical and, and my, my boys, uh, I say boys because my, my daughter's younger, she's the second youngest. Uh, so the older kids are the boys. So my boys weren't really old enough to help out is they're still in the phase. They were still in the phase where any time we spend together working is for their training, not them helping me. Uh But there was a lot going on. I had to like fix some siding and paint all this stuff and pull all these rocks out and put up this fence. And you tried doing a uh post pounder with one arm and uh I just kept hurting myself again and again while I was trying to heal and it was a really hard time to just kind of face my, my decrepitness in new ways because it's a constant lesson for me or at least it was for a very, very long time. But, um, my, my point in sharing that, um, is, um, so with various injuries because the shoulder wasn't the only thing that was jacked up. Um There's like the list of things I could do to try to exercise was just getting shorter and shorter. And it, it, it like, it went from the point where like all I could do was leg exercises and abs to just abs and then my, my back was hurting for various other reasons. And so, uh, I could only walk and, um, I just didn't have time. I could, uh , I couldn't really run because of the shoulder mostly, uh, in my knees and my back anyway. Um, I could only walk for like, two years and because I had so much going on that was more important to me than walking because you have to walk for a really long time to stay fit. Um, you know, I picked up a little weight and, um, it's frustrating when through experimentation and a lot of hard work and research, you figure out how to control your weight like a dial. But uh the tools you have for that because for me, the absolute best thing is intermittent fasting. So two or three days at a stretch of fasting while walking for as many hours as I can manage during that time and I can just control my weight like a, like a dial. Um, but, um, you know, I picked up a couple of pounds during that time. It was very frustrating to know how to prevent that, but to not really have the, the means and, you know, I try to eat less or whatever, but the point is I picked up a couple pounds and it just added to the pile of frustrations I had at the time, things that I was trying to wrap my head around for the first time because life's sort of a never ending series of new problems. Um, and my wife was like, oh, I don't care, whatever, like, you know, so at the end of that, so this is I'm talking about for the benefit of your wives. Like, you can't trust what they tell you they want because they don't either, they don't know or they lie about it. And that's not when you, when you say, like a woman's lying, it's not like telling a man that he's lying because a woman can be telling the truth and totally lying because they're, they work differently than we do and it could be true to them uh with how they feel at the moment, but that doesn't mean in half a second, they're gonna feel 100 degrees, 100 and 80 degrees different. Um Whereas guys can't get away with that and that's good uh that we can't. So you, you kind of have to learn what the truth is and take what she says is an input but not an excuse. What I mean by an excuse is you don't have a card that says, yeah, but you said you don't have that card, she has that card, you don't have that card and that's the way it works. It's just the way it is. You, you can complain about it. But those are the rules of the game and if you spend your energy complaining about the rules of the game, you're probably not gonna win, you need that energy to play the game . So anyway, it's fine. But anyway, I, I dropped the weight after three years of incredible pain. My shoulder was healed up and, uh, I started rehabbing it and getting back into shape and, um, uh, she, she appreciated the slim down even though she said she didn't care. Um, I, I would give her the benefit of the doubt and, and say that maybe she didn't, but she sure cared when I lost the weight, put it that way. Uh All right. Um OK, to use every capacity he had to make it better than it would be without him. That's what it is. Right? So you're constantly living as a man, you're constantly living in a world where, uh, you have to have a good answer for the question. Why on earth should your wife be with you? And in case you haven't figured this out yet, whatever you did in the past doesn't matter anymore. The question is, what are you doing for me today? And that is just the way it is. If you want your wife to be happy, that is the way it is. And, um, that's just what we face now. There are uh some exceptions to this, like if you have an accident or, you know, you get sick or whatever, it's out of your control. Different story. But there is never a time in a man's life where you get to some point where it's like, all right, I'm done. You, you, you're done as a man when you no longer have the capability to do. That's it. So um it's just the way it is verse 27 envisioning the fulfillment of its whole potential and doing all things in his power to bring it to pass. So it's, is not your wife. It's the analogy of Christ loving the church. It's is the church. So, and if you apply the analogy, it would be envisioning the fulfillment of your wife's whole potential and doing all things in your power to bring it to pass. So in the book through faith, uh there's this long discussion, there's even some pictures about envisioning this potential and discovering what a plan, a plausible plan to go from where you are to where you want to be in whatever it is you're thinking about and then figuring out what the very next step is in that plausible plan and then putting your whole weight into that very next step. Now, um as you practice this, you can do it quite fluently with your wife where you, you know, you just walking through the house and you're like, ok, adjusting plan. It's like if you remember what it was like to use a gps before, um it was just on your cell phone, it's always rerouting, especially if you're doing a cross country trip. You know that Tom. Tom was just rerouting. It's using all the little hamsters in that computer to reroute all the time. And that's like how you are is uh you have a destination, you might change the destination for the most part, it's gonna be pretty fixed and all the time you're rerouting, adjusting to the conditions and the circumstances. You do this on a daily basis many times during a day, weekly, et cetera. But it's just another application of this diversity between planning or designing is a better word and executing. They're not the same. You're either in one mode or the other. So uh finally, last verse. So ought men to love their wives even giving their whole body and soul for their benefit there you have it. OK? So I think that's pretty clear, but you might be totally overwhelmed at this point. Um And I just wanna encourage you to hang in there. So the the greatest word of encouragement I can give you, oh, can I even phrase this? There are few opportunities in this life that you will have that will provide you with greater joy in the eternities than doing this, right? What, what I talked about this whole time actually consecrating yourself for the benefit of your wife. There are, there are very few things in this life you can do that will generate as much joy for the both of you eternally. The interesting thing about this is it's actually just as true whether you subscribe to the idea that you're going to be married to her forever or not. So, the reason I bring this up specifically is not to introduce some deep doctrinal point into a slide show that, you know, it's almost over and that's not the focus uh like the, the idea of eternal marriage is not the focus here. Why I bring it up is because if you're in a situation where um you end up divorced, let's say, and let's not get into the particulars of how that happened. But knowing that you put everything into it, there is no loss and that is actually a hugely comforting point with so many topics with God. There is no loss. If you put everything into him, you can't lose it. The only thing that can happen is you can make it better than it was. That's what happens. That's the covenant that he offers. The other point I wanna make here is so don't be scared to throw everything into it because it can't be thrown away. It just goes right into the treasure in heaven. The other point I wanna make with this is, is this idea of flow which II I don't want to get into too much here, but just to touch on it to help people who might feel overwhelmed by this. Um If you're feeling like you've got nothing left to give, that is a good thing. That is actually the ideal. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're living right where you should be. Now, I promise you that if you live that way for long enough, you won't ever feel that way again. And I apologize that I can't make a case for that at the moment. Other than to promise you that when you turn to God with everything you have, he's going to lead you on a path where He gives you everything he is. And that is not a guess on my part. So I challenge you to get to that place and to live in that place. And if you love Him with all your heart and you love others, as He shows you, he loves you, you will find more joy in your life and you'll have more love for people in your life than you can even imagine right now.